The Reunion
by slaquan
Summary: Max lives and Ava adapts
1. Chapter 1

This story is based on a few premises to follow the story: Max is alive but still unwell, Natalia is already working for Olivia and they are close friends, and somehow the paternity and custody matters related to the baby have been resolved. I appreciate any stretching these conditions involve but the honest truth is I never followed GL and I'm pretty lazy when it comes to researching law. This is for a reader who suggested an unusual paring so I hope that it works but no promises.

It was two days after the birth of her first child and Ava couldn't rouse the energy to even give the boy a second thought. Well she thought of him but mostly she thought of what he wasn't and would never be. For almost a year she'd plotted and planned to use his birth to keep Bill in love, tied to her and as far away from Lizzie Spaulding as possible but as Max slid out of the birth canal he'd lost her the one man she couldn't believe she'd never have. Max represented everything she'd fought so hard to leave behind on that long bus ride from Michigan after her mother's death. Some people might think that it was his skin color that caused her the most distress and to be honest it was. There was no way to hide the fact that Max was not and would never be Bill's child but the damage went so much deeper than that. Somehow she'd actually convinced herself that she was in fact carrying Bill's child and to see solid proof that the past few months were built on nothing but slight of hand and lies shook her to the core. Her husband couldn't love her and not even a rightful heir would change that. The fact that Bill had been willing to pretend just for the sake of her bastard made her realize just how much she'd changed. If Crystal Peralta had lived Ava would be unrecognizable. Her mother worked hard and spent her life trying to instill respect and responsibility in her only child and Ava had fallen away. Everything her mother stood for she'd cast away and that's what she realized when she saw Max. She wasn't the mother he needed and she couldn't give him what she no longer had. So she left.

"He's been screaming and yelling for the past half hour" Jeffery said in awe as he looked through the window towards the little boy. His grandchild. Shit. Five years ago he didn't even know he had a kid and now he had a grandchild that he was solely responsible for. Christ. He'd purposely taken steps to ensure that something like this would never happen to him. Limiting himself to dating only young, fickle and emotionally unavailable women cut down the odds that he'd ever have to listen to someone ask where the relationship was going. He didn't do relationships for fucks sake. It was like being tossed into an ice cold lake in the middle of a summer vacation in Florida. It just didn't fit. But here he was scared not for the first time of failing her. Failing her was almost like the fear of death, unexplainable but undeniable all the same. Ava was the first and only person that he'd ever wanted to need him. So looking at Max raising hell even while he was strapped to tubes and monitors gave him hope that he could finally be the man she need. The man that was worthy of her love. "Notice that he hasn't shed one tear" Jeffery laughed as he turned towards Olivia.

"Of course not. He's a Spencer. We don't cry when we're upset. We get pissed. He's probably wondering what's keeping his wet nurse"

"I wouldn't mind signing up for something like that" Jeffery said with a leer that he knew would irritate the other woman. And just as expected she shook her head and wacked him in the stomach as she walked off to talk to Max's nurses. Turning back to the boy Jeffery pulled in a deep a troubled sigh trying to mentally prepare himself for everything that stood ahead of his motley crewed family. Bill was venting to any and everyone that would give him a second how much a whore Ava was. It bothered him that Bill was running Ava's name through the mud but at least Bill was taken care of. It could have easily have been a horrible protracted custody battle with Ava fighting two would be fathers but the Lewis' had gotten Bill to renounce his legal claims on the boy. It was better for everyone they'd told him to put this as far behind him as possible. It didn't matter to Jeffery what people thought of his daughter it only mattered that once she was whole she still had a son to claim. Remy was another matter and only wanted what was best for the woman he'd grown to love. Why she couldn't have chosen him in the first place Jeffery thought but then as he heard Olivia grilling an unfortunate RN he thought glumly "She is Olivia's kid" to himself.

He wasn't well enough to be held but once he was finally fed and changed Max looked over towards Jeffery and Olivia as they stood outside his incubator as if to ask "What now?" He had the most hair Jeffery had ever seen on any baby in his life. Not that he'd seen many but God the kid was sporting a two inch afro already. "He's going to a hair cut" he thought but didn't realize he'd spoken aloud until Olivia looked over to him and leveled a death ray glare towards him.

"You touch his hair and Ava will come back to you in the hospital right beside Max"

"I was only saying I mean" He laughed and looked at her as she smiled softly at the boy.

"And I'm only saying" Olivia barked before she went back to staring at their grandchild. "Anyway it looks good on him"

This was how she would have looked if things had been different between them. This was how she would have stared at Ava when they exchanged her for weekends and holidays and they would have fussed over dating ages and makeup. There were so many things they could have shared if he hadn't. If that night in the embassy hadn't been. Shaking his head to clear those haunting thoughts he wiped his eyes and tried bring some levity back to the situation. There was enough darkness already without bring that back up. "Maybe we can cornrow it" He said almost in a giggle. Almost the bubbling died even before it reached his throat when she swung her head towards him.

"Is that supposed to be some kind of Black joke?"

"What?"

"If that was some kind of"

"Listen I don't give a damn if he's black or blue or polka dot green. He's my grandson and that's all that matters to me." He said giving off some heat. It was too long of a day and too many things had already gone wrong. His only child and probably the only one he'd ever have was gone and in pain on what should have been the most beautiful day of her life. He couldn't save Ava and her son was fighting for his life. It was too fucking much and if Olivia wanted to be a complete bitch and make this about some bullshit then…

"I'm sorry" Olivia whispered as she held up her hands "I'm sorry"

"You should know that I'm not"

"I know that Jeffery and I don't want to fight especially about him right now" Olivia said roughly as tears streamed down her face. She didn't cry. No matter what was wrong Olivia never showed fear or vulnerability especially to him and that fact alone scared him. "Its just so fucking unfair. She should be here. She should be here fawning over him and he shouldn't be locked up in a fucking glass box away from the people" and then she slipped down as if her knees gave way under the weight of it all and he took her into his arms. Holding her close and whispering in her hair and he held her like he should have so many years ago.

Reva and her father drove her the three hours it took to get to the hospital but the ride could have been two minutes or two million. Sitting in the front seat because they both wanted to be able to keep eyes on her Ava just stared out the window not really seeing anything. It was as if the passing scenery could imprint over the past year and the pain could be simply hidden underneath. She didn't remember if she ate and barely acknowledged Reva and her father holding her up to use the restroom. Normally Reva would have been able to man handle the lanky young woman with one hand but it was as if the weight of the grief added physical pounds. Ava slumped, she listed, and she leaned and had to be maneuvered like a comatose patient. The drive, the doctor, the nurse, the entire facility didn't leave a mark in her consciousness. This has to be a dream she kept telling herself over and over and then when that was viewed as unreasonable Ava decided she was dead and this was hell. "Now lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep" But he didn't keep her because she hadn't kept him because every single thing her mother taught her she'd walked away from. This is hell and its never ending. She barely noticed her father and Reva leaving and hadn't much felt their hot tears as they fell against her pale and cold skin. Over and over "If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take"


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot a few things in the explanation that I should make clear to better understand the story 1) Natalia never dated Frank so no Fancy, though I love writing her 2) this is a lot LOT darker than what I've written before but I'm not a fan of angst so don't get too scared 3) I have a feeling its going to get kinda long and finally 4) I don't know jack about premmies so with that being said enjoy.

Whenever she'd imagined a modern psych ward she knew it didn't look anything like One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest but she had no idea it would be like a high rise Paris or London Hilton suite. If Ava could scrounge up the interest she might be halfway impressed but as it was she barely took notice. She had been in therapy for the past couple of days and still didn't have a clue as to whether her doctor was a male or female. It wasn't really therapy she supposed if she just sat there barely listening to whomever it was saying things that bore more of a resemblance to the teacher on the Charlie Brown cartoons than to therapeutic engagement. With a bit more energy she might have been concerned that she'd spent the last week in a room that she still couldn't locate without assistance and it was only the absence of stomach pains that she understood she'd been eating regularly. The fog of Max's cries and her mothers disapproval were so thick that Ava could barely register anything at all other than shame and fear.

Sitting at her desk going over figures and forms Olivia tried her best to tease out more a few more hours from the day. Emma, Max, Ava and the Beacon were all demanding her attention and it could be easily argued that any one of the four required constant monitoring but at the moment it seemed impossible to be of any use to anything or anyone. Emma was being an absolute angle understanding that her mommy was stretched thin but Olivia knew she shouldn't depend on that consideration for long. At any moment the antics of a put upon nine year old were liable to surface. Jeffrey and Olivia were taking turns holding vigil over Max, and Olivia would probably die before she'd admit this to a soul but, even Reva was a Godsend taking an occasional hour here or there. Although it was still hard to face the other woman knowing she'd been instrumental in sending Ava hundreds of miles away from her family. There were moments that it took every ounce of her formidable self control not to throttle the loud mouth on sight and if Ava stayed away much longer she just might but for now Reva Shane was safe. The Beacon wasn't a major concern because Natalia was a better assistant at the moment than she was owner and it amazed her how much she trusted the younger woman. Natalia made it possible that Olivia could actually devote her complete attention to the one person that desperately needed it but every time her mind turned towards Ava she found herself working on another report or calling up the nurses station for another update. Thinking of Ava? No. "Natalia did you see the rest of the report that Adam was supposed to fax over? Somehow a page got lost and he was supposed to send it over just as soon as he" Olivia trailed off as she listened to the ringing phone before it was gently taken from her ear. "What the hell?"

"He sent them over an hour ago and I've already gotten them off to legal" Natalia said softly smiling. "You should"

"Thanks I guess then I can go talk to Greg about that meeting with"

"Olivia everything's taken care of. The meeting was rescheduled and the"

"What? Why the hell was the meeting rescheduled. Do you know how long it took me to get them to"

"Yes I know because I was right there beside you when you were talking to them for the past month but unfortunately you aren't superwoman. Right now your family needs you more than" She didn't need to hear this and she didn't need to see Natalia looking at her with pious humility. The last thing she needed was to look into those liquid brown eyes and see pity there. Looking into those pools of sienna Olivia felt herself starting to give and all the walls she'd spent a lifetime reinforcing threatening to crumble. Oh no. How was it possible that her mind was constantly picturing burrowing into Natalia's arms and wailing there from life's aches. But she was Olivia Spencer and she sure as hell couldn't give up or give in just because everything was going tits up. Her entire life had been one gigantic fuck up and there was absolutely too much riding on her holding it in and pulling it all together. "No."

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked looking back up towards the Latina since she'd turned away when tears were threatening to fall.

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out. Olivia if you could just let me in and let me help you I could"

"Let you in so you can help me? Help me destroy my fucking business! I Needed that Meeting. The Beacon Needed that exposure but just because you can't separate your feelings from business doesn't mean I can't. This is my fucking life and you don't get to make unilateral decisions that affect"

"No this is a business Olivia. Your life was just tucked into bed by Jane again. Your life is crying for his grandmother at Cedars. Your life is in a hospital room in Chicago fighting to get better. The Beacon is a business not your life and if you don't know that then you have more problems than I thought" and with that Natalia was out the door without a backward glance. A slamming door signaled the start of the tears that had been building since this nightmare began.

No one could ever accuse Olivia of being an overindulgent mother. Not because she didn't want to lay a hard won world at her daughters' feet because she did. Every moment she thought of a slight or discomfort she'd faced as a child all she wanted to do was ensure her children never faced such an ache but she knew first hand what became of those children. Alan was perfect warning label. However there wasn't a night since Ava's hospitalization that she hadn't held Emma at night promising that this was the little girl's last in mommy's bed. Looking at Emma Olivia could almost imagine how Ava might have looked at the same age tired from a long day of play. Olivia sat beside the bed stroking hair that looked so much like another's and begged "She doesn't deserve this. I can take the hit if you're looking for someone to punish but leave her alone. You can't take him from her. Please don't"

A sound almost as familiar as her daughters' cries of laughter or pain woke her and she reached out in blind instinct still too asleep to even worry what such a late call might mean. "Spencer" she growled turning as far away as Emma's hold would allow. Silence greeted her and she almost disconnected the phone but then recognized that sigh. "Natalia? Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I shouldn't have called. I just. I'm sorry I didn't think that you would be asleep yet. I'm"

"Natalia. Just tell me what the hell ever it was you need to say so I can get back to sleep Jesus"

"I'm. You were right I shouldn't have canceled your meeting without talking to you and I should have never said all those things. I have no idea what your going through and I shouldn't have" No one spoke to her like Natalia did and no one stood up to her like Natalia did. There were thousands of corpses strewn all the way from San Cristobal and back of people who made that mistake. Hell not only did she not destroy the woman but she was on her fucking payroll. "There had to be a reason why" Olivia kept repeating to herself each time she let Natalia stroll over her every boundary and navigate her every minefield. "There has to be a reason why"

"It's okay, Natalia, I'll see you in the morning" It was too much. Everything about it was too much and right now it was all she could do to put one foot in front of the other and trying to figure out this thing with Natalia was just too much.

"But mommy when can Max come home with us?" Emma ask again as they watched the boy being fed by a nurse. She must have some sort of quota Olivia thought as her eyes rolled because an hour long visit just wasn't complete until Emma begged at least four times and the nine year old was only on number two, lucky me. The first time she brought Emma to see him she was wondered what the girl might think about her nephew's skin. Not that Emma would have a problem with it but it certainly wasn't what anyone was expecting. In fact it amazed her that no one said anything at all about it. People said he was beautiful and everyone made comments about his wild head of hair but on his hue everyone was mum. After learning of his birth Olivia had been more concerned about keeping Remy or Bill from snatching the boy to be too concerned about what color his skin was. Then he was too sick and every moment was possibly his last so she concentrated on memorizing everything. Taking in absolutely everything just in case because Ava deserved to know. Someday she would be well and would want to know and Olivia owed her at least that. As the days passed and he grew stronger she was amazed at how beautiful he was. Amazed that she could see Ava and even parts of herself in his exotic dusky form.

"He'll be coming home with us as soon as he gets better baby" Olivia smiled waving at his incubator trying to catch his eye. "That's right you will be coming home with us little man so you need to get better" In the two weeks since his birth he'd gained two pounds and was only attached to one machine when he'd started with three. He was still in the incubator but in a few days she and Jeffery would finally be able to hold him. It didn't seem right to hold and touch him before Ava but she refused to deny the need. Not only his for her but her own for him which was completely unexpected. She knew she loved him. He was her family of course she loved him but the depth and the expanse of it amazed her still. He was of her but not from her but still so connected. "Forever" she whispered on a held breath in vow to him and their family always.

"If I knew having a baby was all it took to mellow you out I would have suggested one a long time ago" Natalia said as she handed out coffee, hot chocolate and muffins. Last night her assistant was insubordinate and completely disregarded her job description of doing whatever was needed to get the Beacon's bottom line accomplished. But here Natalia was helping her with the one thing that really mattered. Time and time again the woman had proved to be not only a conscience but also a guardian angel. If there was time or if she had the energy Olivia might try and figure it all out but right now? Right now she instinctively knew that what they had was too fragile and nebulous to ponder. For once she wasn't going to rush into things with the consequences be damned because it was too important. It was too much.

"As long as I'm not the one doing the midnight feedings and the diaper changing I'm cool" Olivia said with a hint of a laugh as he twisted his head as if to follow her hands.

"Mommy he know you. He knows you're his grandma"

Bumping her hip against Olivia's "Yes grandmother Spencer. Has a nice ring to it" Natalia said with a laugh. She threw them both a scowl but truthfully Olivia would submit to being called granny if it would guarantee his life and health. Moving one then the other hand in different directions she realized that he was actually following her and knew she was there. But he couldn't know that she was his. Umm he couldn't she thought to herself but every time she moved so did his head. Jeffery saw him first be Max always reacted when she was near. Maybe? "It's not maybe, he knows" Natalia said as Olivia looked at her with confusion. "He knows you. He knows that you're going to take care of him until his mommy comes back. He knows that Olivia. He was meant to be with you"

Ava knew that Olivia and Jeffery stayed in touch because her sitters or jailers annotated it in their daily logs but even her parents were just more of the same. More pills, more questions, and more needs that she didn't think she would ever be able to fulfill. She hadn't been enough for either of them so why should she matter now. Abandoned by both her mothers and cast away like trash by her father so of course she couldn't be what anyone else needed. How could she be? They were better off without her. Max was better off without her. Pushing down the brown crying face each time it floated up in her mind she even tried to disconnect his name from her vocabulary when his burnt eyes would not dim and go away. "I'm no good for you. You're better off without me" were the words she picked to lull his crying. But each night it was his face that she saw and his eyes that she left watching and waiting even when Crystal's, Olivia's and Jeffery's eyes had long gone black. He called to her in her dreams and she felt herself rising to meet him despite her best intentions.


	3. Chapter 3

Whatever it was they were giving her was finally working or else she'd finally found the fabled right side of the bed because for the first time since arriving Ava hadn't fallen asleep or woken up crying. Her feelings were evening out and it didn't seem like being a mom was an insurmountable task, impossible yes but not insurmountable. She did impossible all the time, impossible was part of the Spencer O'Neil genetic trait. However she knew she wasn't well enough to actually be the mother he needed but at least now she did have the desire if not the ability. Finding out that she was adopted was perhaps one of the worst moments in her life but she had never felt anything other than loved and wanted by Crystal Peralta. It was like finding out the love of your life was married to another woman. The betrayal went deeper than just the lie but the fact that Crystal picked her out of all the babies had to mean something. And it did. But still. Still there was lingering doubt that her adopted mother might have always wondered if having her own child would have been better. She worried that Crystal settled when she could have had the real deal. The big question was would Ava know how to be real for her child?

He walked into the room late and saw Olivia and the nurse standing beside the incubator and they were already dressed in scrubs. Today they were finally going to hold him and today was the first step in healing their fractured family. Ava bound him to Olivia and both to each other but also to a horrible night that still haunted both their dreams. But with Max there was the possibility of transcendence. Through Max he and Olivia could create a history that wasn't built on a violation but on hope and promise. He and Olivia needed the boy just as much as Ava did and every night he prayed for the boy's recovery and his own forgiveness. Looking at Olivia so excited for the honor of holding their grandson even through cloth and mesh he felt that he might actually be able to make amends. Maybe she might forgive him not just for Ava's and Max's sake but for his own.

"Glad that you decided to show up" Olivia said as she tapped on the glass interrupting his thoughts. "Do you think you can get your behind in gear? I have a baby to hold" By the time he'd sanitized and clothed Olivia had convinced the nurse to start without him and when he walked in the room he was struck by their beauty. In so many ways Max looked so different from her but as Olivia laughed in awe of him and Max blinked in surprised response Jeffery saw clearly that they fit. He just hoped that they would allow him to fit as well.

There wasn't much talking during the hour long session by Jeffery or Olivia. Mostly they listened to the nurse advising different ways to comfort and care for the still vulnerable boy. It was hard for him to believe that even now after Max had gone through so much it was possible that they could lose him. The boy hadn't even been on the earth for a month but in that short time he'd managed to completely disrupt Jeffrey's life. If someone had told him three years ago this would be his life not only would Jeffery have called the person a liar but insane as well. There was no way that he would ever want someone to be completely dependant on him. There was no place in his life or heart for little black boy that might not even make it to his first birthday. But here he was learning how to hold him and wash him and build a life with him. Just that fact alone gave him hope that everything would be okay.

"So how was it papa bear?" Reva asked as he hugged her from behind as she stood cooking at his stove. "You realize now that you're going to need an upgrade from that little corvette?"

With as stern a face as he could manage trying to hold back laughter "The Vett stays" he stated pointing a carrot stick at her in warning.

"All I'm saying is that riding around with a car seat in a sports car just isn't as sexy as you might think"

"I'd be sexy in a lime green pinto" he laughed. They spent the night laughing and making love and as she slept in his arms he thought of just how unrecognizable he would be to his old friends. He was the one that never even got remotely close to an engagement and here he was laying with a middle aged woman and planning weekends with an infant. All he needed now was a couple bottles of Old Spice and he'd be set.

A week later Olivia called and asked to meet for lunch. They saw each other almost everyday as they crossed paths taking care of Max so he knew it had to be about the one topic they'd been avoiding since the start of the situation. Both had stayed in contact with their daughter and her doctors but it hadn't been easy. Ava hardly said a word and the doctors were guardedly cautious so neither Olivia or he knew what to expect. He just wanted her home and wanted to go back to keeping her out of trouble which was more than a fulltime job. He still remembered how she broke into his life demanding that he redeem himself by being her father. Her limitless energy and endless tenacity wore him down but it was her open heart and positive spirit that won him over. It hurt him more than he could believe seeing her broken and timid in that hospital bed. His daughter didn't say no and she didn't give up ever so for her to walk away from her son tore holes that wouldn't be soon healed. Keeping Max safe and well was his duty but bringing Ava back to herself was his mission. He wouldn't rest until she was whole and he wouldn't give up on her as she had never given up on him.

"So what are we going to do?" Olivia asked for second time just before she downed an extra dirty martini and he had a feeling if she finished the drink before he spoke he was going to be risking injury. They still weren't what anyone would consider friends but Olivia no longer wanted to kill him. For now. Not that he blamed her he wanted to die himself once he realized just how much he'd hurt her with his carelessness. He had never thought of himself as a rapist. Hell he never needed to rape anyone and had more women than a man half his age. The day she told him wasn't his worst though. The worst was once he saw Ava's face when she confronted him about what he did. Once Ava really understood how much he'd taken from Olivia, that was when the pain came. Many nights were spent waking up wet with sweat clutching his head and his heart in guilt and shame. But mostly he was thrown awake in ice cold fear. Fear that Ava would hate him left him shaking even when he was swearing that neither Olivia or Ava's opinion of him mattered. Yet it did. Somehow he was going to be the man that she dreamed her father to be. Even if it killed him.

"They say that she's getting better. She's at least responding with more than one word answers"

"Yeah she even asked after him this morning"

"Really!" That was news. Since leaving Ava's vocabulary had been reduced to: no, yes, good, and maybe. The words Max or son or even Springfield were noticeably absent.

"Well her exact words were 'and Max?' so" They both agreed that it was amazing progress and Dr Martin was finally able to give some idea of when Ava might be able to come home. Of course nothing was set in stone and her healing was painstakingly slow but it was healing nonetheless. Ava was actually talking in session and was able to navigate the wings alone. At first the doctor had assumed that Ava was not only below average intelligence but was borderline retarded. The staff was only now getting some glimpse of the woman but she still had a long way to go. That was the point of meeting. Her team of doctors, nurses, psychologists, and social workers wanted some idea of the support system that they were releasing their patient to once she left their facility. "So what do you think?"

"Olivia I don't know about this. I mean what do her doctors say"

"Jeffery its not like she's going to come back and everything is going to magically be perfect. She's never going to get used to being a mother like this. The longer she stays away the harder its going to be especially now that he's being held. How do you think she's going to feel when he'd rather one of us hold him than her. I think it would be best if she came home. We can find her doctors just as qualified here."

"Olivia, come on you can't be serious. I miss her as much as you do but hell you weren't there. She didn't want to touch him. She didn't even want to see him or have him in the same room. Hell if she could have she would have ran out of there as soon as they cut the cord!"

"If you ever say anything like that again about my daughter I swear to God there won't be big enough pieces of you to fill a doggie bag" Olivia growled. "I know exactly how she felt. I know better than you ever will because I went through the exact same thing. So" and then the hot blanket of that terrible act from so long ago covered them both and he could only hold his head down and wait for her to continue. "As I was trying to say. That place can help get her over her depression but it's not going to help connect her with Max. Everyday he's getting stronger and more healthy and soon he's going to be getting out of the hospital and then what? How is she going to feel if it takes her two months before they feel she should come home and when she goes to pick up Max he doesn't want her because he doesn't know her. It'll make her feel even more miserable"

"I understand what you're saying but I don't want her to come back here if she's not better. I mean what the hell did we ship her down there for in the first place"

"You're the bright one who picked a hospital two hundred miles away not me Einstein"

"But what about Max? Is she going to want to come back to him if she can barely say his name? I don't want to put too much pressure on her"

"And you think I do? I want what's best for her as much as you do but if she's here we can at least take care of them both. It's not like she has to do this alone. I want to talk to her doctors about my plan"

"Without consulting me?"

"Where the hell was my input on all this so don't fucking start with me Jeffrey. I'm not trying to cut you out of this because I know how much she needs us both but I want my daughter here. She's been there long enough she needs to be here and start rebuilding her life. The longer she wait's the harder its going to be"

This was insanity. Of course he wanted Ava back as much as Olivia did, maybe even more because at least Olivia still had Emma. He was all alone. Ava was his only family. "And what if she says no? What then?"

"She's already said yes"

"No. NO! I'm sorry that you want to control and be in charge of every fucking thing in your life but you will not let our daughter's health be your pet project. Hell no!"

"Will you sit down"

"I will not sit down. I won't sit here and listen to you destroy my daughter's life"

"She is my daughter as well" Olivia yelled as she pulled him away from his car door. How he got outside and into the parking lot he'd never know but there was no way he was giving another second to Olivia and held his head down as he listened to her rant "She will be in treatment. I'm not suggesting that she come home and we all pretend that she was at a fucking resort spa. I know she's sick Jeffery"

"Do you?" he asked looking at her once again trying to see if there was any sanity left in the woman. "She's sick Olivia and as much as I wish she weren't she is. She needs help and all the love in the world isn't going to change that. She needs professional help. That's what would be best for her and Max" he tried again earnestly hoping she'd relent.

"I know that. Don't you think I know that. For almost a month she could barely say her own fucking name I KNOW she needs fucking help! I know that damn it. What I don't understand is why you are so dead set on her being there when she could be here. She could start treatment here and I'm sure there has to be someone here that her doctor would recommend. She could come hom and begin healing with Max and with us" she pulled his hand and yanked it hard. "I don't want to do this without you. I don't want to fight with you about this especially now but I know in my heart that she'd be much better here."

"But what about Max? Are you just going to throw him at her and expect her to be a mother to him?"

"Of course not. Max is going to need our complete attention especially now that he's almost ready to go home but how are we going to do that if we could be called to Chicago at any moment to take care of Ava. We are running ourselves ragged trying to take care of them when it would be so much easier if they were both here. Why the hell is it so difficult for you to see that? Why?"

Shaking his head and trying his best to clear his thoughts he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He wanted to believe. The trouble wasn't that he didn't like the idea he loved it. He wanted her home more than he wanted anything in the world but he was so scared. Scared that if he pushed just a bit too hard or asked for a bit too much it would all blow away and she would be gone out of their lives forever. That thought was his new nightmare. That would destroy him. "Okay if" he said and caught her in his arms as she leapt up in in joy. "IF! If her doctors say yes and if Ava truly wants to come home. She might have said yes because she didn't want to disappoint you"

"Are we talking about the same woman? A brunette that stands up to here" Olivia laughed holding her hand up in the air. "She wants to come home because it's where she belongs Jeffery. It's where she belongs" He called Reva and begged off of their date that night. There were too many thoughts circling around his head and he needed to get some balance before he attempted to talk to anyone. Olivia loved their daughter but she wasn't always the best judge when it came to Ava's needs. He didn't want to tangle his aching loneliness and Ava's best interests so he drove for hours trying to figure out the two.

She had finally consented to give group a try and it had taken her three sessions before she said her first words. Listening to the other people in the circle she felt stupid and childish because she had so much to be grateful for and so much of her illness was self induced. She lied and manipulated and connived. If her life was in shambles it was her own doing and not some hormonal imbalance. However the day she laughed at the reddish squirrel that fell out of the tree as it was sprinting along the lawn of the hospital she realized something. She missed her mothers and father and Emma. She hadn't truly missed anyone not even Bill but she laughed at the animal and wished they were there to laugh as well. Max? The thought of him was still overwhelming but at least she could think of him without immediately turning her mind away in horror.


	4. Chapter 4

Ava had not spoken to another person outside those at the facility other than her parents for seven weeks. Sometimes she forgot there was a life outside of the serenely painted walls. When she saw a newspaper or heard snatches of songs parts of her real life came back to but those moments were fleeting and she tried her best to stay firmly grounded in the illusion that this was all she'd ever known and all she ever would. So when her room phone rang she never thought it would be her once lover Remy. She hesitated at first not knowing what to say or what he'd expect but soon she found herself laughing and remembering why she had cared so much for the man. If only she could have loved him and kept her stupid dreams of living high on the hill at bay. They talked about everything and nothing and when they'd talked for almost an hour and she'd laughed for most of that she was caught short when he mentioned Max. He didn't just mention him he described him. Remy told her how long his hair was getting and how all the nurses were falling in love with him. He talked about the way his eyes lit when a favorite nurse happened by. She could picture a deep dimple on that grew as he laughed on Max's left cheek. Remy talked to her about their son in a way that Olivia and Jeffery never had. Her parents mentioned the boy and said he was well and improving but they never described him. And she realized it hurt. It hurt hearing him living and thriving without her.

Olivia and Emma had eaten at the farm once again that week and now the girl was finishing her homework so she should watch another episode of her favorite television show. Natalia was helping her with her fractions and Olivia was putting away the dishes she'd washed earlier after the meal. This was a scene she'd always lied and pretended she'd never wanted. Why should she do menial labor when she had the money to pay someone else to do it for her? But looking at her daughter so happy and secure broke her heart because she knew it wasn't real. Olivia would never have the house with the white picket fence and the man that loved her enough to want to help her daughter with homework. In a couple of weeks not only would she have a nine year old but also a two month old and a twenty six year old to boot. Not exactly what the average man wanted when he imagined building a life with a woman. Max was getting stronger everyday and Ava's therapist were counting down until her release. It was going to be a very long time before she had the chance to pursue anything serious. What I wouldn't give for a little horizontal recreation she thought and almost sliced her hand off when she gasped in shock. Natalia and Emma looked up at her in wonder but she faked a cough and they went back to work. Oh my fucking God I haven't had sex in? SHIT!. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had sex. What the blue ball fuck? There was a time when she did sex like she did martini's. There was Emma to consider but that never stopped her before because there were plenty of rooms at the Beacon. Not only had she not had sex she hadn't even missed it. Shit on a stick I going to ruin everything she thought glumly.

It was past ten when Emma was finally passed out on the sofa between her and Natalia as they watched dvds. It hurt Olivia that she'd never managed to make family traditions with Emma the way Natalia had with Rafe. Even as poor and overworked as she was Natalia managed to give the boy a deeper childhood than she had given Emma with all her privilege and accomplishments. It would change thought. With Ava, Max and Emma Olivia would finally build the life she'd been searching for. A blank blue screen shook her from her musings and she was amazed that Natalia had taken Emma up the stairs to a guest bedroom without her noticing. "I'm going to have you fitted with a bell" Olivia said as Natalia walked back down the stairs. It frightened her. She never dropped her guard with anyone ever other than her children. How the hell had this complete stranger in so deep. "Are you sure you're not some ninja?" How the hell could I have let this happen.

"You're just tired. Any one would be in your situation" Natalia said as she looked at her with such,

God oh God Olivia thought as the tears streamed down her face. It was too much and she couldn't be here. There was too much riding on her too many people depending one her. She turned away before Natalia could come closer and tried to even her voice. "Do you think that" Olivia started but was immediately interrupted by Natalia. "Stop. Just Stop okay. You don't need to do this."

"Do what?" Olivia asked still facing away trying to plead ignorance although she knew very well that it wasn't going to fly. "Listen if you don't mind maybe Emma could spend the night here with you and I can"

"Would you stop" Natalia said walking around to face her. "Why do you think you have to be the strong one all the time? Why can't you let someone be there for you?"

"Natalia I really don't need"

"Fine then tell me what you do need Olivia because I'd really love to know. I see this smart and powerful woman trying to pretend that everything is going great. As if nothing in the world is wrong but I know that's not true."

"You don't know anything"

"I know that you sit in your office trying to take care of everything and everyone but yourself. Ava and Max"

"Ava and Max need me and if you can't understand that then"

"I understand Olivia. I understand very well being afraid and not knowing how to protect the ones you love the most but what I'm having a problem with is the fact that you turn everyone way that's trying to help"

"I don't need nosey busy bodies in my business Natalia!"

"I'm not talking about that I'm talking about me! Why won't you let me in. Why do you keep pushing me away when all I want to do is help. Why?"

"You can't help me. You can't make Ava or Max better and you can't get"

"You're right but I can be there for you. I can listen to whatever you have to say. You don't have to do all of this alone" The Latina kept pushing she kept demanding things that Olivia wasn't able to give. Olivia tried again to walk away as she picked up her keys. Emma had spent many nights at the farmhouse alone and it was Saturday tomorrow she thought as she passed through the front door. "Maybe I can help or maybe you will just feel better. It can't hurt can it?"

"Why the hell do you care so fucking much? I would have thought you have enough problems of your own without adding mine to the mix. I mean why the hell should I confide in you? Who the hell are you to give me any advice? You couldn't even keep your son out of prison" and even as she was saying the words she knew how horribly wrong they were. As the words came Natalia's face froze as if she'd been soundly slapped. Everything she touched turned to shit Olivia thought as Natalia turned on her heels and went back inside the house. She was up the stairs and in her bathroom crying by the time Olivia made it inside her car. "Drive off. Just drive off. DRIVE OFF!" she bellowed to herself griping the steering wheel with white knuckles but before she could talk herself out of it she was up the stairs and crouching on the other side of the bathroom door listening to hiccups and muffled and swallowed cries. "Please. Please I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I. My children are all I have. They are all that I have ever gotten right and it just hurts so much to see her in pain and not be able to stop it. We've gone through so much Ava and I that I just want to do whatever I can to make her happy. I shouldn't have said what I did. Natalia. Please. I'm sorry. Please" Olivia didn't know how long she sat on the cold floor listening for the knob to turn and when it finally did she was so stiff that she couldn't get up with without help. Natalia stood looking at her as if she were some kind of dangerous wild thing. She hated that she put that hesitancy in Natalia's face. Jesus. "Please?" she whispered again and finally Natalia helped her up and then fell together into the bed and were soon asleep.

Hours or seconds later she heard a cry and thought of Emma and tried to move but found a large weight held her fast. Then she realized it wasn't Emma at all but was the other woman sobbing and crying out to pleading with her son. Softly shaking the other woman Olivia tried to calm her down and once Natalia woke she wished she hadn't because she missed the soft weight. "You can go. You don't have to baby sit me I'm fine"

When Natalia pulled away and attempted to get out of the bed everything in Olivia cried out "Don't" and tried to hold her close. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I was completely wrong. If you hated me and never wanted to see me again I wouldn't have anyone but myself to blame but please don't. I, I don't know why I keep pushing you away. Don't know why it's so hard for me to admit that I need friends"

"We aren't friends. I'm your employee and you don't owe me any explanations and I shouldn't have asked about things that aren't any of my business. It won't happen again"

Oh God. Please I can't lose her too. "You are my best friend. You are my only friend. You and Emma are the only things that are keeping me from going completely insane right now. Every moment that I spend with you allows me to be able to take care of Max and Ava. If I lost you. Jesus Natalia what do you want me to say?"

"I don't want anything from you Olivia. I'm fine so you don't have to worry about me. You can pick up Emma tomorrow it's no big deal" Natalia said as she left the bed and walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Scared and paralyzed with fear Olivia's mind tried to picture her life without Natalia there. No. Getting out of bed she burst into the room and caught the other woman undressing. "What the hell!"

"I'm sorry about what I said and I'm sorry about how I've been acting but you can't do this please"

"What are you talking about? I get it. It's fine. You don't have to worry I won't be harassing you any longer about your feelings" Natalia said as she tried to cover up. "It's fine. I'm not going to quit or anything, Olivia I'm trying to take a bath for goodness sake!"

"I love you."

"WHat?"

"I love you. I'm in love with you"

"Olivia if this is some kind of joke"

"A joke? I can't be away from you because it hurts when we're apart. But I can't be with you because whenever we are I'm so fucking scared that I'm going to say or do something to freak you out so I push you away. I love you and I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember and its fucking killing me because I would rather die than lose you. But I would kill myself before I hurt you but no matter how hard I try I keep doing that anyway. Jesus you're right you should stay away from me. God" she cried as tears streamed down her face. Afraid to see the other woman's disgust she covered her eyes and fell down lost and alone and repeated "I'm sorry" over and over again.

"Olivia get up off the floor so I can get you up into the bed"

Looking up sharply Olivia recoiled "You don't have to. I mean I'm not expecting us to"

"Don't worry I'm not suggesting anything besides sleep. I'm tired and I know you are too" they made their way back to the bed and Natalia lay on one side of the bed looking up at the ceiling as Olivia did the same. "Do you hate me now?"

Looking over Natalia barked a laugh "Do you usually invite people you hate to sleep in your bed?" but then thought better of it when she saw the sly smile unfold by the faint moon light. "Never mind don't answer that"

"I'm serious"

"So am I. What do you want me to say? I never. I would have never expected. I mean I'm not exactly your type"

"What do you know about my type?"

"Olivia everyone knows your type. You forget I've seen you at meetings and networking for the Beacon. I've never seen you looking at me or any other woman like I see you looking at"

"At who?"

"At Thomas Warner or Matt Payne or Josh Lewis. So"

"So maybe I do look. Okay I look but you don't see the way I look at you. The way I look at you and Emma. I see you two and I can imagine just building a life that"

"You're just lonely. You just"

"I'm not lonely. I'm not confused. I don't expect you to feel the same or even understand but don't tell me what I feel. Don't tell me because I have never felt this way for anyone ever besides my children. I would die for you Natalia and. Jesus" she swore as she rolled out of bed to get away from her foolishness. It was stupid to tell her because she knew Natalia would never feel the same. She was going to lose everything. Her heart was breaking and then it wasn't. Her soul was dying and her life was fading and then she was whole. As her feet touched the floor Natalia sat up and reached after her and pulled her into a soft slow kiss that Olivia quickly ended. "No. Don't. Not if you don't want to. Not if you don't mean it" she couldn't stand that. It would kill her.

"I don't know what all this means Olivia but I do know that ever since I've met you I can't get you out of my head. I dream about you. I'm always wondering how you are and if you're okay."

Stroking the other woman's hair Olivia held her close and whispered in her ears fearing the response "But do you think you could love me?" No matter what Natalia gave it would be enough. She would make it enough. It would have to be. "Do you want to?"

"Aw baby don't you know that I already do. I already do"

She didn't tell her parents about Remy's calls because she didn't want them to worry. She didn't want herself to worry but she didn't know what to think. It was love and it never was but it was honest and looking back it was more than she'd ever had with anyone else, mostly a result of her own doing. Not knowing who she was or where she fit she'd spent her entire time in Springfield trying to fill out an empty life. Now she was going to have to put those instincts aside and build a life not only for herself but also a son. Her son. It still hurt to hear about Max from Remy and it hurt even more to know her parents were so hesitant that they would say nothing about the boy. She wasn't well and she wasn't perfect but she was going home. She was going to back to Max, Olivia, Emma and Jeffry. She was going home to find herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Listening to the people in the room talking about their problems and all the things that were keeping them anchored in Bassett Community Health instead of their life and the world Ava knew it was time for her to go. When the discussion made its way to her she tried her best to beg off but Laura insisted that she must have something to say. She knew its was better to keep to herself but somehow over the past 2 months of isolation from her family and friends wore her down and she found herself seeking connections. Big mistake especially if that person ended up being a nosey know it all backstabbing bitch. "I'm fine. I don't have anything to say right now. Maybe later" However that just wasn't good enough and Laura saw fit to snitch and say she'd heard Ava arguing late into the night on the phone and had heard her son mentioned. "That conniving asshole" Ava muttered softly under her breath. Last night the other woman mysteriously appeared at her door just as Ava was pulling it back to get a late night snack. Jesus she was off her game if she didn't see through that nutcase. "Listen whatever I said or didn't say last night is none of your" umm she thought inwardly fucking group rules "business. It's against the rules for you to eavesdrop at my door. So again I have nothing to say but Thanks." Bitch. But Ava could see the cogs in the group facilitator's mind going and knew that it wasn't going to be that simple. Shit.

"Ava, I agree that Laura was wrong to invade your privacy but I think that maybe it can be excused because she was worried about what kind of reaction a conversation like that might cause in you. For the past 2 months everyone here has seen just how devastated you've been about the circumstances of Max's birth. Are you sure you don't want"

Fuck this. There is no way I'm going to sit here and listen to you make excuses for that fat Bitch. How is she supposed to realize her life is fucked up because she's a fucking Cunt if the fucking Doctor excuses that kind of behavior. "I'm finished. I wanted to talk to you and Dr Martin first but I've decided to leave. I'm going back to Springfield as soon as possible" Ava said using her mothers tactic of body language and confidence to shut the conversation down but well aware she might not be able to pull it off.

Reginald Irons Ph.D. looked at her and then moved in his seat so that he was directly facing her. Then he cocked his head to the side and she could tell he was setting her up for some sort of intervention damn it. "So let me see if I have this right"

God she hated psychobable. What the fuck let me repeat exactly what you said but put all sorts of ironic italics in strategic places to make sure you seem like the eternal fuck up not only to me but to the rest of the group as well. She was so angry she didn't even let him continue but proceeded as if he hadn't spoken at all. "It's not that hard to understand. I'm leaving. I have a life in Springfield that I need to get back to. Its been real and even fun but not even close to real fun so I'm blowing this Dairy Queen stand" she said as she stood smiling as fake a smile as possible to the other members in the comedy routine and tried to make her way out the room.

"Ava, the group isn't over. Even if you are leaving you aren't leaving right now so don't you think it's rude to just dismiss the rest of the group." He said looking at his watch. "We still have twenty minutes left. Don't you think"

Fuck this. "What I think Reg is I'm leaving. If you were such a stickler on the rules you wouldn't have excused that bitch from listening at my door so obviously rules aren't that big a fucking deal. I'm leaving and that's that" Shit Shit Shit. This was exactly what she thought would end up happening if she stayed here any longer. There was no way she could keep editing all the snarky and sarcastic comments that her brain kept sending to her mouth. Everyone else in the room was looking as if she'd fucking suggested an unnatural act involving their favorite child and a barn animal. She looked like she was heading towards a melt down but honestly it was just the final sign she needed to confirm she was back to normal. Fuck this.

Breezing out the door without looking back she knew that Dr Martin and several nurses would be waiting for her in her room by the time she got there. Thank God she was a voluntary because otherwise she was sure they'd have her scheduled for a lobotomy stat. "The gang's all here" Ava said as calmly as she could to the three nurses that stood flanking Dr Martin. This was the Stanley Kubrick film. "I'm sorry if I upset the group. Looking back I could have handled that situation much better but I'm not changing my mind. I'm leaving"

"Ava you seem a little upset maybe this isn't the time to make a decision like that. You were right Laura should have never invaded your privacy and I assure you it will be discussed in her team and in sessions but the larger question is your health. Do you really feel that you should be making a decision like going back so soon especially when you've been so upset?" Dr Martin and maybe one or two nurses were the only reason she'd made it this far without the Spencer wit surfacing sooner but honestly it was time. Dr Martin made the mistake of take Ava's head shake as a sign of her reluctant acceptance and smiled at her serenely. "Good so maybe we can discuss what we would like to accomplish before you do make the transition home. So"

"I'm not changing my mind. I'm leaving one way or the other. Either you call my family and arrange my follow up with a doctor in Springfield or I call my parents and stop payment on the check. It's your choice. Now if all of you will excuse me I have some packing to do" and with that she completely ignored the four people in her small room and began pulling out her things and gathering her luggage. The nurses looked to the doctor in complete confusion but the woman just shook her head and signaled for everyone to leave the room.

"Ava I'm going to go talk to your family like you requested but I'm going to give them my strong opinion that you should be staying here and trying my best to convince them your plan is not only foolhardy but more importantly dangerous not only to yourself but also to your young son"

"Doc?" Ava gasped turning around with tears filling her eyes.

The psychiatrist waited for the rest of the room to leave although they kept shooting her warning looks hoping she'd change her mind and allow them to sedate the unruly patient. After they'd gone the blonde haired woman took Ava's hand and led her to sit on the edge of the bed and handed her a box of nearby tissues before starting to speak again. "Ava I know that you're feeling better and you're in a hurry to get back to your little boy. I totally get that I swear and although I sympathize my first priority is to you. Ava you were near catatonic when you got here and you have made a dramatic recovery but its not complete. Medicine that works now might stop working suddenly for absolutely no reason at all and I don't feel you've been on it long enough for me to be comfortable. We still have so many issues to work through like your adoption and"

"Jesus that's will take forever. I don't have years to spend here wallowing through every fucking bad day I've ever had. My son needs me"

Bending down to look in Ava's eyes and taking Ava's hands again in both of hers she started again "Ava I'm worried about you. You were desperately ill and that just wasn't because of Post Partum it was building for years and years. You described a life that had been spinning out of control for some time and I'm worried that if you go back to that city and get around those same people you'll revert back to the same habits. Its not just about you Ava its about your son as well. He's depending on you. I know that your parents are taking care of him and will help you but you are the person that will be raising this child so you have to be as healthy as possible so that he can be healthy. I take that very seriously. I'm not trying to punish you. I just want you to understand where I'm coming from. I want you to try and see my position."

That Ava had not known this beautiful blond woman was male or female was a testament in itself just to her condition on admittance. Diane Martin was a graduate of John Hopkins and Duke Medical and had served as a Fellow and advisor on many respected boards and committees and was a leading innovator in Post Partum Depression. Standing maybe three inches taller than Ava she could have easily been a high fashion model. The woman was striking not only because of her gorgeous body and sinfully sexy voice but it was the eyes that Ava felt were the kicker. They were ice cold blue with darker flecks and striations and once you saw them made you want to spill every secret and fear. Of course Ava knew a thing or two about using natural assets to get a head but even she wasn't immune from the woman's pull. Not that the doctor would ever resort to such tactics. And maybe if Ava didn't have a son and a life waiting for her she might spend a few months trying to see just how firm the good doctors patient boundaries were but Christ she needed out now. "Listen I'm not saying I'm all better. I know how crazy everything got Jesus but I can't stay here working through all this when I have a son that needs me. I mean there must be a doctor in Springfield or a town close by that I can see regularly. Hell I'll even fly up here once a week if you want. I'll do anything but please I gotta go back. Please"

"Okay"

"Okay?"

Standing up and stretching her legs "Okay" Dr Martin laughed shaking her head as Ava jumped up. "Don't let it get around that I'm such a softy. I'll have everyone begging me to change this back to a smoking facility"

Ava was so happy that she grabbed the other woman and pulled her into a tight hug before she realized the big violation in protocol and looked at the other woman in shock. "I'm I'm" but then the words died in her mouth as Dr Martin hugged her back for a moment and before pulling back with a laugh.

"Just don't let it get around or I'll have you back here for meatloaf night" Dr Martin laughed again as she walked out the door. Of course such a posh place didn't actually serve meatloaf but someone didn't clue the Thursday cook to that fact because no fancy French name was going to hide the fact it was crappy meatloaf.

Several hours later two or three nurses came in to double and triple verify information to transfer her case. She was leaving. Shit she was actually leaving she thought as she threw her things together. Sitting down to her final lunch alone Ava tried to ignore the veiled looks and the not so silent comments not only from the patients but the staff as well. You would think she'd smeared fecal matter all over herself in group but she was determined not to let their negativity affect her. She was well no matter what the fuck they thought and just because they were too scared to resume their life she wasn't. But it nagged her. Was she really that bad off that they couldn't see she didn't belong their anymore? The third time Laura and her friends made lingering eye contact with her Ava had to talk herself out of making a scene and was never so relieved to see Dr Martin approaching.

"Ava, do you think you could cut your lunch short? I have some things to discuss with you in my office if that's okay?" If you only knew Ava said with a wide smile that she didn't feel and there was enough of her old attitude peeking through the chemical cocktail that she threaded her arm through Dr Martin's and walked with her as if they were old high school friends sharing an old joke. Once they got out the immediate area Ava dropped her grip and put a more respectable amount of distance between them. She could tell that the doctor was trying to figure out what was going on and was uncomfortable but she didn't pull away or scold Ava. It wasn't until the office door was firmly shut behind them that Dr Martin mentioned the scene at all "You want to tell me what that was about?"

"Not really. Just me being me" That had been her answer to a lot of the other woman's questioning. Ava was the oldest daughter of Olivia Spencer and although she had not been raised by the woman many of the mother's eccentricities were her own. Like making sure to leave a lasting impression even on people you hoped to God to never meet again. This was her last day of treatment no need to get into that now it would take decades to figure that one out. "So? What did my parents say? When I talked to them earlier they were concerned about your opinion and finding the best doctor."

"Well we did spend a while discussing those things but I think the one thing that most concerns us is figuring out your plans once you leave here. We'd like to iron out the details you leave here" Oh hell no. Ava didn't know what the hell the three of them were conspiring to but she wasn't about to live her life via committee and if that's what they thought then. "Just stop okay. I can see the wheels spinning already. No one is trying to control or manipulate you we just. You know what it would be easier if we all talked about this" and with that Dr Martin hit a few buttons on her phone and in less than a minute both her parents were on a conference call. "Hello Mr O'Neil and Ms Spencer this is Dr Martin again and I have Ava in the room with me. I thought it would just be easier for everyone if we discussed everything now so everyone is clear on their expected roles.

Please shoot me Ava thought I don't know how much of this I can stand before I really do flip the fuck out. Ava was under the impression she was leaving today and when she realized that everyone else was aiming for tomorrow it was a near case of her going the fuck off but she didn't want to scare her parents into signing her up for any more treatment. She bit her tongue and even tasted blood before they moved off that topic. The details concerning her follow up were quick by comparison and she half convinced herself that everything was over and even sent her love to her parents and stood up. "Ava we still have something else to work out." and then Ava heard her parents questioning the doctors about some unmentioned topic that obviously this whole event had actually been set up for. Fuck Fuck Fuck they had set her up and didn't even have the balls to do it to her fucking face.

"I'm don't have anything else to discuss"

"Well we do. So please sit down and hear us out." Taking a calming breath Ava had to use every skill she'd learned in her stress management classes to keep herself from sweeping her hand across Dr Martins desk and trashing the entire office. You're almost out of here don't blow it now she said to herself as she waited for whatever buggery they had fixed up. "It's about Max"

What? What in the hell? "What about my son?" Ava said immediately getting on the defensive and sitting straighter up in the chair. If they thought. "Don't be so negative Ava. Not one of us would do anything to hurt you. Or Max. We are just concerned about what you expect will happen once you get back home."

"I expect to be with my son" What the hell?

"Of course you're going to be with Max sweetie, no one is doubting that. Don't you know that I would die before I would let anyone separate the two of you. You have to know that right Ava?" Olivia's worried voice asked.

"Of course mom. I know you will always protect us" Ava said softly as tears started forming in her eyes.

"Ava your dad and I have taken care of everything so that when you come back you can just get settled into caring for him and yourself"

Jeffery said overlapping Olivia "Ava you don't have to worry about anyone trying to claim parental rights to Max I've taken care of that honey"

"What everyone is concerned about Ava" Dr Martin said trying to focus the discussion and lessen the possibility of a meltdown "is where you and Max are going to be once you get back home."

"What do you mean? I can go back to my apartment and if not then I'm sure mom and dad can help me get a place"

Jeffery said starting "Of course we would honey that's not a problem but"

"Ava your parents and I think it would be best if you and the baby stayed with one of your parents until you get used to being back in therapy and getting used to Max"

"What?" That they would try this had never even crossed Ava's mind.

"Baby Max still has so many medical issues, I mean he's doing great considering but he still has to take a lot of medicine and he's on a breathing machine"

"You said that was only for emergencies!"

"It is but still Ava he's on a schedule and"

"And we think it would be best so that you don't get overwhelmed. No one's trying to take him away from you or thinks that you won't be an excellent mother Ava. I've never felt that you were here for any other reason than being ill. We just want to make everything as smooth as possible for everyone" Dr Martin said fixing Ava with two of the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen.

Fuck a duck Ava said to herself and rolled her eyes skyward. "Fine. I'll move in with dad" and heard the three gasps she'd been waiting for. Why the hell had they offered her either of her parents if they already knew where they wanted her to be. She already knew she'd end up with her mother but couldn't stop herself from screwing with them a little bit. Eventually it was decided that rooming with her mother at the Beacon would be the best for everyone. She even got her own suite for the trouble so it wasn't all bad. To be honest she'd worried what would happen next but hadn't wanted to suggest this for fear they'd think she must not be ready to return home. Saying goodbye again and sending more love to Emma and Reva Dr Martin disconnected the phone call. Another draining experience Ava thought as she stood to open the office door to leave. "Ava in case I didn't say so I really am proud of you and I even think you were right about needing to go home now. Max has only been home for a day so it's good that you'll be there to help him get used to everything" Smiling Ava walked out the door but was still close enough to hear Dr Martin laugh "You didn't fool me. You didn't want to stay with him in the first place"


	6. Chapter 6

"Mommy when I get home will Max still be there?"

"Yes baby but I need you to remember to try and be quiet when you do get home. He's probably going to be sleeping"

"But he's always sleeping"

Natalia was going to pick up Emma from the schoolmate's birthday party instead of Jane mostly because the two hadn't been able to spend much time together since the woman started taking a move active role in the Beacon's operations. It would give the two time to reconnect completely independent of Natalia's and Olivia's budding relationship. The few months that Olivia and Emma lived at the farmhouse when she recuperated from heart surgery were some of the happiest since childhood. Emma was always suggesting that the Beacon was vastly inferior as a home than the former place. To tell the truth it would be an absolute fantasy for Olivia if she would recreate that special time for them both. However even if Olivia could get the invitation extended again it was impractical. She and Natalia were just feeling their way around how an 'us' affected an already established 'them' not to mention the pressure of making it all fit for Emma. Thinking about it was just an exercise in torture because now Olivia had two very big complications to add to the mix, Max and Ava. Which was another reason Emma and the Latina were together, today she was getting her suite further set up for the needs of a two month old. He was still well below the weight of the average 2 month child but he was worlds away from the fragile 3 pound newborn.

Yesterday Max had his own cheering section when they finally brought him home from the hospital. Of course Emma, Natalia and Reva were on hand to assist Olivia and Jeffery but Remy and Mel were there as well. It was still difficult to see the man near Max not knowing what his ultimate agenda concerning the boy was. Sure Remy was his father but there wasn't anyone on earth she'd allow to threaten her family, paternity be damned. The only tie that truly bound was Max's to the Spencers as far as Olivia was concerned. The nurses had been preparing the grandparents for weeks on what to expect when the Max was safely at home but Olivia found the fear almost overwhelming. What if he got sick and how would she know how to keep him safe? He was the most important responsibility she'd ever had other than Emma because how could she explain herself to Ava if something should happen.

The first time she held him and looked into his rich brown eyes Olivia was amazed by how in tune he seemed to her. The nurses station was still filled with the blue and yellow balloons Jeffrey delivered to commemorate Max's 30 days of life. He had even had a very large chocolate cake which was a bit much considering the boy wasn't even on solids yet. Because of Ava and for her own sanity Olivia did her best to put the circumstances surrounding their daughter's birth behind her. Yet there were sometimes when he walked up behind her unannounced and she got a whiff of his scent or when he laughed hard or groaned the memories became so vivid that it shocked her. It was almost as if she could still feel his weight and hear his strains and it was all she cold do not bolt away in fear. But that day she saw him standing looking like he was about to perform surgery or isolate some dangerous virus surrounded by half filled and slowly sinking balloons the hurts that she'd tried a lifetime ignoring healed and eased. She finally saw what drew Ava to him despite her feverish warning. And looking at his smile she could see why Reva could fall in love and keep holding on. One day it would never be a doubt and one day the fear would disappear entirely but until then looking at him and Max kept the horror at bay.

"We should be back before noon"

"What? We who? What the hell are you talking about I thought you were coming with me to pick up Ava tomorrow?" Olivia said suddenly standing up as she tried to feed her grandson. For some reason the boy wasn't in the mood to be bothered. Normally he was completely perfect and only cried if he was starving or extremely wet. He didn't demand to be held and was equally content to lie alone and supervise everyone's activities. She was halfway wondering if the boy had any Spencer in his at all he was so easy going that is until today. For some reason he didn't want the bottle even though it was ten minutes past his feeding. But he wasn't even crying. He was throwing a bitch fit that both she and Ava could be proud of. It was only after she realized that she'd switched back to a nipple she'd discarded thinking it too worn that he relented and happily ate. "Don't you think it's a little too early for you to be having a power trip?" she asked him as he looked up at her slurping away. "Apparently not"

He was fed, burped, changed, and almost off to sleep when Olivia's blackberry vibrated. Maneuvering him around to inspect the caller ID she knew it was too early for Emma and Natalia to be back. They were going to eat dinner at Company and catch a seven o'clock show and it was barely past six. "It's grandpa" she whispered to Max as he clung to her smacking his lips silently. She'd almost had him down in his crib before Jeffery shocked her and she almost woke the boy back up with her sudden movements. As soon as she got Max settled and closed the bedroom door behind her and rubbed the bridge of her nose. If this son of a bitch was backing out on picking her daughter up on one of the most important. "I'm going to kill him" she said again before bringing the phone back to her ear. "What are you talking about? I thought the plan was for us to pick up Ava tomorrow so that"

"Yeah sure that's the plan but I thought maybe it might be better if you stayed since Max"

"Are you insane?"

"Reva is going to be going with me so"

"I don't give a damn what Reva does. I'm not going to put my child's heath in Reva's hands. I don't care that you two are playing house now. My daughter's wellbeing is none of that bitch's concern"

"Jesus I was just trying to make this easier for you since you're taking care of Max. Excuse me for trying to be supportive and"

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of both my daughter and my grandchild so if you want to ride with Reva and I meet you there that's fine with me"

"I never said that you weren't. I was just trying to help. They just don't belong only to you you know. I'm a part of their family too"

"Oh believe me I keep trying to forget" and as soon as she said it she knew it was the wrong thing because she wasn't trying to hurt him. Hurting and punishing him only hurt and punished Ava and her oldest child deserved so much more than that from her mother. "I didn't mean"

"It's okay"

"No it's not. Christ I'm sorry okay. Max was fussy and I still have a desk filled with papers I haven't gone over but I wasn't trying to"

"It's okay" and it was only when she heard his sarcastic chuckle did she know that it really was "Who would have thought the two of us would be sorting out a grandkid"

"I had planned on making Emma sign a contract expressly prohibiting that word until I was too senile to even care" Olivia laughed.

"So we meet at the airport?"

"You don't have to wait on me I can"

"No that's okay I can"

"No actually you can't. As much as I would like to say that I'm okay with what Reva did I can't and riding two hours in a cramped plane isn't going to make that any easier"

"She only did"

"Yes I know and I'm sure someday I'll get past it and see how much her talent as a nosey loudmouthed bitch is a blessing but right now"

"No it's cool I'll fly with you. Alone. Reva thought that you might not be up to her tagging along but I wanted to give it a try"

"Nice work. Almost got your tongue ripped out of your throat through a blackberry for the trouble" They teased each other for several minutes more about changes they had to make now that they were officially the senior generation but cut the conversation short fearing the feelings that always lay below the surface would erupt. By the time she had to feed Max again she'd finished four of the five reports and returned seven of the ten calls that Greg threw in a pile titled "No Later Than Close of Business" Sitting on her bed going through emails as she ate chili cheese fries and a chocolate shake Max lay next to her watching in calm admiration.

When the boy was first free from the machines and Plexiglas case he was so calm and quiet that Olivia was afraid that he might be deaf but in time she noticed that he was just selective in granting his attention. With Jeffery he smiled and laughed although everyone including her insisted to the man that the child was too young to do it, he did. O'Neil walked into a room and Max's gums were on quick display. With Emma Max was a whirl of activity, as much of a whirl as a 2 month old could be. He reached for her and grasped at her and when she held him he bounced and rocked back and forth. It was only the fact that Emma's strict rule was to hold him only while sitting and leaning back against the support of a bed or chair that he wasn't dropped. Natalia had been coming with her to the hospital nursery during most lunches and Olivia was very glad that he was still a minor. It was definitive evidence that he was a Spencer because every time the Latina held him he batted his eyes and cooed. "The little punk is trying to steal my girl" Olivia laughed as Natalia swatted her arms. Of course he was she thought Spencers have excellent taste.

With everyone else even freaking Reva Max gave some sort of outward sign that he was engaged but with Olivia he was strangely silent. Witnessing his actions and reactions to everyone Olivia began to feel a strong sense of rejection. He doesn't love me. He knows that I'm not a good person she sighed to herself. So deep was her shame that she couldn't even mention it to Natalia although the other woman often tried to cheer her up after visits by kissing her and repeating "He'll be home soon sweetie" and was dreading taking him home before she heard a nurse's casual comment as Olivia was arriving later than normal. "Thank goodness you're here" the young lady said

"Oh God did something happen?" Olivia gasped standing in the middle of the hall as the blood drained from her face.

"Gracious no. I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you I was just joking. Your guy has been in a mood for the past hour waiting on you"

"What?"

"Don't tell me you don't know?" Then the nurse proceeded to inform her that the normally serene and calm child turned mercurial and irate when Olivia wasn't there on time. Olivia of course thought it was just one of the things the staff said to make the family feel better but then several of the nurses and even a doctor added in on the discussion. Olivia was told how he would react from the moment he could sense her in the room and from the cameras she saw his eyes and head turn immediately towards her each time. It was only with her that he actually got upset about being laid down. She was the only one he ever demanded hold him and would cling like a limpet. Then she knew. He was not only in her heart and mind but also in her soul and forever would be.


	7. Chapter 7

Sitting in his car waiting for Reva's manicure to be over Jeffery thought about his last conversation with his daughter. She'd called him out on setting her up and he couldn't even deny the charge. As good a liar as he was by profession and by talent he'd vowed never to used that skill on her. Every so often he made himself promises to eat better or exercise more or finally read War and Peace but they were all discarded without a second glance but to her he owed not only his best but his greatest potential. So after she'd cursed him and called him out he listened to her mumbled fears as he kept his own silent. Ava wondered aloud what kind of mother she would be and the possibility of Max later rejecting her for her abandonment and he held back even darker worries. What if the medicine didn't work and she never felt connected with the boy? Were they expecting too much too soon just because they missed her? But the ache that kept his awake nights and couldn't even be thought without physical pain was his beautiful grandchild dying. If that happened not only would Ava be destroyed but their entire family. In two short months of life the boy was as much a part of him and Olivia as Ava was.

It was the longest conversation they'd had since her hospitalization and for the first time it wasn't totally one sided. The day he'd dropped her off he could tell that Ava had already dismissed him even before she walked into the front door. She was so quiet that he had watch for the rise and fall of her chest just to assure himself that she wasn't dying. That's how it felt when he handed his baby over to complete strangers and drove away. He was her father and he was supposed to make everything right. It was in his fucking job description. But instead of kissing her tears and banishing her monsters away he'd driven her 200 miles away and entrusted her to witch doctor, spells, and potions. Two months seeing her vacant eyes and hallow stare every time he closed his eyes and now she was coming home. Now there more things to lose sleep over.

"Ava maybe you should think about this some before"

"Dad, I have thought about this. That's all I've been thinking about other than Max"

"Ava this isn't something you can take lightly. This decision will affect you and Max for"

"Yes that's who this is all for, Max. I can't just pretend that Remy isn't his father. I can't just lie and"

"I'm not asking you to Lie Ava. I'm saying that right now isn't the time to be considering something this serious. Listen right now your primary concerns should be getting home to your son and getting better. That's it. This can wait"

"Dad I'm not going to keep Max from his father. You of all people should understand that"

"I'm not saying that you should but I don't think that you should be considering joint custody. Ava please just listen to me baby please. I will always have your and Max's best interest at heart. As your father but more importantly a lawyer I know"

"No, no. Can you just listen to me please. I love that you want to protect me and Max I really do. It's one of things that I love so much about finally having a father. But can't you see that Max deserves that too. Think about the relationship we could have had if"

"Don't! This isn't even remotely the same thing"

"I know that! This is a buttload less complicated. They can have everything we didn't. I don't want to be the one who stands in their way"

"Fine but what about visitation or" but he stopped when he heard her sad sigh. He knew he was going to do it for her even before he'd started his arguments against it. Since he'd known Ava even before he'd realized she was his child he hadn't been able to defend against that soft sigh. Either he did it or she would find a lawyer who would. Shit. "You're telling Olivia about this" he said as she laughed. He would die for her but there was no way in hell that he was dropping this bomb on that woman especially since he had to travel alone with her. There were way too many places to conveniently hide an unwanted body as far as he was concerned.

So after sending his love he'd called several family law colleagues to create the best situation possible for his daughter. Neither Ava nor Remy were lawyers and he thought Remy respected him enough to sign whatever he placed in front of him. There was a huge part of him that considered drafting a contract so full of back doors and double speak that even Mel wouldn't be able to figure it out and no one would ever know unless Remy attempted to sue for more rights. However the act would lose him a friend and partner but most likely Ava would eventually forgive him and might even belatedly thank him. However Ava had already learned a lesson that had taken him much longer to master. Ava wanted to give Max only the best of herself and that meant recognizing Remy's rights. So he would give his best to them both but heaven help and hell protect Remy Boudreau if he tried to screw over Ava.

"The time isn't going to pass any faster just because you keep checking your watch every minute" Olivia growled not bothering to look up from her computer. They were in the Springfield airport lobby waiting on their flight to Chicago. It was less than a 45 minute trip and from the reports it was on time but for some reason he couldn't relax. Of course he was happy that Ava was finally coming home because he'd missed her more than he thought possible. The doctors were sending glowing reports and when they talked on the phone she had her sparkle back. She was better. For a while he wondered if she'd ever make a full recovery but she had. She'd gone to the brink and back but there were still so many things unresolved. "Will you sit down? You're making my head hurt just watching you. What is your problem? She's fine. She's back to her old self" Olivia said finally looking up from the screen.

"Yeah but what if"

"Jesus how can she get better if everyone is waiting on her to fall apart again" Olivia asked standing up and slamming the laptop down in her briefcase. "She needs us to believe in her. She needs us to trust that she can get through this and be the mother she needs to be to Max" she added standing behind him.

"That does worry me but right now there is something I want to tell you and I want you to promise me that you won't make a scene"

"What the hell are you talking about? What do you have to tell me? If you did something to talk Ava out of coming home today I swear to God I will fuck you" He pulled the woman away towards an empty hallway as people around started looking at them both with wide shocked eyes.

"Could you calm down. This is what I was talking about" he said as he rubbed his face. "Listen Ava was going to tell you this but I don't want her to have to deal with your reaction. So"

"What the HELL is that Supposed to Mean?"

"If you would shut the hell up you might know what I mean. Damn." How did I let you talk me into this he thought as he closed his eyes. "Now if you are ready to listen"

"I really don't like the tone your taking with me. I don't know who you think you are but"

"You know what Olivia this isn't about you so I don't care what you think of my tone. I didn't want to tell you this but I won't have you railroading Ava. She shouldn't have to deal with that on top of everything so I'll tell you." Now Olivia's normally vivid green eyes were flat with rage but she was silent so he continued. "Ava wants Remy to be a part of Max's life."

"Of course she does. It's not like she could keep it a secret from him for very long considering he's half black" Olivia snarked. "I was expecting her to let him visit Max every once in"

"No she wants him to have joint custody. She had me draw up a custody agreement"

Olivia's eyes were flat before but now they were red with rage. He could easily imagine little red and yellow flames licking her eye lashes so he braced himself from the verbal assault. His body tensed wondered how big of a deal security would make of throwing them both out. But she didn't say a word. She cocked her head to the side and studied him as if he'd suddenly sprouted antlers. "What did you say?" she asked calmly in a low voice. "I couldn't have heard you right?"

"Olivia"

"You couldn't be telling me that you've helped that bastard get rights to My Grandson! Have you lost your mind? Do you need your own vacation at the hospital"

"Don't you dare make fun of Ava"

"I'm not making fun of her I'm insulting You! How could you? You're supposed to protect her. You're supposed to protect them both but now that Remy"

"Do you think this is what I wanted to do? If I didn't she would have found someone else" he shouted at Olivia's turned back. "She wants the best for him. She wants him to have what she didn't have"

"If that" Olivia ground out through a tightened throat.

"He knows exactly what to expect if he ever uses this against her. I've gone in great detail about my past work with the state and the justice department. He knows I would make his life a living hell if he even bring Max an hour late from a visit" taking a risk and placing his hands on Olivia's shoulders he softly whispered "She wants to get it right for Max Olivia. We have to let her try"

He had a splitting headache by the time they touched down and the thought of the 20 minute drive to the hospital made his groan in agony. Olivia hadn't said a word during the entire flight and spent her time gazing out the window. The sky was overcast and it looked like they were flying through grey sheets of endless clouds. She didn't speak but the tense expression on her face didn't need to be explained. She was scared. They both were. They were scared of something and everything going wrong. But mostly they were afraid of not being enough for Ava or Max. He took her cold and clammy hand as they rode in the limo and she looked down at the hand and then up at him in surprise. Jeffery didn't touch her. Not since learning the truth his treatment of her was always calculated and deliberate. He always considered what his actions might evoke in her whether fear or disgust. Yet when she looked at him and responded to his forced smile he could tell himself it would be alright. It had to be for all of them.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mom, are you sure you want me to move in with you? I mean I know I might need a little help but I could hire a nanny if" Ava asked last night as she talked to her mother. They loved each other that much was obvious to anyone who was around them for more than five minutes. Yet they also got on each others nerves than anyone else ever could. That worried her and the small fact that they'd never lived together alone. Sure Olivia moved in with her and Bill but there were so many other people there, assorted servants and Dinah, that it wasn't intrusive at all. Olivia was just one of the many mired in chaos but this time would be different. There wouldn't be ten different buffers to filter their aggravation and irritation through. She would hate to think her mother would regret extending the invite and maybe she didn't want Ava there at all? What if she was only suggesting living with her out of guilt? Yes Ava was going to be in her own room but she had a feeling that the separation between them was going to minimal if Emma had anything to do with it. Wouldn't it be better to just get on with it and move on her own with Max? But the thought of him brought another level to her stress.

"Nanny? Why would you need a nanny when you have me right down the hall?"

What if Olivia only wanted her along so she could stay connected to Max Ava thought becoming a bit ill but tried not to veer off into irrationality. "Mom I really appreciate you taking care of him for me but I know I can't depend on that forever. You have enough to deal with without taking on my responsibilities."

"The only thing that matters to me is taking care of you, Max, and Emma. Let me worry about the rest"

"Mom the Beacon is"

"The Beacon is surviving and doing pretty well thanks to Natalia so don't worry about it"

"You shouldn't have to rearrange your life to fit around me and Max mom and I don't want you to anymore" Ava said as her voice became hard with tension. She knew better than anyone how important the hotel was to her mother and how the woman had driven herself t create a better life for herself since leaving her small island. If Olivia lost the Beacon because of her. No. "Mom I just don't want" she tried again with a calmer voice before being cut off abruptly.

"What's going on Ava? What's all this about"

"Mom you said yourself that you are depending on Natalia to run your baby for you. I know how that must be killing you. The hotel is your life. I just don't want you to look back and resent"

"Resent what? Taking care of you and Max? Do you actually think I would regret that?"

"Mom I know you wouldn't regret taking care of us but I know you how much you love the Beacon and it would kill you if it failed because you were distracted by my craziness"

"First of all I don't ever want you to refer to yourself or my grandchild as craziness. Second yes I love the Beacon but not nearly as much as my family. If it blew away in a tornado or burned to the ground yes I would be sad and hurt but not nearly as hurt if I thought I wasn't there for you as I should be. As I want to be Ava." She heard Olivia say in her no nonsense fashion. Then there was a long a weighted pause before Olivia start again with some hesitance and insecurity. Two things she'd never associate with her mother. "Do you not want to stay with me Ava? I know that we've had our issues but I was looking forward to you being right down the hall and making up lost time. I thought you might be too"

"Mom, its not that. Its just. Well what if we hate living together" she had to take the phone from her face to wipe away her falling tears and started again in a very small voice. "I'm scared that we might hate each other again. I don't want to lose you too"

"Baby you can't lose me I swear. Of course we are going to get on each others nerves. Hell sometimes I want to ship your sister off to a European boarding school and have to keep telling myself only nine more years when Emma gets in a mood but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I want that for us too. Please" Olivia never said that word and the fact that her proud and independent mother would pled with her touched Ava more than she could express. They both shed several tears by the time the call ended but as it grew later in the morning Olivia begged off the line but warned her daughter they had a very important conversation soon but refused to go into details. Olivia only asked that she keep an open mind before the line went dead.

All her bags were packed, all the release papers signed and she'd already made appointments for the next month with a doctor right outside the city. Ava was sitting on her bed in her tiny room with the door closed waiting for her parents to come. There wasn't anyone she wanted to say goodbye too especially since everyone had been looking at her as if she'd lost what was left of her mind. Everyone shook their heads in silence wondering how long it would take before she'd return just as lost as ill as she'd been two months ago. It was exceedingly clear to everyone that two months was not enough time for a full recovery and Ava was tired of ignoring the pointed smiles. So she sat in her room with all her bags stacked by the door and purse in hand patiently waiting. Laura came by yesterday a few minutes before bedtime presumably to apologize but Ava thought it had more to do with gathering intelligence to gossip about during the next days groups. Her parents weren't arriving until eleven and there were two groups that Ava could have attended to pass the time but she knew herself well enough to avoid the temptation. It would be too easy to throw the biggest goodbye fit that the clinic had ever seen and it would have felt wonderful. There was no doubt in her mind that they would deserve it with all their veiled smiles and condescending tone but she respected Dr Martin way too much for that.

It was scary thinking about returning to Springfield and everyone's reactions. It was one thing to say go a little crazy but she had in fact lost her mind and it was never a sure thing that she'd get it back. Most times it was hard enough to keep her eyes from closing in agony and fear. When she left two months ago her body was bruised not only from her violent and premature labor but also with dying dreams and expectations. The moment she stepped foot off the plane everything she'd stressed an entire year trying to hold together would meet her head on. Two months ago she was Mrs Bill Lewis and mother of his future children but now she was a momentary lapse in judgment. She would be explained as nothing but a youthful indiscretion with a tramp from the wrong side of the tracks. Hell she hadn't even been smart enough to sleep with the right color man to make the plan work. She could imagine him laughing about the situation with friends years later as he drank. Her relationship with the man she'd loved more than any other would be filed under "wild oat" and that nearly broke her heart.

Playing with the absurdly large wedding ring set Ava thought about her eventual meeting with him once she returned. As ashamed as she was to have brought so much attention and embarrassment to Bill in a way she was relieved. He had not loved her and never would and he'd honestly told her as much Max just released them both from a lifetime of heartache. She wasn't looking forward to seeing him again but his face wasn't the one that left her gasping in fear.

By all rights Remy Boudreau should hate her with a burning passion and demand not only recognition of his rights but full custody. Ava would have used his son to trap another man in a contract marriage and if their positions were reversed she would be halfway to any country that didn't recognize united states extradition laws. There would be no one in the entire city that wouldn't think it was wasn't fair and just. There were probably hundreds of people that were lining up to tell the man just that. That he backed off from asserting his rights and allowed her father to step in when Ava ran away was a testament to the man not to their relationship. She'd thrown away his love and affection just as she had tossed Coop away when something better and brighter came along. It was only when things were going badly that she ever gave them a second glance. If it wasn't gold plated and diamond encrusted it didn't count as happiness in her book. But that was then. That was when just the thought of loosing Bill made her abandon her child but she'd changed. So as grateful as she was for Remy's love and concern he wasn't foremost in her mind either.

Jeffery was the only man that had never left her and never would. Even before they built their relationship he was always someone she could depend on without really analyzing why. Crystal Peralta raised her alone and while there were times that she'd wondered about her father she hadn't missed him. Her life with her mother was filled with love and support and she'd never needed or wanted more. It was only with Crystal's death that Ava considered having a man to give her away at a wedding or teaching her how to drive but mostly she'd ached for her mother. She still did but the ache eased and didn't seem so raw anymore. Olivia told her soon after discovering their link that her father committed horrible and heinous crimes and at the time she'd thought the spew of hatred was intended only to cause her pain. Yet even now so many years later it was hard to recreate that frightful scene. Jeffery had only cared and protected her even before they'd realized it was his obligation. So holding her head in her open hands she wondered if Jeffery could forgive her for not giving Max what he'd always given effortlessly.

"Do you mind if I come in" Dr Martin asked from the doorway. Looking up Ava could almost imagine situations where their shared past could be overcome and some type of future created. Intellectually she knew that Dr Martin would never be her friend and she could never invite the woman down to Springfield to spend a few days relaxing at the Beacon. Ava was her patient and the doctor must have hundreds of love sick head cases running around trying to build on the illusion of transference. But it didn't make it any easier and she would miss the doctor's smile more than she was comfortable admitting. If it were anyone else Ava might have reacted with anger and rebellion since she knew her attraction couldn't be anything but obvious to the other woman. How dare the bitch make her fall in lust with her knowing full well it was just a figment of her unconscious mind she might have thought. However there was something about the other woman that made you look past even that. This is going to be harder than I thought Ava mumbled to herself.

"Excuse me? Is there something wrong Ava?" Dr Martin asked coming into the room and placed her hands on Ava's shoulder.

Standing up Ava shook her head trying clear it. "No. I'm just starting to nod off I guess. My mom called about thirty minutes ago and said they were on their way.

"Wow. So I guess this is almost the end of your lovely stay at Basset" Dr Martin said flashing a bright and expressive smile Ava's way. Laughing to herself Ava tried to tell herself that the other woman wasn't just talking to a patient. She tried to believe that the other woman actually looked forward to their meetings and would miss Ava just as she much as she missed the doctor. It wasn't easy though. She's probably just double checking some list so if I off myself in a few days she won't get sued Ava thought with a sigh. "Hey what's going on here? I thought you were so ready to go home that you couldn't even attend one final stress management session" Dr Martin asked as she was sitting down on the bed. Shit. There is no way that I'm going to start crying and become a basket case right before I get out of here. "Ava?"

"What? I'm not allowed to feel a little weird about leaving? I mean yeah I want to go. I miss my life and I want to be the mother that Max deserves"

"But?"

"But. But I was safe here. If I had a bad day I just bitched to you and hid under the covers but once I leave here"

"Hey you aren't going to be all alone out there Ava. Your mother and father will be there to support you. And I truly believe that you and Dr Richardson will be able to work through whatever issues that might arise"

"Sure" Ava said and then walked over towards her bags to resort through them.

"Is there something else you want to talk about? If something is bothering you?"

"You know what it's not your job anymore. If I have anything to work out I'll just have to write it down for my meeting with the doctor next week."

Getting up Dr Martin walked towards Ava "Hey" but once it was clear that the other woman wasn't going to respond she touched her arm before continuing. "Hey Ava, yes you are going to be working with someone else. Someone that I picked because she and I have similar styles by the way"

"It's fine I should never attempt to have conversations after skipping a meal" Ava laughed trying to forestall whatever the other woman might say in response. The last thing she needed was Dr Martin not thinking she was ready to go home. "I'm sorry"

"You do know that you can contact me if you ever get in crisis. I'm not abandoning you I just think that"

Oh Cripes this cannot turn into a mini session Ava thought and almost made a comment just to distract the other woman but as she looked into the blue eyes she found herself doing the unthinkable, telling the truth. "I guess I'm just going to miss you"

"Ava I will miss you as well. I have really enjoyed our sessions. I don't think I've ever laughed as much at work before"

"So maybe you should be paying me?"

"Yeah right. Anyway its fine to miss each other but this is what's best right? You still want to go right"

"Yes! I'll miss you but not enough to stay here" Ava laughed and watched the other woman nodding in agreement before sighing again.

"What?"

"You know me better than anyone in the world. I mean I feel like you're my best friend. I mean I know that you aren't. People probably say this to you all the time and you have listen to my blah blah blah yada yada yada. I know that this is just a job and you can't be friends with your patients but I'm going to miss talking to you everyday"

"You're right I can't be your friend but there are so many patients that I have counted down the days until they left. So trust me when I say that I don't tell everyone I'll miss them. Helping you was my job but getting to know you has been my pleasure. I will see you at our final meeting when your parents arrive"

Two hours later Ava sat in first class holding hands with her parents as she sat between them. Olivia was the first one through the door and the older woman pulled Ava into one of the tightest hugs she'd ever been blessed to have. Her mother's head fit easily in the crook of her neck and she was mildly surprised to feel wetness seeping from Olivia onto her skin. After holding her for several minutes Olivia took her face in her hands and kissed her forehead, eyes, and nose before giving her a final kiss on the lips. The blatant intimacy from a woman who had once considered her an enemy startled her and her own tears sprouted. Looking up into Jeffrey's eyes over Olivia's head she saw his soft and easy smile. It was the smile she gave him his first father's day gift, open but shy. Olivia refused to give up her place but did relent to stepping to the side as her arms wrapped around Ava's waist. Jeffery hugged her just as hard and spilt his own tears but laid his kiss tenderly on her temple.

The three of them talked for an hour with the doctor and at times Ava had to hold back from screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs. From the amused sparkle in Dr Martin's eyes she could tell the doctor knew just how close she was from throwing a fit. They were talking about her as if she weren't there or as if she were some retard they had to manage but she kept reminding herself that they were just worried and that worry would ease in time. Going off would only make them more concerned and after a while she just concentrated on how cute Dr Martin was since everyone was ignoring her although she was the fucking patient.

Jeffery left as soon as they got to the airport and promised to check on her and Max later in the day. Leaning the passenger seat back and covering her eyes Ava could feel her mother analyzing her. "Just say it" she said without any heat or irritation in her voice. It was easy because she didn't feel anything but ready to start the rest of her life. Yes she was worried about Max and she and Olivia had spent much of the past two weeks discussing these in depth but for some reason she knew Max wasn't her mother's concern. "Mom you can tell me anything. What's up?" Ava asked turning her head to the other woman and felt Olivia griping her hand. "Mom?"

"There is something I didn't want to talk to you about over the phone. Something that I hope doesn't bother you because since you and Max are going to be so close"

"Okay?" Ava said raising a sculpted eyebrow "so?"

"Ava I'm. I'm. Well. Okay so"

"Mom just tell me Jesus. What happened to the woman who blurted out she was dying while I was getting my nails painted" Ava joked trying to put her mother at ease.

"I'm in love"

"Oh. Okay? So whose the new guy? Or is it one of the old guys? Is that why you're so nervous because you're going back after Josh?"

"No. No"

"Okay, Jeffrey?"

"Hell NO!" Olivia yelled cutting her eyes at her daughter with visible heat.

"Fine then who? I mean who else could make you so nervous except" and then Ava raised her seat and pointed an accusing finger at her mother "Oh My God You and Remy!"

"What! You can't be serious?"

"Just because I don't want to continue a relationship with my son's father doesn't give you the okay to make your own move. At least I asked if it was okay before I started in with Bill. Jesus Mother!"

"Ava! AVA! There is no way in hell I would date much less fall in love with the father of my grandchild. What kind of person do you take me for? Fuck"

"oh. Well then what the fuck are you going on and on about. I don't care who you are in love with as long as they love you back and your happy. Goodness"

"Natalia"

"Natalia? Natalia Rivera?"

"Natalia Maria Rivera"

"Sweet Jesus"

"You're telling me"


	9. Chapter 9

She opened the door wide and stood by the wall and watched as Ava gingerly made her way through towards Natalia, Emma and Max. Natalia was holding the boy in her arms as he looked towards the sudden noise and Emma was so filled with energy she was practically vibrating. Only stern warnings and lectures on the importance of not overexciting Max kept the girl from running and yelling with joy. Ava moved towards the boy by instincts but just before touching him looked back to Olivia for reassurance. Softly smiling Olivia inclined her head and softly said "Someone has been missing his mommy" as she held her own breathe. Max went to everyone and had yet to cause a scene but none of the other nurses or doctors or even friends mattered only Ava. Of course Ava knew intellectually that it might take him a while to get used to seeing her as his caregiver instead of her mother but in her heart she needed reassurance that she had not destroyed their bond forever. Nothing her parents or doctors could say would allay that fear only her son so Olivia waited praying again for a miracle.

"Its like he knew you were coming. He kept watching the door" Natalia said and moved the boy so that he sat higher in her arms. She and Olivia made eye contact and both knew it would be detrimental for everyone to put too much pressure on Ava falling straightaway into the mothering role. It hurt her more than she could stand looking at her daughter being so tentative. She wanted to take Ava and Max in her arms and promise that everything was going to be okay but unfortunately it wasn't up to her to make things right. Then she watched Emma brush a finger over Max's small hand and his fingers wrapped around hers. Jesus please don't let this have been a mistake. What if it doesn't work? What if it was too soon? Olivia thought over and over again as her eyes widened with fear. She was near hyperventilating and could sense Natalia trying to send her calming thoughts but it wasn't working. If I pushed her to do this too fast I will never forgive myself Olivia vowed. Tears were threatening to fall when she heard her youngest daughter whisper words of advise to her big sister.

"I was scared to hold him too cause he's so small but mommy lets me hold him when I sit down so he won't fall" She saw a smile slowly grace Natalia's face and felt one come on her own. Once again her baby was saving the day. Maybe one day she would live long enough to get the wisdom that her nine year old was born with and heard her oldest daughter chuckle and softly agree.

"I think you're right about that Em. Maybe you should sit next to me so you can teach me how to hold him right?" and then Emma did jump up and but quickly remembered and covered her mouth before the shout came forth. Olivia stood by as Natalia gently slid Max in Ava's arms and Emma coached Ava on where to place her hands and which parts to support. It would have been comical at a different time but at the moment it was all Olivia could do to keep the tears from falling. Her baby was home and she knew it was going to be a difficult road still but at least the family was finally reunited. She hadn't had a real family other than Emma since leaving the island but now she had more than she'd ever known possible. Watching Max studying Ava and Ava laughing at Natalia and Emma singing to Max Olivia vowed to protect them all with her life.

During Ava's sixty seven day stay at the clinic Olivia made a conscious choice to limit her conversations regarding Max to her daughter. First it was because Ava was so sick that Olivia could have reported he'd grown horns and turned blue and Ava's wouldn't have reacted with anything other than a muffled grunt. Then Max was so ill that Olivia didn't know if he'd make it from one day to the next and it seemed foolish to invest Ava anymore than necessary. In time she didn't talk because she didn't know what to say and didn't really feel it was her place to say anything. Other mothers might have told Ava how much the baby reminded them of her or explained how she'd gone through the same thing before things got better. But their relationship wasn't typical and Olivia could only pray that Ava wouldn't need twenty plus years to get over her ill will unlike her mother.

So after they'd arrived in Springfield and were sitting in the car stuck in traffic still twenty miles from their exit Ava turned towards Olivia with questions in her eyes Olivia's heart lurched in fear. For the past two years they had created out not only an understanding but also a loving bond that Olivia could barely remember not having. There was no way that Ava would cut her out of her life. They talked every day and she had even agreed to come live with her for God's sake but for the life of her Olivia was afraid. Afraid that Ava would return and discover that she was the real reason behind her daughter's malady. It was her fault. If she'd never thrown Ava away like garbage Ava wouldn't have that lonely ache that forced her 200 hundred miles away from Max. Tears came to her eyes without realization until Ava reached over and asked "Mom?" softly as she wiped them away.

"It's nothing" Olivia laughed and tried to look away. "Must be that time of the month" she tried to distract the girl with the radio. "I should have remembered to take my Midol"

Without taking her eyes off her mother Ava reached over and turned the radio off "Mom, what's wrong?" Ava asked.

"I told you I"

"Mom stop okay. Shit. I've spent the last month spilling my guts to a complete stranger so I think your daughter deserves a better lie than you're pmsing" Ava said with a sigh as she turned her head back towards her window.

"Ava" Olivia tried again.

"Its fine mom. Never mind"

Olivia started "No it's not. It's" but then broke off when the other woman didn't react. "Please, Ava I'm trying here okay? This isn't easy for me"

"And you think it's easy for me? Do you think any of this has been easy for me? All the times I imagined having a baby I never once pictured running away screaming in fear"

"That wasn't your fault!" Olivia said with so much heat that Ava turned back in shock.

"You mean that?" Ava asked with such a small and weak voice that Olivia could barely hear over the din of the traffic. "You don't think less of me?"

"Of course not baby. Everything about the situation was stressful and anyone in your position would have been overwhelmed. The only thing that matters is that you're here. You want to be here with me and Emma and Max now. You do want that right?" and then took her daughter in her arms as the girl nodded her head up and down in silence. The rest of the ride was in silence and it was all she could do to drive them to the hotel without wrecking they were both so emotional.

Eventually Emma got bored playing with the baby since his animation was very limited and instead began to questioned her sister in great detail on her long vacation. Olivia had only told the girl that Ava was ill and needed time to get better. The two went back and forth with the questions and answers and as Olivia led Natalia into the bedroom she heard Ava describing the lush gardens and rolling lawns of the hospital. "So how are you doing grandma?" Natalia as the door closed and her arms wrapped around the other woman's waist. It was only as she breathed in Natalia's fresh light scent that Olivia could allow some of the tension to leave her body. Every since Ava thought up this sprawling and out of control scheme to win Bill's heart she'd been waiting for the other shoe to fall. It wasn't that she didn't admire the younger woman's tenacity but from personal experience she knew it was never going to last but hoped for the best despite her fears. If it were in her power she would hand the entire world to her daughter just amend her own sins against the girl. But now that the truth was out she prayed that Ava was ready to finally walk away from all the scheming and deception. Neither Max nor Ava deserved a life like that.

"Actually I was thinking that he could call me mere or mama or fairy godmother, anything other than the G word" Olivia laughed as she kissed a sensitive spot behind Natalia's ear. When she heard a low moan she tightened her grasp and moved her lips along Natalia's chin and up towards her lips. They were right in the middle of a mini make out session when the door flew open and Emma sprinted through "Mommy I need the diapers. Max is wet" Although the girl had never seen the two women kiss much less deep throat Emma reacted as if she'd witnessed the scene a hundred times over and went straight to the baby bag and ran right out without looking back once. By the wide eyed and slack mouth of her eldest daughter Olivia knew the incident hadn't been as easily over looked. From the gasp she heard from Natalia she could only imagine what her own face looked like. But Ava covered her shock well and immediately started to tease Emma about who gots to change the stinky diaper. There were a few sidelong glances and sly smiles during their early dinner but Emma's chatter and Max's gurglings kept the conversation from becoming an interrogation at least for the moment but Olivia knew her reprieve wasn't going to last long. "So how do you and mom get Max to bed" Ava asked Emma as she led the girl away towards her suite.

"Olivia I am so sorry. I should have never" Natalia started before Olivia pulled her close and held her tight until the Latina stopped talking.

"Don't okay. I don't want to hear you apologize for something both of us wanted. Unless that is you regret us?" Olivia asked staring into the warm brown eyes. "Because if"

"Of course I don't regret us. Of course not" Natalia said as emphatically as she could. "I just know you weren't ready for Emma and Ava to know about us so soon. Especially since we haven't figured everything out"

Taking Natalia's face in her hands she softly kissed her and stopped the impending breakdown. "Obviously my kids know a lot more about this than we do cause I don't think they were the least bit fazed by us at all. And here I thought I was finally going to be a trendsetter. The first lesbian in the PTA and Bean doesn't even bat an eye"

"I just hope Rafe acts half as well as they did"

"Of course he will"

"I don't know Olivia his whole life he was taught that this type of love is a sin. I don't know if he will just over look"

"He might not understand and he might not even accept for a while but sooner or later he will. Because he loves you and how could he not. You are the best person that I have ever met sweetheart. Eventually he'll realize what you've been teaching me, that God is love. Even our love" Olivia tried to explain but watched as the woman slipped away and turned her back to hide her face in her shaking hands. "What?"

"As you told me the other day I might not be as good of a mother as I always tried to be. I mean he's in prison so I must have done something wrong. I must not have"

Yanking the other woman around and pulling her hands down to her side Olivia stated in as firm a voice as she could "Don't take seriously something I said in anger and fear. Natalia you are the best mother that I've ever met. I don't think I could ever give Emma half of what you gave to Rafe in your circumstances. Hell when I was in your position I chose to give my daughter away rather than deal with"

"Everyone deals with things differently Olivia you can't"

"Stop this isn't about me this is about you. How awesome a mother you are. How awesome a person and how much I want to spend the rest of my with you. No matter what Rafe or anyone else thinks. I don't care how long it takes to convince him we're made for each other. I will do whatever it takes for however long it takes just as long as I know you love me."

By the time they'd made it over to Ava's rooms arm and arm Max was softly snoring and Emma was halfway there. Ava looked up and smiled and Emma jumped up off the bed and towards Natalia and wrapped her arms around the woman but the nine year olds sudden burst of energy didn't fool anyone. "Looks like Max isn't the only one that's ready for bed" Olivia said as she brushed her hands through her daughter's dark hair.

"No mommy can we go to the farmhouse again?" Emma asked putting on her most adorable face as she looked up at mother and Natalia.

"Bean you know we can't leave now. The baby just got to sleep"

"But mommy"

Ava looked up and added "It's okay mom if you and Em want to leave. Max and I are fine"

"No that's fine Ava your mom has been looking forward to having her entire family here under one roof for a long while" Natalia said as she hugged both Emma and Olivia to her.

"Then why don't you stay too"

"Ava" Olivia started. What the hell was her daughter playing at. If she weren't completely shameless she might have blushed. But Natalia saved her with a soft chuckle and tip toed to kiss her cheek and then leaned down to kiss Emma. She walked towards the crib and placed a gentle kiss on the back of Max's head and then took Ava in an awkward hug before she lost her nerve. Emma still totally oblivious to Ava's match making chatted with Natalia as she walked her towards the room's front door. At first Olivia was going to get Ava a room on the other side of the hall but soon decided that having an adjoining suite would be best for the caring for the baby. Now however she was really wondering if her daughter was trying to insinuate something by the way she just invited Natalia to spend the night. Maybe Ava wasn't as happy for her as she first thought. Knowing that Emma was going to use the alone time with Natalia to her advantage Olivia tried her best to figure out what was going on. "What was that all about?"

"What?"

"What? I don't know how about you inviting Natalia over for the night?"

"You're upset about that?"

"I don't know what to feel Ava. I don't know what you were trying to do"

"I was trying to make things easier. I mean I know it couldn't have been easy to have a baby and a grade schooler around all the time. I was thinking maybe you and Natalia could use some alone time. I mean I didn't think you would get upset. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should just"

"No" Olivia said as she sat and rubbed Ava's shoulders to calm her down. "Hey I'm not mad. I'm not. I was just well I was confused that's all. I thought maybe you were being I don't know funny about her and me"

"No"

"I know that now baby. I'm sorry I doubted you"

"I just don't want to you waste your chance on love babysitting me"

"Hey Natalia knows how much this means to me having you here. And one day soon I do hope that we all can spend some time together but right now I'd much rather spend the night with my babies"


	10. Chapter 10

Laying in bed turned facing away from Reva Jeffery could tell it was going to be another sleepless night. He should be happy because everything he'd prayed and bargained with God for had come true. His daughter was well and Max was happy and both were safe at home. Everything was perfect he kept telling himself but it wasn't and it wouldn't be until she knew. He had no clear memories of the night that he and Olivia created Ava but his mind kept coming up with lurid and terrible scenes filled with tears and cursing. It was stupid really because he'd accepted everything and Olivia had even forgiven him but Max's birth had brought it home in a way that nothing had so far. When he saw Ava turn away from her son with visible disgust he could almost picture Olivia doing the same so many years ago. The pain that his daughter went through for the past two months was the same that Olivia suffered through except even worse. At least Ava had at one time wanted Max but for Olivia each fluttering movement brought pain, shame and fear. He did that and nothing he did now would ever erase that sin. So each night he spent what felt like hours under the hot shower spray trying to burn out the humiliation and corruption. And it was getting worse.

Before when Max was in the hospital Jeffery could mentally separate the past and the present. His practice, his relationships, his esteem were all tainted but for those few hours that he was holding Max that was all that existed. He was caring for his grandson and that's all that mattered. But beyond that his life was falling apart. Mel kept pestering him about his lack of attention to their clients and his lack of drive to win their cases. She would only be put off for so long before she demanded answers. As much as he was dreading that it was easier than the disaster that had become his life. The courtroom wasn't the only place that he couldn't perform. Two weeks ago he and Reva were on the brink of making love and just as he was about to enter her he realized with horror it wasn't working. So he faked a back spasm and for the past few days threw in a couple of headaches. He'd even started lying that he was working on a huge case but he could tell by the way Reva looked at him that she had her doubts.

He had to tell her. He couldn't create this perfect life that he hadn't even known he'd wanted with this black lie between them. The fact that she could recoil in anger and contempt were very big possibilities. Reva wasn't a woman who took kindly to someone who used people he warned his conscious. She won't be able to get past this. But in the next instance another voice spoke up and offered it was years ago. I was a kid even Olivia has forgiven me. Reva isn't the type to judge. Maybe not but is she the type to condone this he thought again. Jeffery might have gone on like that for several hours but he felt a cold finger poke his side and heard Reva's soft voice. "Why don't you just say whatever you have to say. The tension is rolling off of you in waves. Or go get drunk whatever but I need to get to sleep" she laughed trying to ease him into the discussion. He sat up and cleared his throat trying to prepare but reached over to stop her hands when she tried to turn on the lights. It had to be said but he couldn't do it looking in her blue eyes. That was just too much.

"I have to tell you something. Something that might change everything between us. I hope it doesn't. I'm not ready for us to be over especially over something that happened so long ago but I'd understand. It would hurt but I wouldn't hold it against you." and paused waiting and hoping that she would tell him nothing would change her feelings for him but she never did. Reva wasn't a liar and she wasn't a

bullshitter he knew it probably could change everything. "So you know that Ava didn't grow up with Olivia and I. And you know that I didn't know about Ava until she moved here" Reva took his hand and he clutched it to his heart and then kissed her palm soaking up her affection for as long as he could. "What you don't know is how she was conceived" dropping her hands he turned out the bed and faced away from her and placed both feet on the ground preparing himself to watch her walk out the door.

"I grew up in San Cristobal and my father worked at the embassy. He was an attaché for the ambassador and one day I was invited to a summer party. Olivia was there and I thought she was years older but she was just a little girl playing dress up. We danced and we flirted and then I took her upstairs to an office. We were both very drunk. We had sex and then I walked away and didn't look back. I paid my driver to take her home. I never gave her a second thought. But I didn't know that she was only 16 and had never drank alcohol before. I didn't know that she wasn't leading me on she was just drunk. I didn't take the time to realize she didn't want what I wanted. I raped her. I raped her and left her. Everything changed after that for her. She lost everything. I took everything and I didn't even realize how much I took from her. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He didn't look back but he could feel Reva coming forward and she almost touched him until she figured out where the story was leading and then she pulled back and gasped. He could feel the bed shake with her trembling but he didn't know if it was from fear or loathing. For several minutes she didn't say anything at all and just breathed deeply in and out. Then the bed dipped and he felt her move away. And he hoped he prayed and bargained again with God that she would come to him. That she would understand and take him in her arms and redeem him. But she didn't. She walked away and walked past him and never looked back.

Only his pounding headache from endless tears made it possible for him to drop into sleep but it wasn't restful. He forced himself to shower and eat but he his mind was on other things as his body went through the motions. It was a work day and he had things to do in the office and he got in the car with the intention of going to work but he before he realized it he was at the Beacon. Looking up towards Olivia's and Ava's rooms his heart contracted painfully. He couldn't absolve himself and he couldn't runaway. His healing and salvation lay with them but when he saw their blissful faces pulling open the door his heart broke. She'd gone through enough. Olivia had gone through hell then and had to wipe her mind clean just to get through it. And Ava? It wasn't her responsibility to make things right for him especially given how stressful the past year had been. He took in the two of them surrounding Max with such warm and giving love that tears flowed. So he put it behind a door in his mind and held it there and plastered on a grim smile because they both deserved better. They deserved the best of him even if his best was all gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Max sat in her arms and gazed up at her in rapt attention and couldn't even focus enough to eat his breakfast. It would have been hilarious if she weren't so terrified. The first time Ava held him it probably didn't register as a huge event for the boy who was used to being passed around to adoring fans. In the hospital ten nurses gushing over how beautiful he was a slow night. But the boy had gotten used to falling asleep and waking up in the arms of his grandmother so when Ava bundled him up and held a bottle to his mouth it was sort of a shock.

Ava held her breath and tensed her body in anticipation of his piercing scream. Of course he wouldn't want her and why should he? She'd thrown him away like a bloodied rag so why would he want her. So when the wail didn't emerge and he simply reached an impossibly tiny hand forward and grabbed at her face and began eating she let the tension filled breath go. She was so focused on his reaction that she missed the sounds of the suite door opening. Turning around she saw her mother standing in the doorway still dressed in her night gown looking at them both fondly. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to intrude but I thought I heard him waking up"

"It's fine mom. He just got up and he's eating like we've been starving him for days" Ava laughed.

"He always does that" Olivia said as she moved further into the room but still fairly close to the door.

"Then I guess it's a good thing I didn't plan on breastfeeding" Ava said as she turned back towards her son and stroked his cheek.

Getting off the sofa Olivia responded "I guess. I'll leave you two then" and made as if to go but when she reached the door she turned back towards her family with an after thought said "I'm so glad that you're home Ava and I'm so happy that you decided to move in with me even if it is for a little while" as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"We're happy to be here" and watched her mother walk out the door but before it closed shut she added "Did you want to hold him mom?" and watched as an open smile came to her mother's face.

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not" Ava responded as she gently slid the boy in her mother's arms. "Too bad I don't have a camera"

"Actually I've made appointments for the four of us to get some pictures taken next week. You can even ask Jeffery to drop by and get in some if you want"

"Are you sure?"

"I don't think I'll want one of him on my desk but no I don't mind. I know how much he means to you. To you both" Ava stepped back and watched her mother holding her son and was struck by how natural and right it all seemed. Less than five years ago she'd only had Crystal for family and was completely content with that and would have been for the rest of her life. But with in an instant a drunk driver had taken everything away and for a while she'd been so broken she didn't think she'd ever fully recover. Yet now to be there with Olivia opening not only her home but also her heart and family to her was nothing short of a miracle. They hated each other and Olivia had even hired a hit man to kill her but here they were. It was genuine but sometimes Ava had a hard time believing that it had ever been any other way. Her mother created a space in her life after everything that happened and it still blew her away. "You don't have to do that mom"

"Don't worry about it" Olivia responded without looking up from Max dismissing even the idea that she would risk injuring her daughter for even her own private fears. "This reminds me of taking care of Emma when she was a baby" and then she looked up towards Ava and cleared her throat before continuing "and it helps me to imagine how it would have been between us if things had been different"

"Mom don't" Ava said turning away and moving into the restroom. Ava couldn't even fathom how it would feel to be sixteen years old pregnant and alone. Without the beloved father who died years ago or even the a mother who used religion to hold you at a distance. When she first learned about their relationship Ava had spent many nights trying to imagine how it would feel to carry that burden for nine months looking forward to the birth pains as the only means of separation from a silent shame. There were nights she cried herself to sleep and could almost understand the pain that kept her mother locked in anger and rage. Only the fear of becoming just like Olivia made it possible that Ava could forgive her and finally make peace that Olivia would never love or accept her. It was funny because the moment she stopped demanding love and acknowledgement was just the thing that brought Olivia to her but never did she think they would be here. Never did she expect Olivia to love her or need her. That was way more than she'd even dreamed of. So to hear Olivia trying to pretend even for her, especially for her, that her pregnancy was anything short of a living hell was too much. Olivia had already done too much and Ava wasn't sure she'd live long enough to deserve it all.

"Ava what's wrong?" Olivia asked as she hugged Ava from behind. "Did I do something?"

"Mom how" Ava asked pulling away and shaking her head as tears streamed down her face.

Olivia asked "Baby please tell me what's going on? If I did something to upset you" as she moved in front of Ava and took her daughter's face in both her hands and bent Ava's head down to her own worried face. "Ava?" Hearing the panicked fear creeping in the usually stoic woman's voice left Ava even less able to respond . She yanked her face away and took Olivia in her arms and wept into her mother's neck. "Baby? It's okay Ava. Whatever it is I promise it's going to be okay. I'll do whatever it takes to make it okay sweetie" taking in Olivia's warmth Ava felt her body begin to relax and the tears began to slow and then stop. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

"I'm sorry for scaring you mom" Ava mumbled as Olivia walked them back into the bedroom. "It's just I know how scary it was for you when you were pregnant with me. I know how horrible it must have been to go through all that and then have to do it while taking care of your sister and brother alone." Ava explained with her head bowed unable to meet her mother's steady gaze.

"Ava"

"No mom you don't pretend for me and I'm sorry that I was such a selfish pig for so long"

"What are you talking about? Where is all of this coming from?"

"Me. From the moment that you told me you were my mother all I did was come up with all these childish and stupid demands"

"Ava I really don't understand why you're getting so upset. I'm going to call Dr Martin"

"Mom, I should have never demanded that you make peace with Jeffery and I should have never kept trying to recreate the Ava edition of Parent Trap. You deserved better than that and I'm sorry" Ava knew that she'd totally caught her mother off guard by the way her mother kept opening and closing her mouth without any words coming. "I'm not saying that I'm going to cut dad out of my life or anything but I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me and I'm sorry I didn't always understand that" They sat together in silence for several minutes wrapped in each other's arms watching Max playing with her toes and fighting sleep. Eventually his head dipped one final time and as soon as it did Emma bounced into the room and it popped right back up and his watery smile signaled that the power nap was officially over.

Olivia and Natalia watched Max while Ava had her first visit with her new therapist. She knew that it wouldn't be the same as with Dr Martin and she supposed she ought to give the woman a chance. It had originally been a ninety minute session but the moment she'd walked in the office she'd known it was a mistake. The other woman was nothing like Dr Martin and Ava couldn't force herself to fake it for more than an hour. It was no use because it just didn't work if it wasn't with Diane and it never would Ava said as she drove away. By the time she'd hit the highway she'd called the Chicago clinic and asked for her old doctor but had hung up before the woman got to the phone. What was she going to say? I miss you? I miss spilling my guts to your blue eyes? Yeah like she hasn't heard that a million times Ava groused to herself as she drove way. "Pull your head out of your ass Ava! She probably hasn't thought about you once" Ava repeated to herself over and over hoping to convince her aching heart to forget its misery.

She was on her way to her mother's office when a hand reached out and twirled her around. Her fist was balled ready to connect with the asshole who touched her before she stopped and saw Remy's beautiful smile. "Remy!" she laughed as she jumped into his arms and let him spin them both around in her mother's lobby. When they finally made it to the hotel's restaurant her sad and lonely feelings were almost gone and the smile on her face was almost real. Why couldn't she be smart enough to fall in love with someone like Remy? Why did she always run after the mirages insisting at the top of her lungs that they were real and only a few steps away. I will never learn she thought to herself as she listened to him go on and on about their son. Bill had loved Max and probably still did but for him the boy was a representation of all the things he wanted to claim and take as his own. As much as he loved the boy Max was just a living extension of Bill's agenda but for Remy the baby was all he'd wanted or needed. Max didn't have to do anything but be his son and Ava finally realized how she'd gotten something right. Remy would be the father that her son deserved even if she was too stupid to realize it at first. They talked more about the boy and arranged for visitations before the man practically floated off wrapped in joy. Fatherhood made him even more handsome she thought with a laugh as she walked towards their son.

Later that night as she watched her son sleeping and heard her mother and Natalia laughing through the adjoining door Ava pulled out her phone again and thought about the woman she'd left behind. "You are so stupid. Jesus, she was your shrink Ava she gets paid to pretend to like you. Christ what a dumbass" she said again below her breath trying to sway her wandering thoughts away from the other woman. She took the phone and almost turned it off completely to rid herself of the temptation when it rang in her hands. Max began to stir as she rushed to answer the phone "Yes?"

"Ava?"

Shit "Diane? I mean Dr Martin?" Ava thought in wonder.

"How are you and Max? I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time?"

"No" Ava said still in shock before she moved into the bathroom to figure this out. Maybe I should have wished for a million dollars. "We're fine. No you didn't call at a bad time. Is something wrong?" Maybe she feels the same way? Nah.

"I'm glad that everything is going well for you at home. I won't keep you long but I was wondering how your meeting with Dr Richards went today"

Oh of course. "So that's psycho babble for you already know how it went because Dr Blabbermouth already tattled on me. You just want me to tell you why"

She heard the other woman's soft laugh "Okay if that makes it easier for you" and felt her heart break a little bit more. Ava spent an hour trying to verbalize why she couldn't talk to a woman that reminded her so much of Diane but wasn't. The words kept raising to her tongue but she kept swallowing them back down. Last year she'd almost lost her sanity trying to make someone love her that couldn't. She wasn't going to do that again. There was too much to lose and her heart was just the least of it. So she listened and held her heart and hopes tight and kept telling herself these feelings would soon be over. In a few weeks it'll be over Ava said as she held back the tears.


	12. Chapter 12

Even with all of Natalia's help there was still a mountain of work waiting for her when she made it back to her office. Olivia had loved and even needed that time taking care of Max and Ava to begin healing old wounds but she was also glad to be getting back to work. Though now the hotel wasn't just a business venture it was her legacy to her children and grandchildren and everything took on a bit more urgency because of as well. Every customer and every project became further proof that family would never want again. She couldn't erase the twenty four years Ava had lived without her or diminish the hurt and pain she'd caused the girls since coming to Springfield but she could make their future as supportive and loving as possible. The only consolation she could get from their entire experience was the fact she'd made the right decision as a teenager even if it was made in anger. Crystal Peralta was the mother Olivia would never have been able to be. If she'd kept the girl would not have only grown to hate her but might even hate her still.

"Finally you brought those papers by I was wondering what was keeping you" Olivia said without looking up from another set of contracts. After signing her name she looked up in shock. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"Nice to see you too Olivia. I'm doing great by the way, thank you for asking"

"I'm not in the mood for games. So what do you want?" Olivia asked immediately walking over to close the door before turning back towards the man. "What are you after?"

"Jesus. You know there was a time that we loved each other. There was even a time that you considered me your best friend so what the hell is going on with you?"

"What's going on is you throwing my daughter out of her home and onto the streets a few hours after giving birth!"

"She gave birth to another man's child Olivia! What the hell did you expect me to do?"

"You knew he wasn't yours. You knew the day you married her so don't act like the aggrieved husband and father. You were just pissed he came out with black skin!"

"Don't you dare make this about that"

"That's sure the hell how it looks from where I stand"

"I can't win with you. First you don't want me anywhere near Max and completely out of his life as fast as possible and now you accuse me of abandoning him because of his skin. Do you even think about what you say from one minute to the next or does that even matter to you as long as you get what you want?"

"The only thing I want is to know what you're after. If you are to psychoanalyze me you can leave now"

Taking his face in his hands and rubbing his face Bill tried his best to salvage something from his relationship with his wife and sat down wearily. "I'm here to see how he's doing. I was hoping that you would let me see him" Bill said looking much older than he had a few seconds before.

"See who? You can't possibly be here to see Max?"

"Why the hell not? For over a year he was my son. He was going to be my first born and in a split second he was taken away. Everything I wanted and dreamed about was stolen away by that son of a bitch Remy. I lost my wife and my son"

"YOU didn't want your wife! You couldn't get back to chasing after Lizzie fast enough so don't you dare blame this on Remy or Ava. You spent your entire marriage figuring out ways to get her in your bed and my daughter out so don't you think I'm going to feel the slightest bit of sympathy for you"

"Obviously"

"Get the hell out Bill" Olivia said pulling the door back open.

"Olivia"

"Get out"

"Olivia he was my son. I miss him and all I want from you is to see him and a fucking picture of his smile so if that makes me a fucking bastard then fine. Fine. So can I see your grandson now please?"

"Do you think this is some joke?" Olivia asked stalking in front of her ex-husband in growing rage. "Are you trying to prove some point here? Because you forget I know you. I know that you don't look back once you've moved on"

"Olivia would you please"

"Do you even remember adopting Emma and promising to always be there for her and always love her and then as soon as you were finished with me you didn't give her a second thought. So don't play this game with me Bill Lewis I know you and I know exactly what you're all about. So get the fuck out of my office and I don't ever want to see you sniffing around my daughter or grandson if you ever have hopes of really having a first born anytime soon" Olivia's staff spent the rest of the day trying their best to avoid her wrath but it wasn't until her door was thrown open again that her day truly took a turn for the worst.

"Why am I going around the hotel trying to convince your loyal staff not to mutiny" Natalia asked with her hands on her hips as she stared at Olivia in barely contained frustration until she was suddenly swept off her feet and thrown onto the sofa into a tight hug. "Olivia I'm supposed to be in here scolding you for your bad behavior not cuddling with you on company time" Natalia asked laughing as she ran her fingers through the other woman's hair.

"I don't wanna" Olivia stated simply with her head tucked into Natalia's neck and breathed in her calming scent.

"You want to be more specific than that honey?"

"No" Olivia mumbled without lifting her head.

"You cannot keep threatening and yelling at the staff just because you're having a bad day"

Raising up her head Olivia growled "I'm paying them"

"You're paying them to do a job not to be abused" Natalia said talking over the other woman before she burst into giggles after Olivia blew her a very wet raspberry before tucking her head in her neck again. "So do you want to talk about it baby?"

"Not right now" Olivia said trying her best to concentrate her world the limits of the her girlfriend's arms. "What do you want me to bring over for dinner?" Olivia asked trying her best to forget the rest of the world. The two had been going slower than Olivia had even dreamed possible. She was new to the female dating game but she was pretty sure after a month and a half she should be a little farther than second base but the funny thing was having sex with Natalia was the last thing on her mind. Well not really. She thought about it almost everyday almost ever second but more than that exquisite pleasure Olivia wanted a life with the other woman and it if took six month to get to second and twelve to get to third she would happy just as long as Natalia was hers at the end of the journey. For now the two spent as much time as they could moving slowly forward and it was more than perfect in Olivia's eyes.

"I'm sorry baby I can't tonight"

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked pulling back to inspect her girlfriend. Ever since they'd expressed their love for each other the two had as many meals as possible together especially dinner. Because dinner lead to movies and snuggles and extended hugging and kissing so missing that opportunity was a huge bummer as far as Olivia was concerned.

"I decided that I'm going to tell Rafe about us. I'm going to drive to see him in a few minutes" Olivia could feel the blood draining from her face at the thought of everything ending once Rafe found out. It was too good to be true. She wasn't meant to be happy. It just wasn't in her genetic make up and these few weeks with Natalia were some sort of cosmic fluke. "Would you stop that. I'm not going to change my mind about us no matter what he says Olivia"

"You don't know that. You don't know how you will react when he makes you choose" Olivia said glumly as she pulled away from the comfort she'd almost thought was meant to be. Stupid me.

"There is no choice. I'm not choosing one way or the other" she heard Natalia say as she got up to stand by the bay window across the office and tried not to lean into the heat when she felt Natalia rub gentle circles across her back. "Olivia I love you and I love your family. There is no way that I could go back to it just being me and Rafe after I've had you and your girls"

"And Max" Olivia mumbled in despair trying to stop the tears from falling.

Natalia laughed and kissed Olivia's head and whispered "And Max" as she took the other woman in her arms and poured all the love she could into a single kiss. "Honey I've decided to tell Rafe about us because I don't want to wait any longer" and had to lean back quickly when Olivia's raising head almost struck her face. "I love you and I don't want to wait any longer for us to be together but I can't start something so important this without my son knowing the truth"

"But what happens if he doesn't accept us? What if he" Olivia whispered in fear before she was cut off.

"Nothing Rafe can say will change my mind or my heart. If he doesn't understand than I will keep working on him until he does but that isn't going to stop me from being with you."

"Then why can't Emma and I come over tonight?" Olivia asked in a small scared voice completely different from the take no prisoner CEO everyone else saw and feared.

"To tell you the truth I am expecting him to resist. He's been my world his entire life so I don't think he's going to be happy about me dating anyone"

"Especially me"

"Ah my love" Natalia sighed and kissed her girlfriend's temple "your right especially you so I don't expect to be in the best mood tonight when I get home. I don't want to put you and Em through that"

"We don't care"

"Well I do" Natalia tried again to meet the other woman's eyes before walking them back to the sofa and holding the other woman close again. "I want our next night together to be the start of our life together. I want to fully commit myself to you and I don't want that night to be about anything but the two of us and it won't be tonight. Can you understand?"

"So your saying that I'm about to get luck?" Olivia teased trying to bring a smile on Natalia's face before she left to face her son. The two spent several minutes more just mentally preparing themselves for whatever obstacles Rafe placed their way but confident that they would still have each other at the end of the ordeal. "Will you call me and let me know you're home even if you don't want to talk?" Olivia asked as she walked the other woman to the office door.

"Of course I'm going to call and I'm going to tell you what Rafe says. I just don't know if I will be in much mood to stay on the phone for long after he lays into me" Emma led her sister and Max into the office a few hours later to pull Olivia from her computer and the phone for dinner but she was too far behind to take more than three hour break before getting back to work. One of the man rules she'd made to try and create balance in her increasingly her hectic life was to leave work at the desk before she climbed out of her elevator to her pent house suite. It wasn't easy and there were plenty of times that she had to run back down stairs to finish one file or sign another contract but Olivia wanted her family to know that her time with them was important. The three of them were more important than whatever t didn't get crossed a few hours before. So when she looked across the room trying to figure out if she could finally go back upstairs to her babies the last thing she'd expected or wanted was Reva Shane bursting through her door. "What the hell are you doing here? You know what I don't even care why you're here. Just leave. I'm not in the mood so if you want to see Ava and the baby just go upstairs and get the hell out of my office"

"Listen you might be the big cheese around here but I don't take orders from you or anyone else"

"Well maybe you should. What the hell are you even doing here Reva?"

"Maybe if you would calm down you would find out hell. I swear I don't know what the Natalia sees in you."

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked with concern. How the hell did Reva know about her and Natalia. No one knew about them. They'd gone out of their way to keep things are "normal" as possible until Natalia was able to tell Rafe and if Reva knew then it might as well be the front page.

"How the hell someone as level headed as her works with a jackass like you is beyond me. I would have"

"What do you want!" Olivia tried again as she silently counted to ten but had to wait until the blonde closed the door, poured a glass of wine and then sat down at her desk. "Now that everything is to your liking could you tell me what in God's name has brought you here. Shouldn't you be doing something obscene with my latest ex husband?"

"Why did you do that? Why did you marry him?"

"Listen I don't know what the hells going on with you and Jeffery but if you think I'm after him then"

"He told me"

"Told you what? I don't have time for whatever game your playing. I already did this song and dance with you and Josh and I refuse to go through it with you and Jeffrey too if you can" Olivia said as she walked towards the door to open it wide but heard Reva say "He told me about you and Ava. He told me what he did to you. How he got you pregnant" and then turned around in shock. "What?"

"He told me. Almost a week ago he told me"

"So you're here because you don't believe me? You think I would make up something like that just to piss you off? You know what Fuck you"

"I believe you Olivia. He told me and I couldn't even bare the sight of him. He told me as we were laying in bed and I just got up and left and haven't spoken to him since" Reva said looking at her in wonder with the calmest voice she'd ever heard from the other woman.

"Why are you here?" Olivia asked trying to get her bearings. She didn't know why he would tell Reva something like that when it was all she could do to push it out of her head each time he was near. What the hell would he tell Reva of all people. "What do you want?" Olivia asked beginning to feel ill.

"I want to know how you could forgive him. I want to know how you could share your child with a man who would do something like that to another person. How could you marry him and ask him to help raise Emma with Ava after what he did?" Reva asked in a low tone.

"You're here to judge me? Are you saying I must have wanted it or"

"No I'm saying I know you. You and I are more alike than either of us are comfortable with so I know I'd sooner be on death row biding my time than have a man who did that to me anywhere near my children. So I'm asking why?" Once she heard those words Olivia could actually hear the other woman. All this time she'd still been expecting to be judged and viewed as the drunken slut who'd asked for exactly what she got. No matter that she'd come to realize it wasn't her fault in her heart she still expected condemnation especially from Reva.

"Ava"

"What about her"

"She's the reason. She hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. She loved him even after finding out what he did to me"

"But why would she"

"No! Ava had her reasons. She had plenty reason to choose him over me" Olivia barked turning away to clear her throat and her tears. "I wanted Ava and I knew I had to get past what he did. So I did for her. But eventually I forgave him. He isn't the same person he was before Reva. We've both changed because of her and Max"

"I don't know if I can be with someone who did that. I don't know if I have it in me to do that"

"Is that what you're here for? For me to tell you its okay to be with Jeffery?" Olivia asked with a raised brow.

"Hell no. I'm the first one to tell you when you're being a stupid bitch and I'll be the first one to tell you when you're" Reva pursed her lips in thought and laughed "not. So I just wanted to say that"

"Cool" Olivia said feeling emotionally drained as she watched the other woman walk out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

If there was anything positive about Reva walking out of his life literally and not looking back it was the fact that he'd become even more focused at work. Now instead of spending most of his time staring at the computer screen self loathing he was pounding away at long stretches at a time. Mel or their paralegal had to put food in front of him every few hours for fear that he would whither away. It was good for the practice and it was good for his previously expanding stomach but emotionally he was a wreck. There were many times that Mel shut the door behind her demanding answers but most days he wouldn't even look up from his keypad. The only time he somewhat resembled the carefree and funny man she'd met years ago was when Ava called. For the two of them he put on this show that everything was fine and he was perfectly content. There were times that Mel wanted to pull Ava aside and clue the woman in but there was too much of the oath of confidentiality in her and Jeffery was a good friend. So Jeffery spent long hours in the office before it opened and after it closed burying himself in the lives of their clients. He had not even considered contacting Reva because he didn't believe he deserved anything less than what he was getting. If anything he'd tensed in expectation of a swift kick or sound slap but the woman hadn't even thought him worth that.

"Hey Grandpa" He heard before he lifted his head in surprise and saw his daughter holding a smiling Max in her arms. "We came to see if we could steal you away for lunch?" Ava asked still standing in the door prepared to turn away if the answer was no. For the past two weeks she'd called several times trying to convince her dad to take a break but was turned down each time. He would take her calls and spend almost an hour each time laughing at her stories of Max trying his best to appear as if nothing was wrong but he just couldn't force himself into the outside world. Before he could respond Mel poked her head in the door to kiss her nephew and responded for him "He'd love to. I don't want to see you again for at least two hours." She said as she handed the boy back to his mother.

"Mel!" he yelled as she walked away. As much as he would love spending time with Max and Ava right now it would be just too easy for him to break the shaking façade. It was one thing to laugh and joke on the phone but it was a completely different thing face to face especially with such a nosey daughter as his. They had known each other only a few years and had only realized their connection an even shorter time but the girl was attuned to him like no other. It was almost as if she'd spent a lifetime learning his expressions and could spot even the faintest attempt to deceive. "Ava as much as I would love to spend a few hours with you and Max right now I have" he tried but knew he was sunk when she pouted her lower lip and looked up at him through her lashes. Christ.

"Dad, this is the first time I've taken Max outside of the hotel on my own. I was kind of hoping for some emotional support when I face everyone again." She didn't even have to throw in the quiet "please for me?" because she'd known he would do it before beginning. Maybe it was better that she hadn't been raised by him because he was sure he'd be in even more debt it he'd had to deal with this during her teenage and college years. He turned his back and pretended not to see the smile ghosting her face as he shut down his computer and shook his head at her as she wrapped her arms around him in glee. Instead he only said "Yeah yeah" as he held his hands out to take Max from her.

As they walked together through the town for several block towards a restaurant he began to notice the discrete glances cast their way. Some people didn't look seem a bit fazed but there were several that looked and then looked back again trying to tease out the connection between the three of them. Most people just looked confused but he didn't see any openly hostile stares which was good he supposed but it was still disconcerting. Would people look at his daughter and grandson this way forever? Would the two of them always be a spectacle. He looked towards Ava and saw how drawn her face was and felt how tense her body was as she held onto his arm. Trying to be objective he knew that even being twenty years older he could still pass as her husband but the little boy between them would look out of place. But he was his grandson and as he held the smiling boy Jeffery's smile grew thinking how beautiful they both were. Even if Reva never spoke to him again he had the two of them and that was more than he'd ever thought he could possibly have. Throwing his arm around his daughter he laughed and kissed them both and walked to lunch content for the first time in months.

When they reached a back booth he slid the boy back to his mother and watched the tension slowly leave Ava as she played with her son. "Does it bother you?" he asked as she settled Max with his bottle.

"What?"

"Does it bother you having everyone looking at the two of you?" he asked again trying his best to read her as well as she did him. He tried his best to be as unconfrontational as possible. He didn't want offend her and he was still a bit scared of sending her back to that bad place by being too rough but if it was going to be a problem it was best they work on it now because the issue wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

"Not the way you mean" she said without looking up from the boy. She was playing with him trying to get his attention off all the shiny new objects before him. Her voice was light but he could tell the tension was still there by the lines in her brow. "It doesn't bother me that people wonder what I'm doing with him. What bothers me is how they are looking at him. You know I never even thought about what it meant to be black even when I was hanging out with Remy. I was just so wrapped up in my own head not even caring what other people thought about the two of us. But sometimes I could tell that he would be uncomfortable sometimes when people stared but I still didn't really think about it" she said as she took the boy in her arms and kissed his head as he drank obvious to his mother's and grandfather's concerns. "Now it does matter. Now I worry if people are thinking badly of him just because he's biracial. I worry about how people are going to treat him when he gets older" Ava whispered with tears beginning to form.

"Baby no one is going to do anything to him as long as I can help it. He'll be okay because he'll be surrounded by people that love and support him" Jeffrey said as he stroked the boy's fingers as they wrapped around his bottle. "Anyway no one is going to be crazy enough to go against Olivia now matter what they believe" and watched as she begin to laugh and draw in a calming breath but he her anxiety got him wondering. For the rest of the meal he and Ava took turns eating while the other distracted Max from causing a huge mess when he finally realized what was different about the boy. When the two first came to the office he felt something was off but now holding him again as the boy tugged his tie he knew what it was. "You cut his hair" and watched as Ava's eyes went round and her mouth opened and closed.

"How could you tell?"

"It's like five inches shorter. Ava his hair wasn't this short the day he was born" Jeffery laugh as he ran his fingers through the silky curls.

"Oh my God you cannot tell mom. She will freak" she said with worry as he laughed out even louder. "I'm serious Olivia will have a cow if she realizes I cut his hair. But it was either that or braid it and I'm not known for my braiding skills"

"I would love to see her reaction to that. She'd probably sue for full custody"

"I told Remy to trim it when he took him yesterday. Trim. But when he brought him back Olivia was right in front of the door with her arms out demanding to look Max over before I even got to hold him. I was so scared that she was going to notice but she just shot death rays at Remy and walked back into her suite"

"You don't think she's going to notice sooner or later?"

"I can dream can't I" Ava said with a frown before she broke out a soft smile "you two look to good together"

"You know I don't have an updated picture of him. What kind of grandfather am I if I don't have the latest pictures. We should go out and take some" and watched as Ava nodded her head as she drank from her cup. "the four of us. I need some pictures of you and him to put on the desk" he finished holding the boy up. However when he placed the boy in his lap he saw a funny grimace on his daughter's face. "What?"

"Nothing. I think that's a good idea. We can make a day of it if you want breakfast, take pictures, and then do lunch or something"

"Yeah just ask Olivia when and we can set it up. We can even get Emma in on it" but saw the face surface again. "Ava what's wrong?"

Ava answered "Nothing dad" without looking at him.

"You don't want to take the picture?"

"No I do" she said and then looked up before looking him in the eyes. "I just think it should be of you, me, and Max that's all"

"Yeah but"

"Dad mom has already taken picture of us"

"When?"

"The four of us took pictures last week"

"Oh" he said as he looked down at the boy. For the longest time Ava had drawn her parents together despite their traumatic history even when he and Olivia thought it best to be apart but now it seemed the tide had changed. He shouldn't have but he considered the other woman his family and partner and had come to depend on her influence where Ava was concerned. Hell where he was concerned. Olivia had become closer than a friend but now it seemed everything had changed. "okay"

"Dad" Ava said softly as she moved to sit next to the two men in her life "don't think that this is Olivia's doing. She offered to have you there with us" and then he looked up sharply and asked "then why?" with a roughened voice before she continued. "Dad I just. It's weird. I know. I mean" she stuttered. "I feel like I forced mom to accept you. I made it seem like she had to forgive you or she couldn't have me. That was wrong. I shouldn't have made"

"So you haven't forgiven me"

"Dad, No" Ava said forcefully as she took the man in her arms. "I love you. You are the best father I could have ever dreamed of. You are everything I didn't even know I was missing. I love you dad and I love how great you are with Max"

"But?"

"But since giving birth to Max and going through everything I realize how difficult it must have been for her. How much I just took for granted when I insisted that she get past the. The rape. I just want her to know that I accept her regardless of however she feels about you. This isn't about me punishing you dad but about loving mom. I hope you can understand that. I'm sorry"


	14. Chapter 14

She woke again just before six am still amazed and positively appalled to be coherent and lively well before her usual nine thirty and the worst thing was that the alarm hadn't gone off and there wasn't a coffee cup in sight. "Sweet Jesus" Ava thought with increasing wonder "if I keep this up I'm going to put my body in shock from lack of caffeine" and then turned towards the crib expecting to see her son's smiling face. As yet there weren't many Spencer traits that she could spot in her son other than his dazzling smile and high cheekbones but one things she hoped would kick in sooner or later was the late sleeper gene. For the past month since she'd been home every morning she woke and turned around and stared into chocolate brown eyes patiently waiting to be freed from his crib, changed, and fed. Once she'd woken up at the God awful hour of five thirty just to catch him sleeping but the boy was smiling at her as soon as she opened her eyes as if to mock her attempts at catching him. After that she grudgingly accepted that having an early bird was to be her future burden. But this morning when she turned and didn't see Max laying on his back chewing his toes and fingers and smelled that glorious gift from all that was holy also known coffee she knew her mother and Max were sharing a grandmother and grandson moment.

When she first came home she was a little hesitant about living with her mother not only because they'd never stayed together but also because she was unsure of how to resume her role as mother to Max when Olivia had essentially been that since he was born. She knew that Olivia wouldn't stand in her way but she was concerned that it would be awkward and their always tenuous relationship would suffer. However from the first Olivia not only made her feel welcome and loved but also never passed judgment or made her feel like a failure. But Ava knew that it had to be hard for her mother to give up so much time with the boy. Sure they all basically lived together, only an adjoining door separating the two suites, but she wasn't the center of Max's world anymore and that had to hurt. So when she heard her mother discussing the merits of each certain mutual funds Ava laughed and gathered her things for her morning shower and thought about the drastic changes in her life.

"Ava you have to keep at it. I'm not saying that you should be in therapy for the rest of your life but for the time being I think it best that you stay in contact with Dr Richardson" she heard Dr Martin say over the phone one late night as she held Max as he slept.

"Why do I have to keep seeing her when I could just talk to you over the phone once a week and get much better results" Ava said with a sigh as she tried to lay her son down without him waking. He was an easy baby in almost every way and much easier than she'd even prayed but he was very very picky about his sleep. If he wasn't placed just the right way in the crib he woke up raring to go another eight hours not caring about his very tired mother's need for a few hours of sleep. "I mean she's the one getting paid but you're the doing the work"

"Ava, only part of the therapy involves us talking. The second and even more important part involves the doctor's observation of the patient. You can tell a lot from a patient's facial expression, their body postures, even the way they maintain eye contact. There are a lot of variables that I'm just not privy to over the phone especially how you're reacting to the medication. If she isn't the best fit for you I can help you find someone better suited" Ava heard the other woman say as she watched Max sleep. But they can't be you Ava thought with a sigh. They can't be you and you can't be what I need Ava thought as tears threatened to form. "Ava?"

"Did they teach you that in shrink school. Is that some kind of therapeutic technique to keep saying the wacko job's name when they are doing something you don't like?" Ava said in a perfectly serious voice knowing that the doctor would hear the humor behind the tone and smiled as the expected sweet laugh came on cue. At least I know how to do one thing right as far as you're concerned Ava thought again.

"No, AVA, they didn't. They taught us to use electric cow prods but that seems to have gone out of fashion" and then began talking about a new puppy that could use the instrument if he kept chewing on her brand new shoes. Nice Ava thought again smirking at how easily she'd gotten the other woman to peek across the normal parameters of their "therapy" session. For a few moments it was as if they were actually friends and Diane actually wanted to talk to her because she missed her instead of because professional concerned. But then groaned in frustration when she heard the doctor tone come back to the other woman's voice. "Ava, you really need to be engaged in your therapy if its going to work and you aren't doing that. I don't want anything to jeopardize your recovery"

"Why can't I just come to see you every few weeks" Ava asked again as the hated whine creped into her voice. I cannot be this needy. I'm a Spencer for God's sake. But it didn't stop her ache and it hadn't eased since leaving the clinic two months ago.

"I'm in Chicago and I have a full patient load here. It wouldn't be fair to you or"

"I don't care about fair. I don't want to talk to her anymore so if you don't want to be my doctor then I guess I just won't have one" Ava said knowing that she was sending up hundreds of warning signs to the doctor and as much as she hated it she couldn't get past the frustration. The last thing she wanted was to remind the woman of an out of control patient but that's exactly how she felt listening to Dr Martin refuse her. In the end they compromised Ava would continue to talk to both women but promised to meet another doctor for consultation.

When she made it out of the shower she heard her sister and mother playing peek-a-boo with Max. Emma had introduced the game to the boy a few nights ago and the boy was a mad fiend for it and giggled and threw his head back in fits each time as if he'd forgotten how great it was each time. Emma came over and gave her a hug as she gave her an update on the puppy status. Since Emma could talk she'd expressed a desire to have a dog to her mother and had been shot down each time for lack of time, space and supervision until she heard Ava innocently saying Max should have a dog and game was on. They had already decided that it would be at least another year before the idea could be seriously broached but that didn't stop Emma from cataloging and detailing each dog for a possible pet. Max was jumping in her mother's arms yammering trying his best to snatch her blackberry from her ear but was getting blocked at every pass. Her mother hadn't looked up once and only grunted when Ava said good morning. Screw Ava thought to herself.

Olivia had not spoken to her once since walking into her daughter's suite last night to greet Max after his weekly visit with his father. The older woman still didn't trust herself to be civil to the man especially since he'd gotten Ava to give him joint custody so when she came through the door she knew the man was gone but shock that left her mute, as far as her daughter was concerned. Ava knew she was in trouble when Remy walked in with the boy's hair not only trimmed but closely shaved to his head. Oh My Fucking GOD. Ava thought as she held the boy in her outstretched arms. Max was looking at her with his usual smile but was a little weirded out by the distance but Ava was more concerned with how to get out of the country for a few months without raising any suspicions from her mother. "Do you know what a trim is supposed to be Remy. I said a trim not a freaking hair cut!" Ava said with a hiss as she held the boy to her chest and rubbed his back.

"I told him to trim it but then Max sneezed and the guy made a dent so he had to even it out"

"Great blame the this on the baby" Ava said as she pushed the man out the room. It was going to be bad and having Remy there when her mother came in the room was just asking for trouble. Ava didn't even have a chance to try and think of an escape plan when Olivia walked into the room and stopped cold in mid stride when she saw her grandson. Her mouth opened and closed several times and she fluttered her eyes before she threw a patented death glare at her daughter and held out her hands for Max. Ava actually felt a chill go up and down her spine from the look and passed the boy over after she kissed his brow. Max had spent the rest of the day with her mother and when Ava dared to go into the next room to retrieve the boy she felt the room temperature drop to just below freezing. Emma whispered a few words of advise to her sister and Olivia actually growled when Ava reached for her Max. Ava thought it might be best if she gave the two a couple more hours for bonding.

But in a few hours she was again alone with Max as Olivia and Emma started their day when she heard and knock on the suite's door. Of all the people in the world that could have shown up Mayor Doris Wolf was not anywhere on the list. "Doris?" she asked to the equally shocked woman. Ava knew that her mother and the mayor were becoming good friends but didn't have any clue why Doris would want with her. "Can I help you?" Ava asked as she held open the door and looked back to watch her son.

"I came to see Olivia but she wasn't in her office the staff thought maybe she was up here with you" Doris responded backing away slowly from the door looking more nervous than she'd ever seen.

"No I don't know where my mom is" and watched the other woman's face fall a she turned to go. "But if I could help?"

"I" Doris started looking flustered and even more upset. "I should go" and moved to go down the hall but not before Ava caught her arm and tugged her back around.

"Hey I can't walk out cause of Max but you could come in?" Ava said smiling and trying to seem unthreatening. She didn't know why she had to put the other woman at ease because Doris wasn't the type of woman to be afraid of anything but for some reason Ava knew she had to be as gentle as possible if Doris wasn't going to bolt. "I was just about to order dinner" she said as she opened the door. When Doris followed her into the room and she called down for two chicken salads Ava tried her best to appraise the other woman without being obvious. Doris' face was drawn and her usually careful hair was pulled back in a haphazard ponytail. She wasn't in her usual severe business suit but in worn jeans and a worn sweat shirt. Whatever was bothering the other woman was huge Ava knew because Doris was one of the most image conscious people she knew and even on holidays and weekends the woman seemed on her way to some official press conference. "You can sit down Doris" Ava laughed picking up her son hoping that he might work some charm on the older woman and make her fact finding easier. When Doris began to tickle the boy and play with his toes Ava moved to hand him over when the other woman froze in fear.

"I don't think" Doris started.

"It's not like you haven't done it before" Ava laughed as she finished the transfer. "Ashlee doesn't look like she has any obvious dents in her skull so you can't be that bad" and was appalled when not only did her joke fall flat but Doris burst out crying. Doris began to cry so hard that Max whined and became upset and after placing Max in his pen Ava turned back to her mother's friend. "What's going on? Is it Ashlee?"

"You don't have to act like you care about me. You hate me just like the rest of this town" Doris said moving towards the door.

"I learned a lot from my trip to the loony bin. Sometimes you just need someone to listen without judging you. I can do that if you want" Ava offered again before the woman paused at the door. "I just want to help if I can" For the next two hours Ava listened to Doris lament her withering relationship with her only child. Ava could hear the pain and agony in the woman's voice but more importantly she could feel the love but also the confusion. Doris loved her daughter but was at a loss on how to show it without pushing the girl away. Ashlee was the most important person in her life but she had more connection with her anonymous constituents than her girl. It was a difficult scene for the young woman because she'd always been blessed to have a close relationship with her parents. Crystal Peralta had been her best friend for most of her life and Ava could confide her deepest fears to both Olivia and Jeffery. To her it was natural to turn to parents but tried her best to understand the other woman's ache. "Maybe you should talk to her" but stopped when Doris scoffed at her. "No just talk to her. Listen to her without trying to talk over her. Just listen to what she has to say"

"She hates me. I'm the last person in the world that she would talk to"

"If she hated you she wouldn't have been so upset at breakfast" Ava reasoned. "She called you this afternoon and tried to talk to you again that has to mean something" Ava tried again.

"Yeah and I blew that chance out of the water" Doris cried and fell into Ava's open arms. "I hate going into that empty house especially now"

"Listen my mom and Emma are having dinner at the farm with Natalia so you're welcome to hang out here and have dinner with me?"

"You don't have to"

"I know I don't have to but I want to" Ava said with a smile as she rubbed her hands up and down Doris' arm. "I wanted someone to watch Lovely Bones with but Max isn't the best converstationalist" Ava offered and watched the other woman's watery smile. They sat on the sofa watching the movie as they ate and talked when her phone vibrated and knew that Dr Martin was calling to do her weekly check in as she let the call go to voicemail. Ava loved Dr Martin and she knew without a doubt that this feeling was stronger than any she'd ever had save for her son but it would never happen. Diane Martin would never love her and wouldn't ever consider a relationship with her because Ava had the bad luck to be her patient. The fact that Ava was even alive and with her son was a testament to Dr Martin's skill so she was grateful but it still hurt because as close as they were the two were practically oceans away. So she let the call go wishing her feelings for the woman could be dismissed as easily.

When Ava woke up several hours late she was still on the sofa and the television was on with Doris laying on her arm. The older woman looked years younger now that the stress of the day wasn't evident on her face. She'd always thought the other woman was attractive but she'd had no idea to what extent until she was inches from her face. After their emotional talk they'd settled down into a nice dinner and a sad movie until Ava had enough and switched to Napoleon Dynamite. After that the two had laughed so hard and loud that Max jumped up in shock from his nap. The three of them then sat up laughing and talking trying to banish the sadness away. Max lay face down and spread out between the two women and Doris had her arms wrapped around Ava's waist and breathed on her neck until Max began to stir her awake. "I can't believe I fell asleep here" Doris laughed as she handed the boy to his mother. "Oh my God its almost midnight. I should go" she said as she tried to gather her things but Ava watched as she stumbled over herself with sleep.

"You're staying here"

"No, I don't want to"

"You can barely walk straight so there is no way I'm going to let you drive home in the middle of the night. You can sleep here" and watched as the other woman frowned down at the love seat in the room. "It's a big bed. Just as long as you don't steal the covers and don't mind me waking up at six to feed Max you should be fine"

"Thanks Ava" Doris whispered as she caught the pajamas Ava tossed her.

"Don't worry about it. But next time it's not going to be so easy to get me in bed" and had to hold in the laughter as Doris squealed in response after Ava closed the bathroom door.


	15. Chapter 15

For the past three hours she had been staring at an unmoving clock and taken the time to confer with her blackberry, laptop, and the front desk and come up with the same conclusion. God was punishing her for all her misdeeds. That was the only explanation for it still being an hours until Emma was released from school and two before their dinner plans with Natalia. She tried working on files and talking to clients but her mind was no where near the Beacon's front doors today. Tonight was the first night of the rest of her life as the saying went and it just might be the last night on her latest heart. She'd been called a maneater long before she found herself in Springfield but in all her years of seduction and sexual escapades she'd never once felt anticipation like she did right now. It would be three months since she and Natalia started this slow dance and tonight was going to be the culmination of all their efforts and faith. Tonight she was going to make love to her best friend and soul mate. She was so nervous that she felt like both breaking into song and hurling all over the office floor.

It just wasn't the fact that they were going to be doing something neither had ever imagined they'd be the least interested in that had her spooked but what it all would mean. Olivia knew in her heart that Natalia was it for her but what if the other woman's feeling changed afterwards? What if the certainty that Natalia felt now vanished on the morning after. That would kill her and much sooner than all the liquor or transfat that Natalia insisted her erase from her diet. This dread kept her anxious as each minute went by. Especially now.

"Mom I thought you were going to sign these?" Ava asked holding up several sheets of paper that Olivia had no desire or ability to concentrate on and immediately minimized the screen as her daughter walked closer to her desk. "Mom? What don't want to get caught looking at porno" Ava asked as she tried to peek over her shoulder. If she weren't in such a state she might have told her daughter the truth "Yes I am looking at porno as a matter of fact. I'm trying to learn as many pointers as I can for tonight" but she wasn't at her best and could only respond with a barked "What do you want?"

"I told you I want you to sign these forms. That is unless you changed your mind about the bridal convention being here next month?" Olivia snatched the papers from her daughter as if she was really too busy to be bothered and pretended to be absorbed in figures to even look up and only mumbled a half hearted "thanks" as the woman walked out the door. It was in her nature to be hard on her employees Ava knew from personal experience but Olivia was more proud than she could even say. Last night as the family ate dinner at Company Ava made an offhanded comment about being a useless leech and lamented living with her mother with kid but without a job or prospect in sight. "There are television shows about people less pathetic than me" she'd groaned as she handed over another set of bills to her mother. Natalia and Emma were showing Max off to the Coopers and Blake while Olivia balanced Ava's books. With each letter the girl got more and more morose and by the time the cellphone was paid Olivia as seriously considering just handing over a credit card and telling Ava to handle the rest. Not that she minded but Ava had a bug up her ass and insisted on tallying each cent so when she did land a job she could repay the debt.

"Ava do you realize how much money I have? I could support you and ten Maxs and not ever worry"

"It doesn't matter that's your money mom."

"Sooner or later its going to be your money anyway so why are you even worrying about this?" Olivia asked truly not understanding what the problem was. She would give everything she had to either of her children or grandson so for Ava to get so stressed about taking a few thousand when she would give her millions was beyond her. "Ava I can afford to"

"I know you can jeez but that's not the point. Do you really want your children to just sit around and wait on you to provide everything for them? I would think you'd be happy I was trying to be responsible" Ava asked turning away from her mother's frown.

"Is that why you were working on your resume?"

"Are you spying on me?"

"You had your computer up when I was getting diapers for Max. What the hell!"

"I'm sorry mom" Ava said grabbing her hand and squeezing it tight before letting go and again looking away. "I'm sorry"

"What's going on? What's bothering you?" Olivia asked keeping her voice as calm as possible after her sharp retort brought glances from Natalia and Emma. "I just want to help you"

"I know." Ava whispered and wiped her face before the tears could come. "I can't find a job. I haven't had any offers to any of my postings. At least none in the area. There is one in San Francisco that looks promising though"

"Hey I thought you were happy here? I thought you wanted to be here with me and Em?" Olivia asked pulling the girl's hands into her own.

"I do but I need to have a job too. I mean I can't wait around collecting blank unemployment checks forever" Ava laughed.

"Oh is that all? Then come work for me" Olivia said as she picked up a few of Ava's fries before her hand was soundly smacked. "Hey!"

"Are you serious?"

"That's parental abuse. I have rights you know"

"Mom! Are you serious?"

"Why not? You've worked for me before so what's the difference about now?" She said as Natalia and her youngest daughter made their way back to the booth. Olivia thought the matter was closed until she heard a tap on the shared door from her daughter's side of the suite. "Yes?"

"So when do I get my expense account?" Ava asked as the door opened. At the table she'd casually asked what the difference was between three years ago and today but she could hardly believe how everything was turning out. Emma was perfect as ever and Max and Ava were staying but more importantly she was going to share the dream she'd nurtured so long with the future successor and that made all the difference because now the Beacon was more than just a means to make money. It was a part of her and would be a part of her daughter as well. As wonderful as that was her mind was on other things at the moment. "Tonight you don't have to wait up for me and Em tonight. We're spending the night at the farm" Olivia said trying to keep the flush she felt from rising to her face.

"Really?" Ava asked sitting down on the desk to smile at her. Any other time she would expect her daughter to tease her unmercifully. She was a Spencer it was a forgone fact but even Ava recognized just how important this night was to her mother. After she'd told Ava about her relationship with Natalia they'd spent many late nights discussing her hopes and fears about the merging and in fact Ava had written down a couple websites to get some tip. "Why don't you leave Emma with me and Max for the night so you and Natalia can be alone?"

"I would but Natalia has been looking forward to having all her girls under one roof and making us breakfast in the morning. You just be happy that she isn't making you and Max come over as well" Olivia laughed. Loving Natalia and having Natalia love her was wonderful but watching her girlfriend being so giving and nurturing with her children and grandson was a blessing. It was strange. The world and the church might never accept this relationship but it was the only true marriage she'd ever had and they weren't even engaged yet. Natalia was the only person she could want to truly merge her life with and it was all starting tonight.

She'd been deathly afraid that after Natalia's trip to see Rafe everything would be over. The night the woman refused dinner with her and Emma Olivia spent most of the night fitfully anxious. Both of her children looked at her as if she'd lost her mind and even Max refused her because of all the tension she was carrying. She lay in bed tossing and turning dreading the call but at least wanting the waiting to be over. When midnight came and left without a call or text she thought she'd gotten a sure answer in the silence. Natalia always said goodnight to her even the few times she'd upset the woman before her eleven o'clock bedtime and the tears were a steady flow by the time she heard the low buzz. "Natalia?" Olivia asked without looking at the screen. She didn't have time to act coy.

"Hey. I'm sorry I sat down to rest for a minute and fell asleep"

"It's okay baby" Olivia said as her throat threatened to close with fear. "you can call me tomorrow" If you still want to talk she thought she said in a away from the receiver but heard a sudden intake of breath from the other side and knew she wasn't so lucky.

"Of course I still want to talk to you. Don't you trust me by now? What do I have to do to make you believe that I want to be with you and nothing and no one is going to change that?"

"Love me?" Olivia said softly in growing wonder.

"I already do and I always will" It took a while before they could continue talking because Natalia had to comfort Olivia as she let loose all the fears and worry she'd held that day. All the news wasn't good. Rafe did hate her and did loudly and colorfully protest their relationship but in the end had still hugged and kissed his mother goodbye. They both knew it wouldn't be easy to win the young man over but both were determined to withstand his ire because they both had too much to lose to do otherwise.

She was on her way out the door to get Emma with both their bags already in hand when Buzz walked in her office holding a balloon that read "For the World's best Grandmother" and smiling eyes. "You know anyone else giving me that and I'd be tempted to shoot them" she laughed taking his balloon and his hug and his kiss with a laugh.

"Anyone else wouldn't be this sexy handing it over"

"You're right about that" she responded and tried to enjoy the moment with a good friend instead of counting the seconds it was taking away from her night with Natalia. "So what can I do for you?" but stopped short when he cocked his head and squinted his eyes at her. "What?"

"You are glowing. What gives? Whose the lucky fella?" he laughed and she knew it was genuine. Before Natalia Buzz had been her best chance at happiness but it wasn't meant to be. Her soul knew it was waiting for Natalia and she was grateful that he could forgive her failings. "Names young lady or no more Buzzburgers for you" If it were anyone else she might have told him and would have risked the embarrassment and teasing but she couldn't risk it. She couldn't say it for fear it would float away. "Later" she promised as she hugged him tight. "Later"

The night was both the most hectic and most wonderful she'd ever had. Every time that she and Natalia were together she was struck by how well they fit together and that sensation was only heightened when Emma was around. Natalia looked at the girl as if she'd born and raised her and she knew that Emma had long considered the other woman her second mother. It took forever for Emma's bedtime to finally arrive. After they both kissed and tucked the girl in Olivia felt her heart almost stop when Natalia pulled her into the softest kiss and lead her into her bedroom.


	16. Chapter 16

They had only been at the table for twenty minutes and the appetizers hadn't even come but all he wanted to do was stop Stephanie right in the middle of her story of the horrors of twitter and leave. Ask for the check, leave the tip and then leave, alone. He wanted to go lie in bed while drinking a gin and tonic and work on files but instead he with her on a disaster of a date. She was a court clerk and was only two years older than his daughter. Jeffery hadn't even meant to accept the offer and was only being flippant when he asked her out last week as he dropped off some documents. Flippant and drunk but mostly drunk. The day before Reva finally came to his house and when he opened the door expecting the pizzaman he stood gaping at her like a complete idiot until she cleared her throat and made her way into his apartment. He had never been the neatest guy and their difficulties hadn't made that habit any better and as he looked around he deeply regretted his decision not to move just so he wouldn't have to deal with the clutter. As he cleared a place for her to sit he tried to think of what her coming might mean but before he could come to any conclusion she announced "I'm not staying" Then I guess I won't have to worry what this means he thought. "I just wanted to tell you that. Well I've been thinking a lot and don't know what to make of all this but I thought I at least owed it to you to talk this out face to face"

"Either you can get past this or you can't I don't think there's much to discuss. It happened and I can't change it even if I wanted too. I'm sorry that this is a problem for you" Jeffery said with defeat bleeding through his words. For a while he'd actually thought she was the one and couldn't imagine facing a day without her and now he'd lost her over something he did as a drunk stupid boy. "I don't know what you want me to do Reva. I don't know what I can do"

"I don't either" she said in response looking just as lost. "I don't know why I can't just get over it. It didn't happen to me. I know that you aren't the same boy you were back then. Hell even Olivia forgave you. But I"

"You what?" he asked taking her hand into his own and holding it to his face. It hadn't been that long ago that she'd held and wanted him just as much as he'd wanted her but now the distance between them seemed insurmountable. "What can I do to make this right?"

She stroked his face once and then pulled away and stood up and went back to the door. "I don't know what to tell you and I'll understand if you get tired of waiting for me to figure it out" and then she was gone. He'd expected her to take her things with her so maybe there was a chance? Looking around the room and seeing bits and pieces of her scattered around gave him glimmers of hope that eventually she'd come around. But that hadn't lasted long and by the time he fell in bed he was dead drunk and stinking of gin. That was two weeks ago and every night their final scene looped on constant repeat in his head and only liquor and lots of it gave him escape.

Now he drank to sleep and then drank to dull the glass shards sitting behind his eyes and twisting in his stomach. Law was something he could do in his sleep, he'd been at it so long so he could float in a cloudy haze and still perform adequately. He wasn't the best but he was good enough to get the mission accomplished and the office was busy enough that Mel hadn't caught on. Though he knew she would soon. Mel was anything but slow but hadn't yet seen through tricks he's learned in his freshman years in college to erase the smell and the effects as he hid his heart in the bottom of a bottle.

He held still until he was sure she was asleep and then gathered his clothes and made his way out the door. It was stupid to sneak out because he'd have to see her again soon as he needed to go to court and he'd made an awkward situation horrible but he just couldn't bare laying next to her and having her body touching his. Not when he longed for Reva so much that he ached inside but more disturbingly because he felt contaminated. The night after Olivia told him about their past he spent several hours scrubbing his skin clean and had for a week before he got over the compulsion. He had not felt that dirty again until the night Reva left and after that each shower became a convoluted ritual just so he could feel human again. He hated that he'd soiled Stephanie and felt as if he'd given her some sexually transmitted disease. That's what I am, filth he thought as he stood under the scorching spray scrubbing himself raw.

At least once a day he and Ava talked on the phone and he made it to see her and Max once a week although it was hard sometimes to shake off the constant headache without resorting to alcohol. He never drank while she was around because he couldn't just have one anymore and he never wanted to be drunk around them. Not that he was an alcoholic there were still many many years before that was even a remote possibility but he knew that it could become a problem. But it wasn't a problem she deserved from him so he played it straight and took a few Tylenol and pushed through it. Their meeting were difficult not just because of the lack of alcohol but also because of lack of locale. Ava hadn't told him outright not to come to the Beacon but he knew that she and Olivia were still feeling out what the rape meant to them and he was still trying to come to grips with it himself. He couldn't see Olivia without thinking of it and he had enough of seeing it in his dreams. He didn't need to see it on Olivia's face as well. He couldn't ask them to his place because of the mess especially with Max reaching and grabbing at everything in sight. So they explored every park and every restaurant in town. Seeing Ava should have been a burden for him but she and Max were the only bright spots. The two of them were the only thing keeping him from finally pulling the trigger on that pistol he kept loaded under his pillow. "Ava and Max love me" him he repeated to himself as both his hands shook the metal cold in his face. "Ava and Max love me"

It had been a horrendous day and nothing at all went right and he could practically taste the metallic tinge of gin in his mouth as he drove home but instead of at his apartment he ended up at the Beacon's sliding doors. For the money he spent at the bar he could have bought three large bottles of the finest gin but he decided got the same effect if only at a marked up rate. He should go home and sleep it off he kept telling himself as he walked up the stairs. Tonight elevators were not his friend and he hoped he would either pass out or sober up and turn around but he walked higher and higher towards her door. He should go home. "Call a taxi and sleep it off" but he knew in his heart he knew that if he went home tonight he'd find the courage that he was praying he didn't have. Tonight he wouldn't just lick the barrel and he wasn't ready to leave them. Not yet.

He stood in front of Ava's door swaying when it swung open and Natalia and Max screeched. "Oh my goodness, you scared" Natalia laughed holding Max in her arms as a large baby bag hung from her shoulders. "Ava's running late at a meeting and I was just getting some things for Max to take down to Olivia" Natalia said with a smile as she looked back and forth between him and his grandson. "That's grandpa isn't it Max" and then moved closer to Jeffery as he tried to shift away. "Do you want to go see grandpa Max?" He didn't want her to smell the alcohol on him but he didn't move fast enough because just as she was leaning out to pass him the boy she stopped and rapidly blinked her eyes and asked with surprise "Jeffery?"

"I just came to see Ava but I can come back" he said backing up some more to put more distance between them. He patted his pockets trying to see if he had another mint or stick of chewing gum. "I'll just call her later. Tell mommy I said hello Max" he said turning away before Natalia stopped him.

"You can't go like that. How are you getting home"

"I'm fine Natalia" he tried to say but stumbled on a few of the syllables and groaned. "Don't worry I can make it home fine"

"I hope that you aren't going to try and drive" she said as he walked towards the elevator. There were people that got paid good money to clean up the spills he was about to make but he had to get out of here now. "No I don't want Olivia or Ava to see you like this. Come with me" she instructed pulling him behind her by his cuff like an errant little boy. "What's going on?" she asked a little while later as she handed him a wet cloth from Ava's bathroom. "Why would you come here for your daughter to see you like this?"

He didn't need this. He didn't need her sanctimonious bullshit. What he needed was his family and they needed him as well. She didn't know anything and was nothing more than the hired help. "Why don't you go back down to your boss. I can take care of Max" he said reaching for the boy as Natalia pulled him away.

/

"There is no way I'm letting you keep Max. Not in this condition. I'll call you a taxi and you can come back and see Ava and Max when you're feeling better"

"Who the hell do you think you are? You have no right to tell me when I can and can't see my own grandson. I was the first one to see him. I was the one Ava trusted to take care of him when she couldn't so you can't tell me a damn thing"

"Please you're scaring Max" Natalia said backing out of the door. "You can stay here if you want but"

"You can get the hell out but my grandson stays" he said following after reaching for the boy.

"Listen you're drunk and in no shape to be taking care of anything. Not even yourself. Now calm down so I can" Natalia said as calmly as she could trying her best to ease the rage brewing in the man.

"I don't give a fuck what you think Natalia. I don't even know why you have my grandson at all. You aren't family. Why the hell is Olivia trusting my grandson with you?"

"Stay Back!" Natalia cried holding the boy even tighter. Max had stayed relatively calm during most of this but the loud sounds were starting to affect him and he and Natalia were on their way to have dinner with Olivia and Emma so he wasn't in the best mood to start with. "You are scaring the baby" Natalia tried again as she turned her back to the man to walk out the room.

"Give me My Grandson!" Jeffrey bellowed as the boy in question shouted out a loud cry. He meant to turn her around to face him and had his hand on her arm. Jeffery's face was red with drink and anger. Max's was a deeper red and he was screaming so loud his body shook but Natalia looked the worst of all and was pale with fear. In his head Jeffery knew something was wrong. Knew the situation was spiraling out of control but if the kid would stop crying and if Natalia would just listen to him it would all be straightened out. That's what he was thinking as he grabbed Natalia and blocked her way out of the bathroom but stood stock still when he heard a cold hollow voice from across the room.

"Get your fucking hands off them. Get your hands off now or I swear I will kill you"


	17. Chapter 17

With each passing day Max was getting stronger and more active and most days it was all she could do just to keep up with him. When she walked away from him after giving birth she never imagined one day it would be like this. Max laughing up at her and her loving him. Now she knew that it had never been him she was running away from but the illness yet at the time she couldn't picture his face without aching. Now it was the same but the ache was different it was like watching her heart sitting vulnerable outside her chest. There were still nights that she woke up dreaming of his cries but no they longer made her feel lonely but filled and content. At the moment Ava was watching him working on another patented Spencer trait with Blake Mahler and her mother Holly Reed, flirting. The two women had not stopped smiling or touching him since Ava sat down to lunch and Blake snatched him out of her arms. It was going to be a long eighteen years if her son kept this up. "I hope you didn't want him back" she heard as she looked up in Doris' face.

"We could work out a deal if they're willing to subsidize his education" Ava laughed clearing a space for the other woman. Ordinarily neither woman would be caught dead talking to the other but her mother's sometimes alliance with the mayor brought them in closer proximity than before. She was sure that both Olivia and Doris would die before admitting that the other was not only a friend but their dearest. Also it was a little awkward for both a few nights ago when she and Doris woke up not expecting to be beside the other. After she listened to Doris fret over her relationship with Ashlee they had some how managed to have a good time. It was more than good it was actually fun. Doris had a wicked sense of humor and was one of the most versatile people she'd ever met. The woman had been everything from a Wal-Mart greeter to a bartender and now she was the mayor of Springfield. It wasn't Atlanta or New York but still it was definitively more than anyone ever expected from a little girl from a small no name town. They'd spent less than a day together but Ava knew she was one of the few people on earth who had a true glimpse of the other woman. A better view than even Doris' own daughter. That morning they woke up tangled in each other's limbs but it hadn't been too unnerving even though her shirt had ridden up over a breast covered by Doris' hand. Doris simply rolled over and picked Max up from his crib and played with him while Ava straightened her clothing.

"Yeah we'll ask her that as soon as she finds the time to bring us over some menus"

"Jesus, you don't know what they serve by now? Its not like it changes" Ava laughed.

\

"I like knowing my options" Doris said with a shark like grin as she stole a drink from Ava's sweet tea. After they laughed through Napoleon Dynamite Ava introduced the older woman to Borat. Doris claimed to be above the crass humor of Sasha Cohen but Ava personally witnessed her spew hot chocolate through the nose as she laughed during the male thong scene. It had been a long time since she'd had a friend that didn't double as a sex buddy and although it might get a little hinky once her mom caught on Ava was looking forward to getting to know the other woman better.

"Stop stalling tell me how it went with Ashlee?" Ava asked as she snatched the drink back and watched the smirk soften into an actual smile that lit up Doris' face.

"We had dinner last night and she said that she wouldn't mind seeing Love Eat Pray with me later this week" Doris said with a flush "We never hang out together" before looking down "she was probably just saying that to be nice" and looked up sharply and yelped when Ava slapped her arm.

"Don't be like that. Cripes can't you just enjoy the moment instead of ruining it"

"Cripes? Golly Gee whatever will mom say if she heard you speaking like that Beeve" Doris said as she moved her arm to avoid the second assault from the young woman. Eventually Blake brought Max and menus over and the three had a lunch filled with laugher before Doris stood to head back to the office and said "So thanks. I really appreciate the help" looking nervous. "I mean I know you're busy but if you would ever want"

"You wouldn't be asking me on a date now would you?" Ava grinned as she batted her eyelashes teasing the other woman just before she watched Doris' face fall and had to ask "Doris?" with concern.

"Never mind sorry I bothered you" Doris said storming off forgetting all about her extra slice of pie.

Ava had to grab Max and jet out the door and just made it to the car before Doris slammed the door. "Doris? What was that? I mean. I mean I thought we were having fun. Did I do something wrong?" This was so the opposite of how she was. She didn't run after anyone that didn't have a big dick and a huge trust fund but for some reason she just couldn't bare the thought of Doris being angry at her. What the blue fuck.

"Don't worry about it I'm just premenstrual"

"Don't okay we were having a good time and then I said something and made you upset. I'm a Spencer I'm not known for being tactful or thinking before I speak. I'm sorry"

"It's nothing Ava its"

"I don't have many friends" Ava laughed as she moved her son from one arm to the next and leaned further into the car "to be honest I don't have any so I was hoping my mom could share" she said attempting a charming smile.

"I'm gay"

"Um so is that a yes or no?" Ava asked in confusion and wonder as the other woman laughed.

"Usually no one's bothered after learning that"

"Does my mom know?"

"Yeah, she and Natalia are the only two"

"Cool so is there a secret handshake?"

"Fuck you!" Doris said before looking into Max's face and flushing "I meant screw, screw you"

"Jesus for a politician you're touchy. I don't care I mean I've played the kissing game with female friends once or twice. Didn't you know everyone's a little bit gay. Its the new black" and caught the other woman in her arms as Doris burst out laughing. Eventually Blake tracked them down looking for some cash and Ava watched Doris pull away with pie in hand. She sat talking to Holly and Blake for a few more minutes before she spotted Remy and Christina walk in hand and hand. Remy was taking Max for a few hours and the hotel was still off limits to the man since the latest barber fiasco. Of all the men that she could have shared a child with she was very glad that it was Remy. Ava had a feeling that she would have spent the next several years tied up in the court system if either Bill or Allen Michael had been the lucky donor and her mother would have either been in prison or working hard towards getting there. As they greeted each other Ava handed Max over to Remy and watched he and Christina share a secret look. Christina took the boy after complimenting Ava on her purse and sat in a corner booth. "What's up?" Ava asked cocking her head to the side trying to prepare for whatever was making Remy so hesitant.

"Okay listen, its okay if you say no. I mean I understand but I was wondering if I could have him overnight?"

"All night?"

"Yeah. I'll be careful and I promise to have him back before lunch tomorrow" she heard him say as she watched Max laughing with Christina. Remy is a good guy and an excellent father. He's an EMT for Cripes sake.

"Yeah" and had to hold on to the man as she he twirled her around laughing. If Max grew up to be anything like him she'd be more than proud. Now she just had to find a way to break it to her mom.

She'd been sort of avoiding her mother since the night Doris stayed over. She still saw her at night and worked with her during the day but she'd finding it difficult to avoid her mother's inquiring mind. Her mother and Emma had spent their night at the farmhouse with Natalia and would be eating breakfast with the Latina as shouldn't be back at the Beacon until eight or nine well after Max had woken her. But Ava wasn't taking any chance and locked the adjoining door between the suites as Doris showered in the bathroom. And just as Ava expected just as soon as Olivia came back she walked right to the door and attempted to push it open. Doris had just left when the handle turned and opened the door for her puzzled mother. "You rang?"

"Why was the door locked?" Olivia asked walking through the slightly opened door and straight to the crib and the boy on the other side of the room. "I thought I heard you talking with someone" she asked surveying the room as she turned toward her daughter with Max now in her arms.

"I was on speakerphone" she said trying her best to hold her mother's stare and look completely relaxed but saw her mother narrow her eyes before walking back towards her side of the room. Ava heard her mother throw "I have ways of figuring this out" over her shoulders as her son bobbed his head up and down in agreement.

As she drove towards away from her weekly performance Ava tried her best to believe that her life was finally moving in as positive a direction as she'd told Dr Richardson. It wasn't that she'd exactly lied but it was taking everything she had just to sit through the sixty minutes each Tuesday afternoon without bursting into tears. There was no doubt that she was worlds away from the mind numbing and body draining depression that she'd suffered when Max was born but each time she sat in front of the psychiatrist all she could focus on was what she lacked. Ava had a son she adored, a family that adored her, and a fabulous and successful career and most of the times that was enough. It was more than enough especially when the meds worked except for when she was looking into soft brown eyes instead of light blue. How could she still be hung up on her freaking shrink? Could she get anymore pathetic she kept repeating in her head but it didn't change the facts that after each session with Dr Richardson Ava literally ached for Dr Diane Martin.

Looking at the phone for the sixth time in less than ten minutes Ava tried to motivate herself to finally hanging up the three boxes of clothes stored in her closet now that Max was gone. It was the excuse she'd given to avoid dinner at company with her family and Natalia. She loved spending time with her sister and mother and enjoyed hanging out with Natalia but right now the sight of two people happily in love was the exact opposite of what she needed. "Maybe I should return her call. I mean my former doctor calls me so I have a perfectly legitimate reason to hear her voice. Nothing stalkerish at all" Ava said to herself as she held the phone in her hand with Dr Martin's voice just one touch away and was on the brink of hitting send when it rang. She was so shocked she immediately dropped it face down and scrambled on the floor to pick it up. "oh my God, Oh my God" she kept repeating to herself. For the past two weeks she'd avoided all of Dr Martin's attempts to contact her but had texted and left voicemails just when she knew Dr Martin would be unavailable. It was childish she knew but all it was Ava could do to keep her feelings hidden. Each moment away from the other woman made her more and more desperate and to reduce the chances of blurting out her love Ava tried her best to walk away. But if she called? If Diane called the exact same instant that Ava was fighting pouring out her heart then it was a sign. It has to be she thought as she pulled the phone to her ear and heard a soft but concerned "Ava" on the other end. But then the tears fell but not in joy but in defeat.

"Hey what's up Madame Mayor?" Ava asked as she held back a sigh.


	18. Chapter 18

Olivia looked on as her youngest daughter sat at her desk working diligently on a class project. Emma took her education almost as seriously as her parents did and gave everything she had to being the best. Her daughter hadn't learned that girls weren't as smart or as fast or as strong and Olivia would do everything in her power that she never did. If it were in her power Spencer heirs would be strategizing over desks contemplating late into the night the direction of the Beacon for decades to come. Watching her daughter was like peeking into the still unwritten future but each second she grew more sure, she'd made the right choice. Snatching all the power her fists could hold at Spaulding would never mean as much as what she'd created here for them.

"Mommy I want to feed the ducks when we go to the farmhouse" Emma announced not bothering to look up from her work. "And I got a new story for Natalia to read to me tonight" Uh oh Olivia thought as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Baby we aren't going to spend the night at the farmhouse tonight" and looked up in time to see the shocked and outraged eyes of her child. For the past week neither she nor Emma wanted to be anywhere other than the little house. She knew it was too soon and she shouldn't make such drastic changes in her daughter's life but after waking up after making love to Natalia all night Olivia couldn't bare sleeping alone. It didn't help that Natalia poked out an adorable bottom lip each day just before the end of the day. "Aren't you sure you don't want your space? I mean we work together all day and then"

"And then what? Are you getting tired of me?" she heard Natalia ask with tear stained eyes after listening to Olivia list each reason for their separate nights. "I thought you liked" Natalia said before the tears and frustration took over and she gave herself permission to give in.

Kissing away each tear Olivia held the smaller woman and then covered her mouth softly. "I don't like I love, I adore. I just don't want you to regret or get scared because we are moving so fast"

"We can't move fast enough Olivia. I want you more than I ever thought possible before. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone even Nicky" Natalia said with hot tears into Olivia's neck. She'd kissed away more than the tears as the two lay on her office sofa as the Beacon staffed scrambled. Even without words she knew what they both wanted and what they both kept pushing just below the surface hoping to swallow the expanding need. Maybe in time but right now? Did she want to risk it all on a foolish dream?

"But why?" Emma shrieked coming very close to imitating a spoiled brat.

"Because we have to take care of Max. Ava had a late meeting" Olivia said brushing the hair from her daughter's face hoping the movement would calm the girl some.

"But why can't we take him with us? Ava won't mind and he likes the farmhouse" Emma tried again pulling on her most convincing smile. It wasn't anything that Olivia hadn't thought to herself as she watched Ava's retreating back while she held Max tight. Every since she'd confided in Ava about the twists and turn of her feelings her oldest daughter was more than supportive. Ava was the first one she rushed to reveal in her unfolding romance. Never would Olivia imagine how close they could be four years ago when she first learned of their connection. Even still she didn't feel comfortable spending the night with the boy. What if something happened while they in the country miles away from his doctors at Cedars. He hadn't been ill and was steadily improving at each check up but Olivia would never take that chance. She would have to console herself with memories of their shared nights.

The first night Olivia spent making love with Natalia was arguably the best of her entire life not only because Natalia was more responsive and more giving than any other lover she'd had but because for the first time she knew what love actually meant. Sure she loved her children and her grandson and each moment that she was with them felt connected to something greater than herself but with Natalia not only was her heart connected but her body and her soul. For the first time not only was her appetite satiated but also her mind and she wasn't laying in bed thinking about the next conquest or how to manipulate the situation. She was finally in the now. Natalia had her and she was going to work the rest of her life to hold her. That night as Natalia slept Olivia held her and tried to relax for the first time since she was sixteen.

Their romance was unlike anything Olivia had ever wanted or believed she deserved. After they confessed their love for each other it was weeks before Olivia summoned the courage to touch Natalia's lips with her own. She'd rehearsed it a million times in her mind as she watched the other woman move around her in their office or Olivia's suite but mostly inside their home, the farmhouse. She and Emma had only shared a roof with Natalia for a few weeks but no matter the time or the circumstance the small rustic cottage in the woods meant more to her than any of the mansions or high rises she'd ever known. Every moment had been planned and choreographed in minute detail but in the end the kiss had taken her by complete surprise. The nurses had just left from checking Max and Olivia was holding him wrapped tight in airtight hospital gowns. He'd finally been strong enough to reach out and grab hold of Olivia's finger as she fed him. For the first time she'd allowed herself to believe that he'd be better and for the first time she could picture not only him leaving the hospital but also leaving one day for college. She was so focused on his tiny fingers stroking her own that she'd almost missed Natalia's breath on her neck. When she looked up in shock their lips met for less than a second but for Olivia it seemed like an eternity. Pulling back she saw the most attractive blush color Natalia's neck and cheeks.

After that they exchanged kisses as naturally and as easily as they held hands and stroked each other's face but they still managed to keep their growing affection hidden. It wasn't out of confusion or shame but fear at seeing the rebuke Natalia's eyes at friends ignorance or dismay. There were only four people on the entire surface of the earth whose opinion mattered even a bit to Olivia but for Natalia she would give more than she ever thought she had. Yet the kisses were still mostly innocent and far cries from the heat soaked dreams she tore herself from each morning. Natalia said over and over again that she wanted everything that everyone else in love shared but in the back of her mind Olivia still thought the Latina was still a little afraid and would run shrieking if she ever glimpsed the extent of Olivia's need for her. Their lips caressed each other in gentle sweeping strokes but Olivia's heart never raced with passion. Not that she wasn't happy because she was ecstatic. It was more than she'd ever dreamed and for a moment Olivia even forgot that she'd ever want more until one night after Emma's bath she felt a velvety tongue slide on her own. She pulled away again in confusion expecting to see Natalia shrink away in regret. Instead her stomach contracted from the visceral effect of Natalia's eyes clouded in want. There after both women had to wrench themselves from the other just to fill their tired lungs with precious air. Natalia again the catalyst for every forward step they made was the almost virgin who led the man eater in the closer and closer towards their ultimate goal.

Looking back Olivia could barely remember anything that happened before she walked into Natalia's room and watched the other woman close the door. Her heart was pounding so hard that she seriously considered popping a nitroglycerin pill and had no idea how the two managed to get undressed and onto the bed. But once she felt Natalia's naked skin wrapped around her own she knew her entire life was a fulfillment and prophecy of this moment. She'd been made to love Natalia and as she held Natalia's limp form tight to her own Olivia couldn't help but wish for a hundred more years. It had taken too long to get to this place and the rest of her life would never be enough.

She poured her heart out to her daughter but there still a naughty side to Ms Spencer and it was only with her new found friend Doris that she could dish the dirt. It went without saying that she'd never degrade or cheapen what they shared but it felt so good to share to just glory in how fucking unbelievable the sex was. Ava wasn't one for a play back on her mother's love life.

"If you get anymore sex you're going to be accused of being uranium enriched" Doris said from her desk as Olivia strolled in holding an extra large salad.

Olivia laughed as she handed over the salad "You're just jealous" and then sat and pulled her heels to rest on the mayor's oak desk.

"Is there a reason you're here other than to irritate me" Doris groused but they both knew the words lacked heat.

Falling in love with Natalia wasn't the only surprise that caught her off guard. Liking Doris and wanting to be her friend was almost as gradual and as unwanted as her feelings for Natalia. There was so much in the other woman that reminded her of the worst parts of herself, loud, pushy, insensitive, but mostly scared. They both spent years scared to be themselves but too scared to be anything else but somehow Olivia had been blessed she'd found her happy ending. She hoped that someday her friend would find the same. Until then the two women laughed over drinks and confided during dinner. "I might as well have lunch with you while Natalia goes to see Rafe"

Doris said "Oh going to see el nino dumbo" as she poured two glasses of scotch over ice.

Throwing croutons at her friend Olivia tried to be shocked and offended for her girlfriend's sake if nothing else. Rafe still refused to give his mother any more than an inch where Olivia was concerned. The only blessing in the entire mess was Rafe's continued loyalty to his mother. When the couple first discussed telling Rafe Olivia feared that Rafe would pull away from his mother entirely. Olivia knew that Natalia loved her with all her heart and soul but the idea of tearing the woman from the center of her world for nineteen years was more than the other woman could stand. She knew in her heart she'd walk away from Natalia without looking back if it meant not destroying Natalia's only family. Yet even if he still hated her he never pulled away from his mother. Everything else they could fight against so long as they both had their children's love. She was still considering this when Doris fumbled to pick up her cellphone and listened to her friend nervously talking into the phone. Natalia had tamed her but she hadn't changed who Olivia was and she knew a booty call when she heard one even if it was disguised in civilized talk. As soon as the Doris put away the phone and the flush started to recede Olivia pounced. "So whose the new hottie in your bed"

"You better watch that you're green eyes are starting to show" she heard the other woman say as she fumbled with the liquor bottles.

"Yeah yeah" Olivia said as she waved away Doris' words. "Who is it and how long has this been going on?" she said with a fierce grin.

"Aren't you getting enough from mother superior without harassing me for pointers?"

"My Natalia could write a book that could make Penthouse shocked" she argued but Doris' skeptics distracted her from teasing out the mystery caller and they spent the rest of the hour and a half berating their shared Spaulding husband. Looking around Olivia realized that Natalia and Max had been gone much longer than necessary especially with Emma moaning that each passing second brought her nearer to complete starvation. Sitting the girl down in front of a plate of roast beef and mashed potatoes Olivia walked up to her daughter's suite to seek out two of her loves.

It was amazing to find someone willing to share a life with a nine year old but to find someone who had room enough in their hearts for a five month old and a twenty six year old besides as a miracle. In time the boy became just as attached to her girlfriend as he had to Olivia or Jeffery. Whenever Max saw the woman passing by he reached his hands out urging her to hold him tight and had insisted to the top of his lungs on joining Natalia while she gathered his things. She was going over costs and spread sheets when she saw the door standing ajar and heard loud shouts from the hallway. Nothing could prepare her for the shock of seeing the man who raped her almost thirty years ago holding Natalia's arm tight. His fingers were sinking into soft brown skin as Natalia she tried to hold a shrieking Max away from Jeffery's rant. "What the fuck?" she asked to the room not sure to whom she was directing the question. His hands immediately dropped to his side and he stumbled away as Natalia moved to stand behind Olivia. "Take care of Max. Take care of Natalia" kept repeating over and over in her head but Olivia couldn't keep her stare from boring into Jeffery's skull and never turned to even inspect Natalis'a arm when she ordered the other woman out the room.

"Olivia, Max and I are" Olivia heard as Natalia leaned her head onto her shoulder still using her girlfriend's body to shield her and Max from Jeffery.

"Go"

"Olivia, don't overreact Max is fine and so am I Jeffery was just"

"Jeffery was acting an ass and I want you and my grandson out of here and away from him right now!" Olivia bellowed not taking the time to consider how little the other woman liked being ordered around. She would apologize all night later but right now there was a matter she needed to take care of. "Please" she whispered as she canted her head to the side and felt a soft kiss fall between her shoulders before Natalia carried Max away. "What the hell?"

"Olivia before you start jumping to conclusions just let me"

"What? Explain?"

"Yes explain before you decide to crucify me"

"I would love to hear you explain this away. I would love to hear you use all your legal skills to reason away being drunk on your ass with your hands grabbing onto Natalia as she held our grandson "

"I just wanted"

"Yes. I know that. I know that from experience. You want. You get drunk and then you want regardless of what anyone else says!" Olivia said seething.

"Don't make everything about that. This was nothing like that. I wasn't trying to fuck her!"

"No you weren't but you were drunk and you didn't stop even though she kept shouting at you to let go. I heard her telling you to stop half way down the hall. I heard Max"

"I wanted to hold Max. She had not fucking right to keep me from my own grandchild. Not one single reason"

"Are you kidding me? You're DRUNK! She wasn't giving him to you when you can barely put one foot in front of the other. What if you'd dropped him?"

"I wasn't going to"

"No? I'd be surprised if you made it to the door without falling over and you wanted to hold our grandson? What if she'd given him to you before she realized you were drunk? What if you dropped him? What if Natalia dropped him while you were pulling on her arms like a jackass? What the hell would you have to say to our daughter when she met us at the hospital?" Olivia said as she turned away seething with rage and fear. This was not the time to deal with that. There were too many people depending on her to go back to that dark place. But she heard him mumble some words about being sorry. "You're right about that. You are sorry. So take your sorry ass home but be sure to take a cab. I wouldn't care how you got there but I refuse to have my daughter hurt anymore by your selfishness" she said refusing to look at the man for fear of falling into a flashback of an embassy scene so many years ago.

" Just wanted to talk to Ava or see Max"

"You stay the hell away from my family while you're drunk. She doesn't need to deal with your bullshit on top of everything else" Olivia said walking away. The front desk had already called a cab and two men were going up a second elevator to escort Jeffery from the room by force if necessary. She just had to hold it in for a little bit longer she said over and over but as she passed through the lobby Olivia sprinted to the closest restroom to empty her stomach.


	19. Chapter 19

By the time George and Harry got to Ava's room Jeffery was passed out cold on the bathroom floor. They quickly got the man into the elevator and were halfway through the lobby when he began to come around and swear loudly. They didn't know Olivia's relationship with her daughter's father but they did know how the woman would react to a scene in the middle of her business while paying customers were checking in and out. And it wouldn't be pretty for either of them. So when the woman came towards them recognizing Jeffery and offered to take responsibility for him they were more than happy to throw him in her back seat and return to their normal duties.

Jeffery woke up completely dressed along with shoes and tie to a darkened room and the unmistakable scent of coffee and bacon. Looking around he prayed to whom ever was in heaven that he didn't call Stephanie in his drunken haze. Walking out on her in the middle of the night was bad enough without waking up to her cleaning up his mess. Closing his eyes he thought again of everything he'd lost last night. Loosing Reva was starting to seem like the upside compared to everything else he groaned. There was no way that Olivia would forgive him this. No way at all. It was strange because for the longest time he'd only considered her as a burdensome interference to his relationship with Ava but in time he'd started to value her. He'd started to consider her not only a friend but a very good one who accepted him even after seeing him at his absolute worst.

The day before Ava's twenty fifth birthday the two sat around a coffee table downtown comparing gifts. "What? Its to commemorate her birth duhh" he said as he wrote in the card.

"It's to commemorate what a cheap bastard you are" she'd responded snatching the twenty and the five from his hands before he had a chance to seal the envelope. "Really you can't do better than twenty five dollars? I'd hate to ask you to put any thought in this"

"Well I don't see what's so great about a couple of green rocks and I still can't believe you paid a thousand dollars for them. It's a racket"

"The point is they are her birthstones and I paid wayyy more than a thousand dollars. So are you saying that our daughter isn't worth a measly twenty five dollars and a two dollar card?" In the end Olivia guilted him into an emergency trip to the mall and he'd dropped fifteen hundred three hours later on a cashmere sweater and a tennis bracelet that matched Olivia's earrings. Ava's smile and laugh weren't the only things that made the day worth the depleted funds but also getting to know Olivia. He was always amazed at how funny and smart she was and how lucky he and Ava were to have her in their lives. What he did at the embassy was wrong but if it resulted in bring these two women in his life he could find solace in that. Yet that was all going to be over just when he'd started needing them both so much. He'd already lost Olivia from his behavior last night and once she told Ava he'd loose her and Max.

He started to think that Stephanie wasn't the one he'd phoned last night and felt his heart contract with hope at seeing Reva again even if it was under these circumstances. His latest date wasn't a big Rachel Maddow fan but the idea of just moving an inch much less a couple of yards to the kitchen seemed to require extraordinary strength but he gathered as much as he could to crawl a few feet to his bathroom. He spent almost an hour laying in the bottom of the tub as hot mist fell on him from above. Eventually he made it to the table but only found a bowl of cut fruit next to a plate of buttered toast and bacon accompanied by a glass of water with two heaven scent aspirins. Just as he was trying to formulate a mental response the door bell rang and echoed loudly in his head. Why Reva would ring now after letting herself in earlier he never considered and just pulled the door open calling her name.

"Nope not Reva. Eww what the heck is wrong with you?" his daughter asked pulling away from their hug. "I hope there isn't something going around I just left mom looking like death warmed over" She pulled Max with her as she moved away but the boy wasn't at all happy about it and threw both arms out to his grandfather to rescue him immediately. The boy was only five months old but he was a Spencer and the only grandson so he'd grown very used to getting his way. "No Max grandpa is infested with germs" Ava laughed.

He should have been happy to see Ava and Max especially without any of the histrionics that would sprinkle her future visits once she learned of his behavior. What the hell had possessed him to attempt to hold Max drunk he'd never know. Thank God Natalia hadn't given in to his demands because he didn't know what shape the boy might be in if left to his grandfather's devices. Shit. He should be safe with me Jeffery thought to himself. Ava left Max into his care when she'd been ill and to think that he was the same person that would have harmed him hurt Jeffery deeply. He spaced out a bit and looked up in Ava's scared eyes as her hands stroked his brow searching for an elevated temperature. "Dad?"

"I'm fine honey" he said as he shook her hand away.

"What's wrong?" What to say? There was so much to chose from that he was almost at a loss so he picked the least troublesome. "Reva and I broke up"

"What? Why? What happened" she asked as she and Max moved further into the room. The boy used his mother's distraction and their close proximity to snag onto Jeffery's neck and refused to let go as she moved on past. Any other time it would have been funny the boy hanging for all he was worth on Jeffery's neck but at the moment neither of the adults noticed and Jeffery just held the boy close and kissed his brow and cheeks.

"I told her about everything" he said sitting down with Max in his lap and tickled the boy's stomach. Max had graduated from peekaboo and was now completely made for out stretched tongues. He laughed as if it was the funniest thing EVER. But not even his grandson's glee could lift the cloud of depression that was hovering above him. "I told her about the night at the embassy and she couldn't forgive me"

"What the hell? Its not for her to forgive. If she's going to be a complete B.I.T.C.H. about something that happened when you were a drunk teenager than you don't need her in your life anyway" Ava said getting emotional. "Who the heck does she think she is? So she's never done anything that she wishes she could take back?" she added with her tone becoming more and more severe.

"Ava it's fine" he said but inside he was torn. There was part of him that was pleased that his daughter would stand up for him and knew instinctively that he was not the same boy so long ago. However there was an even bigger part that was destroyed to have broken her trust so fundamentally. He'd acted just as he did so long ago and demanded something from a woman not caring at all how she felt or who he hurt. Would Ava forgive him again? "It doesn't matter she couldn't handle it so its better that we find out now. If we'd continued it would have come out sooner or later. Its better now" Ava held him and Max close for several minutes not really understanding the truth behind all his tears. Eventually they made omelets to go with the toast and bacon while Max chatted from his swing set. They were standing at the sink washing and drying dishes when the door opened again and he again hoped that his beloved Reva might be at the other side but he refused to allow the word to pass his lips until he saw her face. "Mel?"

After Ava and Max left his partner revealed that she'd been the one to see him safely home. She'd been the one to clean his apartment and she'd even walked through the door with another bundle of groceries as he hadn't bought anything other than gin and chasers for the last month. "Thanks Mel" he whispered feeling greatly ashamed of himself. There was no reason for Mel to give a damn about him especially after the way he'd been behaving at work. The only reason the business was still viable was totally her efforts and if she'd demanded he walk away entirely no one would have blamed her. Especially him. "I'm sorry"

"It's fine. That's what friends do for each other" she said easily as she helped him put the food away. And it shamed him again how he'd callously thrown away all the love and friendship he'd earned. He'd lost Olivia and would loose Ava and Max too as soon as his daughter found out how he'd behaved. Work was all he had. It was the only thing that could keep him sane.

"I've been going through a bad patch but I'm finished with that now. You have you're partner again if you still think he's worth your time" he said and was swallowed in a warm hug.


	20. Chapter 20

She walked into the darkened room a few minutes after midnight expecting to find her mother, son, and sister all in their respective beds asleep but as soon as she opened the door she could almost feel Olivia's eyes on her. She'd gone right to her own suite without thinking and then had to gingerly open the adjoining door that connected the two. She moved across the living room trying to side step assorted toys, books, and shoes without killing herself but had to gasp in shock when she looked into her mother's red rimmed eyes. Her "meeting" had gone much longer than expected as planned so Ava was a bit surprised when her mother called at eleven thirty asking her daughter to return home to care for Max. Earlier that afternoon when she'd scheduled the baby sitting services Olivia had seemed more than pleased to care for her grandson for an entire night even if it was for a contrived meeting. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Ava" Olivia said staring at her as if she were an incredibly slow and feeble child "of course I don't mind. I love taking care of my biscotti. But you couldn't come up with a better excuse than a late meeting?" her mother asked as she moved closer to Ava's desk. Better to interrogate Ava supposed. "Who exactly is this so called meeting with pray tell"

"You can pray but I doubt I'm going to tell" Ava laughed as she held Max in her arms. "And I really wish you would get a better nickname for my kid" She didn't like lying to her mother but neither she nor Doris were ready to figure out exactly what was going on between them and telling Olivia would definitely involve plenty of explaining. For the past month she and the mayor had sneak lunches, impromptu dinners, and hidden rendezvous had kept their burgeoning friendship platonic but the lines were increasingly blurry. Neither purposely hid their growing affections from Olivia but it was hard enough to figure things out for themselves without trying to justify or reason with an outside party. She liked Doris and had not honestly had such good time with anyone in a every long time. It hadn't been this easy to be herself in a long while but there was still something holding her back. If she were really honest with herself Ava knew that her mother's over the top reaction wasn't the first thing that kept her libido in check. Her heart still belonged to Diane even if the woman never knew and even if it was all based on therapeutic slight of hand. She loved Diane and the possibility of betraying that love by perusing someone even as wonderful as Doris left her slightly ill.

After she kissed both her son's cheeks and his brow and lips and chin and his lips and head and his lips again Ava left her car parked on the Beacon's lot and took a taxi to the coffee house next to the courthouse door. At a quarter after five she followed a few steps behind and slide as inconspicuously as she could in the Doris' passenger door. They started off their friendship exploring understand the quirky humor of the other so last night Doris put on the Life of Brian and Ava returned volley with Spaceballs. They both laughed just as hard as they're previous nights but with each new showing their bodies grew progressively closer and closer. Tonight Ava was practically in Doris' lap and Doris' arms were loosely thrown just around Ava's shoulders. "Be honest my film was way way more savvy than a spoof on Star Wars"

"You can't be serious right? Might I remind you about the merlot that you spewed all over the screen when the guy afro picked the desert"

"Yeah well I got something caught in my throat" Doris said as she gathered up the plates and glasses scattered around her table.

"Why don't you just admit it I am a much better connoisseur of the comedic genre" Ava laughed as she drained her rest of her glass. She was just about to hand it over when their eyes connected and invisible sparks flew. There were hundreds of these little moments littered throughout the weeks they'd been dancing around each other flirting and teasing but unsure of how far to push the other. And just like each time before they both drew a haggard breath and then did their best to pretend the instant away. There was just too much to loose if they were wrong both assumed. Why the hell would someone as accomplished as her want someone like me? I had to get my mom to give me a job Ava thought glumly. She probably just feels sorry for me she reasoned and was so deep in thought that she missed every word that Doris said. "What?"

"I asked if you were interested in another movie or should I just call you a cab?" Doris asked giving her an out. They both had dropped subtle hints that the next time it would be better if they could actually drink enough to enjoy a buzz. Either she was on her way out the door after the last movie or Doris was dropping her off. So they said this time they'd relax into the evening and not spend it counting their stolen time together down. Tonight she wasn't expected home until morning but was she ready to go that far? Where they ready? "Do you have something I can change into? I seem to have gotten some grape flavored precipitation on my clothes"

Doris handed her loose yoga pants and her alma mater sweat shirt and there were hints of the woman's soft scent in her nose as Ava pulled them on and waited for Doris to join her in the bedroom. They were going to watch the Complete History of the World Doris' last attempt to civilize Ava on Doris' king sized bed so they didn't have to worry about falling asleep. Falling asleep? Ava didn't think the idea of sleep would be within a thousand mile radius of her brain for the next few hours. They both held glasses of wine and there was a cheese and fruit tray in the middle of the bed and at least ten feet separating the two women. Both were in more danger of falling off the edge than falling asleep. "Don't you think this is a little ridiculous" Ava asked after she emptied her glass for the third time that night.

"Hey I looked at Grandma's boy for you do so I don't think"

"I don't mean the damn movie. I meant us"

"Oh"

"Doris listen"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to watch it up here. It seems like I was just trying to put a make on you instead of"

"Silly me I was actually hoping that's exactly what you were trying to do"

"Really?" Doris exclaimed yanking her head fast towards Ava's face. "You wanted me to"

"I was hoping that I wasn't the only one wanting. This" Ava said in a whisper not daring to look the other woman in the face.

"Really?"

"Yeah really. I like you. I have so much fun with you and when I leave you I can't wait until I can see you again"

"I like spending time with you too. You don't tell me that I'm being too mean or too ambitious. You don't look at me like the worst bitch in the world when I tell you what I'm actually thinking"

"Hello have you met my mother. I've been pretty much inoculated against bitchiness" Ava said as the two laughed. "I don't know what I want or what this means but I would really love if we could decide it together" They spent the rest of the night wrapped up in separate blankets telling each other their deepest hopes and their darkest fears. The movie played and stopped and the room was filled with their occasional laughter and sighs. When Ava woke up she and Doris were facing each other with their foreheads touching and their hands linked. The DVD was still on the start menu and her phone was softly chirping "Mom?"

"Ava I'm sorry to call you but do you think you could come home?"

"Sure is everything okay?" Ava whispered walking into the hallway as worry and anxiety flooded her system "is there something wrong with Max?"

"No baby he's fine I'm just not feeling so good and I don't think I'd be the best to watch him right now. I need to take something for my migraine so I"

"Of course mom. I'm sorry I'll be right there" Of course Doris heard her even though she tried to gather her things as quietly as possible. "I'm sorry my mom just called and said she wasn't feeling too good. She needs me to watch Max"

"That's fine" Doris said from the bed without any emotion. Ava had no idea what the other woman was thinking and she didn't have the luxury to try and pull it out of her. She would love nothing more than spending the rest of the night with Doris and waking up and greeting the morning with her but it just wasn't meant to be. She was halfway out the room with a taxi waiting for her in the driveway when she felt Doris pull up beside her and wrap her arms around her waist. "You don't regret this do you?" Doris asked softly.

"No. Do you?" Ava responded just as softly and felt two of the softest lips she'd ever known brush her lips and a velvet tongue pull her bottom lip inside the other woman's mouth. They kissed for a few seconds and then Ava was out the door rushing towards her sick mother and son. Max was laying in his crib sucking on his toes with all his blankets thrown far away. She brushed her hands through his sweaty hair and looked up into her mother's eyes and almost asked what was wrong before her mother softly spoke. "I'm sorry to cut your evening short but I don't think I'll be in to work tomorrow. Do you think you can take care of your sister and the office for a few hours?"

"Of course I" she started before her mother nodded her head and then retreated into her bathroom and Ava heard the water start to run. Scooping up the boy she went back into her quarters hoping her mother would be better in the morning. But instead of pulled out of sleep by her son's soft coos and gurgles it was her nine year old sister peering into her face. "Ava. Ava mommy said you were going to take me to school" was her greeting. Only ten minutes to spare until Emma was officially late an on show and tell day. It took her a few minutes to rouse herself and bundle Max but eventually Emma made it to school and was even able to eat breakfast.

Aside from the few hours she spent with her father after dropping Emma off Ava was dutifully hard at work. She called and left a few text and voicemails to her mother but never heard anything other than a vague "am ok" so she continued work as best she could in between caring for Max. Usually Marty, his nanny, watched him for a few hours during the morning so Ava could work but unfortunately Marty called out today as well and Ava was reduced to working with one hand and distracting Max with the other. That was how Natalia found her attempting to negotiate a contract with an important client while trying to keep Max from poking pens up his nose and into his eyes. "Thank God you're here" Ava said in a rush as the other woman walked into the room. "It's been a mad house with Marty and Mom out"

"So Olivia is still not feeling well?" Natalia asked as she took Max into her arms. He was in a bit of a mood and had been refusing to be put down for the past hour which wasn't making Ava's life any easier. He didn't actually cry but would give her the most pathetic pouts imaginable while his bottom lip trembled in despairing agony at the injustice of being ignored. Any other day this wouldn't have been a problem but right now it took all her efforts to get any work done. "Hey Max is mommy being mean to you again"

"Yes horrible mother that I am actually expects him to hold his own bottle which he'd been previously doing for the past two months but for some reason today its beyond his job description"

"How is Olivia? We were supposed to have dinner together last night but after she and your father talked upstairs she came down and suddenly didn't feel up to it. She took the kids back up to bed."

"My dad was here last night? He didn't tell me that" Ava said aloud as she finally got a chance to eat her lunch.

"Oh. So how was he this morning?" Natalia said with what Ava considered an even tone but for some reason it seemed odd.

"Not that good. He told me that he and Reva broke up"

"Oh that was probably why he was so upset yesterday"

"What actually happened last night?"

"Nothing much" the woman said with an equivocating air. "He came to see you and the baby but he seemed a little upset and then he and your mom talked. Then she came down and wasn't feeling well"

"That's it? They talked? Not argued or screamed bloody murder at each other?" Ava was well aware of how her parents usually talked and calm and civil weren't the adjectives she would use.

"He was upset, understandably and you mom seemed a little bit stressed. But I don't know what went on because your mom asked me to take Max downstairs with Emma" There weren't very many people Ava considered a friend much less close but Natalia was both not only because of her relationship with Emma and her mother but because of the woman herself. There were many times that Ava had gone to Natalia in confidence when she was uncomfortable talking to either Jeffery or Olivia. The other woman might have been only eight or nine years older but to Ava she was beginning to become a second mother figure and although she had never said the words to the Natalia Ava loved her. Their relationship was fairly new but it had been deepened and strengthened by adversity and something was telling her that Natalia was hiding something very important from her.

"Natalia I need you to be honest with me. What's going on with my mom and dad. Please"

"I didn't want to mention this because I didn't want to upset you especially now that I know what was bothering your father but he came here a little bit. He came a bit drunk"

"Okay" Ava said still not seeing the connection. "and?"

"I told you it was nothing. He was upset and yelling that he wanted to see you and Max started crying from the loud noises and then Olivia came in. I've never seen her look like that. Ever. Even during the times when we hated each other the most she never looked that cold and enraged"

"So he was yelling and drunk and scaring Max is that all? I need to know everything"

"No he was grabbing me and Olivia walked in while I was telling him to stop and then she just snapped. I told her that Max and I were fine but she ordered me to leave and just laid into your father like I've never seen before." Shit. Ava said to herself as she turned away from Max and Natalia. Olivia walked in on Natalia yelling no to a very drunk and disorderly Jeffery. No wonder she looked so distant and upset last night. There is no telling what's going through her mind right now. Damn it that's why he was so surprised I wasn't angry this morning. "Hey tell me what's wrong. You know something" she heard Natalia say behind her.

"Has my mom ever told you about her and my dad? How they got together? Or why she put me up for adoption?"

"No I just assumed she was 16 years old and scared and just made the obvious choice"

"You have to talk to my mom about this. That's her story to tell you" and then felt herself being pulled tight by the arm.

"Oh no you don't. You can't just start this and then say see Olivia for the rest. I told you the truth now I expect and deserve the same from you" Ava had to swallow after seeing a hardness come into the Latina's eyes and became a little afraid for her father. "I would tell you but I can't. I can't break her confidence but I will tell you that you have to find my mom and make her tell you the truth. Don't let her pretend she's fine and push this into the background" and then took her son from Natalia's arms as she made her way to the office door. "Do you love my mom?"

"Of course I do why would you ask me that"

"Because I want you to be there for her once you understand if you do love her. But if this is just a phase or you experimenting leave her alone and don't bother. She's going to need you a lot after this and if you can't be there for her then it would be better for everyone concerned if you just dropped this right now"

"I love your mother Ava and nothing or no one is ever going to make me walk away"


	21. Chapter 21

Emma was in bed asleep and Max was sitting in his crib playing with an empty bottle. Her daughter hadn't been at all happy about cancellation of their dinner plans. And the nine year old hadn't been quiet about her displeasure either and told her mother in great detail how unfair her treatment was and stomped off into her room and slammed the door. If Olivia had been feeling a little better she might have tried to reason with Emma or might have at least made her eat her dinner in the living room with her and Max. but the only thing Olivia could think when the door slammed was how happy she had one person less to deal with tonight. After she left the restroom and her hands finally stopped shaking she walked up to Natalia and her family seated around a table in the Beacon's restaurant. The meal had already arrived and Max was enjoying his first taste of jasmine rice and kale. It should have been a wonderful night spent with the love of her life and her two children but all Olivia could think about was getting as drunk as humanly possible in the next ten minutes. Somehow she managed to have their meal sent up to the suite and convince Natalia she was fine except for a slight headache with three minutes to spare. Emma's tirade had taken only minute forty but as she turned towards the tenqueray she spotted Max reaching out from his seat on the bed begging to be pickup.

Seeing Jeffery drunk and grabbing onto Natalia's arm while she yelled at him to stop had brought so many memories flooding back, memories she'd thought were already worked through. Standing there listening to his drunken ramblings smelling the liquor on his breath Olivia could feel her anxiety rising. This was not the same situation and she wasn't in any danger Olivia tried to keep reminding herself but in her head she was back in the embassy except this time she didn't have the haze of alcohol to numb her.

Max was looking at her in stark confusion. He was not used to waving his arms at anyone especially his mama and not getting any response. He added a hand wave and batted his eyelashes at her hoping to spark some recognition. Five seconds later when he was still no closer to lifted off the bed he started some mewing sounds slowly warming up the vocal cords for the upcoming work out if the situation wasn't quickly rectified but he found the warning was more than enough.

As she held him Olivia kept thanking God that Ava hadn't been home when her father turned up at their door drunk on his ass. Glad not only for Ava's sake but her own. It had taken many long years and long night crying herself to sleep to get to a place where her conception wasn't the first thing that jumped out at her at the sight of her oldest daughter. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Ava and they would never revert back to the misery and hate they'd struggled from. But tonight Olivia wasn't sure if she could face Ava without breaking down in tears. For the first time in years the thought of her daughter made her ill and she hated it. They had come too far to let a selfish stunt by that bastard ruinh everything they'd built. She tried to picture all their happy times and all the positive memories they'd created but all she could think of at the moment was his eyes and his hands.

That night in the embassy it had been his captivating eyes that had drawn her to him and the gentle way he'd held her as they danced in the muted light. But when he had her bent over the desk and she felt his hands moving over her body as if he owned her she couldn't pull her eyes away from his even when she closed them tight. Even from behind her lids she could feel him apprising her and labeling her some as some drunken slut. He and Ava shared the same eyes and the thought of seeing any part of him in her daughter was more than she could bare. So she was very glad that Ava wouldn't be home for the night.

In a way holding Max had helped because the boy reminded her enough of her daughter but looked nothing like his grandfather. Holding him grounded her and she just prayed that Max would be enough to keep everything from crumbling.

She wanted to drink more than anything and would have if the boy had followed instruction and gone to sleep but of course he was a Spencer. Any other night he would have been sleeping for several hours but because his mere wanted a little alone time with Ms Gin and Mr Tonic Max was wide awake. In the end she'd given in and called Ava anyway. She held her breath as the young woman walked in and tried to imagine how hard it would be if the old feelings surfaced. There was no way she could continue to live with her daughter if the feelings of revulsion and shame returned but when Ava smiled at her and touched Max's head Olivia sighed and made it into the restroom as fast as she could. Tears fell down and she turned on the faucet to hide her strangled sobs but in her heart the world had righted. She'd been afraid that seeing Ava would bring up all the pain and horror of that night on San Cristobal. And it had but not in the way Olivia dreaded. She still hated what Jeffery did to her and did to them both but her anger was only directed at the man. Olivia tried to keep reminding herself that he was different. It was a single stupid incident and it didn't define who Jeffery O'Neil was now but it was hard to believe her own drunken ramblings.

Brushing the hair out of Emma's head as she lay in bed in between sleep and consciousness Olivia tried to keep her voice light as she explained that her big sister would be taking her to school. Emma had been highly upset with her mother last night and had eaten her meal in her room away from her nephew and Olivia but now all the anger and frustrations were gone and in their place an excited nine year old ready to start the day. Last night she'd lied claimed to have a monster of a headache but that didn't excuse not picking up the phone when Natalia called to say good night. And it didn't make her feel any easier imagining the disappointment on the Latina's face when she found out Olivia wouldn't be into work today.

Any other time Olivia would have laid down her life for Natalia but in this instance just the thought of seeing the woman hurt. Olivia knew in her heart that she did nothing wrong twenty five years ago or last night but that didn't keep her from worrying that somehow this knowledge would change Natalia's love for her. What if when she explained Natalia drew the same conclusion that her mother did and call her a loose slut who got exactly what she deserved. It would be completely out of character but right now she couldn't take the chance. What she had with Natalia was the only thing besides her children that kept her sane.

"Who does a girl have to screw to get a pothole fixed around here" she asked from the hallway holding two steaming cups of coffee and a bag of muffins.

"Do you ever do anything besides harass people at their place of employment? I thought running a hotel might keep you busy enough to stay off the street" Doris groaned not looking up from her keypad.

"Yeah that's how much you know. Where the hell have you been by the way? Every time I call I seem to be interrupting a bootycall"

"Please tell me you did not just utter the words bootycall in front of my office in the middle of city hall?" Doris said finally looking up and shaking her head at the other woman. "Would you please bring your sorry ass in here. I happen to have to work for my money unlike some rich bitches"

"Don't try and change the subject" Olivia said sharing her good. "Who is she? And does she know you are a total slut?"

"Did you come here for a reason? Pay a parking ticket or register as a sex offender?"

"Who Is She and how come you haven't dished yet?"

"Like you dish!"

"That's different we're in love. You're just working off calories"

"Why thanks for the vote of confidence"

Olivia was slightly slow with the warm and fuzzies but she did notice swift change in mood. Could it be that her erstwhile friend had gone and fallen in love? Hell no. "Hey sorry but I'm serious I call to have lunch or lampoon Dancing with the Stars and all I get is your voicemail. I have feelings too you know"

"So I shouldn't want to be happy? So I should just wait around for when you and Natalia aren't sucking face so I can have a conversation with you? I shouldn't want my own mother superior?"

"You really are in love"

"I'm Not in Love! Shit I am so screwed"

"Hey I'm happy for you I promise I just"

"No. we're just starting out and I don't want to jinx it. And its kind of complicated"

"It can't be anymore complicated of falling in love with a woman who gave you the husband's heart you literally tried to steal on your deathbed"

"Trust me it's complicated" Olivia spent the rest of the morning rating chics on Craigslist as she tried to distract Doris from doing any productive work. In the end Doris conceded defeat and sprang for lunch at a nearby diner. They were laughing and on their way back to the office when Natalia spotted them crossing the street. "Olivia?"

"Natalia" Olivia said trying to come up with a good reason she'd ignored all five of her girlfriend's increasingly frantic voicemails and ten texts. She watched Doris grin at her without a drop of sympathy as she followed Natalia to a park across the street. "Hey I"

"What the hell is going on with you? I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. Why have you been ignoring me?" Natalia asked getting agitated.

"Maybe we should"

"I was worried sick about you. Sick! I didn't get a wink of sleep worried if there was something wrong with you or Godforbid it was your heart! And then I call I text I do everything but send up smoke signals and I find you laughing it up with Doris?"

"Natalia really maybe you ought to"

"Maybe I ought to rethink my relationship with you because obviously it means way more to me than it does to you. So go and have fun with her while I help your daughter run your stupid company" Natalia said before attempting to stomp off but Olivia grabbed her arm and pulled her around before she got get more than two steps away. The box of country fried steak and home style potatoes be damned. "Let me go"

"No I'm sorry okay. You are completely right I was acting like a complete bitch and you deserve so much better and I promise I can explain if you just give another chance"

"You didn't seem too interested in talking to me last night or this morning so why the hell should I drop everything to listen to you now?"

"You're right I'm sorry please" there was no way she could loose Natalia. Her children and Natalia and if she couldn't have those four things nothing else made sense. "Please can we go somewhere and talk? I'll explain everything I swear. Eventually she followed Natalia's car until they reached the farmhouse but the woman hadn't waited for Olivia to stop the car before she was out of her own and into the house without a glance backward. Olivia was half expecting that when she reached up she would find the door locked but stepped inside to Natalia pacing the floor. "Can I have something to"

"You can talk or you can leave. I love you Olivia but I didn't do anything to be treated this way so if you don't"

"You're right you didn't but I can't tell you what I need to say. Please may I have glass of wine then I promise to tell you everything" Natalia's back was to through the whole story and by the time she got to the hours she and Jeffery spent grinding on the dance floor Olivia had turned her back as well. The rest of the story sort of slid out of her. She talked about his constant demands and then his complete dismissal like she was discussing an option at a board meeting. Talking about her mother was a bit harder and so were the tales of supporting her sister and brother alone and frightened and pregnant. Olivia kept talking until she felt Natalia lay her cool face on her shoulders and she even kept talking through the tears that streamed down her back and her own that stained her face. "When I saw him touching you like that I just lost it. All I could picture was it happening again but only to you. I would did before I let him hurt you or Max. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you but" she never got to finish the rest of that sentence. Natalia led her with kisses and tears up to the bedroom where they both found an easy sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

He was sitting in his office going over his latest armed robbery case when a forgotten text from Stephanie Baxter caught his eye. He'd tried his best to erase them as soon as she sent them and hadn't even taken the time to create a contact for the woman only signaling her calls as "clerk". However yesterday when he was out with Mel picking up some office supplies he ran in to the young woman at the checkout counter. As soon as Mel stepped outside to take a call Stephanie stepped right beside him and he had to assume that she'd been watching him and Mel all along.

Looking up in her face in shock he tried his best to be cordial and relaxed but there was no denying the anger and disgust visible on her face. He was second in line and Stephanie had cut two or three people to get to him and when a few voiced some negative opinion of her act she graced them with such a frown that they immediately held their peace. Shit. He didn't remember exactly what she said but she made him and everyone in five feet of them understand just what a loser he was. She cataloged just how selfish and childish he was to have picked her up one night and then snuck out of her bed the next without even a glimmer of regret. She made him understand that she wasn't a cheap fuck and she deserved at least the respect of the "lets just be friends" line. His face was flush and he could only pray to be struck with a cardiac arrest just to end the tirade but as soon as she'd said her fill she stepped away. No one clapped but he could see flashes of pride in many of the woman's eyes as they took him in in measured stares. A few of the men chuckled under their breath happy that it had not been them on the receiving end. Thankfully by the time Mel joined him the entire scene was over and he was stumbling towards the car still blinded with shock and humiliation. Now he glanced at the text saying she'd love to meet him for dinner after work in relief that it was at least over. He could go back to the court house without fearing when her anger would strike. She was a good clerk and would be profession he'd known all along but now the whole anticipation for the other shoe to fall was behind him.

After his breakfast with his daughter and grandson Jeffery and Mel spent most of the evening working on cases and eating junk food. Well he ate junk food while Mel snacked on raw vegetables and when the sky began to darken she cooked a spicy dish of rice and chicken that left him fanning his face and reaching for seconds. The office was so far behind thanks to his neglect and their surging popularity that they repeated the night several times in the next few days just to get their heads above the rising waters. He had always enjoyed talking to the younger woman and loved watching her brilliant mind in action and she wasn't bad looking to seal the deal. Mel kept him distracted enough that he didn't have time or the energy to think about Reva and wonder what he could have done to forestall their end. Every time he spoke to his daughter he kept expecting her to confront him about his drunken rampage days earlier but she never said a word after she made one vague comment. She told him that he shouldn't contact Olivia and to wait until she was ready to confront him. He got the feeling that Ava was disappointed and troubled about what he'd done in her suite but he didn't know the words to say to comfort her or assure her that her respect for him wasn't in vain. So he said nothing and waited. Sooner or later both women would vent their emotions he knew and he just hoped he could come up with a reason for their forgiveness when the did.

He was still working on the case when his door flew open just after lunch and Natalia Rivera stood in the middle of his office huffing at him. "Natalia?" he asked as he stood up from his chair. The only thing he could think was something had happened to either Ava or the baby. Why else would the woman be there. Their connections to each other were superficial. They ran into each other often when Max was at the hospital and Olivia and he were caring for the boy. He had a feeling that she and his ex-wife were more than close friends but they never made any statements or overt gestures so he tried never to assume. Although he'd secretly pictured and fantasized hundreds of times to his continued shame and disgust. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you at work but I can't put off talking to you any longer" Natalia said still standing in his doorway and she made no move to sit in any of the offered chairs.

"Of course please come in" he said trying to be diplomatic but he could tell that whatever the other woman needed to say was pressing heavily on her. The only time he'd seen Natalia so shaken was when she learned of Gus' death. He tried to usher her to a chair but the woman snatched her arm away from him and cut him with a withering stare. "What's wrong?"

"You know exactly what's wrong. I don't even know how you can sit there in that chair pretending to be a man of law and respect knowing what you did to her. To both of them" and he felt his heart give. She knew. She knew about everything he thought again as he shut the door behind her. "How could you come to Ava's room in that condition after what you did to her mother? Do you think at all about how your actions would affect your daughter or the mother of your child?"

"Natalia listen I don't know what you think you know but"

"I know that you raped Olivia. I know that you were both young and drunk and the fact that she forgave you for such a horrible crime should have meant something. It should have meant"

"That was a lifetime ago. I'm not the same person I was then. Both Olivia and Ava know that I've changed and we've moved past that"

"You're right they did. You and Olivia and Ava moved past that but your drunken stunt made all those memories of that night come rushing back to her and all the shame and fear she felt then resurfaced. Feelings that she shouldn't have to fight against especially when she has to care for her daughters and grandson. She shouldn't have to wake up in terror smelling your breath reeking of alcohol. Ava shouldn't have to worry that her presence brings up terrifying memories. But you did that. They were past all of that but you brought it right back up when you stumbled in Ava's room demanding to hold Max" He couldn't speak. He opened and shut his mouth a few times but he could force no sounds out. There were tears welling behind his eyes but he wouldn't let them fall. He didn't deserve her comfort or pity. "I'm here to tell you to get your head together and figure out what you want. If its to be a part of Olivia's life as a friend then I suggest you pull it together because I won't allow your self destruction to harm her anymore. Your daughter and grandchild deserve at least that much" and then she was gone.

He sat in his darkened room clutching a half filled bottle of scotch so tightly that his hands hurt but he wouldn't let go. He wanted to drink. There was never a time in his life that he'd wanted to get bleary drunk more but he couldn't. If he started down that path again after all the destruction he'd caused there would be no redemption later. He'd hurt Olivia and he'd hurt the only woman he'd ever truly loved and if their pain didn't stop him from taking a sip then nothing would. In the back of his mind he'd known that Ava knew. Her tone was strained lately and she'd never been too busy to see him before but he told himself everything was fine because she kept taking his calls and even called him herself. But he'd known she was hurt but he just didn't know to what extent. Should he go to her and try to make her understand or should he just wait and see if she would return to him?

When he heard Mel's voice at his door he almost pretended not to be home but threw that thought away because the woman deserved more. For too long he'd been doing what was the easiest for him without care of what anyone else needed but when he opened the door he retreated back into his corner. "Jeffery? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Mel but I don't think I'm going to be much help to you tonight. I know I've been dead weight for a while but if you give me a few days to settle I'll make this up to you" The words sounded hollow and false to him but he hoped that he could make them true.

"What's going on with you? What happened? Everything was fine at the office?"

"Nothing is going to be fine for a long while. It may be better if you brought on Johnson as a partner. He's a really good and"

"I don't want Johnson or anyone else as my partner when I already have one so tell me what the hell is going on!"

"You don't want me. I'm no better than the people we keep pulling out of jail over and over again. I'm nothing but"

"Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself and just tell me the fucking truth? Please tell me what's going on"

"I'm a rapist"

"No"

"I am. I raped Olivia when I was twenty years old and she was sixteen. I got her drunk and then I raped her. That's what I did"

"If that's true Olivia would have killed you years ago"

"She didn't know it was me at first. She was raped but she didn't know it was me until after she found out Ava was our child. She did want to kill me but Ava got her to forgive me"

"Okay so if they forgave you why are you falling apart now? You've known Ava was your daughter almost four years now?"

"I started to feel guilty about everything when I saw how Ava reacted to Max. I started to picture how Olivia must have felt when she gave birth to her rapist's child. Eventually I told Reva and"

"And she broke up with you"

"Yes. She said that she didn't know how to be around someone who did that. Then I got drunk a few days ago and went to the Beacon and scared Natalia and Max pretty good. Olivia came up and saw me being a jackass and all the old fears came back"

Mel walked closer to Jeffery and sat beside him and held his shaking hands and said "I'm not Reva" and then squeezed it tight as she continued. "Just because you do something bad doesn't make you a bad person. You know that. Doing one horrible thing doesn't have to define your whole life. Jeffery you aren't a rapist. Your daughter doesn't feel that way and I don't feel that way. You're going to have to do a lot of hard work to get them both to trust you again but I know you can do it. I believe in you"


	23. Chapter 23

Ava was on her way from picking up Max from Remy at the local park when she ran into him. The six month old was extremely dirty and so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. There were at least five different food stains on his clothes and face and hands looked as if he'd been rolling in the sandbox for hours. Remy took Max 1-2 times each week depending on his work schedule and the by was spending the night with his father on at least one visit. Olivia and Remy were still not the best of friends but the older woman was civil now that the man proved himself to be a good father and caretaker but after each visit she still did in injury inventory. To everyone's relief Remy hadn't failed one inspection because there was no doubt what would happen if he did. Ava still had work to do at the office before meeting Doris for the night and had to get Max cleaned before his grandmother spotted him in sure disarray.

Ava was looking down into her purse for her keys and was holding Max in her arms as best she could when she ran into someone and almost tripped over herself. Looking up she immediately apologized to the man, judging by the hands, that was holding her up and keeping Max from spilling out of her arms. "I am so sorry. Please excuse" she started before she looked up into his face and stopped speaking. She'd been back from the hospital almost four months but this was the first time she was face to face with her ex-husband. How they'd managed to avoid each other in such a small town she didn't know but now that she seeing him all the things she thought she would and should say escaped her memory. Max didn't even react to his almost header in the grass. "Bill" she said gasping.

"Hey. How are you?" He asked with a mild and boyish smile. That was the one thing that had drawn her to him in the first place. No matter what was going on he could sport an easy and uncomplicated smile that melt most hearts. But the last time she'd seen him he hadn't been smiling. He'd been more angry than she'd ever imagined he could be. Not even on the day he realized everything she'd said was a horrible lie had he been so incensed. She'd wanted a son with his smile and his beautiful blue eyes but right now he was hardly paying her any attention. All of his focus was on the sleeping boy she held in her arms. "How is he?"

"He's good. He's doing really well. Every time the doctor sees him she's amazed that he was premature. He's getting so strong and he's so smart" she gushed automatically. It was second nature to her to detail all Max's accomplishments and it didn't take much thought or effort. Maybe they could just keep talking about Max and never bring up their destructive past.

"You look good too. I'm glad that you're feeling better" She didn't know what to say to this. The last time she'd seen him she was laying in a hospital bed still bleeding and sore from a hard birth. She'd prayed for death when she saw the black skin sliding out of her body. It had hurt to even imagine how she'd screwed up everything for everyone yet again. Nothing she could do would adequately explain how much she'd taken from him. All of the hopes and dreams she'd destroyed in that one instant came back to her instantly and she felt hot with shame. Shame of lying to him and herself and trapping them both in misery. "So you kept the name Maximus?" he laughed finally looking up at her.

"Oh God no!" She said joining him in laughter. "I really must have been in love with you to ever agree to name my son such a screwed up name. Were you hoping that he would be killed by the second grade by bullies when you thought up that one?"

"It's a strong name"

"Yeah well would have been okay if we were in ancient Rome but since we live in modern day Springfield his name is Maxwell Spencer O'Neil Boudreau. Max"

"It's a fine name Ava. He's a beautiful boy" Bill said as he stroked his head. "I'm glad that he's getting so big. You're going to have a little man on your hands soon" And Ava again felt shamed of how much she'd stolen from him. She spotted Lizzie standing near a picnic table watching their scene unfold. For so long Ava fought to hold onto a man that never would be hers and vowed to die before Lizzie Spaulding ever reunited with Bill but it was never meant to be. Bill leaned down and kissed Max's head and gave her an awkward hug before he continued walking towards Lizzie and Ava continued towards her car.

Max was clean and playing in the crib in his pen as Emma and Olivia walked into her office holding hands. The boy immediately pulled himself up and stood bouncing up and down for either his aunt or mama to hold free him and free him from his confines. He didn't mind being in the pen but if there was a slight chance of getting out and moving around then he was always game. In the last month Olivia had decided that she was much too young to be called the G word and had instituted a fiat proclaiming herself hence and forever 'mama'. They boy drooled with glee as Olivia scooped him up and Emma ran her fingers over the soles of his exposed feet. "Natalia is insisting that you and Max come with us to the farm to have dinner"

"Yeah, Ava you and Max could come and I can show him all the new ducks and frogs on the farm" Emma said jumping up and down. Olivia and Emma spent almost as much time at the farm as they could and Ava was starting to believe that her mother was considering the farmhouse their home. Sometimes she wondered why her mother didn't just move in with her girlfriend already. It was plain to anyone watching that its what everyone wanted especially Emma who groaned each night she didn't get to sleep at the farmhouse. But she never questioned her mother about it for fear the woman would get the wrong impression. They loved each other and were very close but there were still times that they inadvertently managed to offend each other and old hurts resurfaced. So she said nothing and trusted her mother and Natalia to work the rest out.

"I wish I could but Max and I have a previous engagement" Date more like it. Several times her mother had watched her son while she and Doris spent time getting to know each other but last night the other woman suggested bringing Max along. Olivia still had no idea who the mystery person was and she had a feeling that her mom might make a stink about her involving Max in her love life so she tried to be as vague as possible. She thought she'd managed to deflect suspicion until she heard her mother say

"Emma why don't you go up into my office and start on your homework" to her sister and watched Olivia's eyes narrow after Emma left. Busted. "So things seem to be going pretty well for you and Natalia" she said hoping to throw her mother off track.

"Good try but I want to know exactly who this mysterious person is and I want to know right now" It would have been laughable if the woman wasn't being completely serious. She'd met her mother when she was twenty two and several years after burying her adopted mother several states away. There was no reason for Olivia to try to mother a grown woman but she did and Ava was helpless to ignore her efforts even when they irritated her.

"Mom I think you need to try and relax some now I"

"I can't believe that you're okay with letting this guy spend time with your son when"

"Mom I'm sorry I wasn't there the first two months of his life but I am a good mother. Since I've been back I've done nothing except put his needs above my own and if I think its time for Max to meet my date then I expect you to deal with it" The anger in her mother's face was replaced by embarrassment and Olivia tried to respond but Ava talked over her faltering words. "I know you're just worried about Max and me but I promise I'm not going to put him in danger. I just want to take things slow. I'm going to introduce you to my friend I promise I just need a little more time. Please tell me you understand"

"It's been months since you started dating this guy. I thought you trusted me. You used to tell me everything and now since you've been dating this guy it's like you don't even need me anymore"

"Of course I need you mom" Ava said walking around her desk and pulling her Olivia into a hug. "and I trust you its just this is really complicated and I just. I don't want to rush into anything you know? I promise I will tell you everything tomorrow night. You and I will sit down and have a long talk" That little factoid hadn't been in the plans she and Doris had discussed a few hours ago over the phone. Both knew that keeping Olivia in the dark for much longer was going to blow up in their faces in a big way once it was out in the open. She would feel like they'd purposely lied and maybe even feel that her daughter and best friend had played her for a fool but it had taken the pair months to get an idea of their feelings. There was no doubt in Ava's mind that she cared deeply for the city mayor. Doris was a beautiful, sexy, funny, and successful woman whom she thoroughly enjoyed spending time with. The biggest problem lay in the fact that Ava was still very much in love with another woman. A woman she would and could never have but the feelings had not abated since the day she'd met the doctor. The two texted each other every couple of weeks and she'd finally erased the old voice messages. Ava had even erased Dr Martin's name from her contact list and only responded to the professional texts sent to her by a concerned caretaker but it didn't stop her heart from aching. Doris knew about the relationship and the two were going very slowly because of that along with the complication of her mother. They hadn't even made love. They kissed and held each other but most of their touches were fairly innocent and more than a few times Ava had begged Doris to just forget her and try with someone less screwed up in the head but the other woman had persisted. Tonight they were going to finally discuss where they saw this going. One way or the other things would be out and well defined for everyone including her mother.

Max was sleeping on stretched out on Doris' sofa as she and Ava sat on the floor watching Airplane. They were wrapped up together in a blanket facing away from Max. Over dinner Ava had explained again how much she enjoyed spending time with Doris and wished to continue moving forward but warned that her feelings for Diane Martin were still quite strong. She expressed regret if Doris decided to end their relationship but understood without question the wisdom of that action. Doris hadn't talked much and Ava was half fearing that all her talk of self sacrifice were going to be taken seriously. She would miss the other woman immensely but how could she expect Doris to maintain things if she was still clinging to a fantasy with an unattainable woman. In the end Doris had accepted her words but voiced her desire to win Ava over. Ava hadn't been so happy in a long while and had almost fallen over herself to hug Doris is gratefulness.

Eventually Max was moved to his pen at the foot of Doris' bed and the two women held each other in the dark. Neither expected to make love tonight especially with Max in the room but there was an unmistakable need and draw now when she held the other woman. That Doris was so willing and so patient made Ava believe the feeling so love were inevitable. There was no way that she wouldn't fall in love with Doris. It wouldn't be tonight but it wouldn't be soon off. They were kissing so heavily that she almost didn't hear the strange sounds coming from the bottom of the bed. They both pulled back from each other and Doris turned on the lights as Ava crawled towards the foot of the bed to her son. When the lights were on she was so shocked her heart almost topped. Max as laying in the bed face up with flailing his limbs up and down. His body was vibrating and his eyes were rolled up into the top of his head. There was white foam coming from his nose and mouth and there were strangled moans from his throat. "Oh my God. Oh My GOD!" she cried over and over in horror as she watched her son thrash before her.


	24. Chapter 24

Emma was already in bed asleep a full hour before her scheduled bedtime. Olivia had set out to purposely wear the girl out so that she could spend the night abandoning herself in making love with her girlfriend without fear that Emma might hear some conspicuous noise. They had inspected the entire farm, picked wild flowers, and chased each other until the girl was gasping for breath. She hadn't even lasted all the way through dinner before she was asking to retreat to bed. Olivia had to practically bathe her like a baby the girl was so exhausted. She tried to keep her plans from Natalia but every so often she would catch the other woman shaking her head at her and her antics. Was it Olivia's fault that Natalia drove her absolutely insane with need. It was all she could do not to take the younger woman right there on the kitchen table much less wait until nine thirty when Emma might agree to go quietly to bed so long as she had an hour long story time along with frequent stops for water and restroom. By the time Olivia was finished with Emma Natalia was already standing under a hot shower and Olivia just eased her way inside. They stayed under the water until it turned ice cold and eventually made their way onto the bed.

Natalia was asleep beside her with her wrapped around Olivia's body clutching her tightly even in slumber. Never had she imagined that they could share such passion and she had to stop herself from waking the woman again and starting their adult activities all over again. While she was chasing Gus she'd called Natalia a nun and did everything she could to make the woman feel asexual and frigid but good God was she ever wrong. Natalia had even taught the man eater a few moves and her warm lips just brushing over Olivia's nipple was distracting her from ever falling asleep. To hell with this she thought and gently flipped them over and began moving her mouth hungrily down Natalia's still sleeping form. She would have spent at least thirty minutes sucking all the moisture from Natalia's sex just to create some more if not for the loud ringing of her phone. "Wha?" she heard Natalia say as she clutched the sheets to her body in fright. "Livia?" Natalia mumbled.

"This had better be good" Olivia growled when she opened up the phone not bothering to look at the caller id. "What the hell do you want?" she yelled when she didn't hear anything from the other side and was almost about to end the call when she heard Ava's sob. "Ava? Baby? What's wrong. Baby?"

"Mommy its Max. He's sick. We're at the hospital but they haven't told me anything. I'm scared. Please I need you here"

"I'll be right there okay baby. I promise I will be right over. Just try and keep calm and talk to" but then was interrupted when a male called for the mother of Maxwell Boudreau and suddenly the call was dropped. Olivia was out of the bed and scrambling to get into her clothes and Natalia was trying her best to keep out of her way and pulling on clothes as well. "No you stay here. I don't want to wake Emma and take her to the hospital in the middle of the night"

"Are you sure? I want to be there for you and Ava" Natalia said helping Olivia straighten out her clothes.

"Yes. You can come later after Emma is at school if you want to" Olivia remembered the heated lingering kiss they exchanged but didn't have a clue how she ended up in the middle of the emergency room at Cedars looking for her daughter and grandson. "His name is Maxwell Boudreau and my daughter brought him in here a little while ago and" she ranted as each word rose in volume and in tone. If this bitch didn't get her with her family Olivia was going to make her regret ever being born.

"Mom! Mom!" she heard and turned to see Ava rushing towards her. Remy was holding Christina and Jeffery and Mel were there as well. As she hugged her daughter Olivia tried to prepare herself to deal with Jeffery again. Since the incident in the hotel they had avoided each other and for the first time Ava was respecting their right to work things out on their own without her interference. She'd expected to see Mel and Christina because of their connection to Remy but when she spotted Doris hanging back in the hall she was more than a little shocked. Why the hell was her best friend here but even that faded into the background. All that mattered now was finding out what was wrong with Max and fixing it. "He was shaking so much. He just wouldn't stop" Ava mumbled into her neck and then broke down crying. Eventually the group moved into the pediatric wing and she held Ava as she continued to sob.

"Could somebody tell me what the hell is going on?" she looked around with growing rage.

"He was sleeping and then he started having seizures. He stopped after a couple of minutes and seemed alright but then he had another one before the ambulance came and another once on the way to the hospital" Doris said and Olivia could only blink her eyes and stare. There was a question itching at the back of her head about the woman being there but before she could even think about formulating it a doctor rushed back towards them. "You all are with the Boudreau boy?" Then all thought stopped as she tried her best to understand how everything could go so wrong so fast.

Max was asleep and hadn't had another seizure. He was being scheduled for a CAT scan and MRI as soon as possible. There didn't seem to be anything lasting damage from any of the epileptic events but they wanted to keep a close watch on him just in case. They were already going over all his records and had drawn blood and taken urine run more tests. The man came and went without answering a single question and it was all Olivia could do not to shoot the man on sight. How dare he dismiss them like a bunch of raving lunatics she thought to herself as she held Ava. Only the fear of upsetting her daughter kept her relatively calm but she could feel the tension and the anxiety building in her to a breaking point.

Eventually Ava fell asleep on the hard seats in the waiting room hoping for the chance to see her son sometime soon. Jeffery knew well to stay away and Remy, Mel and Christina were too busy comforting each other to look her way. She was almost down the hall towards the cafeteria when familiar arms wrapped around her and held her tight. "It's going to be okay Olivia. He's a strong boy and he's too much of a Spencer to give up now. Especially when he can use this to get thousands of dollars in horses out of you." It was true her littlest baby was a mad fiend for horses for some reason. It didn't matter what color or whether they were stuffed or on television if it was a horse he sat completely captivated. She'd already prepared herself for seeing him trotting around the farm on one in years to come. God wouldn't let her miss that would he? He wouldn't be that cruel to her and Ava. He couldn't be. "He's going to be fine" Doris whispered again.

"I just keep seeing him when he was here before hooked up to all those damned machines. I don't want that for him again. That was supposed to be all behind him. He was supposed to be all better!" and then spun around with a wild look in her eyes and swore to her best friend. "I swear to God if those bastards missed something or did anything anything to make this happen I will own them!" They sat in the middle of the hallway in a corner with her head on Doris's shoulder before they made it down to the cafeteria and back. By the time they returned everyone was gone except Jeffery. "The nurses came to let Ava and Remy sit with Max and Mel and Christina went to the restroom" he said not looking up from his seat. He was holding his head in his hands as he sat on a wooden bench and Olivia could see how all the stress was starting to etch his face. The three of them stayed silent as they awaited word on the boy's condition.

Christina and Mel returned before Ava and Remy and Mel instantly went to Jeffery's side and started rubbing circles on his back. Olivia knew from Ava that Jeffery and Reva were over but was surprised by the open affection between the two lawyers. Mel was definitely beautiful enough to turn his head but she'd thought the woman too serious and grounded for someone as flighty her exhusband. She didn't often think of him as her exhusband although it was a lot less complicated than being her daughter's father. There were still huge parts of her that were angry as hell with the man for his stunt but most of that was directed at how he'd endangered their grandson with carelessness. It took her a while it work through all of the baggage but in her heart she knew that he wasn't going to assault Natalia and she thought it was finally time to put this latest incident behind them. It was time for their shared family to move on.

It was almost ten more minutes before Remy half carried a weeping Ava back to the waiting room. She was immediately taken in her father's arms and then moved to Olivia side. The two of them held her as she tried her best to calm down. Remy was the one who had to tell them what they'd learned. "He's okay now and even started to wake up a bit when we first got in the room. He kept trying to open his eyes but they would droop down and he would shake himself and try again" the man said as everyone quietly laughed. She'd witnessed her grandson's efforts to evade sleep first hand countless times. He would be halfway to sleep before he threw his head up and shook it trying to clear the drowsiness from his mind. The boy could keep up that act for over half an hour. What he was afraid of missing she didn't know but she could tell bedtime was going to be a great challenge as he grew older. "They think he has epilepsy" he said quietly.

"It might be genetic" Ava said without looking up.

"It doesn't matter what caused it. It only matters that we know now and we can get him help" Remy said trying to calm the woman down.

"When will they know for sure?" Olivia asked trying to better understand the madness around her.

"They are going to give him an EEG and continue to monitor him through the night and tomorrow"

"I'm sorry I got all of you up for nothing. I didn't mean" Ava started.

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course this wasn't for nothing. There is no place I'd rather be then taking care of my beingnet"

"Mom could you please pick nicknames that sounds a little less gay? I don't want him to have a complex jeez" Ava and Remy decided to wait at the hospital with their son and Christina and Mel stayed and waited with them. Jeffery had a to file a motion at the court but promised to return as soon as he'd gotten some sleep and finished. As he walked away from Mel towards the elevator Olivia signaled to Doris and went to stop him before he left.

"Are you going to spend the night too?" Jeffery asked her as they moved towards the steel doors.

"No I'm going to home for a few hours but I'll be back by the time the specialist comes" Ava had told Olivia more than once that she could return to the farmhouse to sleep especially since there wasn't going to be any definitive word until the neurologist came in at six am. It wasn't even one am yet but it already felt as if she'd been up for days. She still didn't know why Doris was there but was glad she was because if Doris hadn't said she was staying. There was no way that Olivia would leave her daughter and grandson alone no matter the exhaustion. As the doors closed and gently lowered them down Olivia finally said what they'd been avoiding for months. "It's fine Jeffery. I know you didn't mean any harm that night. It just shook me up" The man didn't respond at all but took her hand in gratitude and kissed the back softly and squeezed it gently before letting it go.

When she made it to the farmhouse it was just after one thirty and Natalia was sleeping on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket waiting on her return. She had given the woman all the news she had and told her girlfriend to return back to sleep and not to wait up but it warmed her soul that Natalia wanted to be there for her even if only in spirit. "Baby" she whispered as she walked them both upstairs and into sleep. She returned to the hospital a few hours later a few minutes past five forty. Natalia would see to Emma getting to school and would do a few tasks at work before coming to the hospital. If the boy was still in it by that time which Olivia was fervently hoping with not be the case.

When she stepped off the elevator she spotted Remy and his crew stretched out on the sofas but stopped cold when she saw her daughter and her best friend sharing an unmistakably intimate kiss although it was hardly more than a gentle sweep of their lips against the others and felt her blood boil. That bitch! She thought and caught the woman in question's eye when she pulled away. Ava reacted to Doris' obvious sudden distressed and looked up and saw her mother's contorted face and made as if to say something when an Asian man in a white coat moved into the room. There was no time for this Olivia thought as she listened to everything the doctor said and tried her best to erase the offending sight from her mind as she plotted the prefect opportunity to strike back.


	25. Chapter 25

Mel was putting their latest bill away when the phone rang. For most of the day the two had been trying to get their accounts into some semblance of order when for their quarterly appointment with their accountants. Their firm was very small and fairly new but it was no secret that they were rising stars in the legal world. They hadn't had any problems paying the bills but there wasn't much left over to splurge. It didn't really bother Jeffery because he wasn't much of a showoff but there were times that he wished he was able to give his daughter and grandson the things that Olivia offered so easily. It was nothing for Olivia to pay all Ava's bills and hand her a credit card to take to the local boutique for a workout. In the past he'd gotten more than a little upset when she expected he attempt to provide the same Ava the same that she afford. If he were really honest he was also jealous that their daughter chose to follow her mother's career paths. Olivia had the honor of watching Ava learn her business and was grooming her to continue its success for their future. His partnership would never be a successful or as profitable as the Beacon but he wanted to ensure Ava and Max would always have reason to be proud of what he was able to create.

"Do you want the last slice?" he asked holding up the almost empty pizza box up to the other woman. He and Mel had known each other for many years and had always been close but in the past month their relationship had blossomed in ways he didn't think either of them expected. She'd always viewed him as the perpetual horndog always chasing the next girl. There were many days that she teased that he'd be sixty years old still hanging out at the courthouse trying to pick up first year lawyers. Both had been greatly surprised by his relationship with Reva. Nothing about that situation was in character for the man she'd known so long. Reva was middle aged and looked it. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing but Jeffery wasn't the type to go after the bride's mother at reception. He was more likely to try the cute younger sister. So when Reva and Jeffery not only worked but thrived Mel was pleased enough to give him a heart felt congratulations. But now that he and Reva were over her opinion of the man changed enough so that she could actually consider of approaching him herself she'd told him. Loving Reva had given him the confidence to meet Mel halfway. Now he knew that he could commit and he knew that picking up the newest young thing in court wasn't his life's mission. So the two took things slow and talked often about where they were going and what they expected. He'd lost a lot in his relationship with Reva and he didn't want to be hurt again.

He was throwing away the empty box when his phone rang beside Mel's desktop. He saw Ava's name on the caller id and thought they were finally going to have that lunch she'd been promising for the past week. It had taken a few weeks before Ava was able to confront him about his behavior with Natalia at the hotel. She told him that she'd been so upset but thoroughly confused that she didn't want to say anything at all to him until she was sure of her own reaction. It hurt her that Olivia might start hating her again because of his actions. She was also afraid of alienating her mother by seeming to side with him again over her. But mostly she was too pissed and one of the things she'd learned from therapy is not to react to her emotions blindly . Eventually she was able to talk to him calmly and let him know immediately his actions could never be repeated. He'd feared she would pull away or hate him but almost immediately after she told him her feelings she took him in a fierce hug. Since that time they both found comfort in talking with the other.

Ava was the first person he'd confided his feelings about Mel. He expected her to down the other woman as too straight laced and uptight but Ava only showed her support and even suggested a few tips. Never had he thought he would need dating advice from his daughter but she was probably more mature than any of the women he'd dated other than Reva so he kept an open mind. It had not been easy the first time he saw Reva and Josh moving back together as everyone had assured him would happen. There were times when he wondered if it hadn't been inevitable. If he wasn't just a place holder like Olivia had warned but he tried not to let those negative thoughts linger. Their best times were what he tried to hold on to but sometimes it was hard when Reva hadn't even thought him worth a second chance for a decades old wrong not even committed against her. So when he saw Ava's name he thought they would plan for their lunch and he'd endure her teasing about being a grandpa.

In the end he'd only heard her screaming sighs before Doris took away the phone to talk to him. "We're on the way to the hospital. There's something wrong with Max and we have to get him to the hospital. Just meet us there. Could you call Remy? Ava's in no shape to talk to anyone right now" He left Remy the only message that could really matter as he drove himself and Mel to the hospital in the middle of the night "Max's at the hospital. Get there!" He kept expecting Mel to warn him about speeding but she only clutched his thigh and held on as she thumbed a worn rosary. The fact that she was Max's aunt was a comfort because at least she could understand his fears exactly.

The ran into the emergency room hand in hand and saw Ava and Doris sitting in the corner looking lost and scared. Ava spotted him and threw herself into his arms. When he wrapped his arms around her small frame he was amazed how tiny she was. She was tall, taller than him by several inches but she was thin and so slight his heart broke. It wouldn't take much to break her and it wouldn't take much to break them all if something happened to Max after all of this. Soon some nurses came and took them to another waiting room further into the hospital. They hadn't seen Max and no one could answer any questions but he tried to keep as calm as possible. His mind was racing from one thought to the next but he couldn't help seeing some sort of connection between Ava and Doris. Are they? No they couldn't be.

These thought and everything other than his daughter and Max left his head as soon as his daughter broke down crying in Olivia's arm. Years ago he would have bet every cent he'd ever have that the two would never be as close as they were. But looking at the them from across the hall one would never know that Ava had been raised by anyone other than her mother. As much as he'd hurt them he couldn't help the surge of pride that he'd helped them build what they had now. Ava reached out to him first and he'd urged them both towards the other. Hopefully he and Olivia would find their way back to their friendship as well.

Olivia and Doris were gone when Jeffery moved over to shake Ava out of a nightmare. She started moaning Max's name and repeating the word no over and over again but woken when he shook her arm. "Dad?"

"It's okay baby. The doctors still haven't come back yet" There was a part of him that hated the way Olivia yelled and screamed and demanded from everyone around her but at least she got results. He might help her bash in a few head if someone didn't come and tell them something soon. "Where's Doris?"

"She's with your mom. You have something you wanna share?" he asked grinning at her looking for any distraction to keep from despair.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" she said batting her eyelashes.

"See how your mother appreciates the coy role" he laughed again. "Have you given any thought to how Olivia is going to respond and by respond I mean completely flip her lid?"

"Duh!" she hissed. "Tell me something I don't know like how to stop her from pulling a complete drama queen bitch fit"

"Um" he thought and scratched his chin simulating deep thought for several seconds and then said "probably not"

"Thanks for nothing dad"

"Its my pleasure. So you and Doris?"

"Maybe. We get each other"

"That's good and I do believe that sooner or later your mother will accept you two. The sun and the earth might pass away before hand but one day she'll give in"

"You really can stop trying to cheer me up. Really"

He kissed Mel and Ava before he went to the elevator promising to return as soon as possible. If it had not been a pivotal part of and upcoming case he would have said screw the filing but he'd worked with the man for the past three months and he held the man's life in his hands. He'd give anything to be with Ava and Mel but he felt much better that Doris and Remy would be there for them. When he saw Olivia fall in step beside his stomach began to contract and his body fill with tension. They needed to talk this through be usually when he and Olivia talked it wasn't a calm or sedate thing. The last thing he needed was this on top of everything else. Yet when he realized she wanted their distance to end he felt his whole body expand. He hadn't even been aware of all the tension he was carrying because of their misunderstanding and he vowed to again count the woman as a good friend.


	26. Chapter 26

Ava and Remy stood beside each other as they watched their son sleeping with several machines and needles protruding from his thin and vulnerable skin. It was surreal for Ava not only because of how wonderful the night had started off but it seemed as if she were time traveling. She'd missed the entire two months at Max spent so maybe this was the universe's sick way of recreating that time for her. Was her song being punished because she'd been so self involved again? Aside from the various probes and occasional electronic whirls Max looked as if he were taking another nap any one of the homes of the homes of his extended family. There was no trace of the pain and anguish that she'd seen watched in helpless horror. As she watched his body twist and contort time slowed to a crawl. As much as she wanted the fits to stop she was never more afraid when his stopped and lay limp. She turned around to Doris in shock and watched as she gathered him up and checked his breathing. Now time stopped all together as Ava watched for signs that God hadn't abandoned her completely.

There were only a few flashes of lucidity of how they made it to the hospital. Somehow an ambulance arrived but the men spent several minutes fighting to take Max away from his wailing mother. Of all the horrible memories she'd ever endure nothing would top seeing a huge man forcing his breath into her tiny son. Eventually she and Max were shoved into the back of the vehicle and Doris followed behind. Doris was the one calmed her enough to call her mother and father and also the one who got Remy to come to the hospital. It had been two hours since she'd lain beside Doris in the bed contemplating making love and it seemed like it seemed more like years had passed. There was still no answer why her son was there and it didn't seem like it would be anytime soon. "So you and Doris?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that"

"Well it sure wasn't anything anyone expected. I certainly didn't" Remy said watching her smiling. Max was in a large room on a tiny bed with huge machine in the background without a single chair. They both stood as near to him as they could and stroked his legs and feet trying to comfort themselves than the sleeping boy. When they'd first gotten into the room the boy using his captivating smile to his advantage and had two pretty nurse fussing over him. It was the first time he'd seen his parents since getting to the hospital and Ava could barely believe that he was sick at all as he reached out to them to lift him up. Whatever medication they gave him started to work or the stress of the day finally caught up and his head began an up down bob until falling completely still. "She isn't your usual"

"Excuse me?" she said cutting her eyes at the man.

"Your usual. Tall, dark and handsome" he laughed again and buffed his nails on his shirt but then rubbed his head absently and looked at her again. "So what's up with this?"

"So you're a homophobe now?"

"No but I am pretty phobic about all the signs I'm seeing in you"

"What are you talking about?"

"Ava I've seen you like this before. I saw the exact crazy look in your eyes when you were trying to convince yourself that you could get Bill to fall in love with you. It's like you're trying so hard to prove you feel something"

"Have you lost your mind? I'm sitting in the hospital waiting for some so called expect to figure out what's wrong with our son and you're critiquing my love life"

"I just don't want to see you go down that path again. I've seen you with her over the past few months and I just don't see "in love Ava" more like "trying to make due Ava." I just think you deserve better" he finally said and then turned back towards their son. "He looks so peaceful. Like he just spent a couple of hours crawling all over your office and chilling with a his hot nanny before knocking down a few z's."

Turning around she slapped his stomach and announce "You are never allowed around Marty again" After a few silent moments she asked with a quiet voice "What if he has meningitis or tumor or something"

"And it could be nothing. It could have been a freak accident and he might never had another seizure ever again" They didn't for the rest of the short visit and all too soon someone announced their time was over until morning. The idea of leaving Max alone horrified her. What happens when he wakes up looking for me and I'm not there she kept thinking silently as she walked back towards the rest of her family. As much as she wanted to sink into the comfort of her mother she realized that it might be less problematic if Olivia was elsewhere.

Every so often she felt herself touching Doris in ways that were suspect. Her father and Remy had already called her out on their relationship and if her mother stayed around much longer she wouldn't be far behind. It was an uncontested miracle that they hadn't been found out months ago. There wasn't a person alive that considered her mother stupid. If anything she was a freaking genius at reading people and situations. She'd used her considerable intellect and skill to leave a tiny island and poverty to become an international corporate star. There were dozens of close calls where Ava and Doris thought she'd finally caught on but each time they'd managed to squeak away. Hundreds of time Olivia had squinted her naturally inquisitive green eyes at them in confusion attempting to tease and answer out of a riddle but she never caught on until today.

Mel slept on a bench in the corner while Remy and Christina huddled on the other side. For the past couple of months she and Doris had managed to keep whatever they were moving towards away from everyone in the center of the gossip capital of the world but at that moment it no longer mattered. Right now she needed distraction from this situation more than she needed anything else. Ava tried not to let Remy's words pervade her thoughts but each time she looked into Doris' eyes she wandered was it true. Am I just using her? But at the moment it was more than she could bare to consider while her son lay several yards away along and possibly in pain and tried her best not to think about anything.

When she noticed Olivia standing beside the elevator the next morning Ava had a funny feeling that the carefully constructed plan to first figure out her feelings for Doris before springing everything on her mother had gone tits up. She and Doris were finishing a kiss when the other woman's face went slack and slightly pale. Her mother was sporting a tight scowl that was very troubling but as Dr Wu walked towards her everything else fell away. After having all the results the Dr explained that they didn't know why Max had the seizure and everyone thought it was best to wait and see. Wait and see if he had another episode before it was decided what to do. Her son had spent a night in a cold sterile room away from his family just for the so called experts to send them away with a huge bill and lots of unanswered questions.

Two hours later Ava sat in the front of the hospital rocking her son as he sat in his car seat. Watching her parents as they argued where she and Max would spend the rest of the day. By calling in favors and making a few promises he'd only missed most of Dr Wu's prognosis which didn't matter anyway because the highly doctor hadn't said much of anything. It was an amazement that security hadn't been called to escort the family out her mother cast some loud and colorful doubts about his parentage and her father tried to keep the blood drawn to a minimum.

"Mom it's fine I'll go stay with dad" Ava tried saying again but without expecting any success. The Beacon was going through its yearly fumigations and the contractors were working floor by floor starting with ten penthouse suites at the top of the building and for the next week Ava and Max were sort of left to their own devices. There were only three more people living in the suites and all of them were either moved downstairs or put up somewhere else. She and Max could have done the same but she and Olivia agreed to limit their children's exposure to the chemicals as much as possible. The four Spencers wouldn't be returning home until the end of the week. For Olivia and Emma that meant basking in the comfort of Natalia and the farm. But for Ava and Max it was a bit more complicated. "Mom I can"

"I don't see why you and Max can't join us at the farm. There is more than enough room and Natalia would love to have you both there" Olivia tried again.

Jeffery said "Olivia she and Max will be perfectly fine staying with me for a few days" trying to keep the growing frustration and exasperation from coloring his voice.

"You don't even have a guestroom where the hell is she supposed to sleep? On the floor?"

"She can take by bed and I'll sleep on the sofa" they had gone through this more than once already. Jeffery continued with "They will be fine" and Ava was really glad her father had the sense to bite off the implied "without you" before it slipped. She really wanted to stay with Doris and wished they'd already told her mother about them but right now was not the time to introduce a new but familiar lover "If you have a problem with dad I can always stay with Doris" but didn't think that would improve anyone's mood.

"Mom I'll stay with dad tonight and tomorrow and stay at the farm for the rest of the time" Ava announced as she stood up with the bulky carrier and added "we should get Max settled" to her father hoping to end the argument once and for all.

"Fine I will see you and Max tomorrow night" Olivia said as she kissed Ava and Max before she walked away throwing back the order "call me" as she stalked away.

They had never shared a home and she hadn't spent a night with him since Max's birth and as she and her father sat on the sofa watching Breaking Bad while Max slept she tried to imagine growing up with this easy affection. Even before he'd been her father Jeffery was someone she knew that she could depend on if not admire. He wasn't exactly by the books and was sometimes a bit shady but he was good to her. More important than all those things Jeffery made her feel safe and she hated that he might feel they'd lost that basic connection. "I think we should talk"

"I thought we were"

"I'm serious" Ava laughed as she turned the television off and turned towards him. His face seemed drawn but most of the stress it carried at their breakfast was gone or eased. Although she'd really liked Reva and hoped she and her father would last Mel seemed to free him in ways the older woman had not. "We should talk about what happened with Natalia"

"Why do we have to go over that" he groaned and refused to meet her eyes. "I made a mistake and it won't happen again" and then reached out his hand and took hers in his and vowed "It won't happen again. I swear"

"That's not what I'm worried about but we have to figure out what to do from here"

"What's to figure out? Your mother is willing to give me another chance but Natalia on the other hand"

"I think you're lucky she didn't deck you. Mom had to make her promise not to contact you for at least a week after she told her. I was scared" Ava laughed.

"The point is all parties are past it. It is officially a nonevent."

"Are you sure? I know how my conception affected me and mom. Is it too much of a stretch to say that you might benefit from some therapy too?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean"

"Its supposed to mean that you found out you raped a woman twenty years after the fact and made a daughter to boot. A lot's happened how could working it out with someone be a bad thing?"

"I don't need to work out anything. Jesus what the"

"Dad do you think I was stupid or crazy to get help after Max was born"

"Of course not that was completely different"

"How is it different. You said yourself that you've been going through a rough time lately? Why not at least give it a try? What would it hurt?" she whispered as she leaned over to kiss him good night. She spent the of her night on the phone trying to calm down her soon to be girlfriend. "Doris please calm down. If mom knew something she would have said something. Olivia does a lot of things but subtle isn't one of them"

"I'm telling you she was shooting me death rays. I'm surprised my head didn't cave in from the force" They talked for several more hours until both Ava and Doris began to fall asleep on the phone. "Baby I am going to have to hang up or I won't be any good at work tomorrow"

"Thank you"

"For?"

"For being there with me at the hospital all night. For being so patient with me yesterday and these past few months. Just for being you" As she lay in bed trying to rest her wandering mind she and hoped that Remy was wrong as she repeated her new mantra "I can love her. I can forget Diane and love Doris. I can"


	27. Chapter 27

Olivia sat in her car waiting for the other woman to enter the building for thirty minutes going over and over how many times she'd almost caught them. It had been on the edges of her mind since the first time she saw her daughter and her best friend huddled in a corner booth of her hotel. They pretended to have run into each other while waiting on her. How she'd been so stupid to have over looked that time she found Doris coming out of Ava's room in the middle of the night. Well at least Doris been halfway honest when said she was leaving after a date. She just left out the part about Ava being the date bitch. What she wanted to know is why the hell they hadn't told her the truth. It wasn't like she was going to go ballistic or anything. Well she was going to go ape shit but their lying to her certainly going to help her get over it anytime soon. Considering how the hell Doris ever thought she could sleep with Ava without her finding out only pissed her off more and she was ready to blow by the time she saw Doris walking into the building's front door.

Last night Olivia had almost gotten into an argument with Natalia over her reaction. "Maybe you should just calm down"

"I will not calm down. I will not be reasonable. My best friend is sleeping with my daughter so I don't think I should have to explain why I'm upset to you!"

"I understand that you're upset but could you please keep you voice down Emma is just upstairs" Natalia had said looking up towards the girl's bedroom.

"Then I guess I don't get why you're being so damn calm about everything"

"What do you want me to say? You're right they should have told you but maybe they were afraid of getting a similar reaction"

"So this is somehow my fault?"

Natalia said "I'm not saying that" and tried to reassure her but Olivia was in no mood to be pacified and walked into kitchen to be alone. It had hurt that Natalia hadn't even tried to see her side in this. How would she feel if Reva suddenly took up with Rafe. Somehow Olivia didn't think Natalia would be so placid and understanding. Eventually Natalia had asked "Are you more upset that they are together or that they lied?" But Olivia didn't have an answer for that. One offense seemed to bleed into the other and even now watching the woman Olivia couldn't pin point the exact locus of her frustration. She just knew she couldn't keep this from spilling out any longer.

"Olivia? Jesus are you trying to scare me to death? Is something wrong with Max?" Doris asked her standing beside her office door.

"No, Max is fine do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Of course come in" Doris said holding open the door. Olivia could tell there her friend was trying her best to read the situation but drawing a blank. It was well known that Olivia didn't do subtle. If she was upset not only did the person know it but the entire town. "So what's up?" Doris asked again when Olivia sat silent for several seconds.

"I guess I'm just trying to understand what's going on here. I can't say that I've ever had a large assortment of friends especially ones without sex privileges so I might be a little rusty on the best friend code of conduct but I think sleeping with your best friend's daughter for months is a big violation" Doris didn't say a thing yet Olivia could see the blood slowly draining from her face. The woman's mouth slowly tightened and her eyelids rapidly fluttered a few times but beyond that there was no outward reaction. Olivia saw how Doris had made it so far in politics and court with such calm façade when everything was falling down around her. "Do you have anything to say or should I just consider your silence as an admission of guilt?"

"I know that you're upset"

"Oh I don't think you know the half of it friend of mine" Olivia warned beginning to feel an adrenaline rush in anticipation of a good fight. "But you will that I guarantee"

"Do I get the benefit of cross examination or is this to be an automatic hanging?"

"Why?"

"Do you think I purposely meant to fall in love with your daughter of all people? It wasn't something either of us planned"

"But it happened anyway"

"Yes"

"You should have Stopped it! She's my Fucking Daughter. You were my Best Friend. How the hell am I supposed to feel anything other than betrayed?"

"Olivia! I"

"No! Don't. I don't want to hear it. I don't know what to believe but I do know better than to trust anything that comes out of your Lying Two Faced Mouth!" Olivia said as she bolted out of the office slamming the door behind her. Normally Natalia would have been the first person she'd go to see when she felt so out of control but for some reason the normally supportive woman was now on everyone's side but hers. Yes she knew that Natalia was naturally a sedate and calm person but her girlfriend didn't even like Doris. She hid it well but neither Doris nor Olivia were under any illusion that Natalia had any positive feelings for the mayor. Whenever Natalia saw her with Doris there was always a second of unmistakable irritation that crossed her normally open face. Olivia had tried to figure out exactly why Doris brought out such negativity when Natalia could even be pleasant to Satan's original spawn Alan Spaulding. Natalia vaguely claimed to simply not trust Doris but she didn't see her making grimace every time that sorry bastard passed by. So for Natalia to act as if Doris was now her church buddy was driving Olivia crazy. She heard a faint "Is this table taken" and looked up into and old friend's face.

"Holly" she said with a gasp and took the woman into her arms in a warm hug. The other woman was in town visiting her daughter and grandchild and was seriously considering eventually coming back and settling down. Other than Doris Holly had been the one person that Olivia had thought of as a friend and the other woman slowly got get to open up. It didn't hurt that Holly was a highly respected investigative reporter. They spent over an hour eating lunch and going over the situation with her daughter from every angle before Olivia broke down and asked "What the hell am I supposed to do now? She was my best fucking friend. Christ!"

"You could get over it'

"Excuse me? Have you heard a single thing I said? She's a serial womanizer. She's left a trail of unsuspecting victims all over town. Initiating women into the lesbian club is a game for her."

"Yes they hid it from you but its not like they actually lied to you. They just neglected to share all the fact. I know that you're afraid that Doris is just having a go at the latest new thing but I've seen them together more than a few times and I can tell you that I wish someone would look at me the way Doris looks at your daughter. I don't know either of them but it was obvious to me that this isn't just another notch on her belt for Doris. And I think it would be a tragedy if you lost a god friend just because she happened to fall for your daughter"

Olivia groused "Easy for you to say" as she drank the last of her coffee.

"You seem to forget Ross was my boyfriend before Blake married him" Holly laughed as she got up from the table and walked away.


	28. Chapter 28

~Okay I have to say that I finally looked up some of the characters in the show and realized I got a lot of everything mixed way up. Sorry about that. My bad.~

He knocked gently on his bedroom door and put his ear on it trying to figure out if either Max or Ava were up yet. When he slowly pushed open the door he immediately spotted Max sitting up leaning over his mother softly playing with her lips. Ava turned her head several times but obviously both were very old players to this game and good in their assigned roles. When his daughter first told him about her convoluted plan to trap Bill Lewis in marriage he'd gasped in horror. How could such a beautiful and smart woman sell herself so low to settle for a man that didn't love and never would. Jeffery had been even more disgusted that an innocent child was going to be victim to this plan as well. He did everything he could to try and change her mind but in the end Ava got exactly what she'd wanted. She always did. Looking back he didn't think anything but heartache and pain would come to everyone involved. Yet now he was standing in his house watching his grandson playing with his sleeping daughter. If he'd succeeded in changing Ava's mind Max wouldn't be here today. He'd never been so grateful to have a hard headed child. Max didn't seem to be upset that his mother wasn't giving him any reaction other than batting his hand away and only looked up at his grandfather when a phone began to ring. As soon as the boy spotted him his arms immediately threw his arms up and began to crawl to the edge of the bed.

They ended up at a park across from his building after the boy was fed and changed. Never ever in his forty eight years of life did Jeffery picture himself playing holding little black boy swing in the middle of a children's park but here he was. Happy. There were a couple of odd stares but mostly he found the boy to be the best chic magnet known to man. They weren't there five minutes before several young hot single mothers came his way to comment on how beautiful his child was and most importantly none seemed to be turned off when they found out he was a grandfather. Max played with the children while he chatted up the gushing young woman. He caught himself several times on the brink of casually suggesting he and the prospective mother get the children together over dinner but each time stopped himself. Regardless of how turned on the woman made him he refused to risk what he had with Mel. As they walked back to his place Jeffery was amazed just how much he had changed. "I guess old dogs can learn a few things" he thought to himself as they walked up the stairs.

"Have you been using my son for evil?" Ava asked as soon as the door opened.

"Excuse me?"

"I read your note and I know how women attack single men with cute babies at the park. So did you"

"For your information I'm very much involved in a relationship" he teased and watched Ava play with her son. He thought about how worried for him she'd seemed last night. Most of the time he secretly blamed Olivia's genetics for Ava's impulsiveness. The local papers were filled with hundreds of Olivia's thrown together plans that quickly fell apart landing herself and all those around her in chaos. Ava had been in the city for only a few years but was quickly following in her mother's footsteps. He'd always blamed the craziness as inherent from Olivia but now he wondered about himself. There was certainly a few things in his past that raise a few eyebrows and red flags. Maybe he was just as much a drama whore as Olivia but refused to let himself wallow in recriminations. "I was thinking I'd give your idea a try" he said blandly.

"What hiring a maid? Cause seriously dad some of the stuff in your refrigerator could be studied at NASA"

"No smartass the other one. I'm thinking about seeing someone about you know everything"

"Really dad?"

"Yeah. I think I could use some help so yeah. Why not everyone is doing it" Ava had jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly. Even Max crawled over to wrap his arms around their legs. They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing over all the trouble they could expect from a teenage Max. How he'd ever lived without them Jeffery didn't know but he knew he was blessed to have them in his life and he would do whatever it took to be what they needed.

Ava and Max left and a few seconds later his doorbell rang he fully expected his daughter coming to retrieve some forgotten toy or piece of clothing and was shocked to find his exgirlfriend standing on the other side. "Reva?"

"May I come in?" she asked glancing in his door.

"Of course come in" he said automatically but his mind was running a thousand miles an hour trying to figure out what the hell Reva would be doing at his door when she'd ignored him for months. He didn't think she was there to try and work things out because both had seen the other very happily involved with another for a while. There wasn't even a point in hiding it. Reva and Josh were meant to be the entire town had warned him repeatedly and he was starting to think that he Mel could have something just as strong given time.

"I know I'm the last person you expected to see but there isn't a good way to say this other than to just spit it out. I'm pregnant" It was a good thing he wasn't eating or drinking or he think he would have choked to death. Of all the things she could have said only telling him she was in fact a reincarnation of Elvis would have made it more surreal. Had he fallen through a rabbit hole and he almost started to looking around for hidden cameras to signal an elaborate prank. "Will you say something!" Reva screamed at him as she paced up and down his living room floor.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure you dumb ass do you think I'm some silly teenage girl! And no it's not Josh's before you ask. I went to the doctor for my cancer screen when I got that little happy surprise. I thought I was going through God damned menopause. I made the doctor give me the pregnancy test three times and they all say you are the daddy" she said as she watched his blank face, "Hey its not like this it was in my plans to find out I got knocked up by my exboyfriend a few months after I got back with Josh but that's how it happened!" Could his life get anymore bizarre?

"How the hell do I get myself into these situations?" he wondered aloud as he drove toward his office to meet Mel. There was no way whatever they had would survive something like this. She would think another man she was involved with having a child with someone else. There was no way he could hide the truth from her especially if Reva was months into the pregnancy and it wouldn't be long before the whole town knew. But there was a spark of hope even as his body filled with anxiety and dread. Here was his chance to be the father he should have been to Ava. He'd pictured how different their lives could have been if he'd been in her life at the beginning. When he took her hand and sat on her desk spilling his heart he couldn't help but be amazed at the range of emotions that flitted across the woman's beautiful face but never did he expect her to do anything but end what they had.

"So what are you going to do?" he heard her ask.

"There's nothing to do. I wait until she has the baby and be the best father I can be"

"But what about you and Reva. Are you two going to try and make it work for the baby?"

"No. She's in love with Josh Lewis and I don't see her kicking him out of her bed anytime soon. He's willing to make it work"

"I'm sorry"

"I don't want you to be sorry I am the one that's sorry. If I had any idea that something like this would happen I never would have started anything with you"

"Because you still love her?"

"Because I love you! I can't stand putting you through all this I saw what it did to you when you watched Beth and Rick on the sidelines"

"If you still want to be with me there is no other man I'd rather be with than you" and for the second time that day he was shocked with amazement.


	29. Chapter 29

Sorry about the delay. work, school but mostly crap kept getting in the way. I have to preface this chapter by first saying that as a health care professional i do in no way endorse blurring of theraputic lines but it works for the story. public safety announcement complete.

When Ava woke up Max and her father were gone but her phone was ringing none stop. It wasn't even nine am and she'd already missed ten calls and had seventeen text message and all of them from her girlfriend. Doris wasn't someone that Ava would normally thing of a bug a boo but saw she rubbed the sleep out of eyes that opinion was subject to change. "Has the world suddenly ended or facebook gone offline?" Ava asked without waiting for the caller to speak.

"She knows. She knows everything and just left here after confronting me"

"Oh well I guess she probably won't baby sit Max while we shop in Chicago"

"I'm glad that you think this is funny but I just lost my best friend" Doris barked into the phone. "Would it be too much to ask for you to take one thing seriously? Please?"

"You're right. We can get dad to watch him"

"You know what fuck you Ava"

"I'm sorry. Okay? Honestly I'm sorry but you knew that this was going to happen. She's Olivia of course she's going to make this hard but eventually she's going to get over it"

"I wish I had as much confidence as you in your mother's ability to forgive but"

"I have confidence in my mother's love for both of us. She's upset that we kept it from her and pissed that she didn't figure it out a long time ago but once she gets past all that she'll come around." Eventually Doris calmed down enough to let Ava get off the phone if not trust the younger woman's logic. She thought about contacting her mother but talked herself out of that because sooner or later Olivia as going to come seeking answers. There was no reason to go looking for the unavoidable fight. But that didn't mean she wasn't worried regardless of what she'd told Doris. Eventually Olivia would learn to accept her and Doris but that didn't mean their friendship would survive and how horrible would it be for Doris to loose Olivia because of her than then loose her as well.

As much as she tried to deny it Remy's words weren't fading away. When Ava looked at how happy and content her mother was with Natalia she couldn't help but want that for herself. She wanted to hold someone and know that without a doubt this person was hers body and soul and as much as she wished otherwise it wouldn't be with Doris. Sooner or later she could grow to care for Doris and was certain that love would even develop but it would never be what her heart craved. What bothered her the most was how long she'd strung the other woman along always promising if Doris just waited and was patient love would evolve but now she'd have to tell her it was all a lie.

Yet just as suddenly as those thoughts came to her she pushed them down with force. Why should she end what was turning into the best and healthiest relationship she'd ever had? What was she going to gain by broking up with Doris? She'd be all alone and her mother would still be mad. But the worst of all of these was the knowledge that she'd cause the other woman's broken heart. Shouldn't she at least be sure? How could she just throw everything away without giving it all she had first she wondered as she stood in the shower.

She was finishing breakfast and cleaning the kitchen when her father and son made it back home. Max was laughing but sweaty and sticky and her father didn't look much better. She'd never know how the men in Max's life couldn't manage to keep a 6 month old boy clean. They'd watched him for any signs seizures or for the slight twitches for the past two days but eventually went back to life as usual. There wasn't any clearer idea of what caused them and Ava had not slept at all the first night just in case and woke up several times during the next watching her son close.

Her mother was expecting her and Max to stay the rest of the week with her and Natalia at the farmhouse. Even under the best of circumstances Ava was a little weirded out by the idea. It wasn't the fact that her mother was having sex with the Latina that bothered her. It was the fact that she might hear said sex that was having her a little queasy. However changing plans wasn't going to make this any better so she drove to the farmhouse as her and Max sang So What to the top of their lungs. Her mother and Emma were gone but Natalia was in the kitchen cooking in between washing clothes. "Ava" she said with a smile as she took Max and his carrier from her arms.

"She says my name but goes straight to the baby"

"Of course don't you know he's why your mother and I invited you? We figured it was worth it to get him to take you"

"Oh that's a burn. Mom must be so proud you're coming along so nicely with the snarkiness"

"Yep she is" Natalia grinned. Natalia was amazed that Ava had a working knowledge of washer and drier mechanics and the two tackled the growing load. It seemed that Olivia assumed she had to wear a different outfit at every meal or so it seemed from the laundry because for every item from Natalia or Emma her mother had three. "You think that's bad just wait until the weekend. I swear she thinks she's putting on a fashion show"

"You love her though" Ava laughed

"Yeah I do" and watched the other woman playing with Max as he rolled around in freshly scented whites. "So how upset is she really?" Ava asked knowing the other woman would know immediately what she was after. Olivia didn't keep any secrets from her lover and if there was anyone that could help them get on her mother's better side it was Natalia. That was if she'd agree to help.

"You might want to liquidate a few assets when you pick up your next mothers' day gift"

"That bad?"

"Ava! What did you expect?"

"I expected her to be happy that I was finally in something good"

"Is it good? Or is this some experiment? Olivia's worried that Doris is just"

"Showing me the ropes so to speak"

"Don't be smart" Natalia said and slapped her arm. Both Max and Ava looked at her in shock. "How exactly did you see all this working out?"

"I don't expect you to approve but I was hoping I'd at least get the chance to see where it went with marginal support from my family but I guess"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean that its not hard to see that you don't like Doris"

"I never said I didn't like her"

"Its on your face every time she steps into a room. Its like you're preparing yourself for a root canal or something" and was slapped again by her stepmother. "Hey I'm gonna start bruising"

"I don't dislike Doris" Natalia admitted looking down to Max as he chewed on one of his mama's bras "I just was always worried she was interested in more than friendship where your mother is concerned" Ava listened to the beautiful woman catalogue all of the areas that Doris seemed a match to Olivia. Natalia felt ashamed and inadequate by her lack of education and sophistication compared to the successful town mayor and former state persecutor. "Mom loves you Natalia so you shouldn't feel second to anyone ever" they talked some more before the other woman left to go to work.

She and Max sat on the porch's swing when her phone ran again. She slipped it open without looking at the screen . There was no need. It was either her mother screaming at her about Doris or Doris screaming at her about her mother and she was determined to stay calm either way. "You rang?"

"Yes I did. I've been ringing you for the last four months and this is the first time I've heard your voice. Good thing that I have a well developed self esteem or I might start to worry" she heard from the phone and immediately her heart soared then dropped. "Ava? Are you still there?" She'd spent most of the hour standing in the shower screaming and crying her heart out demanding God either take the love or give her the doctor. This could not be a sign. She'd never been that lucky. "Ava?"

"Hello Dr Martin it's been a while"

"Yes it has. I called you several times but you never returned my calls"

"Yeah well you know kids and career. It never stops" she said and shook her head at her idiocy. Was she trying to blow this. "So?"

"So I wanted to see how you've been. Dr Richardson says that you've stopped coming to therapy but are doing very well on the Celexa"

Of course. She was still just checking the box making sure poor fucked up Ava didn't off herself and her entire family in the middle of the night. In her best biggest bitch Spencer voice she stated "You know what Dr Martin I'm just fine so I don't need you or Dr Richardson concerning yourself with me anymore. I can get the meds from my gynecologist and I'm not even sure I need them anymore anyway. So" but stopped when she heard the Dr sigh her name.

"Ava please don't. I'm not calling to upset you"

"So why are you calling Diane? I'm not your patient. Do you keep tabs on all your former patients like you do me? Do you send your expatients text message every few months?" Ava asked as tears fell down her face.

"No I don't" the doctor said a small sad voice so unlike the confidence she'd always shown. " Maybe I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry to have bothered you I'll let you"

"No please!" Ava screamed and caused Max to jump up in fright. He jumped up and almost tumbled down but with quick reactions Ava was able to stop him mid roll although he did he burst out crying. She hurried inside and tried her best to calm him and a few minutes later when she was able to go back to the phone without him shrieking in protest she didn't expect to line to still be connected. "Dr Martin? Diane?"

"I'm here. Is Max alright?"

"Yes he's fine thank you for asking. Why are you asking? Why do you keep texting me?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No. You know I don't"

"I texted because you never returned my calls. I figured if I wanted to get any response I might as well text because you at least answered most of those" but continued after a moment when Ava stayed silent. "I shouldn't have called" and after a few more moments added a barely audible "I miss you." After she heard the strangled sob on the other end Dr Martin rushed out "I think about you all the time. I kept telling myself to get over you. That I have to stop contacting you. That it wasn't professional or ethical but I couldn't stop. I had to make sure that you were alright. Dr Richardson wouldn't even answer anymore of my questions because she said that I wasn't seeking information for therapeutic reasons. She told me I was falling"

"You were what?"

"She accused me of being in love with you"

The flood gates opened and it was several minutes before Ava could respond again. "Are you?"

"Yes. Yes I am"

And Ava felt her broken heart completely shatter under the weight of the confession. "That just makes it even worse"

"Why? Are you in love with that woman?"

If she'd been thinking clearer she might have been appalled by how much her doctor had shared with Diane but just now that was the least of her concerns. "You can't be with me. You wouldn't risk your license or your reputation for someone like"

"Ava I've been texting and leaving voicemails for you since you left the hospital four months ago. I don't think anything I've done would be kosher as far as my licensure is concerned but that still didn't stop me. I have never once met anyone patient or otherwise that I've felt this for. I threw myself in my job to forget you and when that didn't work I tried to bury it in other people but it always came back to you. I love you. If you don't want me or don't feel you can do this because I was your doctor then I will understand but I had to let you know."

Then all the splintered shards tried to fuse into a bloody and battered whole but Ava refused give in until she was dead sure "You could lose everything"

"When you left I lost everything. Nothing else matters if you aren't here. Please tell me how you feel. I can deal with anything if you can just tell me the truth" Diane begged in a whisper.

"I want you"

i must say i have no idea where this is going


	30. Chapter 30

Olivia walked away from her lunch with Holly even more confused and confusion was an emotion that always made her angry. She hated not knowing or feeling as if someone had pulled something over on her even if it was her daughter and best friend. Why the hell hadn't they just come to her and told her the truth? Wasn't she approachable? Didn't they know she would do anything in the world for either of them? She drove around and made it to the farmhouse's exit before she continued past. As much as she missed Natalia, and she always missed her whenever they weren't directly in each other's line of sight, she wasn't able to see her. She'd shared more of herself with Natalia in the few month's they'd known each other than all the years she'd ever shared with any of her husbands but in this instance Natalia had no solace to offer. Natalia's final question to her before she stormed out of the kitchen still echoed in her mind. Why was she mad? They lied and they deceived her but if she was honest she knew she'd probably have had a cow either way. Standing in the checkout line Olivia tried to see the picture that Holly assured her existed. She tried to picture Ava and Doris being together without it making her immediately wanting to hurl and spew. "This line is for 10 items or less" she heard behind her and turned around to direct the asshole which orifice he could lodge his complaints.

"If you don't like" Olivia started before she stopped herself laughing. "Josh you are very lucky that you're my favorite exhusband or you might have ended up wearing that basket instead of carrying it" Olivia said as she watched the man grin. Regardless of the heartache he'd caused her with his waffling between her and Reva the man would always hold a special place in her heart.

"I'll take that as my warning then" he laughed as the cashier gathered Olivia's things into bags. "I know its been a while so how's it feel to be a grandma?"

"I wouldn't know I've decided Max is going to call me his fairy godmother instead" she responded without moving. If it had been any of the other numerous former spouses or lovers Olivia would have made a point of leaving just as soon as her transaction was over but Josh was different. She actually still liked him but that wasn't the reason she was watching him so closely. There were three people in the line behind them looking not so subtly watching their watches and the young teenager standing behind the register was drumming her fingers but Josh still hadn't unloaded his basket and there was no way she wasn't going to see what he trying to hide. Eventually after several seconds Josh grudgingly unloaded unassuming fruits and vegetables but what caught her eye was the huge bottle of what appeared to be prenatal vitamins and saw the telling blush spread over his face as he watched the items move up the conveyer belt. "What in the world!" Olivia shrieked as she picked up the bottle and evaded Josh's grasping hands.

"If you don't mind some of us have better things to do than stand in line listening to the two of you" an angry elderly woman said with her hands on her hips. It was only the woman's age and complete shock that kept Olivia from responding in true Spencer fashion. As soon as the bags were pack she tossed both their bags to Josh and pulled him out of the store and onto the busy streets outside.

"What the fuck?"

"I don't know what you're"

"Oh it's a little late to be playing dumb with me. Are you completely retarded?" Olivia asked "Reva is going to shoot you with one of those big hunting rifles you have laying all over the house"

"How do you know its not for her?"

"Yeah right and I'm blushing virgin"

"If you'll excuse me I have things to do" but Olivia had little interest in hearing excuses as she pushed her exhusband into the passenger seat of her car, jumped into the other side and promptly locked the doors and said "Spill"

"You know Natalia might find all the man handling attractive but really"

"Josh you are not getting out of this car without giving me the dirt so if you want out sometime before the day ends you'll tell me" she tried again but as she watched the frown crease his brow she thought it might be best to change her approach. "Come on. You know you want to tell me. It's not like I'm going jump on the phone and blab everything back to Reva soo" she finished with what she hoped was a convincing smile.

"This gets out you're a dead man"

"Woman"

"Whatever" and she listened with rapt attention as Josh detailed the latest arc in the drama also known as the Reva Josh Show, a show she'd been an unhappy supporting character in long ago. When Olivia leaned over to hug Josh and offer him her support she could only thank whatever deity was listening that this was no longer her life. For so long each time she'd thought her heart was safe something or someone was casually throw her life into chaos. As much as she'd loved the man she had to admit that he was nothing but a ticking time bomb and the only reason she was safe was Natalia. There were never any games or fears that someone prettier or more familiar would come and snatch everything away. When she left Holly Olivia had planned to go straight from the store to the office in hopes of avoiding her lover and temporary roommate. Olivia was still smarting from Natalia's dismissal earlier but none of that matter now. There had never been anyone who loved her more or who gave as much as and there never would be and Olivia couldn't bare the tension between them any longer. Instead of driving to the Beacon Olivia headed back to the farmhouse and ran up the steps when she finally made it. "Natalia! Natalia? Baby?" Olivia called out from the front door. "Nata"

"Mom!" Ava hissed as she held a halfway asleep Max. His head was bobbing up and down and he was doing his best to get out of the nap his mother was determined to force on him. He was almost down for the count but as soon as he saw his grandmother he got a second wind and reached out his arms to her "I was trying to put Max to sleep"

"Where's Natalia?" Olivia asked as she rescued the boy. Sooner or later she would learn to resist his thrown up hands grasping out towards her but today wouldn't be the day.

Ava just narrowed her eyes and stated "When he's whining and throwing a fit because he's sleepy"

"I'll just hand him back to you. So where is my woman?" Olivia asked as she tickled and kissed Max but immediately stopped and turned on her daughter in anger. "Why the hell does he have a bump on his head" and watched her daughter roll her eyes before she walked away.

"I swear Emma is never going to be able to hide a hickey from you. Did you get the laser scanner upgrade when you went to the eye doctor last week?"

"No she won't now answer the question" Olivia growled as she followed her daughter into the kitchen while Max was perfectly oblivious to everything as he yanked on her necklace. "If Jeffery dropped him when they went to the park I swear I will"

"Mom chill. We were sitting on the porch swing when I accidentally startled him and he took a header. But all the tears and crying magically disappeared as soon as he snagged a bite of my ham sandwich. So I think he's fine. He was more scared than anything else"

"You better hope so!" Olivia growled again as she kissed Max's brow. "Now where the heck is Natalia? Her car's out front"

"Oh we switched because I had the box of files in the trunk from the auditor. Why aren't you at work anyway? I don't pay you to take extended lunches"

Olivia said "You don't pay me at all" and then stuck her tongue out as she walked up the stairs to coax Max to sleep. He was all smiles after she'd taken him from his mother and was distracted when Olivia placed the pearl rope in his hands. However he was not at all happy when he looked up from gnawing on the strand and found himself in his crib. His face fell and his lips were formed in the most pitiful pout that Olivia had ever seen. Eventually a soft lullaby and gentle rubbing on his stomach coaxed boy down for his afternoon nap. When she walked back downstairs Ava straightening up Max's things and smiled up at her.

"Thanks mom. I thought I was never going to get him to sleep. Somehow he got into Emma's fruit snacks and he's been bouncing off the walls ever since" but the smile faultered a bit when she saw the scowl from earlier had only lessened a fraction. "Well if you're going to be home maybe I could" Ava started as she picked up her keys and moved towards the door.

"Oh no you don't. Sit. You and I have some things to talk over" Olivia said as she pointed to the sofa.

"Mom I think"

"No you had months to tell me what you think so now you're going to hear what I think" Olivia responded as she watched Ava sink into the cushions and watched her pace. Ava was a grown woman and intellectually Olivia realized her daughter didn't owe her any explaination at all but Olivia couldn't help but to be hurt by the omission. She thought their relationship was closer than that. So she paced up and down trying to keep the pain out of the discussion but cause the last thing Olivia wanted was to make things worse. "You are an adult and have the right to start a relationship with anyone you see fit but why couldn't you at least give me the curtsey of being honest with me? I thought after everything we've been through we could at least be up front with each other?" Olivia said with tears threatening to spill.

"Mom" Ava sighed reaching up her hands and pulling Olivia down beside her. "It was never about not trusting you. I swear it wasn't. We just" Ava started then shook her head in frustration and then started again. "It was just so new. I mean we never expected to become friends much less anything more. We didn't even know if the other person was even feeling whatever it was that we were feeling. We just wanted to go slow. I'm sorry that we hurt you though. That was never our intention"

She pulled Ava into hug and laughed "So you and Doris?"

"Well" Ava said looking away.

"God this is definitely going to make dishing a little awkward between us but I guess" and then turned around as Ava yanked free from her arms.

"Wait! Are you saying that you're okay with me and Doris?"

"Well its certainly not my first choice but if you two really care for each other then I guess I can"

"Who the hell are you and where the fuck is my mother?" Ava said as she stood up and started her own pacing track. "Of course you would be okay with it now! Any other time you'd be threatening to shoot Doris in the middle of the city counsil meeting but now"

"What the hell is this? I thought you'd be happy I was okay with it. To be honest I thought you'd be doing back flips. Don't tell me you were only interested when you two were sneaking behind my back?"

"Of Course Not!" Ava barked. But then ran her hand through her hair and sighed as she looked up "Of couse not mom but this is going to makes everything seem so much worse"

"Worse how? You and Doris are together and I'm fine with it. It's going to take some getting used to seeing you two suck face but I have antacid tablets to get me through" yet Ava's face still looked strained. "What am I missing here Ava? What's going on"

"What's going on is I've messed everything up" Ava said as she stood at the fireplace with her back turned.

"Ava?" Olivia said as she held her daughter from behind and kissed the side of her head. "Whatever it is we can get through it I promise" But once she heard everything from Ava Olivia had to stop herself from slinging angry barbs at her own child. She was was incensed and if Ava were anyone else the young lady would be sporting a sore face. The very idea that Doris had given so much of herself to Ava to only be left alone because of some high school crush made her ill. Olivia wanted to be objective and she wanted to be supportive of Ava but all she could picture was how happy and peaceful Doris had been for the past month. The anger and bitterness that lingered around her had dissipated and Olivia was genuinely happy that her best friend had found happiness. Now it was all gone. "When are you going to tell her?" Olivia asked as she sipped a glass of water. She was trying her best to keep her temper in check but couldn't help the coldness in her voice and noticed Ava wince.

"We are going to have dinner tonight"

"Ava she loves you. Didn't you think"

Ava responded "Mom I know what I did wasn't right but I never lied to her. I never hid how I felt about Diane" cutting her off.

"I know I just hate that she has to be hurt again"

"Do you think I want to do this? I'd been going back and forth in my head whether or not to end it weeks ago. I just thought that if I waited a little longer I'd start to feel for Doris what she felt for me or I'd stop loving Diane but it never worked. I'm sorry that I'm going to hurt her but" Ava said before she broke down in tears in her mother's arms.

By the time Natalia and Emma made it home Max was wake sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor banging on pots and pans as Olivia finished up making dinner. "Maxxie" Emma called out as she got down with the boy to tease him with kisses and hugs.

Olivia was pulling the salad from the refrigerator when she complained "Is Max the only one you missed today?" before being immediately swallowed in the gaingly arms and legs of her nine year old daughter.

"Em why don't you start on her homework"

"But Ma"

"No buts young lady. If you want to watch Fred tonight you need to have your homework finshed before dinner so scoot" Natalia said as she picked up Max as he yanked on her pants demanding to be held. They hadn't communicated at all since Olivia stormed out of the house earlier this morning demanding righteous vengenous for a supposed wrong. Every time she'd thought to call or text the other woman something stopped her from making the effort but when she'd witnessed the easy and strong ties that bound the Latina to every single person that would ever matter to Olivia the hesitation diappeared. Before Emma could stomp off to the den or Max could wiggle back towards the pots Olivia took them all in her arms and held them tight.

Olivia was walking into Natalia's bedroom after reading Emma a bedtime story and watched as Natalia fed Max his last bottle for the night. She stood in the doorway and watched as she thought of how much the other woman had affected her life in such a short time. Aside from the obvious gift of Gus' heart and care after the transplant Natalia had given Emma the stable and loving second parent that Olivia had always promised but never delivered. Every man that had ever promised forever had lied and abandoned them both but without rings or vows Natalia had given Emma a home. It had happened so gradually that only Emma's sudden utterance of "Ma Rafe's on the phone for you" two weeks ago had almost been expected. Both Natlaia and Olivia looked up and exchanged glances but after that day Olivia was mommy and Natalia was Ma as far as Emma was concerned.

If Emma's love had been gradual Max's had been instantaneous. She and Natalia had been beside the boy since those dark days in the neonatal ward and Max had taken for granted that the other woman was his family. He went to her just as easily and quickly as he went to Olivia or Ava and whenever he was in a rare "Spencer" mood as Ava named them Natalia was the only one who could calm him.

But what touched her the most was the special affection that her girlfriend shared with her oldest daughter. Nothing about her life with Ava was ever easy but with Natalia it all seemed effortless. As much as she wished it were different there were still tender areas between Olivia and her eldest and there were often times she was hesitant but through Natalia everything was simplified. She'd often stood back in the shadows and listened to the two women laughing affectionately at her legendary temper and attitude. It meant more than Olivia probably could ever convey how grateful she was that the two graced her with their love and understanding.

But more importantly than all that was how her children are grandchild were keeping Rafe's distrust from tearing her and his mother apart. If there was any hope of any positive resolution to Rafe's antipathy it was probably through her children. Natalia had taken to bring Max and Emma on the monthly visitations and of course Olivia had to be there to help. At first Rafe openly scowled but soon Emma's exuberance and Max's glee wore him down. After answering the collect calls every so often Ava had even started writing talking and writing to the teenager. They were a family Olivia thought as she stood watching.

"I'm sorry about earlier. You needed my support not my version of devil's advocate. I'm sorry I upset you" Natalia said as she patted Max's back.

"No. I'm the one who should be apologizing. You were just trying to keep me from going off and doing something stupid to the people that I love" Olivia said as she sat on the bed in front of the woman. They both leaned forward and exchanged a soft kiss. "I love you"


	31. Chapter 31

He was sitting on one of the benches that lined the hallways of the courthouse when he saw Doris walking by looking stressed. In the short time that he'd been running for mayor he'd realized that it wasn't a job for sissies. Sure there were a couple of photo opportunities for a few moments of fame but if someone really cared at all about their community the job was 99% grunt work. So Jeffery wasn't too concerned when he saw the drawn face and grim expression. There had never been a time that he'd considered the woman to be even a friendly acquaintance. She was too strident and high strung for his liking but since watching her care for his daughter as they waited on word from the doctors his views had changed. He never thought he'd live long enough to see Doris as anything other than a power hungry bitch not that that was necessary bad. However that night when she stroked Ava's back and kept up Remy's spirits Doris became more than just one of the irritating citizens of Mayberry. She became his friend. "Hey Madam Major I haven't seen my kid in the past few days and I hear you two are pretty close so how about I take you out to dinner and you bring Ava along" he joked but was caught short when Doris' frown only deepened.

"I guess you haven't seen her in a few days or you would know I'd be the last person your daughter would have dinner with"

"What the hell? A week ago you two were joined at the hip?" he asked as Doris turned away.

"They say a lot can happen in a few days" Doris said before he turned her back around.

"Did Olivia do this? Did she cause a fuss and make Ava stop seeing you?" Jeffery said getting more and more upset. He wasn't yelling but soon he would be. "I swear that woman is going to learn that" he stopped again becoming visibly upset.

"Don't blame Olivia she had nothing to do with this"

"What are you talking about of course she did this. She can't keep her yap shut unless she's the one directing the show" Jeffery cursed throwing up his hands. "I told her to keep her power trips from"

"Jeffery would you just shit up and listen. Ava dumped me. She dumped me because for her shrink"

"Dr Richardson? She's as old as Alexandra Spaulding?"

"Not her you idiot the one in Chicago so if you don't mind I'd like to get back to my life" Doris barked and turned back around to continue on her way until she fond herself twirled around looking into Jeffery's eyes and standing in his arms.

"I'm sorry for whatever happened but I just want you to know I consider you a friend. So"

"I guess I'll take a raincheck on that dinner then" Doris whispered before she turned around and walked out of the building. His daughter and Dr Martin? Not that he couldn't see the appeal of psychiatrist, she was certainly not what he'd expected to see when he'd heard about her amazing work with post partum depression. There were at least twenty papers written by her in the past three years that were highly regarded in the two of the most rigorous medical journals in the world. Her impressive resume made him picture some middle aged introvert who wouldn't know a Jimmy Cho from a payless special but Dr Diane Martin was perhaps one of the most amazingly beautiful people he'd ever seen, including well known names in the entertainment industry. He had the feeling that people often came up to her inquiring why she'd settled for being a doctor when she could have easily walked on runaways throughout the world. Obviously Ava's gotten her taste in women from him he mused as he trotted up towards his next case.

"What are you hoping to gain by coming here?" Dr Masters asked from behind his desk as he looked a Jeffery pace up and down the room. This was his second session with the Hispanic man and he found him very easy to connect with but Jeffery was beginning to wonder if he'd picked the wrong name in the list provided by his insurance. "You've asked me that about five times in the last two visits I thought you were scribbling notes while I'm talking or are you writing out your grocery list?" and felt more irritated when he heard the man's soft laughter.

"I'm taking plenty of notes but I still have no idea what you're looking for when our time together is finished. I don't have any idea what goals you've set for this and if I don't know where you want to be how can I help you get there?"

"I Told you why I'm here. It should be perfectly obvious but I'll give you the Cliff's Notes version since you're a bit behind. I took advantage of an underage drunk virgin and got her pregnant. I didn't even know I had a daughter until she was already and adult and didn't need me. I got drunk and scared my ex-wife and her girlfriend. I'm having a kid by a woman who thinks of me as a rapist and dumped me for her favorite ex-husband. And I'm dating my law partner. I mean why the hell wouldn't I be in therapy"

"Yes I know all of that and I'm sure that would be taxing for anyone but I still don't know why you're here. All of this has been going on for sometime so why now? What are you hoping to change by coming here? Maybe I should have warned you but I'm not the kind of therapist that's going to spend years going over all the minutia of your past. Everyone has a past. I have no problem helping you reconcile how past decisions affect your present but there has to be some purpose to all this? What is it about your life now that you want to fix? What maladaptive patterns do you want help analyzing? So again what are You here for?"

He took a deep breath and looked up at the reproduction painting of Christina's World and remembered how tacky he thought it had been when he'd first walked in the office. Now however he could see its draw. Looking at the girl glancing back at a some unseen objects in the horizon he identified with her need to be other than where she was. Maybe it wasn't exactly wanting to be somewhere else but not knowing how the hell you ended where you currently were. So he looked at the girl's turned back and opened up to the man. "I want to be the man my children and grandchild need. I want to know in my heart that I'm a good guy, that I'm not pulling something over on the people that love me. I want to feel like I can be better than my worst mistake"

When he finally made it home he immediately smelled something spicy and rich coming from the kitchen and again thanked God that he'd had the good sense not to screw it up with Mel. Reva wasn't a bad cook but Mel put her to absolute shame with her soulful cooking. He'd warned her that he was going to gain no less than fifty pounds if she kept feeding him the way she did. Her counter was she'd have to figure out a good way for them to work off the calories then. "Crawfish etoufee? He called out as he passed through the living room and made his way to the kitchen and started in on the empty pots waiting in the kitchen. Mel had never demanded that he do his share by cleaning up he always wanted her to know that he appreciated her care and concern. So he washed before and after the meal and tried his best to be the partner she deserved.

"Correct. It'll be ready in a few minutes. Are you trying to tell me that my cooking is getting boring?" she laughed and she walked behind him to kiss his cheek.

"God no. It's my favorite"

"Yesterday you said that Jambalaya was your favorite"

"It was my favorite. In case you hadn't noticed everything you cook is my favorite" He loved coming home to her and regardless that he'd spent most of the day with her in the office the excitement was still there when he opened his door wondering if she'd be on the other side. She was like no other woman he'd ever dated. She didn't take shit from anyone but she didn't have the brash and in your face all consuming personality that Reva had. He didn't always feel as if he were going to be swallowed whole when he was with her and he didn't worry about watching for another Shane Lewis redo.

They sat at the table eating as they debated cases when he cleared his throat and started what he hoped would be a casual conversation. "So since I already have to get a larger place for when Max and the baby spend the night you might as well move in too" but he didn't think it went over too well when Mel's loaded fork fell back onto the plate. "Or not. It's not a big deal I just thought"

"Wait. Did you just ask me to move in with you?"

"I did but if you don't want"

"Why now?"

"Well you said you'd help me find a place and I was figuring since you'd be there most of the time anyway why not move in with me?" he tried again with his trademark smirk but it was immediately washed away when Mel got up and walked into the kitchen. "Hey it's not that big of a deal if you don't want to. I wasn't trying to rush or ruin anything I just want"

"You ask me to move in with you since I'm already spending so much time here already? Is that really why you want to live with me? Cause it's convenient? Economical even. Think of all the money we'd save on gas and electricity" she said as she slammed down the dishes and moved away from his reaching arms. "I'm sorry but I don't think I can spend the night I have a lot of things that I have to"

He grabbed a hold of her as she backed out of the living room and whispered into her ears as he held her tight. "No that's not why I want you here. I'm sorry if I made it sound like I was moving in a boarder or something. Mel I really love you. I can't say that I've ever felt this safe or loved in my life. I don't want you to leave. I hate when I wake up without you. I know we work together but its not enough. I want to come home with you and spend the rest of my life with you if you'd allow me. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Mel if I" but he was cut short when by her kiss.


	32. Chapter 32

~this will be the last update for about a month as I will be drinking, partying and walking all across Europe so lataz~

She sat in her office looking at her computer trying to make sense of all the words that ran across her screen. Looking at her watch for the third time since the end of the meeting Ava was amazed that it was only ten minutes past ten in the morning. Earlier this morning she and her mother met with a representative for the Future Business Leaders of America about using the Beacon for their annual convention next year. It was important not only for the exposure and connects but it was also her chance to prove that she was worthy of the executive manager title. No one would have the balls to say anything about nepotism but Ava wanted there to be no doubt of her skill. She'd slowly worked her from each section of the hotel to the next and made it her duty to mastering it before moving on. If anything Natalia was probably the only person that knew more about the inner workings of the growing enterprise. Not that Olivia was an absentee landlord but she didn't know the first names of all her workers like Ava or Natalia nor did she recognize faces from members of their families. After shadowing Natalia for a few weeks Ava was amazed how well everyone responded to the Latina's open and warm spirit. Sure everyone knew better than to fuck with Olivia but at the end of the day they gave their all because of Natalia. Yet none of that was on her mind at the moment although she still had two proposals to go over and another meeting in two hours.

Right now her mind and her heart were waging battle over two very different women. Doris Wolf had proved to be the a beautiful conundrum and after four months together she was no closer to figuring the woman out. Before dating the mayor Ava had only seen the hardened and cynical exterior that the politician showed the world but in the course of their month affair Ava had come to depend on Doris' compassion and humor. There were many days that Ava had literally run home looking forward to escaping into the other woman's waiting arms. So many nights they had fallen asleep listening to the other persons breath. It was hard knowing that those days were over not only because she missed Doris but also from guilt. Whenever she managed to push past her swirling emotions Doris' stark and haunted face rose again in her mind.

She'd left the Max and Olivia alone at the farmhouse a few hours before Natalia and Emma were due to arrive. She and Doris had already arraigned to have dinner but Ava called ahead to beg off a night out for a dinner at the mayor's home. Her stomach hurt more as she got closer and closer to the subdivision but she was forced to pull over when nausea and fever threatened to overwhelm her. None of Olivia's reactions where her relationship with Doris were unexpected but Ava had never been happier to be the other woman's daughter when she'd told her mother about Diane. Olivia was pissed that she was kept in the dark but she was absolutely livid about her best friend being used. Ava tried to convince her mother and herself that she'd been as honest and upfront as possible but there were still lingering worries. Had she taken advantage of Doris' affections until the dream girl came? The idea that she would be another person in the long line of assholes that had hurt Doris was too much. It was all too much to consider right then so instead she reached out and picked up her phone.

"Hello Sweetheart?"

"Hey" Ava said with a smile "I can get used to hearing that"

"Well I can get used to saying it"

"I'm not bothering you?"

"Of course not. I just got finished with my last client and now I'm sitting down to a fabulous meal of meatloaf and baked beans" and heard a soft laugh on the other side before the other woman added another thought. "So how did she take it?"

"I haven't told her yet. I had to pull over half a block away just so I could talk to you. I needed a reminder of why I have to do this"

"Baby I know you don't want to hurt her but if this continued you would only hurt her even worse. If Doris is as wonderful as you say she is then she deserves to have someone who loves her as much as I love you. You know that right?"

"I know but it doesn't make it any easier"

"I know. I'm sorry" Ava heard.

By the time she made it to the front door the sun had gone down and Ava could see Doris' shadow walking back and forth in the living room. "I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing for both of us" she repeated to her self as she sat in the drive way looking at the front door. By the time she'd made an attempt to knock the door was thrown open and Doris stood behind it laughing. "I thought you weren't ever going to come in. What took you so long?" she asked as she pulled Ava into a tight hug.

"I dropped something in between the seats" Ava lied as she turned around and faced the other woman. She hadn't moved further into the living room and Doris cocked her head in wonder.

"What's up?" Doris asked and then took both of Ava's hands in her own. "You look like something's wrong?"

Ava shook her head and tried to clear it enough to figure out how to do what had to be done without crushing a good friend. "I" she started and then stopped and shook her head again and felt the tears start to form behind her eyes. Oh God no. I will not be a complete ass an get her to comfort me she thought as she cleared her throat. "I have to tell you"

"Hey just tell me. I mean its not like your trying to figure out how to dump me right?" Doris laughed until she looked back at Ava's drawn face. "You're dumping me?" she whispered.

All the anxiety and fear came back a hundredfold. In her head she howled and tried her best to salvage the horrible situation but in the end Ava knew she couldn't lie. Doris meant too much and she'd given Ava too much. "I wish I could tell you that ending our relationship is the furthest thing on my mind but I can't. I can't. I'm sorry"

"But? But you said Olivia would come around. You said that we didn't need her approval for"

"This isn't because of my mother. In fact she's just as upset about what I'm doing as you are"

"Then why after everything we've gone through I thought you cared about me? I thought you said that you wanted me!"

"I do. I did. Jesus!" Ava yelled as she turned around an ran her hands through her hair. "Doris I have never had such a loving and supportive relationship as what we have. I didn't even know it was possible to trust and depend on someone as much as I do you"

"Then what's wrong?" Doris said pulling Ava back around to face her. "I love you. I know that you're scared that you might never loving me the way you love Diane but that isn't real. She was your therapist. She's not going to give you what you need Ava. I can. I love you and I love you little boy. I want to make us a family. Please don't throw all this away for some illusion" Doris begged as she peered into Ava's damp eyes.

"I'm sorry. I wish that I could love you the way you deserve. I wish that I could be the one to give you what you need but I can't. I shouldn't have asked you to wait for me. I shouldn't have asked you to settle for me when you deserve so much better."

"Why? Why? Why?" Doris cried out as tears streamed down her face. When she didn't see any positive sign in Ava's eyes she turned around and ran up the stairs and began to wail. Ava went up after her and held her as they both cried out into the dark and cold night. When she woke they were still on the floor and her neck and eyes were burning. Her hands were wrapped around Doris' waist but she felt the other woman pull away. "You don't have to stay I'm fine now"

"I don't mind. I can"

"Well I do. You can leave now" and heard Doris move to the other side of the room and climb on the bed. "How long have you been planning this? Were you half hoping that your mother would make so big of a stink that you wouldn't have to bother breaking up with me?"

"That wasn't it at all. I kept going back on forth on this you know that. I never lied to you. I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have implied that I was going to fall in love with you but I never lied to you"

"No you didn't. I was the stupid fool to think someone like you could fall in love with someone like me. I should have my head examine. I should have"

"Hey! Stop It! You are wonderful! You're beautiful and I love talking to you. You make me laugh harder than anyone ever has. I got so many wrinkles falling from missing sleep because I was up all night talking to you. You were never the problem baby. I swear" Ava said as she moved towards the bed and took Doris' hand. "I just fell in love with someone else" and heard a strangled sob before she continued on determined to make a clean break of things. "She called and we talked. I'm sorry" They held each other for a few hours more before Doris pulled away finally and closed then locked the bathroom door. Ava made her way to the kitchen and put away the cold meal and left.

It was a little after ten by the time she made it to the farmhouse. Her head, neck, eyes, and heart were all weary and sore but she lighter and blissfully free. She was too tired and wrung out to talk while driving and by the time she made it to the farmhouse she only had enough energy to fix a peanut better and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk for dinner. She checked on her son and kissed him good night before sinking into the bed. Laying down in the dark with her hunger somewhat satisfied Ava pulled out her cellphone and looked again at the time. The ninety minute soak in the steaming hot bath had relaxed her considerably and she was almost feeling human. It was late and Diane hadn't said to call later but the need to reaffirm their connection was too strong but she only got voicemail. "Hey I guess you're asleep. I just wanted to say goodnight. Goodnight." and was wondering if it was too soon to say the L word when her screen lit up. "Hey sorry to wake you"

"You didn't. I was going over some charts. I'm glad you called. I'm sorry I missed you" they sat in silence for a few seconds before Diane responded again. "How are you?"

"Not so good"

"I'm sorry"

"I hurt her so much"

"I know. I'm sorry. Do you regret ending it?"

"No!" Ava half shouted and sat up in the bed before calming down. "I mean I hate hurting her but I don't regret what we have. Do you? Have you changed your mind?"

"Of course not. I love you and I've thought of nothing but you since you left here four months ago. I just don't want to pressure you into anything."

"You're not" They spent the rest of the hour talking about their day before Ava started describing Max's antics to Diane. "I can only imagine how handsome he's gotten since this picture you sent me after you got home"

"He's grown so much since then. You'll love him he's very much the charmer"

"Just like his mother then"

Ava laughed before asking "When can I see you?" and hoped that she wasn't asking too much too soon. "I miss you" she whispered.

"I miss you too. I used to lie beside your picture at night just wishing for you"

"Now you have me" she said before she heard a tired sigh. "Its okay I mean I know your busy so if you can't"

"Hey stop it okay I want to go to Springfield. I would love to go there. Believe me I'd like nothing more but I have do this seminar for the next month and I can't get out of it. I'm sorry"

"I'll come to you then. I can be there"

"Its at Quantico and its an intensive forensic psychiatry course. I would love for you and Max to come out but I wouldn't have any time or energy to entertain you. Can you wait until next month?"

"Of course I can. I can wait for as long as it takes as long as I'm with you" and that was a week ago. They still talked two to three times a day for as many hours as Diane's studies or Max's temper allowed but Ava could hardly stand the anticipation of finally landing the girl. Imagining what the first kiss would be like or how Diane might sound while they made love was driving her to extreme distraction and more than once her mother had looked at her as if to say "pull your head outa your ass." Today being the most recent example when Mr Kincaid had flow charts to diagram exactly what the company was looking for in a layout but Ava had spaced and started talking about the meal menu. The narrowing of jade eyes told her that Olivia was just an instant away from ripping her a new one when an important call came pulling the gentleman away until the next meeting. She would have to do better.

"Your mom wants to know if you're finished with the recommendations for remodeling" Natalia asked as she walked into the room carrying two cups of coffee.

"You are truly a gift from God" Ava exclaimed as she took the offered hot brew and took a deep sip. "No they are on my growing pile of things to do"

"Well I heard that you might need a little pick me up after that meeting"

"You can tell me the truth, is my mom looking for nice ways to fire me?" Ava asked with a frown that only deepened listening to the other woman laugh.

"No its not that bad but she is wondering what's going on. I thought everything was going good for you now. You have the girl you want and Olivia and Doris aren't on the outs. What's bugging you?"

"She hates me"

"Doris might be a little upset right now but I don't think I'd go so far as to say she hates you. I mean she knew going in that you had feelings for"

"Not her, although that's an issue as well but I'm talking about mom. She can't even stand to look at me anymore"

"You've got to be kidding? You cannot actually think that your mom hates you because you broke up with Doris"

"Well maybe not hate but she certainly doesn't like me much"

"Sweetie" Natalia said as she walked around the desk and took Ava in her arms "your mom is just worried about you. This woman was your psychiatrist and its technically a major violation for the two of you to even be friends much less lovers. Your mom was just worried that she's taking advantage of you. And I have to warn you that she's still a little upset that you didn't share all of this with her. She's prided herself on how close the two of you've become and then to find out you were dating Doris and now are in love with your therapist all second hand was a major blow"

"I know I just" Ava started but then stopped when the woman in question walked into the room.

"Hey I thought you were" Olivia began but stopped when she saw her girlfriend holding a somber looking Ava. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"I think I'll let the two of you work this out" Natalia said and kissed Ava's head and then kissed Olivia on the lips as she left.

"Ava?"

"Mom I hate the tension between us. I just want things to be the way they were before"

"I'm not happy about things either but how am I supposed to feel when I'm shut out of your life?" Olivia whispered.

Upon hearing this Ava walked up to her mother and grabbed her by the hands and responded "Mom you are not shut out of my life. You are one of the most important people in the entire world to me. I don't know how I would have gotten through the past 6 months much less the year without you standing by my side. You have to know how much I depend on you"

"I thought you did but then"

"Mom I admit I should have come to you about everything and I promise that I won't keep something so important from you again but sometimes I have to figure things out on my own before I can even figure out how to approach you with them. Do you forgive me?" Ava asked and was taken into a hug.


	33. Chapter 33

Olivia stood in the hall holding two coffees and a bag of bagels until the man left the office and then slid behind him before the door closed. It wasn't much of a breakfast but the truth was there weren't many people that she would have hand carried anything for so she considered Doris very lucky to be on such an exclusive list. This was the second time this month that the woman had been so graced but the mayor was being very tight lipped lately and food was the sure way of getting her best friend to open up. "My tax dollars at work" she said as Doris typed behind the desk.

"Yeah like you don't hire high priced accountants to make sure you pay as few of those as possible" the mayor grumbled without looking up.

"That's just me being smart so do you want the vanilla latte or the mocha cappuccino this time?"

"Oh God what do you want? I've already gotten someone to look into that zoning issue. You're just going to have to be patient as it works its way through the city council"

"I'm not here about that jack ass" Olivia huffed as she handed over a cup and the bagels and sat down. "you know damn well what I want so you might as well do us both a favor and spill"

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

If it were anyone else it might have worked but after many late night poker and spade games Olivia was well versed in the subtle indications when her friend was hiding something. "Yeah and I'm a blushing virgin so" she said as she got herself comfortable in the chair.

"Could you at least close the door before you put your feet on my desk!"

Olivia didn't look up as she spread cream cheese "I had my hands full" but did shoot a hateful glare when she felt Doris slap the back of her head as she walked back to her desk.

"You had a small bag and two coffees in a carrier"

"You are avoiding telling me how your date with Holly went"

"It wasn't a date. How many times do I have to tell you that"

"Okay so you two went out to dinner and then you went to a the symphony to listen to a Cole Porter show correct and that's somehow not a date?"

"She had the tickets and needed someone to go with. It was strictly an outing with a friend"

"Yeah you're right in all that time I've known Holly she's invited me to so many romantic concerts I've lost count" Olivia said as she rolled her eyes. "Anyway how was the 'not-a-date'" she asked as she threw quotation marks in the air?

"You really are a smart ass did you know that?" Doris spat just before her phone rang and looked down at the screen. Olivia was all smiles as the older woman groaned and she knew it must be the woman in question. Doris didn't even bother to get Olivia out of the room because short of a police escort she wasn't budging. "Hey Holly how's your morning going?" Doris said and then stuck her tongue out at her friend. Olivia mean while simply grinned and gave the other woman the naughty finger as she listened intently. "Oh um I would love to but I have an early meeting in Chicago then" Doris continued but didn't react when a chunk of bagel struck her right between the eyes. "But we could go to that Indian restaurant tonight if you weren't busy?" As the conversation was ending two minutes later Olivia heard Doris reconfirm and then say that words that Olivia had been waiting for all along "It's a date than"

Immediately after the call was ended she broke out in song and declared "Holly and Doris sitting in the tree K I S S I N G" and was hit with her own sizable portion of baked good before she added "Admit it I was right and you were Wrong"

"I don't see what you think is so great. I'm going on another dead end date with a straight chic" Doris said as she held her head in the palm of her hands. "When will I ever learn"

"What is your problem? Holly is the most level headed person I've ever met and if she says that she wants a date with you its not because she's looking for a guide to a Sapphic experience. She wants to date"

"Yeah right"

Olivia looked at the other woman and shook her head and knew that she and the mayor were more alike than they even cared to admit. The average citizen in Springfield would label them both as extremely self confident but the truth was it was all show. They were both so successful and strong simply because they were too afraid to be anything but the best. If they appeared to be in control and on top maybe then other people wouldn't know how scared and screwed up they were inside. "Holly likes you. She has for a long time. She isn't the type to spend her free time with anyone that she's isn't truly interested in" she tried again but this time dropping the sarcasm and humor from her tone.

"Great now I get to build my hopes up only to be told a few weeks later that I'm not what she wants. Again" Doris said and Olivia was struck by the pain that was visible in the woman's eyes.

"Hey when I was all ape shit over you and my daughter Holly was the one who got me to back off and give you a chance"

Doris interrupted and spat out "And look how great that turned out!"

"The Point Is" Olivia said then paused until she had Doris' attention "that Holly told me she would give anything to have someone as devoted to her as you were to Ava. She wouldn't say something like that just out the blue unless she had some feelings about you." She watched Doris narrow her eyes and bite her lips before she softly nodded her head affirmatively. "Holly is a beautiful accomplished woman who wouldn't waste her time on anyone that wasn't the same. Listen the truth is if things had been different with you and Ava sure I would have had been pissed for a while but eventually I would have accepted you two because of how good a person you are" Then added "but if you let your insecurities fuck this up then its your own fault" so that Doris wouldn't think she'd gone all soft. She had a reputation to uphold even in front of her best friend.

Sitting at her desk looking over papers Olivia looked up when she heard a faint knocking at the door. "Come in" she said got up as she watched her grandson's father come in holding the sleeping boy. Max had spent last night and part of the day with Remy and when she took him from the man she couldn't help giving them both a once over. He was a good father and she was generally confident in his abilities to keep her baby safe but there was no reason to make him get complacent. "How was he?" she asked as she kissed the boy's sweaty brow and noted that he was at least clean which was more than Jeffery would have done. She was only halfway listening to the man in an attempt to be pleasant and civil as she promised both Ava and Natalia and turned away to put Max in his pen as soon as Remy stopped talking but was held short by a hand on her forearm.

"Could we talk after you put him down?" Remy asked looking a bit nervous. Oh what the fuck now Olivia thought but tried her best to keep her volatile temper down. "He's a good father. He's a good father" she echoed in her head trying to keep her face neutral. Remy Boudreaux was a very good man and a good father but if he was attempting to try something with her grandson he'd soon wish he'd never been born Olivia promised herself as she stood before him.

"Want anything to drink?" she asked as she fixed herself a martini knowing that she would need the beverage to relax her if he got out of hand.

"No I have to get to work but I wanted to speak to you about Max" Shit Olivia thought. This son of a bitch. "Well not really about Max but about our relationship and Max" She could not have heard right.

"Excuse me? What relationship do we supposedly have?" she said trying to keep the contempt from coloring her words.

"Face it Olivia we're going to be in each other's faces for the rest of Max's life so wouldn't it be better if you could say more than three words to me without wanting kill me"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Olivia started before watching the younger man shake his head before resolving to use this opportunity to be honest. He'd come to her wanting to talk so Ava couldn't possibly say whatever transpired was her fault. "I don't hate you Remy I am just very protective of my family. I warned you of that the day you tried to stop Ava's marriage and now she has Max. You should know that I will do absolutely anything, and I do mean anything, to make sure that they remain safe and protected" she said staring the man down and daring him to threaten those she loved.

"I know that. I respect that you have a very special place in Max's life and I don't think if he'd been Bill's he would have afforded you the same consideration. I'm a good father and I would never do anything to upset your daughter because I know how good a mother she is to my son. I think I've proven that so why can't you just give me a break?" he asked getting a bit emotional.

"I don't see what you mean"

"I mean not looking him over for bruises and marks every time I drop him off or looking at me like I'm some criminal. He doesn't understand any of this right now but he's going to pick up your animosity when he gets older."

"I wouldn't say that I have animosity towards you"

"Then what would you call it? Once you're finished eyeballing me you act like you can't wait for me to shut up and leave. Listen I'm not trying to upset you I just thought maybe we could"

But she stopped his speech by holding up her hands but not in surrender but in the spirit of detente. "Listen I'll admit you're mostly right and I don't want Max having to deal with the tension between us so I will make you a deal" and waited as the anticipation was palpable on Remy's face before continuing. "I will keep the stink eye in abeyance from now on but if I ever. Ever. See any sign of anything wrong on my grandson during your watch hell won't be far enough away to hide you" she warned and then held her hand out and was amazed that the sweaty palm was the only indication of how nervous she'd made the man.

By the time Ava and Emma came through suite door Max was doing his best to retrieve the ball she'd rolled a few feet away. He was not yet walking and his crawl wasn't that great either and was firmly fixed in between the two movements. His back legs were straight up under him but his arms and head were low to the ground and he was something that looked more like something on a nature show. Whatever it was though it was working well for him and he barreling towards the ball at break neck speeds. "Max A Trillion" Emma said as she picked him and kissed his face. It seemed that every week Emma was trying out a new nickname for her nephew. Maxasaurous, Maxie Melt, PJ ( for his love of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches), and most horribly and thankfully quickly forgotten Bump.

"Max is the only one you're going to kiss Bean?" Olivia said with a barely suppressed whine as her daughter and Max bounded over towards her.

"Mommy can I take my slam cards with me to the farmhouse" the girl asked as they were packing up for their regular visit. Why they even bothered to come back to the hotel at all was still something of a mystery to everyone especially since she and Emma spent most of their nights there anyway. Both Natalia and Emma were constantly at her to just give in and relocate and now Ava was starting in as well but for some secret reason Olivia wouldn't budge. There was no questioning her desire to spend the rest of her life with the Latina and she could think of no other place to raise her daughter than the little country house but she was still hesitant to commit that completely. Not that she wasn't absolutely and resolutely devoted and besotted with Natalia but she worried about what was going to happen when Rafe reemerged. True he knew all about their relationship and had even began to forge his own strong ties with her children but Olivia doubted how the two of them could live under the same roof together without it destroying her relationship with her girlfriend. But more than that it would kill her to be asked to leave the home because Natalia couldn't endure the anger between Olivia and her son. So she and Emma and sometimes Max shuttled between the two places a few times a week.

"Mom don't forget that you have to pick Max up from the nanny tomorrow after work" Ava said as she watched her mother and sister get ready to leave for the night. She was holding tight a grunting and wiggling Max who was determined to ditch his mother and follow along.

Olivia looked up and whipped pretend sweat from her brow and smiled "Thanks for the reminder I almost forgot"

"You did not mommy you told me when we had breakfast with Natalia this morning"

"Spoil sport" she retorted back to Emma and then took her increasingly frustrated grandson in her arms. "Okay little man be good for mommy even though we know she's not nearly as much fun as me" and kissed his cheeks and lips and brow.

"Thanks mom" Ava groaned. "I'll remember that when I'm deciding which nursing home to put you in" her daughter whispered in her ear as she handed the boy back.

Max and Emma were finally in their own beds fast asleep and she and Natalia had just gotten finished with a spectacular display of earth shattering sex. It took a few minutes of deep breathing and focus before she could speak coherently again. "So" she started off with usual eloquence before succumbing to reduced frontal lobe activity and heard her girlfriend laugh and felt a cold finger poke her ribs.

"Yes of great one" Natalia laughed.

"Whatever. You weren't laughing a few minutes ago when you said that" Olivia challenged.

"Whatever. So you and the kids are spending the weekend and Monday here with me right?"

"Yes we are. I think I'd probably have to stick a hot poker in my ears if I have to hear my daughter and that woman doing the mattress mambo all night." and felt a much firmer poke in the before mentioned ribs. "hey what the hell?" she complained.

"You had better be a lot more charming when Dr Martin does come here if you know what's good for you" Natalia warned.

"Hey I am charming. I exude charm from every pore"

"You exude something alright"

"Hey she's lucky I'm not reporting her to the AMA for sleeping with her former patient so if she's smart she'll take what the heck I give her"

"What's up with you and her and don't tell me about that patient doctor crap because I know you've broken a few rules in your time" Natalia asked as she pulled away and turned on the bedside lamp to get a better look at her love. "Why are you so against this? You can't want Ava with Doris?"

"Hell no. She and Holly are much better for my sanity" she said but only continued when she saw Natalia move to poke her again "I just don't like the idea of this quack coming down and getting all involved with my daughter and then moving her away"

"Excuse me? I didn't know Ava was moving?"

"She's not. Yet. But I bet as soon as Dr Martin gets her hooks into her she's going to convince my daughter to move up to Chicago and take my grandson away from me" Olivia said with a pout that only increased when she heard Natalia's laugh. "Thanks a lot"

"Baby I think you're really taking this lesbian thing too far. They have been talking on the phone for the past two months and this weekend will be first time they've even kissed each other and you already have them at a commitment ceremony and moving to Chicago. Sweetie they might not even like each other in person"

"I can only hope"

"The point is Back Off if you know what's good for you" Natalia warned before she was pulled into a sensuous kiss.

"I know what's good for me"


	34. Chapter 34

He watched as his daughter went from room to room inspecting the new apartment in great detail as he held Max. Neither he nor Mel had moved in and probably wouldn't for another few weeks but it was such a great place that they couldn't pass it up. It had four bedrooms and two and a half baths and a very large kitchen and living room. It was more space then the former lifelong bachelor he'd ever considered for himself but it's vastness well reflected how full his life was becoming. He'd almost convinced Mel to skip the apartment phase and go straight to the homeowners level but the more sensible head won the day. She'd said if they could stand living together for at least an entire yearlong lease then she would consider adding their names to a mortgage. There were only two pieces of furniture in the place and both were large wooden cribs on either side of a large room. One for his grandson Max and the other for the little boy that Reva was carrying. He should enjoy his sleep while he still could thought again as he looked at the empty boxes. "So what do you think?" he asked after watching Ava walk around the place for the second time.

"I like it" she said turning back to him smiling. "Its going to be like a regular nursery in here once Reva delivers"

"Yeah I'm thinking of calling it 'Jeffery's Romper Room'. It has a nice ring to it" When he'd finally told Ava about the pregnancy his throat was tight, his stomach hurt, and his body was tense with stress. Anger, embarrassment, confusion, and disgust were just a few of the emotions that he was expecting but what he never imagined was Ava throwing her arms about his neck and laughing out loud. It shamed him to have such a low opinion of his daughter when she'd never given him cause to think of her as anything other than a loving and giving young woman. Yet he was deathly afraid because he assumed she would immediately think as he did why couldn't he have been there for her.

* * *

Sitting across from Ava and Max as they all ate lunch in a restaurant Jeffery could feel sweat threatening to break out as he steadied himself for the big reveal. Mel had suggested that he tell her over dinner at the house but Jeffery didn't want to subject his girlfriend to Ava's theatrics when she blew her top. There were many many characteristics that Ava shared with her mother but the one that made him most nervous was her reactions to bad news. The pair proved the theory nature over nurture. Just as he was working up the courage he heard her sigh deeply with a lost look on her face. "Sweetheart is anything wrong?" he asked as he took stroked her hand as it lay on the table.

"I guess I'm just nervous about Diane visiting next month"

"This will be the first time you've seen her since you left Chicago?" he asked without mentioning her time in the hospital.

"What if we have nothing to talk about? What if she changes her mind about me and decides I'm just one of the crazies with a stupid crush?"

"Hey" he said taking her hand in his own "the woman that I met in Chicago was smart and competent enough to know that she'd be extremely lucky to ever have a chance with someone as wonderful as you are"

"Spoken like a true father" Ava said with exasperation but he could see the slight blush that colored her cheeks before she looked down again. "I really like her dad and I don't know what I would do if"

"Hey stop that okay. You don't know what's going to happen anymore than she does so just relax and try to make the most of the four days you all are together. If she is half as smart as all the panels says she is then she'd be a fool not to love you as much you love her" and he was pleased because he was able to do the one thing that made him the most proud, making his daughter sparkle.

When he was sure her good mood was at its peak he blurted the news out just as he was taking Max from her. "What did you say?" she asked.

"I said Reva's pregnant and its mine" he repeated as he refused to look at her a second time.

"I thought that's what you said" Ava responded before she reached over and pulled him and Max in a very tight hug. She spent the rest of the meal grilling him for all the information and giving him tips on handling an emotional pregnant woman. When he helped her strap Max into his car seat Ava again took him in a hug and kissed his cheek and said "I'm so happy for you and I know that you will be as excellent a father to this baby as you have been to me"

Her kind words brought tears to his eyes and he pulled her back to him and whispered as loudly as he dared "You aren't upset?" and let her go a little as she pulled back in shock.

"Upset? Why would you think I'd be upset?"

"I don't know I wasn't around for you when you were a kid and now I'm only going to be a weekend father for this one" he said looking down not baring to see her disappointment. But then he felt his face pulled up and her staring into his eyes.

"Listen to me. You are a perfect father and I know you will spend as much time as you can with my baby brother. I am so proud to have you as my dad. Please tell me you know that?" she asked searching his eyes.

"Not half as proud as I am of you kiddo" After she declared the apartment fit for human habitation she rushed off with Max to a business meeting so he was more than surprised to her hear voice on the other side of his phone a few minutes later. "Ava?"

* * *

"Dad thank God you answered. I need a huge favor"

Shit he thought those were never good words to hear from his kid so he joked "You know your mom has way more money than me" and heard her expected groan.

"I'm serous dad. I need you to pick up Max's prescription from the farmhouse and drop it off at the Beacon for me"

"Ava!" he said and responded with his own groan.

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. Mom won't be back from Seattle until tomorrow and Natalia had an eye exam earlier today and can't drive. He needs his medicine and I can't miss this meeting. Please dad"

Shit. Shit. Shit he thought as he drove to the farmhouse as he repeated aloud "I'm doing this for my grandson. I'm doing this for my grandson" He said it a few more times as he knocked on the door and patiently waited for the verbal dressing down he was sure to get. The few times that he could not avoid seeing the other woman since the incident in the hotel had been chilly at best. Her disdain was barely concealed and that was with others in the room so God only knew what she might say on her first meeting with him alone since she confronted him in his office a few months ago. When she saw him standing at her door she craned her head as far as the door would allow to see who must be beside him because there was no way he'd come to her home alone. Great obviously his daughter couldn't be bothered to warn her step-mother. "Sorry to bug you Natalia but Ava called and needed me to pick up Max's medicine. She forgot it" he tried to laugh as he watched the woman narrow her eyes and frown. He didn't think the pupil dilation had anything to do with the menacing stare she threw his way. He stood at the doorway as she held up her hand to indicate she'd be back before she shut the door behind her.

A few seconds later she returned and took the latch off the door to hand him the bottle in question and was about to retreat again into the house when he took it before he called out her name. "Yes?" she asked.

"I was wondering if we could talk"

"Talk" she said standing with her arms across her chest leaning against the door frame. This was not the same woman he'd known since her move to his city. This was a hard woman who had only had a similar face to the sweet and trusting woman he'd callously hurt with his drunken ranting. It didn't help matters that he hadn't immediately apologized after it happened but hid like an immature boy. "I should have said this a long time ago but I'm sorry for what happened in Ava's suite. I'm sorry that I upset you and Olivia and I put Max in danger. I don't know what got into me but if you could give me another chance I know I could show you that I'm not that man anymore" and waited silently as she cocked her head to the side and studied him closely.

"I don't like this either. My discomfort with you is making both Ava and Olivia feel uneasy whenever we have to be around each other. I don't like making them feel as if they have to choose between us" but she didn't offer any solution to the problem and her face didn't loose its hardened gaze.

"What can I do to make things okay for you?" he asked full of contrition. He hated that he'd made one of the sweetest and kindest people he'd ever met dislike him.

"I don't know Jeffery. I was just thinking the same thing" she said looking down for the first time. He was about to sigh with sad and bone weary resignation that things would never improve before she spoke again softly. "I need to see you being the man you've been to Olivia and Ava and Max. I need to see how they react to you and know that they will be safe with you. It's going to take a lot of uncomfortable moments together before I feel halfway okay with you around the people I love" The look on her face was even more strained than previous and he hoped to God that he hadn't ruined everything and made her hate him. "I don't hate you" she said reading him in a glance. "But I don't trust you. I should warn you Jeffery that Olivia and I are more alike than most people realize. We are both fiercely protective of our loved ones and it will take a lot for me not to see you as a threat each time you come near them"

"They are my family too" he said.

"Yes I know that and that's the only reason that I'm having this conversation with you. If you weren't I would do everything in my power to keep you as far away from them as I could. But since I don't have that luxury I will be watching you and if you ever do anything to destroy their faith in you I'll have you're hid mounted to my wall" with that she was gone behind the door.

* * *

Laying in his bed as he held a sleeping Mel he thought about his meeting earlier that day with Josh Lewis. He was in his office working on a case and Mel and the rest of the office were out when he heard someone walking towards his door. He and Mel were very good lawyers so there weren't many disgruntled clients out there but he pulled out his pistol and took off the safety just in case. When he opened the door the last person he expected ever to see was his ex-girlfriend's ex-husband. "Josh?"

"Don't shoot I come in peace" the other man laughed as he held up both his hands.

"What brings you to O'Neil and Boudreaux Law Offices" he asked as he invited the other man to a drink.

"I guess I'm here because I thought it was time we talked everything over"

"What exactly do we have to talk over? You're in love with my the mother of my child who just happens to be your ex-wife. How complicated is that?" he said as he handed over the whiskey and soda and watched the other man laugh. Fuck a duck he liked the guy. If it had been any other man he would have decked him on sight just based on principle but for some reason he couldn't help wishing circumstances were different so that they could be friends. He hadn't had any real friends for a long time he could tell Josh could not be better suited for that role.

"Well I guess I was overreacting I just thought you might be a little anxious about the situation and I wanted you to know that I know how you must feel. I mean knowing that someone else is going to share most of the experience with Reva while you"

"Stand on the sideline?" he finished off but he didn't feel angry even then. He could tell that the other man was gloating just trying to make a difficult situation better.

"Something like that"

"Listen I won't lie to you and say I don't want things to be different. Sometimes I do wish that Reva and I had at least stayed together long enough for her to give birth but if we had I might now have Mel right now. So I guess I'm just trying to look on the bright side of this cause I'm going to have to deal with it for the next couple of years so"

"I just want you to know that I plan to be the best step-father I can be but I promise that I'll respect your relationship with your son"

"You just keep Reva from trying to kill during the labor pains and we'll call it even"


	35. Chapter 35

"Hello sweetheart"

"Hey. Today is the big day" Ava said beaming into her cell phone. There were only five more hours before she would finally get to hold her Diane. She would finally be able to ask the woman face to face to be her girlfriend and Ava was counting down the seconds. "I'm glad that you were able to take half a day today. I can't believe that I get to look into her eyes and say all the things I wanted to say at the hospital and it'll be okay."

"Not only will it be okay it's going to be required"

* * *

As she walked into Company to pick up breakfast for the office Ava stopped short as she spotted her ex-girlfriend sitting with the woman's current love. She had to admit that the pair looked very good together. Both were very attractive, successful, and mature women and it was easy to see that they were either very much in love or very close to it. It was weird that she'd been the one to end everything but there was still the unmistakable stab of jealousy when she saw Holly lean into a soft kiss with Doris. This was what she's wanted for the other woman all along so she had no right to look on in anger or bitterness. If anyone should have hostile feelings Doris was the natural winner. But the other woman had been anything other than even with her no hold's barred persona. Ava still felt awed that Doris allowed her to see the vulnerability that lay behind the tough façade. Trying her best to avoid their eyes she stood at the counter hoping for a fast pick up when she was instructed to wait at least ten more minutes. Fuck. She was on her way out the door when she sense and smelled the unique scent wafting behind her and turned around and pasted on a decent smile.

"Hey" she said hesitantly not really knowing what to do with her hands. The times that she'd seen Doris at the farmhouse and around town they'd awkwardly hugged as they greeted but for some reason she didn't think it would be much appreciated today.

"So your mom sent you out to pick up food"

"Yeah something about she paid me at least enough to do that" Ava said trying to laugh.

"Why don't you sit down with Holly and me while you wait for it to come up" Doris offered taking her elbow to lead her to the table.

"Oh God no. I can't" Ava whispered trying her best to keep the distress off of her face. She didn't want to make a scene but there was no way in hell sitting with them was going to happen.

"Don't worry Holly suggested it. I mean she and Olivia are friends. Olivia and I are friends and the two of us have been hanging out at the farmhouse a lot recently. There is no way for us to avoid each other all the time. At least that's what Holly said when she sent me over here. I'm like you I'd avoid and ignore but" Doris said lifting her hands in helplessness.

It was only then that Ava had the courage to look past Doris' shoulder towards the other red head. Holly was smiling the same open and warm way she had when she introduced herself to Ava all those months ago when she first relocated to Springfield. Shit on me she thought as she walked towards the booth. "Hey thanks for the invite" she said and almost ended the sentence with the words Ms Reed but thankfully her throat went dry.

"Well I saw you standing there waiting on your food and couldn't see a reason why you couldn't wait here with us" Holly said and Ava had to suppress a laugh as she watched Doris sit beside her girlfriend and roll her eyes at the sappiness. Something in Ava's expression must have signaled the older woman because she turned to Doris and narrowed her eyes only to see Doris attempt an innocent face. Eventually the ice did break and the three of them actually ended up sharing a few genuine laughs. Looking at them both side by side Ava was again in wonder at how well they fit together. This was the person that Doris was meant to be with she knew in her heart. As they called her name and she stood up to give both women hugs Ava felt Doris walk behind her out towards her car.

"Listen I just wanted to say that I hope that someday we can be friends again. I really miss talking to you."

"I miss talking to you too. I'm really happy for you and Holly. I'm glad that you found someone so right for you" as she watched Doris go back inside to Holly all the old insecurities resurfaced. What if she'd made a mistake? What if Diane found she couldn't feel the same as Ava? Would she ever find the happiness that everyone else around her so magically enjoyed?

* * *

She dropped the food off on her mother's desk and didn't bother to react to seeing her mother and step-mother making out on the sofa once again today. There were too many things that she had to do before she was able to take off from work for the next four days. Olivia said that she was cool with the mini vacation and Ava knew that she put in more long hour than her mother was comfortable with sometimes especially when Max was away with his father but right now she needed to clear everything off her desk so things wouldn't be unmanageable Tuesday morning. Besides her work Ava had her suite thoroughly cleaned and had her car detailed. There were any number of brochures on activities to enjoy in Springfield and Diane would have a rented car at her disposal. She couldn't afford for anything to go wrong.

It wasn't until a hand waved in front of her face that Ava noticed her mom, Natalia and Max sitting on her sofa. The boy was watching her intently and as soon as he saw her recognition he wiggled down to make his way to her waiting arms. As she kissed and hugged her son she looked up at her parents and asked their plans for the weekend.

"Well I thought we could take the kids to the Imax but your mom doesn't think Max will enjoy it"

"Oh I think he'll enjoy it immensely. He'll have both of us running around after him in the dark like lunatics. I just don't think the rest of the theater will have much fun"

"The only thing that he's halfway attentive to is sports. Maybe there is a some kind of game going on this weekend" Ava said as the boy in question chewed on her expensive wooden desk with all five of his teeth.

"Well I better go pack some of his things" Natalia said as she went up to hug Ava and whispered softly in her ears hoping her nosey girlfriend couldn't hear. "Don't let her give you any trouble" and then kissed her forehead. Before she walked out the door she called out "Be sure to have fun this weekend" and then gave her a lecherous grin.

Ava couldn't have been more pleased with Natalia's show of support especially since her mother was being uncharacteristically silent about the whole thing. Ever since she'd learned that Diane was the object of Ava's affection Olivia hadn't said hoe she was feeling about the matter one way or the other. She couldn't believe that her mother was this aloof about her love life especially after everything they'd been through with Coop, Bill, Remy, and recently Doris. Olivia had never felt the need to hide her feelings before and Ava was a bit hurt by the treatment. "So you don't have to have everything completely finished before you start your weekend. Natalia and I can take care of anything that might pop up. We'll be back to pick up Max after I help Talia get his things together" and with that she was walking towards the door.

"Hey stop" Ava said as she put Max into his pen. "What the hell's going on with you?"

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked a bit disturbed.

"I asked what's going on? Diane is coming down for four days and all you can say is you can take care of anything that pops up? Who are you and what have you done with my mother?"

"I thought you'd respect me giving you your space about this"

"I expect you to act like you care one way or the other"

"Hey!" Olivia started but then quieted her voice when Max looked up in concern "I do care and don't you ever say different"

"Then why haven't you said one word about any of this? You told me that you were upset that I kept my feeling about Doris hidden so I open up and share and I haven't gotten any feedback at all"

"What do you want me to say?" Olivia asked with her hands on her hips.

"You know what never mind. Don't say anything. Its my fault for expecting you to support me. I won't be making that mistake again" she said turning her back on her mother and bending over to take back her son.

"I'm just a little bit concerned. Okay is that what you wanted to hear. When I met her I thought she was an excellent psychiatrist and took very good care of you when you're family couldn't but now I don't know what to think. I don't know that she didn't take advantage of you during those months. I don't know if she's using that relationship to pursue you now and it doesn't help that she lives in two hours away in Chicago" Olivia finished with a huff before she felt her daughter wrap her in a hug.

"Mom I'm fine. She isn't doing anything to me that I don't want her to do and its not like you aren't going to get the chance to talk to her. I'm going to bring her to the farm to meet you all and see Max for a few hours. All I ask is that you give her a chance. Please."

"I'll try my love" Olivia said as she kissed her daughter and took Max with her to retrieve Natalia.

* * *

Looking at her watch she knew she had two hours before she had to be on the road to pick Diane up at the airport. Looking into the closet and discarding one outfit after the other as unacceptable Ava was starting to hyperventilate. It couldn't be too sexy because she didn't want to put Diane off but she also didn't want anything too conservative because she didn't want the older woman under the false impression that sex wasn't on the to do list as far as Ava was concerned. She hadn't even started to consider what underwear to put on under whatever she finally settled on. There was absolutely nothing in her closet. How the hell could she have nothing in her closet? She ran into her mother's suite but as soon as she started faced the problem that everything would either be too short or too loose. "What the Blue Fuck" Ava yell before she ran back to her room to start the process all over again.

There were clothes and shoes everywhere when her phone rang in her. Who the hell is bugging me now Ava thought because everyone who was anyone to her knew this weekend was strictly off limits unless it involved Max, life, sight, or limb. "Yes?" she hissed into the phone not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hey sweetheart" she heard and immediately a blanket of relief and contentment fell over her for a few seconds before she really started to sweat.

"Please don't tell you've landed already"

"Okay I won't tell you that I landed about an hour and a half ago"

"What? You came early?" Ava panted throwing everything into the closets and under the bed.

"No I landed on time but" When Ava looked down at her phone and saw the three missed calls and two unanswered text messages she could not believe that she'd let two hours run away from her. What the bloody fuck. She must think I am such a dumb ass. Oh my God she's going to leave me. She's going to think I'm too immature and selfish to bother with. Oh my God Ava kept saying to herself as she rushed around the room trying to find her keys. "Ava are you still there?"

"Oh my God I'm so sorry. Jesus I'm so sorry. Please don't leave. Please I didn't mean to make you wait I was just trying to. Oh my God please give me another chance. I'll do anything. I swear I just"

"Hey Ava calm down. I figured something must have come up so I"

"NOO don't Leave Please! I'll be right there. Please just wait it'll take me about twenty minutes but I'll be there. Please" Ava said as she rushed out the door only to run right into Diane on the other side.

"As I was trying to tell you I caught a taxi instead. The front desk told me you were in" Ava heard every word the other woman said but she was so relieved and so mortified that she couldn't think. The only thing she knew for certain is that she couldn't cry. I can't let her think I'm some nut job. Please God just help me pull it together. "Hey take a deep breath. It's okay sweetheart. I'm here now and there is no other place I'd rather be" Diane said as she took Ava into a hug. Christ I still have to take her into my bedroom Ava thought glumly.

"I am so sorry about not being there. I hope that you will give me the chance to make it up to you" Ava begged.

"There is nothing to forgive" Diane repeated as she kissed her brow but then pulled back with a smile "Do I get to come in your room or will I spend the four days in the hallway"

Shaking her head Ava let out a big sigh. "First you have to promise me that you won't look into my closet or under my bed. I'm serious" she warned when Diane gave a soft laugh. "I was supposed to have two hours before I had to start towards the airport but I couldn't find anything to wear. You called two minutes ago and I still hadn't figured out anything. Everything I own I stuffed back into my closet or crammed under the bed when I thought I had to get you at the airport. I'd decided to just take one of the other suites in the hotel rather than let you see my mess" Ava finished with a pout.

"Poor baby. I promise" she said and Ava opened the door as cautiously as she dared afraid to think of the state of the room but it wasn't as bad as she feared. There were a couple of pair of shoes tossed around but she soon got rid of the evidence and watched as Diane made her way around the suite. After Diane walked around some Ava took to the important spots in the room and promised to later show her the amenities the hotel offered and the car she'd rented for her. "You didn't have to do that"

"I wanted to. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible while you're here" and then she brought up a dreaded topic. "I don't want you to feel as if you have to spend the night in my suite. At anytime you can go downstairs and make arraignments with the front desk to" she started but was cut off by the most amazing pair of soft lips.

"I don't think you have to worry about that sweetheart" It was their first kiss and it started off tentative and exploratory but soon it progressed to a heart pounding rate. Her hands were loosely grasping Diane's slim waist and she longed to hold the woman tighter or to use her hands to explore the warm body next to her but she didn't want to push for more than Diane was willing to give. There were a couple of moments that Ava was worried that she was going to pass out from sheer sensation overload but just before her knees wavered Diane pulled back and then yawned. "Could I go splash my face?"

What a dumb ass Ava thought again. "Of course but wouldn't you feel much better if you took a hot shower or a long bath?"

Diane asked a bit suspiciously "You wouldn't be upset?"

"Of course not. I know that even a half day is like a full day for you and it must have been stressful to rush right from work straight to the airport" Ava offered taking Diane's hand and leading her to the restroom and handed her a bath brush and pointed out the bath salts. Not was she not upset that Diane was taking time to unwind but it also gave Ava the opportunity to clean up and set up the scene she's pictured their first night as. It was close to an hour later when the blond came out of the steaming bathroom looking more adorable that Ava could ever imagine. Her damp hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and her face was both freshly scrubbed and flushed. She was wearing one of the hotel's huge white terry cloth robes and she looked so beautiful that Ava's heart almost stopped. This was the love of her life.

"Oh my God" Diane exclaimed as she covered her mouth with her trembling hands. "How on earth did you get this all set up in that short amount of time?" she said as she looked around and saw the room bathed in huge candles and there was an amazing assortment of food surrounded by the most beautiful flowers she'd ever seen. "Ava this is way too. I don't even know what to say sweetheart. No one has ever done anything like this for me before" she said as tears followed down her cheeks.

"Baby I just wanted to do something to show you how grateful I am that you took a chance on loving me and I hope that I won't ever make you regret it" Ava whispered as she hugged the other woman close. Eventually they made it to the table and they were both pleasantly surprised that the stress of the day had left them both famished. As soon as they were finished with their meals Ava lifted up another serving tray and asked solicitously "Would the lady be interested in sampling some fine deserts? For your enjoyment we have crème brulee, blueberry cheesecake, and a fine dark chocolate sauce accented with chili flakes" For the entire meal they'd stayed above board and had only indulged in the slightest of teasing and flirting. Diane told Ava about her certifiable new doorman and boasted to her about shaving three seconds off her best time on her daily laps around the pool. Ava in turn talked about Max's latest adventure and her father's unexpected but completely hilarious predicament. Yet right now it was becoming clear to Ava that her future girlfriend was contemplating treats other than those on the cart.

"I absolutely love all three of those and look forward to tasting them all but right now" Diane said as she stood up and reached for Ava's hand "I'm in the mood for different hedonist experience"

* * *

Two hours later when Ava lay on her back in the middle of the bed completely naked and covered with silk sheets and her love's silken skin she moaned in unmistakable ecstasy. "Sweet God that was amazing" and licked her coated lips.

"I told you that would be the best thing you ever tasted" Diane laughed as she spooned Ava another helping of the chocolate sauce and peanut butter. They had eaten all the rest of the confections and this was the last thing left. There were smudges of food all over their bodies and Ava didn't think she would ever look at carrot sticks and ranch dressing the same after tonight.

"I think you're trying to corrupt me" Ava groaned as she took another bite from the offered spoon.

"Not yet that's for the rest of the weekend"

Ava didn't think she would still be capable of blushing after everything they did in the past few hours but when she did to distract the other woman from the flush she leaned down to kiss her and reminded Diane of her previous question. "So what's the verdict?"

"To what my love?" Diane asked not bothering to break from the kiss as they talked.

"If you don't want to now that's fine I just wanted you to know what I would like in the future" Ava said and watched as Diane immediately pulled away and regard her with pirecing eyes.

"What are you talking about I thought I made it perfectly clear when I was shouting out 'yes yes' a few minutes ago what my answer was"

"I thought you were just cuming" Ava laughed.

"Well that too" and then pulled even further way to sit up over the protests of her new lover and took Ava's hand before responding further "I, Diane Martin, of calm mind and satiated body do hereby take thee Ava Peralta to be my girlfriend and to enjoy all the privileges and niceties there of"

"Niceties?" Ava laughed.

"Hey I have plenty of niceties and you'd be very lucky to enjoy them"

"I'll say" Ava gasped as said niceties came into contact with her own.


	36. Chapter 36

As she sat around the table eating Sunday dinner surrounded by friends and family Olivia had to wonder if this was God's way of paying her back for all the horrible things she did in her life before falling in love with Natalia. Her girlfriend was sitting opposite her and her children were scattered between but what made this meal one step from hell was the beautiful blond sitting beside her eldest daughter, Dr Diane Martin. Earlier she'd wracked her brain trying to come up with a viable excuse to get out of the two hour event but was immediately shut down by a set of angry eyes. "Listen I'm going to have to miss dinner tonight because I have that"

"You will be at dinner tonight and that's that" Natalia had said as she walked away. So here sat Olivia forced to watch that bitch at her own table making goo goo eyes at her daughter.

* * *

The weekend had started off simple enough although there were a few tough questions from Emma but that wasn't uncommon because most of Emma's questions were hard. Why can't we move back to the farm? Why can't Derek's play with me? Why are you sticking your tongue in there? But this morning was on a whole different level. Natalia was busy folding up the laundry while Olivia and Emma cleaned up the living room. Even Max was in on the choirs and thoughtfully rearranged the DVDs that were within his reach before they were promptly snatched away. Olivia detested housework. The only thing she hated more than domestic drudgery was the look of frustration on her love's groan when confronted with a previously clean area that Emma and Max had torn through. As a result she was vacuuming the carpets when Emma's tense face caught her attention. "What's wrong Bean? You know the faster we finish with this the faster we can get to the park" she reasoned trying to motivate her daughter. Not that she blamed her for feeling a little disgruntled, dusting had never been her favorite either.

"Mommy why isn't Max's skin the same as ours?" Olivia heard over the loud motor before she turned around to face the questioner. What the hell? The first time that Emma saw Max in the hospital should have been the perfect platform for such a concern so why was it being posed now almost seven months later? The nine year old had never asked such a question even when she first began noticing the differences between individuals such as males and females or tall and short. The only thing that Olivia could come up with was someone or something had prompted the inquiry and she wanted to figure that out as much as she wanted to reassure her daughter.

"What makes you ask that Em? You know Max's daddy has a different skin color than ours and that's why Max's is different" Olivia responded trying to keep her voice light and completely devoid of the tension that filled her body.

"I know but" Emma said before swallowing the rest and shaking her head in what looked like defeat.

Olivia walked over and took the girl in her arms and sat them both on the coffee table making sure to avoid the oiled spots "But what?" she asked kissing the girl's creased brow.

"But Tommy called Max a" Emma began again before she promptly stopped and dropped her head onto Olivia's shoulder.

Inside of Olivia there were several opposing emotions fighting to take over but she was determined to stay calm and think this through. There was immediate and visceral anger and outrage that anyone adult or child would have the nerve to disparage anyone in her family. Fear and anxiety rallied close behind overwhelmed with the possibility that her grandson would have to endure such taunts and ignorance for the rest of his life. Finally there were resignation and determination to prepare her children to meet the coming challenges in their lives. "Tommy called Max a what Emma?"

"He called Max a bad word and said that he was an abom" Emma said before she pulled up her head to scratch her chin and attempt again "abomabration. And I told him he was a"

"Emma Spencer Spaulding I do not want to hear you repeat ugly words" they both heard from the kitchen.

"But Ma"

"Don't Ma me Emma. Whatever Tommy said does not bare repeating and definitely not what you said" Natalia said coming towards them with Max crawling close behind. The last thing Olivia wanted was to listen to a lecture of piety and humility but she knew that her usual response to this wasn't going to be appropriate especially for a nine year old. "Emma some people will say hurtful and spiteful things when they don't understand something but that doesn't give you the right to return that anger. Do you understand?"

Emma pulled away and looked at both her female caretakers with the skepticism that Olivia felt but hoped was not evident and carefully responded "I should be better than him?"

"Not better baby just more tolerant. So the next time someone says something hurtful to you about anything at all I want you to tell your teacher and then I want you to tell your mommy or me. Okay?" Eventually Emma was comforted and wandered off when she saw Max starting to chew on one of her controllers. However Olivia wasn't going to be reasoned with as easily and after the children left assured her girlfriend of such. "Don't"

"Why do you always say that to me?"

Natalia laughed and responded "Probably because you're always thinking of something you shouldn't" before she tried to take the other woman in her arms only to encounter raised hands. "Olivia" she tried again.

"Some bastard taught their son to be an ignorant racist asshole and"

"Keep your voice down!" Natalia said as she pulled the other woman towards the stairs. "Em watch Max your mom and I are going up stairs for a bit" Once they got behind closed doors Olivia snatched her arm away but after seeing the pain on Natalia's face reached over and kissed her lips softly.

"I'm sorry" she whispered as she hugged the Latina close "but it makes me so angry that someone would say something so hateful and hurtful about someone I love. Who the hell does this person think he is? Who is he to make ignorant statements about my grandson to my daughter" Natalia didn't say anything but instead kissed her love back deeply and tried to impart all the concern and warmth she felt in the intimate contact. After a few moments holding on to each other Olivia's body loosened and she was finally able to respond calmly. "Thank you"

"So I should shut down all your rants this way?" Natalia laughed.

"Yeah it might make for some interesting meetings with the staff but I'm willing to make the sacrifice"

* * *

That was earlier today but her mood had only improved a little and certainly not enough to tolerate dealing with Dr Martin for a long drawn out meal. Today was one of the few that Olivia would have favored a return to her mother's silent and brooding dinners as a child. The food and drinks were on the table as were the best dishes and flatware. All that was missing were her daughter and her new girlfriend, who happened to be running over twenty minutes late. Natalia had cooked all her favorites hoping a satisfied Olivia would forestall any difficulties with the conversation however that plan was quickly going to hell. Even mild tempered Emma was voicing loud protests at the thought of cold roast beef and hard garlic mashed potatoes. After looking at the clock and her watch and her cellphone for the third time since the movie went off Olivia made an executive decision. "We are eating now" and the house was flooded with yells of thanks from hungry Emma and a happy to be yelling Max.

"Olivia they're probably on their way"

"Well they should've started thirty minutes ago because right now we are eating with or without them" but just as she was strapping Max into his high chair the front door opened and she heard a familiar voice saying "I know I know we're late" and felt Max thrash his limbs up and down in an attempt to get closer to his mommy.

"Sorry mom" Ava said as she hugged her from behind and then kissed her grinning son. Traitor Olivia thought as she looked down at him. Natalia and Emma were still in the living room talking but she couldn't hear to whom.

"I'm assuming you brought her"

"Of course, I told you I would so you be nice" Ava warned taking her son back onto the living room. There was some merlot breathing in a decanter and there didn't appear to be a better time to see how it had aired then this. By the time she got back to the living room Natalia had her arms wrapped around Ava and Emma was trying her best to teach Max how to crawl. The doctor was standing in the middle of the floor laughing at the two children and looking back at the indulgent faces of the two mothers.

"Glad that you two could finally make it" Olivia said trying to contain the growl but knew the effort wasn't very successful by the warning glances from her wife and daughter.

"That was my fault Ms Spencer. I insisted on trying to find the best gift possible for you and Ms Rivera"

"So you brought us a box of rocks?" Olivia asked looking down at the container by Natalia's feet.

"Mom I got that for Emma's geology report next week" Ava huffed. "This is for you and Natalia" and presented Natalia with a non descript bottle of red wine.

"Thank you Diane you shouldn't have and I told you to call us Natalia and Olivia" Natalia responded before she smiled at her wife willing her silently to do the same. When she looked at the label she realized that the shiraz had to set the young woman back a considerable amount and was a good indication of her good taste. It was also presumptuous that it would be enough to garner her Olivia's good will.

"Thank you for the fine wine and yes I insist that you call us by our first names" but if the woman knew even an iota about body language she'd say the name Olivia only on pains of death. But that wasn't even the worst of it. No not even watching her usually sensible daughter fawning over this hussy or said hussy tickling her grandson were as bad but after she was finally able to sit down and eat her girlfriend's meal they were summarily interrupted as soon as the first forkful was halfway to her mouth. "What the" she started before she dropped it and moved the answer the ringing doorbell. "This had better be good" she said as she threw the door open. "You wanted something Doris?"

"I told you Holly and I would be over to get Emma for Clarissa's sleep over tonight"

"Shit"

"If you want us to come back" Holly offered with a smile.

"Yeah maybe you" Olivia said before she saw both Holly's and Doris' eyes and mouth change and heard her daughter gasp. "Doris and Holly were just here to pick up Em" she explained but before she knew it not only was she back in front of her plate but Doris and Holly were sitting around it as well. Just what she'd looked forward to all week eating a Saturday meal surround by her daughter and her lovers. Joy. The only thing that made it halfway bearable was Dr Martin looking just as uncomfortable as Olivia felt however Ava wasn't looking any better.

"This is Diane's first visit to our fair city maybe you could suggest tourist spots" Natalia asked of Doris and then turned towards the doctor to comment "there isn't anyone who knows this city like Doris"

"I don't know whether that's a compliment or a put down" Doris laughed and soon the rest of the adults at the table followed suit. It was the first thing that was said in the twenty minutes since the couple's arrival that wasn't tense or awkward.

"Yeah Nat I thought you were the nice one" Ava added.

"So I take it Springfield isn't just any regular berg"

"Oh God no unless"

"Its as normal as any other place" Olivia said looking round at the faces daring anyone to contradict her.

"Well you should know as a psychiatrist that normal is misleading" responded Holly with a slight smirk.

Taking Ava's hand and kissing his softly Diane said "What I do know is that Ava is always saying how much she loves this place and how much affection her voice has when she speaks about it"

"Then I guess we'll be seeing you again then" Natalia asked.

"You'll be seeing as much of me as Ava allows"

"It won't be much because Spencers aren't known for sharing" Ava laughed. After that everyone except for Olivia were openly talking and enjoying themselves. She had to watch Holly practically interview Diane and then rolled her eyes as Diane thanked Doris for being such a good friend to Ava. It was enough to make Olivia gag from being so sickingly sweet. Emma, Holly, and Doris were on their way into town but not before Diane conned the women into sharing a meal with her and Ava before she returned back to Chicago next week. Just how many people did this bitch intend to get on her side Olivia wondered but knew of one that never would be.

It was the only time that Olivia had ever been grateful that it was her night to do dishes. Hell she'd even dry if it meant Dr Jackass being gone by the time she was finished. But she knew she'd spoken too soon when a hand picked up the drying cloth hanging on the edge of the sink and asked "Do these dishes go back in this cupboard? They look like they're for a special occasions"

"No they don't but you don't have to worry about it. Natalia and I can put them up after you're gone" Olivia said turning towards the woman and wanting to pull the cloth from her hands but not daring to move any closer to the blond.

"Listen Ms Spencer I know that you have some misgivings about my relationship with your daughter but"

"I have more than misgivings Dr" Olivia started and then looked towards the open door before inclining her head towards the laundry room and waited for Dr Martin to join her. If she wanted to get into this then they would but Olivia wasn't going to be punted back to the Beacon for the weekend if she could help it. "As I was saying I certainly do have misgiving as you call them about you and my daughter. Your former patient Dr Martin. I think there are laws about that. Criminal laws in fact"

"You're right. I've done the one thing that I was taught was the worst abuse any physician could inflict on their patient especially a psychiatrist."

"I guess you got over it"

"I fell in love. I have never felt this way about anyone. Ever. And I have never crossed any lines with any other patient, or colleague, or instructor. I have always drawn a clean and defined line between my personal and professional lives. Your daughter is the only one I've ever risked everything I have for. If I could have ignored this or forgotten her I would have but I couldn't"

"I want us to be very clear. I don't trust you. Ava was in your care because she needed your expertise not because she needed to fall in love"

"I"

"Don't say anything. Listen" Olivia warned holding up a finger. "My children and my grandchild are the most important people in my life. If I found out that you were taking advantage of her or were using her for some sick"

"Ms Spencer please, I would never hurt your daughter. I love her. For the past two months she and I have spent every free moment on the phone getting to know each other"

"You know her plenty don't you Dr Martin. It was your fucking job for sixty seven days to get to know my daughters darkest most intimate secrets" Olivia said getting more and more upset but trying to keep her voice from raising to alarming levels.

"You're right I do but it's become more than that and she knows me just as well. Please Ms Spencer I know that you have absolutely no reason to trust me. I admit that I've taken liberties with your daughter that I promised the state and myself that I would never take but its only because I love her so much. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. Proving that to anyone that would doubt what we share"


	37. Chapter 37

The house smelled strongly of turpentine and paint and he and Mel were laughing so hard Jeffery was almost convinced the ringing he was hearing was a result of vapor intoxication but when Mel turned around to face the hallway he realized that his daughter and her lover were probably at the door. The baby was due in four months but it looked like it would be a miracle for Reva to hold out that long. Every time Jeffery saw her she seemed closer to popping but wisely he keeps this thought to himself because both he and Mel are partial to certain aspects of his anatomy. There were hundreds of ways this situation could go tits up and the uncertainty was starting to set him on edge but strangely for the time being everyone was being reasonable and getting along. He was going to co parent the child with Reva and Josh and he prayed that Mel would be around for most of that. If anything his relationship with Mel was only growing and the past week readying the new house was only showing him how much more they could share.

"Ava, Dr Martin" Jeffery said as he pulled them both in and attempted to give them both them both hugs. "Thank you allowing a overprotective father to meet the woman that's stolen my only daughter's heart"

"Diane, please and it was the least I could do after falling in love with such a wonderful woman" she said as shook his hand.

"We can come back later dad if this is a bad time" Ava laughed and Diane did her best to hold her own back upon seeing Mel walking towards them looking as if she'd jumped into a vat of paint. It was everywhere and he wondered who much was on his own body and felt better about being rebuffed.

"We're a mess" Mel said and added "Not the best way to make a good impression"

"I'm the one that's worried about getting into your good graces not the other way around"

"Yeah, Yeah and you'd do well to remember that young lady" Jeffery said as gruffly as he could before his grin broke through and looked at his daughter. "And where's my grandson? I wanted to showoff his new bedroom"

"He's with mom and it smells like a paint factory in here. No thanks it can wait until the paints a couple weeks old" Ava announced before taking Mel's hand and added "but his mom can see right now" and effectively left him to deal with her prospective mate.

"So how was it at the farmhouse" He knew from Ava that Diane had been shaken although the psychiatrist had refused to go into detail other than to say she and Olivia "reached and understanding." From personal experience he knew that Olivia could be less than cordial to anyone she viewed as a threat or competition. Not that Olivia would Olivia was the jealous or possessive of her children but she wasn't an uninvolved mother by any stretch of the imagination. Just the change in expression on Diane's face since he opened the door told him how upsetting her meeting with Olivia had been but he wondered if she'd spill the beans. He didn't know her very much but he did like her and he liked what she'd accomplished with his daughter and not just during the hospitalization. Ava had never been so grounded or relaxed.

"Ms Natalia and Ms Spencer are"

"Wait you said Ms Natalia what about Ms Olivia?" he asked but shook his head and continued with the drinks when Diane refused to respond. "You were saying?"

"It's obvious that both women care very much for Ava's welfare especially when they consider me having access to Max"

"So are my daughter and grandson son safe with you?" he asked but turned away when he felt lips caress his temple.

"I hope that's for me after all my hard work" Mel asked with a pout. He spent the rest of the evening telling as many embarrassing stories of his daughter as he could remember. It looked as if she'd spent an entire afternoon laying on a beach during the middle of summer from the flush that covered not only her shoulders and face but reached right up to the tips of her ears. There were at least five more stories he could have told but felt two kicks from either side of the table one each from the women in his life. "What about you Diane? Any stories you'd like to share?" His momma didn't raise no fools.

He and Mel saw them out but almost as soon as he closed the door he heard a faint knocking. "Diane?"

"I just wanted you to know that I love your daughter and I'm committed to making a life with her and your grandson"

* * *

"They seem good together" Mel said quietly as they lay in the dark after making love. "Ava looks healthier than I've ever seen her"

"Dr Diane Martin just might be what Ava needs. Since they started up I haven't had to worry about her getting caught up in crazy and convoluted schemes"

"Sounds like she's good for both of you"


	38. Chapter 38

They were laying in bed naked wrapped around each other and Ava was dreading looking over towards the table seeing what time it was. It was dark when she first woke up and by the time they finished making love the sun was already shining brightly outside. The impeccable insulation at the Beacon kept her from hearing the birds or the rumble of motors from below but nothing could keep out the knowledge that their time was running very short. Today was the last of their romantic holiday and tonight she'd fall asleep alone. Tomorrow she'd wake up only to her son and maybe her mother and sister but that didn't make the loneliness she would feel any less unbearable. If anything it made it seem worse. Everything and everyone she loved was here except the love of her life. "I don't want you to go" she whispered to herself as she felt tears springing. Against all odds Ava had gotten the girl that by all rights and quite a few laws should have been unapproachable. That should make her happy. It should make her fucking ecstatic but at the moment it only made her feel like bawling her eyes out. "Why can't you stay here with me?" she implored again to the sleeping body underneath her weight.

"If I could I would. You should know that sweetheart" she heard and felt the soft kiss on her head but refused to look up. "Don't do this please. I don't want our last hours together to be filled with tears. Please Ava" Diane asked rolling them over and looking into her eyes before Ava turned away. "It can't be that bad can it?" Diane tried again but upon further silence began to gently run her fingers up and down Ava's ribs but not to arouse.

"Stop. Stop it" Ava yelled pushing Diane further away and moving to get out of the bed.

"I'll stop, I'm stopping just don't get out of the bed" Diane begged holding up both hands. "I'll do whatever you want just don't get mad"

Ava turned towards her and then barked "I want!" before shaking her head and drying her eyes and trying to gather herself before continuing. "I want you to stay here with me but I know that you can't"

"You're right I can't" Diane replied now no less upset but without the tears. "I wish I could but sweetie I have patients and obligations I have to get back to"

"Your life you mean" Ava said glumly moving again to get out of the bed.

"No my patients and my practice and my house and my car and my memberships and my refrigerator and my doorman and plants" Diane listed before she took Ava's head into her hands and gently brought the sad face to her own "but my life is with you and your son. And it always will be. For as long as you want it sweetheart"

During their four days they had left the room to go to the farmhouse and to Jeffery's new apartment but besides a few trips to pick up a favorite ice cream or a deck of cards to play strip poker they'd spent the time within the confines of the spacious suite. They made love of course, often and enthusiastically but most of the time they just talked and touched. The weekend was spent trying to convince themselves that the months living for phone calls and web cams weren't in vain. There was something real between them regardless of what anyone else thought or said. Leaving that safety behind was killing them both Ava knew but she worried still that Diane wasn't as in love as she. Her entire life she'd either been chasing or was chased and she was scared that this was more of the same. Maybe Diane's just needed the thrill of fucking me before she could let it go? She's never crossed that line before maybe she just needed this weekend to work out that fantasy and now she's looking forward to going back to her normal life. Maybe I should just

"Would you stop that I can hear the cogs scrapping against each other from here. Talk to me and tell me what you're thinking about. Please"

Looking away Ava couldn't get the hard and hateful words past her tightening throat "Nothing"

"Its not nothing. I can tell by the way you're not looking at me and by the way you're holding your body that"

"Would you stop that! I'm not your fucking patient anymore. I don't require anymore of your psycho babble I have a perfectly good therapist on retainer for that" Ava shouted finally leaving the bed and moving to the large windows that were furthest away from Diane.

"You're right you don't" Ava heard before she heard foot steps coming up behind her so close she was tempted to lean back into the other woman's warmth. "I'm sorry I wasn't trying to analyze you but I can't help it. I'm a psychiatrist and I do it automatically. You should hear how my friends and family react when I slip and let my training out when they're talking to me. I'm sorry"

"Its okay" Ava whispered knowing that she should have been the one to say sorry and was on her way to saying just that when she heard a sigh from behind and then heard a deep inhale.

"Was this a mistake Ava?"

Whipping her head around Ava almost knocked them both silly Diane was standing so close but at the moment a skull fracture was the least of her worries. "No it wasn't. It's not. I couldn't bare it if you felt that way. Tell me you don't feel that way"

"Of course I don't but something's wrong. Something's changed and you won't talk to me. So I thought maybe you were regretting what we did or" but she didn't let the other woman finish and pushed Diane back towards the bed while her lips marked the blond's body. It was several more hours before coherent thought or speech were capable by either woman. Laying on her side spooning Ava tightly from behind Diane tried again to figure out what was troubling her love. "Can you tell me now what's bothering you?"

"I don't want you to go" Ava said turning away. "I can't tell you how much love and contentment I feel when I wake up in your arms. I love the idea of coming home and hearing about your day and sharing my own with you while we take care of Max. I was looking forward to this weekend for the entire month and now that it's over I can't bare going back to just hearing your voice over a cell phone. I want more than that"

"Sweetheart"

"I know. You have your things in Chicago and I know you can't just pick up and relocate here but"

Again taking her love's face Diane kissed Ava softly and tried her best to explain. "I want you to know that you aren't the only one feeling this way. I am dreading getting on that plan as much as you are"

"Then don't"

"Sweetie I have to but that doesn't mean I won't be back. Or that I don't dream of having the same things as well because I do" Eventually it was time to get Diane to the airport but as Ava looked at the woman and thought of watching her fly away didn't become less painful but much less overwhelming. Neither of them wanted this to end but they had already planned for their second and third meetings over the next two months. If it were anyone else Ava would have thought she was being played and strung along but she knew how busy Diane was. To be honest she hadn't expected the woman to be as eager to continue.

* * *

They sat in the airport lounge sitting beside each other silent and not being particularly affectionate but it was obvious to everyone they were in love. Ava seemed to melt into Diane's touch and the other woman was molded to Ava's sleek frame. "I'll come again next month for a long weekend and the month after you come spend four days with me"

"I can stay longer than that" Ava said not bothering to look around. She didn't have to see her face to know Diane's expression and felt a lingering kiss to the back of her neck.

"Yes I know but I can't take that much time off from work and I don't want you sitting in my apartment waiting on me to get off from a long day"

"Afraid I'll poke into you're unmentionables" Ava tried to laugh

"More afraid you'll see what a workaholic I am and tell me to bugger off"

"You should know that this weekend was a freebie" now Ava did need to look into Diane's face to see her fleeting emotions. "but next time"

"Excuse me? I didn't think you were that kind of girl but if I have to pay for it then" Diane leered.

"As if you could afford it" Ava laughed before she started again seriously. "Next time Max will be with us. Every time for the whole time" she warned.

"Do you think that bothers me?" Diane asked pulling away. "Did you think that I would have a problem spending time with your son?"

Ava said "No I just" then paused refusing to look up until slim fingers tilted her head. "I wanted this weekend to be special about just you and me but that's not my life. I mean Max doesn't normally spend the entire weekend away from me"

"I think I should know that better than anyone. Remember I'm the one on the phone you when you're feeding him and changing him and playing with him and putting him to bed. Of course you'd bring him. Let me make my intentions perfectly clear to you since obviously there's some confusion"

"No don't I don't want you to be mad at me"

"I'm not mad" Diane stated and then had to close her eyes and modulate her tone before continuing. "I'm not mad. I promise. Sweetheart I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you and be everything you could possibly need or want. That would give me no greater joy. You say you don't want me to leave but to tell you the truth I have to keep reminding myself of all my obligations just so I make it to plane. I know that you have a lot of help with your parents and Max's father. More help than most but I want to be the one beside you sharing each day with him I want to be the one that takes turns with you when he's sick or picks him up from practices when he gets older. I want to be the one that tells him to drive slow when he picks up his dates. I'm sorry if I'm rushing you but" but there wasn't anything more that was needed to be said as far as Ava was concerned and they spent the rest of the wait in a far corner booth.


	39. Chapter 39

There was a guest waiting at the desk wanting to dispute a charge and advertisers in her conference room waiting to do a presentation but instead of dealing with any of that or the half a million other problems lining her desk Olivia was in her suite kissing her girlfriend, no fiancée a final time before facing the hectic day. Last month as she was attempting to pack up her and Emma's things to return back to the hotel she noticed Natalia standing at the bedroom door pouting. It was completely adorable and Olivia wanted to nothing more than to give in and move back into the farmhouse but she knew how many problems it would create for them in the long run. It wasn't as if this was any easier for her Olivia tried to tell herself as she looked around for her lost shoe. I'm the one that's going to have to listen to Emma whine during the forty five minute drive into town and I'm the one that's going to have to try and fall asleep alone in a bed that won't even have Natalia's scent. "I don't see why you have to go back" she heard again for what seemed like the hundredth time today. Closing her eyes and trying to suppress the urge to sigh Olivia turned around with a smile and opened her arms which were immediately filled with her love. "You know why. I have to get Max back to his mother and Emma and I have to"

"Stop giving me excuses" Natalia said getting upset as she pulled away and moved to close the bedroom door. "You want to be here. Emma wants to be here so why aren't you moving back home? And don't tell me that you're at the Beacon to take care of Ava and Max because as far as I can tell they are doing just fine even though you spend most of your time here anyway."

"Natalia" Olivia tried again but this time gave in a bit to the frustration and rubbed her nose.

"Please move back home"

"I can't"

Standing with her back leaned against the bedroom door and her arms folded across her chest Natalia demanded "Why not and this time I want the truth"

Looking at the determination on her girlfriend's face Olivia knew that she'd evaded long enough. Although she wasn't looking forward to sharing her concerns about the impending crisis once Rafe was released from prison and returned home Olivia knew her vague refusals were starting to wear on her relationships with Natalia. Olivia knew that the other woman was starting to have some doubts as to her commitment to the relationship and that was the last thing she wanted Natalia to fear. Sitting on the bed with her hands covering her face Olivia finally told the truth. "I would like nothing more than waking up and falling asleep in your arms everyday for the rest of my life"

"I want that too so" Natalia asked from by her side as she stroked Olivia's hair.

"So" Olivia paused and kissed her love softly before continuing "What about Rafe" and put her head down on Natalia's shoulder.

"What about Rafe?"

"How do you think he's going to feel once he gets out and learns that I'm living with you? That he has to live with me too? I've lived with resentful children enough to know its not going to help our relationship any. If anything its just going to put you in the middle of our war"

"First of all Rafe isn't a child and"

"No he isn't a child but he's your son and he's going to be resentful and angry about me being here"

"Rafe knows how much I love you. He might not understand or accept it but"

"But have you really thought about how its going to be having us both here? Sitting around the dinner table staring at each other and"

"Would you please stop interrupting me!" Natalia said getting up from the bed. "As I was trying to say Rafe thinks that you live here already. You answer the phone enough. As much as I would love for him to return to the farmhouse when he gets out he's decided to go back to Chicago and I support his"

"No! You can't do that. I'm not going to let you choose me over your son. You'd only hate me for it later"

"If you would just listen to me for five minutes while I tried to explain this would be so much easier" Natalia warned. "Rafe has a best friend in Chicago that he wanted to stay with when I decided to move to Springfield but I refused to leave without him but now I think it would be best if he got a new start. He's already been accepted into an apprentice program and Ricky's a really good influence on him. I was supposed to tell you this earlier but this weekend's been kind of crazy"

Looking up Olivia begged "I don't want to be here if it means you sending him away" with tears in her eyes.

"Baby I told you I would never pick one of you over the other because I need you both. I won't lie and say I don't want him here with me but he's a grown man and I have to let him choose his own path." To say that Emma was happy they would be moving into the farmhouse was an understatement. She and Max immediately started to sing and dance as soon as the decision was announced. Max was clueless but always enjoyed an excuse to yell at the top of his lungs about anything. By the time it was ready to go back to bed Emma had placed notebook paper all over her floor to indicate where she wanted her things to go. Olivia and Natalia spent the night making love but it wasn't until the next morning that Olivia found she had even more to be grateful for.

As she and Natalia were dropping Emma off to school and waving goodbye she thought she heard the other woman say something and turned around with a puzzled expression. "What did you say?"

"Marry me" Natalia asked with tears in her eyes. "I don't just want to share my house with you I want to share the rest of my life. Olivia I love you and I want" but she didn't get a chance to finish. It was a very good thing that the SUV's windows were heavily tented and there were no police patrolling the area or the couple might have gotten a ticket not only for reckless driving and probably a few for indecent exposure. As yet there were no rings or dates circled on the calendar but for Olivia things couldn't be better. She'd finally found the person she was meant for and had finally located the home she'd lost when her father died. Everything was absolutely prefect until her daughter burst through the door without even rendering the common curtsey of knocking announcing "Okay enough already. Its not enough that you two live together now that you have to make out at work too?"

"Do you mind?" Olivia said with a growl as she pulled away and had to restrain herself from finishing what she'd started as she watched a lovely blush color Natalia's face "Sorry Ava" Natalia mumbled as she wiped at her smudged lipstick and wiggled out of Olivia's arms. The interruption did nothing to improve Olivia's mood and for the rest of the day the hotel staff scrambled whenever the click of her stilettos was near. Throughout the day Olivia had to keep reminding herself that Ava was a great asset to the company and it would be horrible to ship her eldest daughter off to Siberia just because she'd interrupted a make out session and when the door flew open during her teleaconference with two important suppliers Olivia again repeated these statements to herself as Ava laughed loudly into her phone. "I'm sorry David but My Daughter seems to have forgotten she has her own office"

"Sorry about that mom I just wanted to drop these off to you" Ava said not looking half as contrite as Olivia would have liked.

"And these are?"

"The papers that you claimed you couldn't wait two more minutes for"

"Oh the papers that I've been waiting on for the past three hours" Olivia asked barely holding back a sneer. For the past couple of weeks the snide remarks and barbed comments were not only normal but expected. The easy and teasing banter that had been common was becoming hardened and there was an edge that lurked beneath. The staff no longer looked forward to listening to the hilarious back and forth but now tried their best to avoid them both. As much as she hated to admit it Olivia could not ignore the anger that seemed poison the air around them.

"How is it that you're getting great sex on a regular basis and you're still a"

"I swear if you use that word Ava" Olivia warned pointing a finger. She knew exactly what word her daughter was going to use because many times in the past two months she'd described herself with something similar. No matter how much she tried to reason that Ava deserved happiness especially after the drama of the past even if it led to a city two hours away but that knowledge only gave cold and hard comfort. After everything they'd endured how could Olivia bare to be away from Ava. There was a lifetime that she still had to make up to her daughter not to mention her grandson.

Ava responded "What word mother?" with a laugh as Natalia walked and took in the expressions of both women and immediately separated the two. Ava was dispatched to pick up Emma from an after school practice as Natalia tried her best to calm down her love. If anyone could tell that there was tension brewing under the surface threatening to erupt it was the Latina and she was positively amazed that Olivia had held back the frustration this long. It wasn't helping that Ava had been taking perverse joy in yanking her mother's chain.

"What is it with you two lately?" Natalia asked her as they lay on the sofa again with their arms wrapped around the other.

"How is this my fault?" Olivia asked pulling back with frustration.

But Natalia refused to give in and let the other woman go and asked "I didn't say it was anyone's fault I asked what's going on between you two? For the past few weeks you've been doing nothing but sniping at each other" as she ran her hands through Olivia's hair and waited out the other woman's silence. Turning away Olivia was at a loss as to what she even felt. She should be happy that her daughter was finally with someone that she didn't have to scheme or lie to trap. It was obvious to anyone near them how much Diane Martin loved her daughter. Not only that the doctor was wonderful with her beloved grandson as well but nothing could ease the pain that Olivia felt when she saw the two together. Instead of focusing on her daughter's happiness Olivia could only imagine the loss she would feel once Ava decided to relocate. It was selfish and petty but it felt as if they'd just started to heal. Her family was just beginning to form and now that bitch was going to steal both her babies away and it wasn't fair.

"Talk to me" Natalia begged as Olivia got up to pace. "Why don't you just talk to her Olivia"

"And say what? I don't want you take Max and move away to Chicago?"

Getting up Natalia kissed her face and responded "Yes. Tell her how you feel sweetheart it's the only way to get rid of the tension between you two"

"It's not like she's going to listen to me anyway" Olivia pouted as they hugged. By the time Ava returned Natalia was gone and thinking over their distance during the past month Olivia was ready to put the anger behind them. Tomorrow Ava and Max were going to spend four days in Chicago and the last thing she wanted to do was have anger between them over the long weekend. There had been enough anger for several lifetime's. "Hey" she called out as she watched Ava walk towards the elevator.

"Don't worry I'll have them on your desk by the time I fly out tomorrow" Ava said not bothering to look inside. When was the last time they'd laughed or even smiled at each other Olivia thought as she watched the tense expression tightening Ava's face. Even if Diane didn't steal Ava away the anger and animosity would have the young woman running soon. Looking at the tired and resolved frown Olivia couldn't help but notice that it was the same mask Ava wore when she first realized Olivia was her mother. Is that where she wanted their relationship to return? "Could you come in please"

"Mom Max is asleep upstairs and the nanny is ready to"

"I promise it won't take but a minute" Olivia said as she got up and walked towards the door. She could tell that the young lady was steeling herself for another protracted disagreement and Olivia could not believe how much she'd given up to fear. I can't blame this on Diane Olivia thought as she took her daughter in her arms and felt her flinch away in shock.

"Mom?"

"I love you baby and I want you to have a good time this weekend" Olivia said taking her into her arms. Regardless of what happened or how far Ava roamed Olivia would always love her. She'd always be there.

Olivia lay in bed beside the woman that was going to be her wife and wondered why it had taken her almost fifty years to have love. So many times she'd thought that this was finally It. He was finally the one that would make all the pain and misery of her life worth it but it never lasted. And to be honest most of the times it evaporated because of her. Most of the time she'd thrown her happiness down like a child in the middle of a tantrum. Yet here she was trusting again that This would never end. This time the real would last.

"What's up?" she heard Natalia say in the dark.

"What?" Olivia responded shaking her head trying to clear it of all the doubts that threatened to overtake her.

Natalia kissed her exposed breast and laughed "You're too quiet that usually means that you're up to trouble"

"I love you"

"What's going on Olivia? What's wrong?" Natalia asked but did she really want to know? Could she really tell her about the gaping hole that resided at the bottom of her stomach. The hole that couldn't be filled even with all her money or all her power. At one time she'd believed that the rape caused the hole and that Jeffery was the author of all the pain that haunted her but the truth was it was there before that fateful night. It was as much a part of her as her as her skin and hair. So could she be enough? Although she loved her daughters the truth was even their love hadn't saved her. They hadn't been enough so how could Natalia bare the weight of all Olivia's anguish? "Baby talk to me?"

"I"

"Yes?" Olivia heard and felt Natalia move up to gather her as Olivia slowly started to break down. "It's going to be okay. I'm right here. I love you. Baby I'm right here" and it felt good knowing that she could fall apart and it would be alright. That Natalia wouldn't use this as the opportunity to further her own agenda or sabotage Olivia's. That is what made this different, Natalia.

She was sitting in her office looking over plans and responding to an email when she looked up at the opening door expecting Natalia to walk through when "Ava? What the hell are you doing here?"


	40. Chapter 40

The last thing Ava wanted to do was to go downstairs because as soon as she did the questions would come questions that she didn't have the answers for. For the past three months she'd been involved in a long distance relationship with Dr Diane Martin and for the most it had been wonderful. It wasn't easy to be so far away especially on nights she had arguments with her mother and wanted nothing more than to spend the night venting in her girlfriend's arms. Or when Max did something spectacular like saying ma for the first time or took his first steps and she wanted to share her joy. But regardless of these limitations Ava could not deny that this was the healthiest relationship she'd ever been involved in. Being with Diane didn't make her feel as if she were slowly treading water in a vast ocean without any land in sight as she had felt during her time with Bill. Laying in bed thinking of Diane didn't make her long for something exciting to happen to distract her away from the boredom as she did with Coop. Diane was everything she wanted or needed but the distance was wearing her down. It didn't help that she felt completely removed from Diane's life in Chicago.

Diane said it wasn't her real life but she spent for three weeks out of four there so for Ava it was real enough. She hadn't met any of Diane's family or friends although Diane had met even the people that Ava hoped to avoid like several exs. Diane said that she loved her and wanted a life with her but each day that passed Ava worried if what they shared was relegated to be only a weekend fling. But this weekend that was all supposed to change. This weekend Ava would move out of the shadows of Diane's life and become a true partner.

"So is there anything you want me to bring you when I fly up?" Ava asked as she finished packing her bags before going to bed.

"Just yourself and Max" Diane laughed before seductively moaning "but if you can squeeze that blue nightgown in your suitcase I won't complain"

"The one that you won't let me keep on for more than five minutes"

"Exactly"

This was the first time that Ava would see Diane in her element after being the patient. She knew that for Diane this weekend was nothing more than another step in the deepening and strengthening of their relationship but for Ava it would test if they could last. It would reveal if their past as doctor and patient could be overcome. She knew that Diane would never take her back to the hospital. Her reputation and her standing with her clients and colleagues would be diminished but Ava needed to know that Diane was willing to share more than just four isolated days a month with her. Ava needed to know that she was as much a priority for Diane as the woman was for her.

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Her relationship with her mother felt as if it were deteriorating but Ava had no idea why. Everyday they were at each other's throats and consistently criticizing each other over nothing at all. Going to work used to be fun and felt almost like stealing. She was getting paid to do this? But now it was an effort to even open the door. There were so many nights that she went upstairs vowing never to return to her mother's desk. Often she'd discuss things with Natalia just so she didn't have to face Olivia. She was using the nanny even more to avoid interacting with her mother and Max. There was no way she would deny her son his grandmother because he adored Olivia but Ava couldn't pretend not to feel anger and confusion at the woman's caustic remarks. So this weekend was not only about reconnecting with Diane it was also about getting space and distance from her mother.

In the three months Diane had become integral not only to Ava's heart but also her life. Everyone in Ava's life. Everyone in Ava's life seemed to love Diane as much as Ava did. To Max she was fast becoming his other mommy. It shouldn't have been that easy because he'd only met her a few days over a couple of months but when Diane stepped off the plane Max was beside himself trying to get to her. Watching the two of them interact made Ava fall even deeper in love each time. Natalia and Emma loved her. Diane cooked almost as good as the Latina did and they spent hours comparing recipes. The doctor never had the time or energy after work to cook and to be given free reign in Natalia's domain was a rare gift. Emma treated her like another big sister and had even brought her in for show and tell. Everyone , her father, her ex girlfriend, her father's baby mama, her own baby's daddy was captivated by the doctor. Everyone except her mother. Olivia never said she didn't like her but Ava could feel the tension in the air when Diane was around. She knew that Olivia was worried and concerned but that the other woman had never been silent about voicing her opinion until now. As much as Ava tried to get her mother to open up Olivia wouldn't budge and only commented that she wanted Ava's happiness. "If that were true you'd stop being such a bitch" Ava thought darkly after another uncomfortable Sunday dinner. She tried getting Diane to reveal Olivia's grudge but the other woman only said "Just give her time sweetheart" over and over. Neither her father or Natalia had been much help either. Jeffery simply said it was Olivia being Olivia with an exasperated shake of his head but Natalia stated that Olivia loved her. "Well if she loves me could you tell her to stop trying to scare away my girlfriend" but as yet nothing had worked and Ava was tired of working egg shells.

Last night after she'd gotten Max to sleep Ava tried to remember back to a time that a hug from Olivia hadn't been a huge shock. They had been so close and they used to enjoy each other's company she often repeated to herself over and over again praying to move past the roadblock between them. "Hey sweetheart" she heard as soon as the phone stopped ringing. Diane sounded hoarse and exhausted and Ava could imagine how difficult the past weeks had been. They hadn't talked more than a few minutes in days because they were both so busy. We both need this break Ava thought again.

"I so can't wait until I get off that plane tomorrow afternoon" Ava sighed.

"About that"

"What? Do you not want me to come?"

"Of course I want you to come but I was thinking that it might be easier if I came there instead"

"But what about me meeting your parents?"

"Sweetheart my family had something come up so they aren't going to be available so"

"Okay well I can meet your sister and your friends and"

"Baby I really need a break. I need to get away for a few days and forget about everything here. I just need to be there with you. Please" Eventually Ava gave in and agreed to Diane coming to Springfield again. When Diane hung up sounding relieved but Ava felt nothing but sorrow. Diane had no intention of sharing something meaningful with her. She doesn't want me she just wants and uncomplicated fuck. Over and over she tried to refute it but in her heart she knew it was the truth. Diane had never wanted her to come to Chicago even though Ava had begged to see her for a few days even a few hours. She was just a dirty secret and it broke her heart.

As always Max was bouncing with excitement ever since he realized they were on their way to the airport. He always talked or tried to but when they were entering the parking garage he was yammering nonstop. He loved the other woman and Ava hated that she'd introduced Diane to her son. Hopefully he'll forget her soon Ava thought glumly. She wasn't looking forward to seeing Diane because she knew it would be their end if only for her sanity but she couldn't help her heart leaping she spotted Diane walking from the gate. Her eyes were red and her hair was a mess but to Ava she never looked more beautiful. Running to hug and kiss her Ava only prayed that the moment would last. Of course Max demanded that Diane hold him as Ava gathered the bags and helped her into the car. Looking over at the other woman's smiling face Ava couldn't understand how it could all be a lie. She loves me she thought again. She loves us but that didn't stop the doubts from surfacing.

Eventually they got her son to sleep. It had taken only two feedings, a bath, and an hour or two of play before he was dead to the world. Amazingly it never felt as if Diane was trying to rush him off. If anything Ava was the one who had to put her foot down and insist loudly and repeatedly that Max would be unmanageable in the morning without a nap.

"So where did we leave off at?" Diane said as she kissed Ava's neck and moved her hands up and down Ava's back.

"We need to talk"

"Later"

"No. I said we need to talk" Ava responded pushing Diane away. The other woman's face was in complete shock not only at the venom in Ava's voice but also her rough refusal at affection.

"What's going on Ava?"

"Why couldn't I come see you in Chicago?"

"I told you that"

"NO you didn't tell me anything. What you did was to make an excuse. If your parents were busy I could have met your sister and your friends but you insisted on coming here why?"

"Ava you can meet them anytime besides its easier for me to fly here than for you to have to pack Max's things and deal with"

"I wanted to meet your family. I wanted to start being a part of your life but"

"You are a part of my life. The most important part" Diane said as she walked up to Ava trying to take the younger woman in her arms but was rebuffed with two raised hands.

"No I'm not. I don't fit in your perfect psychiatric lifestyle except when you want to spend a few days away. Is that all I am to you a good fuck?"

"Don't you ever say that! You are my world Ava and if you don't know that by now then"

"HOW can I know that when you won't eve let me MEET the people you love! I know I can't meet your colleagues but I thought I was at least good enough for your doorman"

"Ava"

"No, I can't do this. I won't do it. I won't be your secret anymore and I won't be the one waiting on your spare time when you've finished with all the important people in your life. So you have a suite waiting on you at Towers" she said and then turned away to face the large windows. They were silent for several seconds before Ava heard Diane walk away. She wanted to beg her to stop and to say that she could accept whatever crumbs Diane would offer but in the end she knew it would kill just as the depression would have. The water started running in the bathroom and Ava wondered if she'd ever fall in love again. Was she even meant for happiness? As tears began to run down her face Ava heard Diane clear her throat and ask "You're right I have lied to you but if you could just listen to me explain before you send me away?" When Ava didn't respond Diane continued. "I did tell my family about you sweetheart. I told them everything about you being my patient. I told them I'd fallen in love and they were so happy for me because they'd never seen me so at peace"

"Then why?" Ava whispered as she turned her head and felt Diane come up beside her without touching.

"Everything was perfect. They were looking forward to meeting you" finally Diane's hands were on her shoulders rubbing up and down in comfort to them both. "But my sister came by for dinner the night I flew in and she saw you're picture. She thought you were so beautiful. She teased me that of course if I had to fall in love with a woman it would be a woman I could share clothes with" and paused as they both laughed.

"But" Ava asked as the laughter died down.

"But she saw Max's picture"

"You didn't tell them I had a son?" Ava accused.

"Of course I told them. I told them how much I loved him and how beautiful he was but I didn't tell them he was half black"

"Is that a problem?"

"Yes apparently" Diane barked walking away with anger. "Sharon asked me who the black kid was and I told her and she assumed I was lying. She thought it was a joke. She couldn't believe that it didn't occur to me it was going to be a problem. She said there was no way our family would accept him. I told her she was a liar and I couldn't understand how my own sister was a racist. She stormed out calling me naïve."

"What about your parents" Ava whispered now stroking Diane's hands.

"They said they would love to meet you and that they were happy that I had finally found the one. Everything would be perfect if you would just agree to relinquishing custody to his father. They would even give Max a trust fund and you could act like you'd adopted him for charity in a couple of years" Diane explained as her own tears fell.

"What? I would Never"

"I told them that. I told them that would never ask you to do something like that. That I loved Max I couldn't believe they were acting as if it were 1910 instead of 2010. They said the only blacks at their dinner table were the ones that were serving. I haven't spoken to them since"

"Oh my God!"

"I tried to talk to my sister but she had her secretary tell me that if I called her office again she would have me served for harassment. The rest of my family either support them or are too afraid of being cut off to go against them. How could I not know my own family was" Diane sobbed as Ava held her. Her own eyes again filled with water as she explained to her mother the next day.

"How is the world can they be okay with her being with a woman but not with you having a black child?" Olivia gasped.

"I have no idea. She's completely torn up over this. Yesterday morning her family broker called and announced he was no longer handling her financial affairs. She's been completely disinherited except for the money from her grandparents. She spent all night crying but finally fell asleep just before dawn. I was going to get Mary to watch Max but Diane wanted to" Ava said as she dried her eyes.

"Honey I want you to know if there is anything that she ever needs" Olivia started before her own tears took over.

"Thanks mom but as soon as she finds a job here the better"


	41. Chapter 41

The first time he saw the baby move it reminded him of the movie Aliens. Reva was sitting beside Josh as they discussed future visitations when a little bump glided across the fabric of her shirt. Jeffery had never experienced the gamut of emotions that accompanied that sight before. In that instant he was both overwhelmed with wonder and awe that stood in stark contrast with haunting pain and loneliness. Reva and Josh were having an afternoon picnic when they spotted his new SUV drive by and waved him over. As he was pulling closer Jeffery felt almost like an interloper as he watched the easy affection between the two. But it wasn't until he saw Reva gasp and take the other man's hand to follow the fleeting foot or hand that he truly felt alone and adrift. It was his child she was carrying but it would be Josh who witnessed the miracles. Only as they congratulated each other on the new stage did they even look over at him and barely tried to hide their dismay at sharing the moment with him. In four months he would have a son but Jeffery could tell they thought him superfluous. The heat of their indignation was only mildly tempered by their guilt for gently pushing him aside. Each time he met the couple without Mel Jeffery silently kicked himself for meekly submitting to the marginalization that was already occurring even before the birth. He was the father and he had every right to demand not only joint custody but primary residency but as he watched their lifelong bond Jeffery knew he could not provide a home that would surpass their connection.

He was still smarting when Mel saw him sitting in the front of their huge television playing a video game. His character was fighting bloody and distorted zombies but his mind was far removed from the garish scenes. How was it possible that he could have everything within his grasps but it consistently be pulled inches away. "Jeffery? Baby?" he heard from the kitchen and squinted as the bright light threw a glare.

"In here" he called without looking up or slowing his fingers on the controllers. Refusing to catch her eye Jeffery tried his best to stuff down the swirling emotions that were still refusing to calm. The last thing Mel needed was to deal with his growing pile of shit Jeffery thought to himself over and over again. He still didn't know what kept her from running away but he would burn in hell before he gave her more reasons to flee. Turning off the game he practiced a smile and tried to make the simple action feel normal but she wasn't fooled for a second. As soon as she walked into the room Mel asked "What happened?"

"What makes you think something happened? Maybe I was born looking like this" he said and added a laugh that sounded a bit flat.

"Tell me" Mel whispered as she took him in a tight hug and held him close. In an instant he imagined how it would have been if she'd been the one giving birth. Or if he'd gathered his faulty wits and realized sooner what was right in front of him. But he knew better than most that what ifs never mattered. He built his entire career helping people make the most of what did happen and that skill shouldn't fail him now. Leaning back and taking in the creased brow before him Jeffery kissed the brow and responded "I love you and I'm so glad that you love me too"

He was in the kitchen putting the salad together and was doing his best to be watchful of the cake in the oven. If it fell or burned he knew that Mel would not be pleased and that meant his night wouldn't be half as nice as it could be. His daughter was coming for dinner and was bringing Max and her girlfriend to round out the exclusive list. The first time he met the psychiatrist he was more focused on making sure the Chicago based hospital wasn't just a high priced Bellevue. He made sure to look into the windows of a few of the closed patient rooms just to ensure there were no chains or ropes laying about. Just because she was on the Who's Who list of specialists didn't mean that he was going to trust her with his child. Yet once he was sure Ava was improving Jeffery couldn't help but notice how attractive the leader of her medical team was but never did he expect to be evaluating the woman as a suitor for his beloved daughter.

Compassionate and determined but detached was how he would have described Dr Diane Martin. From the way she calmed down his frantic and threatening phone calls during Ava's first month when it seemed that she was only getting worse. He'd taken a few pages from Olivia's book and invoked the wrath of both gods and men on the Nordic woman's head. Even as he lashed out Jeffery innately knew that the tall willowy woman was someone he could trust. True it had been demanded blindly when Reva all but ordered him to give his daughter to her care but in time his faith and respect grew. Now as he looked back on their complicated courtship Jeffery could not help but think Ava had finally gotten it right. Ava had finally gotten with someone he didn't have to hold himself back from strangling. He was even a little put out that Olivia had grudgingly warmed up to the couple. It had been gratifying to finally be the parent that Ava ran to with implicit trust so he wasn't the one stuck handing out bad news. There was still some hope though. Olivia thawed slightly but there was still evidence of something holding the older woman back from full acceptance of the relationship. The green eyes were constantly taking a silent tally of Diane's supposed flaws. So when Diane came down the couple still spent most of their time with him and Mel instead of at the farm.

"Are you watching the" Mel shouted as she stuck her head into the kitchen still dripping from her shower.

"Yes! Now hurry up and get dressed so you can get back in here where you belong, woman!"

The women were laughing and watching 30 Rock while he and Max crawled around the floor snatching things off the table. Above him his girlfriend and daughter were picking on the doctor for her gross ignorance on the movie Superstar but Jeffery's main concern was trying to soak up each instant. He saw the boy at least twice a week but the moments were all going by too fast, if he couldn't hold on to Max what hope would he have when his son came? Watching as Ava and Mel took Max to the back room he leaned over and whispered in Diane's ear. "So how are things really?"

"Its fine" Diane responded immediately and the smile she pasted on looked as fake his previous attempt.

"Yeah right"

"I keep telling myself that she's just cautious. She's just worried that I'm going to hurt Ava like everyone else but I"

"That doesn't give her the right to be a bitch" he growled as the antecedent for both statements remained nameless just in case Ava suddenly reappeared. "If anything she should be doing everything to support you two since she knows what happened with your family"

Diane gave a deep and long sigh and said "I just wish I could get her to see me like you do. I don't even know what she's upset about anymore. Just when I think"

Jeffery said "I stopped trying to figure out that woman's mind a long time ago" and tried to make a joke but Diane continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"I understand what she has against me. I just. I don't know" she kept repeating as she paced up and down the floor. "Her body language and attitude are always so defensive and antagonistic. Its almost as if she thinks I'm trying to steal Max and Ava away but" unfortunately the sentence was never finished. A blood curdling scream sent both of them running towards the back of the apartment.

It didn't take five seconds to run the twenty or so yards but Jeffery's whole body was drenched in sweat by the time he reached the master bathroom. Mel was scrambling in their linen closet pulling out piles of fluffy bundles and dropping them immediately and haphazardly on the floor as if seeking a perfect design. Ava was bent on both hand and knees wailing with tears streaming down her face and long stands of mucus hanging from her mouth and nose. As disturbing as both of these sights were what almost stopped him cold was the specter of his infant grandchild trembling on the cold tile floors with blood splattered around him. Max's eyes were filled with white and his body was unnaturally rigid except for sudden bursts of complex contortions.

He still wasn't clear exactly how he'd been composed enough to drive them to the hospital. Jeffery tried his best to keep up with the ambulance but Mel was finally able to pursued him that all three of them in the ER would not be beneficial. Ava convinced Diane to ride ahead with Max but when they got to the emergency there was no sign of either the doctor or the boy so Jeffery was forced to pull himself together so that Ava didn't fall completely apart. But each doctor or nurse only sent them deeper into the hospital but gave no clue of Max's status or location.

"Listen my grandson is in this hospital somewhere and damn it!" he yelled at an unsuspecting aid as she walked down the hall before Mel pulled him away. "What the hell is going on here? My grandson had a fucking seizure almost an hour ago and not one fucking doctors has taken the God damned time to even tell us what's wrong" he hissed as she watched Ava sit mutely across from him.

"Baby if there was something to tell they would be here. Isn't it better that they're concentrating on making him better?" Mel tried to reason as she kissed his clenched hands.

"If they" he started again before two doors slid apart and Diane walked through still slashed with blood. She was much less pale and he tried to watch her hands. In the apartment her hands shook almost as badly as Max did until she gathered herself and took control of the situation. Unfortunately as soon as she stepped through Ava roughly tackled her sobbing. She was here so that meant he was no longer in danger. That meant he was better. It had to.

"Diane?" he asked after a few seconds but his words were lost in the bustle and commotion floating closer towards them from down the hall. He was about to try again but this time not simply asking but demanding information when a dark blur rushed past him.

"What happened? What the Hell did You to my baby!"

"Olivia calm down!" Jeffery said walking towards the staking figure to keep her as far as possible from Diane and Ava and heard Natalia's shocked "Liv!" as he prepared his defense.

"I want to know how the hell you let this happen to a boy that you claim to love so much" Olivia railed as she moved into the other woman's personal space until Natalia had to physically pulled her girlfriend away. As upset as Jeffery was by Olivia's acting out his biggest concern was the complete non-reaction by their daughter. Ava was not a woman who ever hid her opinions or feeling in deference to her parents so for her to allow anyone especially her mother to attempt to intimidate Diane without a word of rebuttal had him worried. He wasn't the only one. Once Diane recognized some signs of depression or shock creeping in she completely tuned out her would be mother in law and did an immediate therapeutic intervention.

"Ava I want you to listen to me sweetheart. He's going to be okay. We found a slight problem in the CT scan but after a small surgery he's going to be just fine" Diane begged as she looked into Ava's eyes. "Baby" she cried "he's going to be okay. Baby you can't leave me"


	42. Chapter 42

Instead of the past month bringing her closer to her daughter and her new family Olivia could literally feel two of the most important people in her life slipping away from her inches at a time and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it. When Olivia held a sobbing Ava in her arms in her office at the Beacon the only thing she wanted more than erasing the pain from her daughter's strained face was bitch slapping a family of narrow minded bastards. They were lucky that Natalia had made her put the glock in storage. But that was two months ago a few hours ago she' just gone a few rounds with Emma as to why her favorite sister and only nephew were hardly ever around. The nine year old wasn't the only one questioning her about the increasingly distant child and grandchild. Late at night as they lay in bed almost drifting off to sleep exhausted from making love the Latina would often ask after the young woman she saw as another daughter. It would have been funny if Olivia wasn't so pissed off at herself and the situation. Natalia wasn't even ten years older than Ava but that didn't stop the love of her life from viewing the twenty six year old as much her child as Emma and Rafe. The other woman never said as much probably from fear that Ava would either be offended by the assumption or embarrassed by the sentiment but Olivia knew first hand that Ava felt just as strongly for Natalia. She couldn't count the number of nights Ava called just to experience the comfort and love that Natalia exuded naturally. There were times that Olivia could have been jealous that Natalia automatically shared a connection with Ava that she had only earned after many years of hard work and heart ache but instead Olivia could only view their relationship was just another example of how extraordinary blessed her life with Natalia was. If Ava and Natalia were a bit tentative with each other there was no hesitation or second guessing for Natalia and Max. He was her mijo and when she was around he demanded her exclusive attention. Everyone Olivia loved was hurting by her continued belligerence to Diane but there was no way her behavior could change.

Emma and Clarissa were on the floor in the living room laughing at iCarly while she and Natalia were quietly washing the dishes. The mundane daily routines that she'd always thought she was too smart and too important to bother with were now peaceful moments when Olivia could reflect on her day and prepare for the next. As she was putting away the last plate arms wrapped around her waist and a soft kiss was placed just behind the corner of her ear. "Sweetheart talk to me" Natalia softly begged and Olivia lay her head on the cabinet in front of her and groaned in frustration. The ten minutes it had taken to clean the kitchen had been completely silent other than a few hummed chords and the two preteen girls had dominated the conversation at the dinner table but Olivia didn't have to wonder what her girlfriend meant. Things just weren't the same anymore but Olivia didn't even know how to push the hateful words through her constricted throat. This was what she deserved. Everything Olivia was losing she'd once callously thrown away.

Nothing was what she had meant to say and would continue to say even though it was tearing apart her family but the ringing phone distracted her. It was the house phone. No one ever called the house phone Olivia thought and heard her sentiments repeated by Natalia as she looked at both their blackberries to check for missed calls. "Olivia?" Natalia said again as frowned. She was drying her hands and on her way to getting her phone when Emma came sliding in shoving the house phone towards them. "Mommy its Diane"

It was almost an hour later before they were walking through the emergency room doors. Doris and Holly were staying at the farmhouse watching Emma and Clarissa and Olivia had spent the thirty minute drive trying to decipher Diane's haunting words. "Max had a seizure" Of course she understood the words separately Olivia wasn't an idiot but strung together their meaning was beyond her comprehension. Max couldn't be having a seizure and he most certainly couldn't be in the hospital. The doctor said he was okay. That sonofabaitch had said that it would never happen again. That it was just one of those weird anomalies. Her grandson could Not be in the hospital after thrashing around on the cold and dirty bathroom floor of that stupid jackass Jeffry. Those incompetent bastards could Not be getting prepped for brain surgery. No.

Her body was both flushed with anger and exertion and chilled with fear but Olivia had hopes that it was all some mistake until she walked down the children's wing of Cedars and saw Christina and Mel holding each other as they stood aside watching Remy and Jeffery holding her tottering daughter while Diane talked to her. Ava was paler than Olivia had ever seen her but that wasn't what made her stop cold even as Natalia barreled forward and almost tripped from their combined momentum. Ava was shaking and silently weeping with a vacant and lost cast to her eyes but it was the garish splashes of bright red blood that stained her clothing and smudged her face that had Olivia blinded with rage. Not bothering to ask even what happened Olivia did what she did best when her family was threatened, she attacked. "What did you DO! What the hell did you do to my daughter and grandson!" Olivia screamed as she snatched Ava away not listening to Jeffery's yells or Natalia's gasps of shocks.

"Olivia you cannot come in here and attack Diane when you don't know" Jeffery started before Olivia cut him off.

"What I do know is that my grandson is in the hospital again facing a brain surgery when she" Olivia seethed pointing an accusing finger at the woman in question "the fucking big time doctor should have"

"Why don't you just shut up and listen for once in your goddamned"

"Don't you ever speak to her like that again" Natalia said with barely controlled rage at a man she still had not forgiven for a pain caused almost thirty years before. But for his sake Olivia's mind was elsewhere. In distraction Olivia pulled the barely coherent Ava out of the bright waiting room into a quiet dimmed corner. "Ava? Baby?" Olivia whispered and ran her hands up and down her daughter's chilled arms. As scared and was worried as Olivia was for Max her current fear was the dying and lost look in Ava's eyes. It was the same vacant and hollow stare Olivia witnessed when she visited Ava in Chicago. "I can't lose you both I can't" Olivia cried as she rocked the trembling Ava in her arms.

"You won't. Liv they are both strong. Ava will be okay once she sees that Max is going to be fine" Natalia said wrapping her arms around the mother and daughter.

"But what if"

"No what ifs. They are going to be fine. They have to be" In a few minutes Mel and Jeffery came into room saying that the doctor was waiting to speak to Ava. As she and Natalia guided Ava towards the larger area Jeffery took told of her arm and tried to pull her aside.

"Jeffery" Natalia warned.

"It's fine. I'll be right there. Just stay with her please" Olivia said as Mel took vacant position and watched the three women try to keep Ava from swaying. "Don't you think this could wait a few minutes" Olivia hissed with unconcealed contempt.

"What I think is that you are pissed off and scared and instead of handling it like a mature adult you behave like a spoiled child and attack the people that"

Walking away Olivia barked "Look I didn't ask for the second rate therapy session so" before she was snatched by violently.

"I don't give a damn what you want!" Jeffery said with his own bark. "This isn't about You and if you can't treat the woman our daughter loves with respect than you can just get the fuck out of here and let us take care of her" and with that he stormed away. Olivia was so taken aback by his venom that she stood stock still until Ava's whimpered "mom" got her moving.

"Are you alright?" Natalia asked softly as she stared daggers at Jeffery but Olivia ignored them both as Ava caught sight of her and wrapped her into a tight hug. The closet sensation Olivia could compare it to was waking up with Emma clinging to her after a nightmare. Ava was damp with sweat and Olivia could feel her daughter's heart thumping against her rib cage. "Its going to okay. I won't let anyone hurt you or your baby I promise. I swear baby" Olivia breathed into Ava's ear and felt the tight grasp loosen slightly. Dr Harper was talking and he seemed calm and fairly reasonable but she could barely keep taking in each breath so piecing together his technical words was totally over her head as everyone else in the group so she kept her eyes trained on Diane. If anyone was following this mumbo jumbo it was the good doctor and when she didn't appear too worked up and nodded her head a few times in agreement Olivia felt the fear stabbing her heart dull.

Ava was still cowering in her arms when the doctor suggested that Remy and Ava visit Max before the surgery. Her eyes were dripping tears when she looked up into Olivia's eyes and silently begged her mother's permisson. Nodding her head softly Olivia kissed Ava's creased brow and turned the trembling body into Remy's possession.

"What in the hell is going on" Olivia said with her warmth completely gone from her voice as she turned towards the psychiatrist.

Shoving Olivia aside Jeffery snapped "You will not be the class bully" as he went to stand in front of Diane in his attempt to protect the woman.

"If you Ever touch her like that again I swear to God I will"

"Will all three of you just shut the hell up!" Mel yelled surprising everyone in the room. She was just as frightened and upset as everyone else was and knew the aggression was just a cover for the pain but right now she was sick and tired of it. If they couldn't play nice then the three of them could just shut the fuck up and she wasn't about to let Natalia continue to intimidate her boyfriend. If the shoe was on the other foot she might have reacted the same but right now he didn't need his worst crime continually thrown in his face. "Now Diane if you could tell the kindergarden version of what the doctor said?"

Max had an arachnoid cyst and the crankiness that everyone had assumed was teething was probably the growth pushing on his optic nerve and giving him headaches. The doctor recommended a cerebral shunt and Diane had done some research on these growths in college and her residency and completely agreed with the doctor. Max's prognosis was very good and it was a very good chance the seizures would completely disappear. Everyone asked the questions that they had not even known should have been asked when the other doctor overwhelmed them before and Olivia could again see the compassionate and thorough therapist from the hospital. Yet that recognition did not stop her from pushing against the woman again with a sharp retort. "If you know so much about it why did it take so long for him to get treated" Both Jeffery and Natalia were about to respond when they heard walking towards the door.

Soon Ava and Remy returned to the hallway and Ava was again sobbing in his arms but instead of running straight for her mother when they entered the doorway she fell into Diane's open arms. Olivia tried not to be disappointed but when ragged sobs tore from Ava's throat and she tried to comfort the young woman Ava pulled away roughly breaking her already fractured heart. "Ava?" she begged.

"No mom" Ava said shaking her head. "I can't believe you"

"baby"

"No. You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no idea how great Diane is with Max so don't you dare blame this on her"

"Ava your mom is just upset"

"No you aren't going to defend her Diane. She takes every opportunity to tear you down even though she hasn't even taken the time to try and get to know you"

"Ava your mom"

"No Natalia if you don't mind this is between me and my mother" Ava said silencing the Latina before turning back to her mother. "I don't know why you hate Diane and I don't care"

"Ava" Olivia tried again

"No I don't care mom. I don't have the strength to care. My son is going to have brain surgery and your grandson is going to have to fight for his life and you're taking stupid swipes at Diane"

"Ava please"

"No. I love you and I don't want to hurt you but I don't want you here right now. I can't worry about the next hurtful thing you are going to say to the woman I love. I know how much you love Max and I know how much he adores you so I won't keep you from him but right now I need people around me that don't make me feel worse" Ava announced and then pulled Diane back in the opposite direction.

Their guests were gone and Emma was in her bed asleep. Olivia had been so dazed by Ava's abrupt dismissal that she could bare naviagte out of the familiar hospital. She sat silent with her head turned towards the racing night as Natalia drove them back to the farmhouse. Olivia didn't remember how she'd gotten in her pajamas and didn't know if she'd eaten or showered but even Natalia's warm breath caressing her back couldn't slow the violent choked sobs crying over the fact that she was losing both Ava and Max and there was nothing she could do.

The last person she expected to be standing on the other side of her front door when she opened it at seven am the next morning was Dr Diane Martin. It was Sunday and she should have been asleep at least for another three hours but sleep had never graced her last night. Even after making vigorous love instead of answering her love's probing questions Olivia couldn't calm her mind enough to achieve rest. The house was still as her girlfriend and youngest daughter were still upstairs passed out but after seeing the tightly drawn face of the blond woman she feared she might have to wake them early. "Please don't tell me something happened to him" Olivia begged clutching her heart. It was her fault. If she had just shut her mouth she would have been there. Ava? What about Ava?

"Oh God no Ms Spencer" Diane said looking horrified at the thought and shook her head before continuing "Nothing like that I just thought well" and shook her head again before bowing it and whispered "Can we talk. Please" Olivia had seen the other woman in many forms but had never seen her as out of sorts as right now and silently lead her into the kitchen. Pouring two cups of coffee Olivia sat the hot cup in front of the other woman and waited as she sipped. "What do I have to do to fix this?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just tell me what I have to do to make you not hate me and I'll do it"

"Listen Diane" Olivia said holding up a hand,

"No I'll do whatever it takes. Ava loves you so much and being away from you especially now is killing her so what can I do to make you believe I'm not the enemy. I promise I would never hurt your daughter"

"I know that"

"Yeah right" Diane laughed out loud. "That's why the last two times I've been here you made me feel so welcomed"

"I admit that I had my doubts but I do believe that you love my daughter and you wouldn't ever hurt her willingly"

"Then Why?" Diane sighed unable to keep the tears from painting her cheeks. Unable to look into the pained stare that was too remineciant of Ava's last night Olivia got up from the table and walked to her study before returning to the table. This time as she refilled their cups a bottle of aged whisky was pulled down and set upon the table and slid a file to the other woman. Sipping on the drink Olivia witnessed the myriad of expressions on the younger woman's face. They were the same feelings she'd felt when the mysterious papers arrived on her desk almost fifty days ago.

"When did you get this?" Diane finally said after she ignored the coffee and took a shot of the burning liquid.

"Almost two months ago"

"They wanted you to break us up and they threatened to make sure Ava finds out about her mother if you didn't" Diane said with dread.

"I have to protect her. I didn't for a long time. I did things" Olivia said before her thoat constricted with burning tears.

"You're a good mother. She knows how much you love her and Max. Don't ever think that she doesn't" Diane said and grasped Olivia's hand before she could second guess herself.

"Yeah that's why I was banished from the hospital last night"

"You did it because you love her"

"I did it because I have to" Olivia said getting up in haste. "Don't kid yourself Dr Martin I am the bitch that Jeffery says I am. I've done terrible things. Things that I don't know how Ava ever forgave me for so it wasn't completely selfless. She should have at least one parent that isn't completely fucked up" and turned her back on the psychiatrist.

"Crystal Peralta loved Ava just like you and Jeffery do. And it will be hard finding out about how she really died but we'll all be here for her"

"But what if she hate me because of it? What if she hates me because I didn't stop them from ruining everything she's believed in her entire life"

"Olivia they won't get away with this I promise"


	43. Chapter 43

Ava and Diane lay on one side of the room in an uncomfortable recliner while Remy and Christina slept in the other and both couples were beside the sterile crib that held Max. He was pale and there were several cords and needles that hung from his limp body. Just two nights ago she'd been up all night with him as he loudly insisted on a marathon of itsy bitsy spider and loudly howled when she'd dared to fall asleep on him. That night Ava prayed for just ten minute of peace and quiet but now she'd even brave The Wiggles if it meant him being healthy and home. Listening to the doctor describe how they were going to remove part of Max's skull and place drains near his brain left her feeling faint. She was his mother and she was supposed to protect him. He wasn't even a year old and she couldn't keep him out of harms way. "I should have never come back" she thought to herself as she watched him sleep. "It would have been better if" she whispered before Diane turned her around. The doctor said that it was a relatively simple procedure, as simple as brain surgery on a ten month old child could be. It would get rid of his seizure and after a few weeks he'd be completely recovered but all Ava could imagine were the worst scenarios. Paralysis, nerve damage and retardation were just a few of the words that were bumping around in her head but the worst she couldn't even trust even to her darkest imaginings. She could deal with anything as long as he was alive and knew that her deepest post partum depression would pale if her son didn't live.

"Don't okay"

"It's true. If I hadn't come back" Ava started again as tears fell down her face. "Mom and dad were doing fine with him before I got here"

"You are an excellent mother. Max is so lucky to have someone who loves him so much" Diane said as she tried to keep Ava from shutting down and disconnecting emotionally. "Baby we are both so blessed to have you in our lives"

"Yeah I'm a real prize" Ava challenged pulling away. "I used him to con a rich man and then I couldn't get away from him fast enough once he was born" Wrapping her long arms around her thin frame Ava just shook her head as the pain washed over her. "I was offered a job in California two weeks before I left Chicago. I should have taken it and never looked back"

"And leave your son? Leave your family? Is that what you want Ava?" Diane demanded but Ava was beyond caring until the other woman pushed her down in the chair roughly and straddled her waist.

"What the hell?"

Red faced Diane growled as loudly as she dared without waking the rest of the room up "What the hell is that I love you. Your son and your family love you and if you can stop being a selfish cow for a few moments you'd know that even though right now sucks I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world" Ava gasped looking up into the intense blue eyes. The normally light blue eyes were now darkly inked with pain. "baby please don't give up" and the young woman tried her best to hold to hopes that were fast fading away.

Earlier she'd brought Diane into the room just to get away from the chaos that erupted whenever Olivia was around lately. When Olivia held her as she recounted Diane's family's refusal to accept Max Ava had assumed the worst was behind them. Her mother could be overbearing and unrelenting but there was no other person in the world that was as supportive and loving. However the warm fuzzies soon faded for reasons Ava still wasn't sure of. Olivia should have done everything in her considerable power to make the couple's life better but for some reason at every turn slammed a door. It didn't seem to matter to the older woman that Diane had thrown away a rich and powerful family for her crazy daughter and a half black grandson. Ava tried to reason with her, threaten her, humor her but nothing worked. Olivia hated Diane but even that was okay. At one time her mother had hated both her and Natalia so Ava had hopes that the frigid feelings would thaw but now it was too much. After holding her thrashing son as he flailed against the cold tile splashing his blood all over her face and clothes Ava didn't need her mother's recriminations and anger.

Remy's arms were half holding and half pulling her from the room after listening to the doctors' plan when she heard Olivia screaming at Diane. Any other time she would have responded back just as loudly but after watching Max's liquid brown eyes begging her to free him from the strange room and people Ava didn't have any more fight in her. If it were anyone else there wouldn't have been a second chance but Ava kept hoping that today would be the day that it all changed. Today Olivia would see what everyone else saw when they watched Ava and Max with the psychiatrist but again she was disappointed.

They walked back into Max's hospital room with their arms around each other in silence. Ava could feel the tension tightly coiled in Diane's body but the anguish was completely absent from the face of the other woman. It wasn't until they were behind the closed door that Diane broke down crying. Ava had seen patients lay into Diane and often feared for the doctor's safety when the agitated person left the woman's face covered in spittle but this was the first time Ava had seen the after effects. With her head bowed and shoulders shaking Diane spent several minutes trying to put back on a cool and detached demeanor. After a few more minutes of soft murmuring Ava helped brush off the still lingering tears but was caught off guard by the whispered words. "What did you say sweetie?"

With her head still bowed Diane repeated "I said thank you"

"Yep a thank you for making your long weekend such a memorable one. Riding in an ambulance after giving my son first aid joy. But the highlight must have been listening to my mom wail on you in the middle of a crowded waiting room. Nothing but the best for my girl" Ava smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious" Diane said as she wrapped her arms around Ava and kissed her breathless. "No one has ever stood up for me like that before. Thank you"

"What I'm going to let my mom talk to my girlfriend like that and not respond?" Ava said astonished that Diane would even believe that was a possibility.

Looking down "It's happened before" Diane said with a sigh.

Kissing the doctor's sniffling nose Ava begged "Talk to me"

"My ex fiancée's parents always made snide comments about me and he never tried to protect me. They used to love speculating why if I was such a great psychiatrist I couldn't make it in private practice. My parents weren't much better. But usually they were castigating me for not being a real doctor like my sister the heart surgeon"

"You are a real doctor. One of the best in the country and if they are too stupid to" Ava started with her voice rising with each word until a passing nurse came by and looked into the room. "I'm sorry for getting excited" Ava said before turning back to her love and continuing more quietly "if anyone says anything like that about you in front of me you can bet I will" before soft lips cut her off.

After the incredibly tender kiss was over Diane was tearful again but this time for positive reasons. "I have never had anyone love and support me the way you have. My parents did everything they could to control my life but I never felt that I had the right to anything different because my little sister seemed to think everything was perfect. If I hung out with the wrong friends or made the wrong choices they would harass and humiliate me until I just gave up and did things their way. I didn't even know how trapped I was until I fell in love with you"

"I will always protect you" Ava vowed.

The nurse came into the room to check on Max and woke up Ava and as she watched her beautiful brown boy burst into to tears as he shook his head back and forth her heart painfully contracted and she reached back for Diane's hand only to encounter empty cold space. Looking back for a moment to where the other woman should be Ava tried to distract herself from the wrongness of the scene before her. Max was the only Spencer that she knew of that was actually a morning person. Olivia and Ava needed strong caffeine before the breaking day made sense and even Emma would have been fine with school starting midday. But there were only a handful of days that anyone besides Natalia was up before the little boy so to watch her eternally cheerful son refusing to open his eyes hurt more than she could describe.

"He's going to be okay. Both the doctors and Diane said that the surgery was pretty simple and low risk"

"Low risk isn't the same as no risk" Ava said to other adult in the room. There were a lot of reasons for Ava to dislike Christina. She wasn't ever the type to have female friends and had never gotten mature enough to accept other women with her romantic castoffs but this woman was different. It was probably her eternally relaxed disposition but mostly it was her genuine love for Max. Coming home not knowing how she would feel around her son and not knowing how Max would feel around her it had been comforting to know that he always had a home with his father. Not that either Olivia or Jeffery would allow that to occur without the earth splitting and heaven tumbling down but it was a good thought.

"He's strong, stubborn, and hates to be told what to do. He's going to be climbing out of his crib in a few days and driving everyone around crazy" Christina laughed and Ava silently prayed that it would be true. Remy came in a few minutes later as well as her father and Mel but Diane was suspiciously missing. "Where's the doc?" Remy asked as he held a still disoriented Max.

"Did she say anything to you when you saw her this morning?" Ava asked both Remy and Christina.

"She was already gone by the time I got up" the man responded shrugging his shoulders. "I'm sure she'll be back soon" But what if she wasn't Ava worried quietly. After she settled down from one outburst last night a couple hours later there was another one that was even more intense. "Try deep cleaning breaths baby"

"Don't okay. Just don't. I'm sorry if I can't look on the bright side while my son is hooked up an IV and an EKG"

"I'm not asking you to I just would like you to" Diane tried again before she was cut off.

"What I would like is for you to get the fuck off my back. If you can't deal with my depressed mood without making unhelpful comments then just shut the fuck up" Ava had gotten up to stroke Max's face as Diane walked out the door and when she got back onto the chair to fall asleep the other woman still had not returned for which Ava had been grateful. Yet now thinking back on how hateful and selfish she'd been Ava was worried that she'd finally pushed the doctor too far. The specialists and consultants came back into the room and reiterated what Dr Mitchell said scheduled the procedure for the next morning. Her hands were digging in her purse for her Iphone when Diane walked cautiously walked in to the room. Before she could get across the expanse "I'm so sorry" was spilling out of her mouth and tears were dropping down her face. The thought of going through anything without Diane near left her feeling cold with dread.

"It's okay I understand" Diane said with a kiss to her forehead but the easy acceptance only made Ava feel worse.

"No its not" Ava cried shaking her head just like her son had earlier "I shouldn't have said any of those things when you've only been trying to help. I couldn't get through any of this without you. I don't know why I keep pushing you away" Ava confessed.

"You're upset and worried about your son but he's going to be okay" Diane promised taking Ava's drooping head into her hands. "And I am not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easy" Ava was about to make a trademark sarcastic comment before she heard a softly spoken "Me either" from the other side of the door.

"Mom what are you doing here? I told you that"

"Ava I brought her here. She needs to be here for you and for Max"

"She can go right back to the farmhouse no one needs her disruptive behavior" Jeffery said coming to the door and standing behind his daughter and her lover.

"Jeffery" Olivia said in a low warning voice as Natalia growled.

Of course Ava wanted her mother there. There wasn't anyone in the world that made her feel as nurtured as Olivia did but not at Diane's expense. She would just have to suffer through it. "Mom I don't think that this is a good idea"

"Baby please if you could just give me a chance to explain"

"Olivia Ava's told you to leave now if you don't respect that decision then I will"

"Jeffery stop okay" Diane said holding up her hands to distract the man. "Ava Olivia and I talked and there are somethings that we need to talk about"

"Now? Max is facing brain surgery and you want to talk it out now?"

"Olivia knows perfectly well what her grandson is facing Jeffery so if she and Diane say it needs to be discussed now than that's what needs to happen"

"I don't see how any of this concerns you Natalia since you aren't family!" Everyone's eyes went wide at the caustic retort before Ava put a stop to the argument knowing that if Olivia and Natalia started defending each other to Jeffery nothing would be solved.

"Dad its fine" Ava repeated several times to his sharp protests. Moving into an empty waiting area Ava stood with her arms across her chest silently waiting for the circus to be over. There was way too much drama in her life she thought again as she watched Natalia comfort her normally unflappable mother. "Mom whatever it is just say it because if not I have a son to get back to"

"I'm sorry I was so rude and disrespectful to Diane and I"

"Fine we can all have dinner at the farm to celebrate after Max gets out so if that's all" Ava said attempting to leave the room before Olivia pulled her back inside. "What? I don't have time for this my son is"

"I know that and if I could have handled this without involving you I would have but I can't" Olivia said as her eyes filled with tears. "Please just try and remember that I love you and Max and would do anything in the world to protect you." Looking around both Natalia's and Diane's faces were tense with fear and anxiety as she listened to the horrific story. The Martine's were a powerful and connected family not used to being disobeyed or dismissed by anyone much less their normally passive daughter. After repeated emails and back and forth correspondence with lawyers Dr and Mrs Martin decided special encouragement was needed to get Diane back home. Scouring Ava's life for anything that might be used as a weapon they found it on the last person anyone would expect Crystal Peralta, closet gambler.

"Wait so you expect me to believe that my mother was so far behind in gambling debts that she embezzled fifty thousand dollars from our church and then committed suicide the day before she was about to be indicted. You have got to be kidding" Ava screamed. "My mother would never do anything like that. None of you knew her so you can't tell me what she did and did not do. My Mother wouldn't even think about doing that. She wouldn't"

"Baby she did. My family found the files in the DA's office. The case never went forward because the drunk driver happened to hit her but she was speeding down the wrong way of the street."

"How dare you" Ava accused flush with anger and outrage.

"Sweetie I never wanted you to know this. I would have done anything to keep this from you but the Martins were threatening to publish everywhere if I didn't try to break you and Diane up. I'm sorry"

"Diane?"

"I hate this and I wish to God my family had let your mother's secret stay buried with her in her grave but even so it doesn't matter. She loved you and I know she thought by doing this she was protecting you." Diane whispered taking a breaking Ava into her arms.

"Mom?" Ava cried out as Olivia and Natalia held both younger women tight.


	44. Chapter 44

As he watched the woman who he had come to care about like a second daughter lead Ava, Olivia, and Natalia away Jeffery was filled with righteous anger and insurmountable frustration. Even at times when it was evident that Ava needed his support as much as possible he was routinely pushed into the background by people who thought they knew better than he how to take care of his family. He didn't doubt that Natalia genuinely cared for the two most important people in his life but her relationship was an unneeded and even dangerous distraction. When it first came out that Ava was his he did everything in his power to forget their connection but she soon wormed her way into his heart. In trying to protect her from herself he had thought that it was his duty to help foster Ava's relationship with her mother. Yet time and time again he'd come to recognize Olivia for what she really was a treacherous entanglement. Chaos and pain were all that Olivia had offered the town of Springfield and the fact that she was a permanent and powerful influence on not only his grandson and daughter were bad enough without adding a reputable psychiatrist to the entourage.

"I'm sure everything's fine" he heard from behind him as Mel wrapped her arms around his waist and lightly stroked his stomach.

"I just don't know why they have to do this now" Jeffery growled before turning around to face his girlfriend. "It's not as if Ava doesn't have enough on her plate right now without having to deal with Olivia's histrionics" but didn't wait for the woman's response before walking over to Max's crib. It was an old debate between the two that didn't need to be fleshed out again in front of Remy or Christina. Mel was more tolerant and soft hearted and had the good luck to be one of the few inhabitants of the town that hadn't personally been burned by his ex-wife's schemes. She was always suggesting that he meet Olivia halfway or tried to see things from her viewpoint but for Jeffery it was all semantics. It was either Olivia's way or Olivia's way and to hell with everyone else and all too often that iron attitude had been wielded as a weapon against their daughter. He wasn't going to stand for it being used against Max too and had hoped that with the tension between Diane and Olivia he would have another person to protect his family but somehow she'd won Diane over.

"Whatchata say Max, as soon as you get out of here we go check out that new park down by the lake?" Jeffery said as enticingly as possible to the eerily silent little boy. Max could be silent and calm with his parents and grandmother but generally whenever his grandfather was within sight he was loudly babbling with his hands waving ecstatically. The other adults in his life offered entertainment and fun sometimes but he hardly ever had to visit doctors or lay in his crib amusing himself as Jeffery worked. After spending months watching the boy fight for his life in sterile and cold room Jeffery promised himself to be a constant source of fun and excitement. So to see his favorite boy laying down as he rubbed his blinking eyes weakly gripping onto his fingers broke Jeffery's heart.

Getting up from his reclined seat and releasing his wife Remy walked up the crib and softly rubbed his son's head before adding "I might have to meet the two of you down there one day"

"We could have a picnic. I think I could even make some potato salad for a special someone" Christina laughed hoping to get a reaction from the toddler. Max was defiantly not supposed to be eating complex foods such as southern style potato salad but somehow he'd become a huge fan of his step-mother's specialty. When it was around him he ate little else but even then the easily recognized word only elevated his a fraction.

Mel again came close holding him tight and Jeffery could only sit in amazement at how full his life had grown just in the few short months of Max's birth. Maxwell wasn't yet a year but already he'd brought together half of the town in love and in friendship but consequently the boy irrevocably tethered Jeffery to Olivia. And with that single thought the anger and frustration Jeffery had been battling against came right back in the front of his mind. He wasn't going to let her antics endanger his family any longer and any special consideration he owed her was way since repaid as far as he was concerned. She and her nosy little girlfriend would do well to stay out of his way he thought again to himself as he kissed Max's sweaty brow.

He didn't know where they went but had a feeling that he would get an idea by keeping watch for the yelling and screaming that usually accompanied Olivia so when he saw his daughter bawling into Diane's arms as Natalia and Olivia looked on with pained expressions he went in with guns blazing.

"What's the matter Olivia not satisfied with having half the population of Illinois pissed off with you that you have to add your own daughter to that list" Jeffery said as he not so gently pushed Diane away and took Ava in his own arms. He wasn't interested in why the one person that he had thought might keep his daughter relatively safe and sane was now leading straight to the source of the craziness. He would deal with that later right now he needed to get Olivia not only out of the hospital but possibly out of Ava's and Max's lives. "It doesn't matter what she's done to screw everything up I'll take care of it just like I always do" promised Jeffery as he kissed Ava's head.

"Dad mom just" Ava tried to say as she wiped her eyes before Jeffery cut her off.

"It doesn't matter what she did this time she's always doing something. Always"

"I really don't care what the hell you think Jeffery. I'm not here to for you" Olivia hissed.

"Then what are you here for Olivia? Are you here to see your grandson that's facing a possibly life altering surgery in a few hours because I didn't see you spending much time with him? Or are you here to support your daughter because call me stupid but she seems more upset now than when she left the room a few minutes ago? So why the hell did you come? Was it to cause trouble? If so mission accomplished so you can go back to your precious farm and play house with your girlfriend" Jeffery said now turning towards his erstwhile friend.

"You have no right to speak to her like this" Natalia said becoming visibly upset as she went to stand in between the man and her love. "You have no idea what's going on here so"

"You're right I don't and I don't care. All I care about is taking care of my family and"

"I think you've forgotten that she and Max are as much my family as they are yours"

"Believe me I try to forget that every chance I get but you insist on throwing it in my face!"

"Stop it! Stop it the three of you. In case you have all forgotten we are in a hospital not the middle of the town bar and if none of you can't pretend to act like mature adults then you should just leave" Diane said looking at them all in shock. Ava had gone back to silently weeping but when Diane went to take her out of his arms the sinking rage floated back up. "She doesn't need this right now" the psychiatrist tried to reason again.

"No she doesn't so I have to wonder why you got her involved in this in the first place"

"Jeffery I don't give a damn about your macho bullshit posturing. You have no idea what the hell is going on here and"

"No you don't understand that I have watched you do everything humanly possible to destroy our daughter with your twisted sense of love but no more. Its not just her life now its Max's as well and I for one am

not going to let your warped world view wreck their lives"

"You sonofabitch!"

"You love her and feel protective of her Natalia well I feel three times that for my daughter"

"Dad please just listen to me" Ava begged again pulling away. Eventually Ava convinced Natalia and her mother to leave the room but they made sure that everyone knew that it was under duress leaving Jeffery alone with his daughter and her lover. But now the bright and positive feeling he'd once had for the doctor were beginning to dim. He could tell that Ava was trying to tease out a smile but Jeffery was in no mood to be jollied especially if the woman he trusted had invited in Olivia's malevolence. The more he thought about it the more upset he became and suddenly threw up his hands saying "You know your mother better than anyone and right now she's helping anything"

"We know that you and Olivia have a complicated history Jeffery but right now Ava needs you to try and look past your preconceived notions and try"

"I don't really give a damn what you think of my notions preconceived or otherwise. What I do know is that instead of making a bad situation better you just added gasoline to the fire"

"Dad would you please just shut the hell up and listen to me" Ava yelled as she ran her hands through her short hair.

"Did your mother make this situation more stressful or not that's all I want to know?"

"No she didn't that honor is reserved for my family" Diane said with a soft sigh. Over the next few minutes Jeffery learned first hand of the Martins asperity for their daughter's love match. He was most surprised to learn that Olivia had not done anything worthy of blackmail since meeting Natalia. Of course she was out of commission for a few months because of her heart but he knew she had enough evil minions to do her bidding. Looking over at Diane he could tell that the woman was more than a little embarrassed at the lengths her family went to just to exert control. He was ashamed to admit but now he sort of felt better now that he and Olivia weren't forced to compete with a infallible ghost but even then he hated the pain that reflected in Ava's eyes.

"I'm sorry sweetheart" he said as he hugged Ava again.

Ava shook her head and "I hate that they dug up dirt on my mom and I hate that I was completely oblivious to the fact that she was evidently under so much stress. What kind of daughter was I? To steal fifty thousand dollars and gamble it all away while I was planning which prom dress to buy" and then bitterly laughed. "Not only am I a perfect mother I'm a standup daughter as well"

"You are a wonderful mother and daughter. And that's why Ms Peralta probably did everything she could to try and keep this from you. No one wants to show all their failing to their children"

"I should have sensed something was wrong. It was just the two of us. She was always there for me but I" Ava started before she broke down in tears.

"This was not your fault. The only person to blame here are the people that wrote the check to give to whomever dug up this garbage" Diane said wiping Ava's tears as Jeffery looked on with worry. But before he could say anything more Christina and Mel were at the door calling them back to Max's room for a meeting with the surgeon.

He listened to the man but could not keep his focus from straying to what he'd just learned. He should be happy that the rift between Olivia and Ava was mended and Max would not be estranged from his grandmother but all he could think about was how he was always losing to her. It shouldn't be a competition but it certainly felt like it most times. Though now it was him against team farmhouse because although Ava liked Mel she didn't feel nearly as close to her as she did to Natalia. She certainly didn't see the woman as the second mother the Latina had evidently become. It was another contest that Olivia had won. He caught Olivia's eye as Dr Mitchell walked away and he could see the woman visibly relax not only at the positive prognosis but also at the decrease in hostility directed her way but when they moved out towards the hallway Natalia was still in attack mode. Eventually she allowed him to pass with Olivia with only a harsh glare in warning.

"So?"

He opened with "So I guess I owe you an apology or something" and then trailed off as his eyes went towards the tile in front of him.

"Its fine. I would have reacted the same way" Olivia said with a chuckle and shook her head but the easy dismissal of the situation did nothing to improve his mood. If anything he was even more upset.

"But I still don't understand why you didn't tell me about it. I had every right to know what was going on especially about something this important"

"Don't worry about it its been handled"

"Yeah that's whats pissing me off. There are a million ways to do things and you always chose the one that causes the most pain for our daughter. When are you ever going to learn how to think Olivia?"

"Who the hell do you think you are? I'm sorry if I didn't feel like sharing with the same individual that's been acting like a complete jackass for the past few months. Every time I get near you all we do is fight so why on earth would I work with you on anything"

"Because she's our daughter" he hissed before reigning in his frustrations. "Because instead of waiting two months to confront them you could have involved the police and the FBI. Because you don't have the right to make decisions that affect Max and Ava without consulting me. I know that you and Natalia are now the perfect modern family and but I'm sick of being left in the dark" turning around he growled.

"I'm sorry that you feel pushed aside but I did what needed to be done for my family and I won't apologize for that"

Turning back around he commented "You never feel the need to apologize about anything do you? Just do me a favor and remind your girlfriend that she only has one child. If Philip doesn't mind sharing his rights and responsibilities fine but Ava already has enough parents. She doesn't need another one"

"If you feel left out maybe you need to look at what you did to cause that instead of blaming me or Natalia. And you're right I'm not going to apologize for falling in love with someone that cares for my family as much as I do. So if you ever talk about Natalia like that I swear to God I will" Olivia ranted with a voice rising on each syllable until Jeffery quietly cut her off.

"We used to be friends Olivia. You used to want to depend on me to take care of Ava and Max but now its like" he stopped with a shrug before continuing "now its like I made another mistake and now I'm being crucified for it"

"Jeffery I never stopped being your friend"

"Would you tell your girlfriend that because every time she's in the same room with me the temperature drops twenty degrees"

"She's protective of her family. Its one of the things I love so much. I won't lie to you and say that she's just going to forgive and forget in a couple of days. If I found out that Rafe was born under the same circumstances I'd dig Gus and kill him all over again but I do think that she'll be able to move past it. You just have to give her time."


	45. Chapter 45

Laying in the bed holding Natalia Olivia tried her best to shut down her racing mind. Deep breathing, relaxing imagery, even chanting om over and over but nothing could erase the sight of her daughter crying in Diane's arms as they watched a tranquillized Max sleeping. After airing differences with Jeffery Olivia could not help feeling even more helpless. Nothing she did really mattered. All the money she had, all the connections, and all the power had not stopped her children from getting hurt. Even her attempts to be a better person hadn't stood for much. Although she was handling the situation much better than she would have previously it didn't make her feel any less impotent. In fact there were some behaviors that she was sorely missing like the oblivion gotten from a good bottle of gin as a chaser to a few happy pills.

Eventually she and Natalia left Ava and Max to return back to the farmhouse for Emma. She would have preferred staying but knew that her baby girl was suffering enough worrying about her nephew. The nine year old didn't need the added stress of her parents being away overnight. As she gathered her things she heard Natalia try once again to persuade Ava to leave for a few hours. "No, I'm fine. I'll leave when I take Max home"

"But Ava Natalia's right. Tomorrow he'll have the surgery and who knows how long he'll have to stay here for recovery so now would be"

"Christina and I'll be here so you and Diane can"

"Thanks all of you for caring so much about me but I'm not leaving my son in the hospital alone. And that's final" Ava said as she walked out the room pulling an anxious but silent Diane behind. Of course Olivia wanted Ava to take a break if for nothing but a hot shower and a chance to relax her body if not her mind. Yet she'd added nothing to the discussion because she knew it was useless to argue with her stubborn daughter. She was a little surprised that Diane had remained silent though. It was evident that the psychiatrist wanted to say something but had held back even after everyone in the room besides Olivia shot her prompting looks. That Diane knew Ava well enough to know that confronting her when the younger woman felt surrounded was a losing battle impressed Olivia. Olivia knew intellectually that pushing her eldest daughter to do anything was the best way to get Ava to do just the opposite. It was just that Olivia was usually so upset by that point that logic and reasoning went out the door. If not for the nonstop emotionally draining conversations for the past few days she might have gotten on her daughter's case as well. Now there was at least some hope that Ava would listen to Diane's reasoning without feeling pressured to object instantly. So she and Natalia hugged Ava and Diane and laid kisses on Max's brow before leaving for the night.

When they got home at 5 pm Clarissa and Emma were sitting on the sofa eating popcorn and drinking tea laughing at Holly and Doris attempting to play Dance Revolution without breaking their necks. "You think its so funny Spencer you should give it a try" Doris said as she challengingly waved the control in front of Olivia's face.

"Mom's even worse than you are Aunt Doris"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Bean" Olivia groaned.

"My baby is a perfect dancer" Natalia said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia attempting to save face for her lover.

Ending the debate with a mature "So there!" and a poked out tongue the matter was postponed for dinner. Both Holly and Doris tried to excuse themselves from the meal knowing that neither Olivia nor Natalia were in the mood for entertaining after such a stressful day but Emma and Clarissa were having none of it. Her daughter effectively stopped the protests by enlisting her best friend into setting the table for six. Although it was true that she was tired and spent Olivia couldn't help craving the escape that her dearest friends offered. For a few hours she wasn't the mother of a troubled young woman and a scared young girl or the grandmother to an ill baby boy. For a few moments she was just the best hotelier in the city who was constantly teased and harassed by two good friends.

She was in the kitchen putting away the dirty dishes while Holly and Natalia helped Clarissa and Emma gather their things when Doris stood behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "No you cannot take the rest of the cheesecake home" Olivia laughed without turning around from the sink.

"As heartbroken as I am to hear that its not why I'm in here especially when there is housework going on"

"Don't give me that I know Holly had you clearing away the dust when she moved back into her old house" Olivia laughed again as she finally turned around expecting to see her best friend's trademark scowl. She was caught short when Doris looked anything but perturbed at being out done again. "What's wrong? Did something with you and Holly or with Ash?" There were very few things that truly upset the mayor now. Her whole attitude had relaxed when she'd finally accepted her sexuality and was honest with the world. It wasn't that she had morphed into a huggy bear or had stopped being an ass kicker but she no longer took every bad thing as a personal attack. So for Doris to look so upset Olivia knew something or someone close to her was affected. "Its not your reelection campaign is it?"

"No dumbass it has nothing to do with me. Its you that I'm worried about"

Retreating from the previous step forward Olivia tried to clear her head by running her hands through her hair and schooling her face to project a cool and detached business persona "I'm fine. As soon as Max is better Ava will be fine and"

"You don't always have to be the hard ass bitch you know taking care of everyone else. There isn't any shame in letting someone else take care of you once in a while"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Olivia said with her voice and attitude hardening. "I'm fine and Natalia is always there for me"

"Yes and I'm grateful that she is but I also know that you aren't the most comfortable letting her see your weaknesses because you feel like you should be there to protect her and your family. But I thought that you might feel better coming to me seeing as how I'm your best friend. If there is anyone that more alike than the two of us I'd be happy for the introduction" Blinking away the liquid pressure behind her eyes Olivia had to look away and lean against the countertop for support.

There wasn't anyone who understood who she really was like Doris. Sure Natalia loved and accepted her but the woman's view was a bit clouded by the haziness of high and demanding expectations. Natalia knew who Olivia was capable of being and would not accept anything less for herself and their family. It felt good to have such strong faith and allegiance but it was also a bit scary. She always worried about not living up even though Natalia had vowed to never walk away. Holly was a good friend who had seen her through some of her most trying times but the older woman was intrinsically positive. Holly was a fighter and a go getter the same as Olivia but she and Natalia's approach were more alike. It was only with Doris that Olivia felt that she could show the depths of her character without fear of reproach or failed expectations.

They spent around thirty minutes talking and tears were shed by both by the time Holly and Natalia came into the kitchen to exchange good nights. Olivia thought that Natalia might be hurt by her confiding in Doris but when she looked up into her eyes she could tell that both she and Holly and had expected the two strong willed women to lean on each other. It was a continual surprise to have met someone who anticipated her needs even before Olivia was aware of them herself but it was amazing as well.

Emma was spending the night at Blake's with Clarissa and so that Olivia and Natalia could go straight to the hospital without worrying about dropping the girl off to school. As everyone hugged and said goodbye Emma pulled on Olivia's hand urging her mother to kneel in front of her. "What's up Em?"

"You're going to pick me up after school so I can see Max right?" Emma asked again and again hoping for a different answer.

"Sweetheart I don't think Max is going to be up to having visitors. He's probably going to be sleeping and even if he does wake up he's likely going to be fussy" Natalia responded as a stroked the girl's hair.

Emma replied with "But I want to see him. I miss him" and added a pouting lip.

"Baby I promise that you will get to see him the day after his surgery"

"But"

"No buts Emma. I know you miss him and he misses you too but he's going to need rest more than anything else right now." Olivia said with a firmer voice than she felt. "How about I call you at school when he's out of surgery?" she said trying to bargain and was finally rewarded with a brilliant smile. It made the night away from her much easier for both Natalia and Olivia.

Eventually she looked over to the clock on the nightstand and could not believe it wasn't even midnight yet. She and Natalia had finished cleaning up the kitchen and took short showers before falling into bed. The other woman had murmured a few comforting words in her ear and immediately drifted off to sleep wrapped around Olivia. She had lain in bed for the past three hours going over every possibility from the upcoming surgery. In her head she understood that it was very minimal risk of anything going wrong tomorrow but in her heart she just couldn't stop the growing fear and pain. She knew that the last two days had been as extremely hard on Natalia as they had been on her when she was able to get out of bed without the other woman stirring. That never happened and it felt sometimes that at night they shared one brain because of how responsive they were to each other's moods and needs.

"Tell me you didn't spend the entire night down here" Natalia said as she walked down the stairs while Olivia watched the sunrise through the windows.

"No not the entire night" Olivia hedged not wanting to worry her girlfriend anymore than necessary. She knew by the hesitant way that Natalia was approaching that the other woman was trying to prepare herself for whatever destructive temper Olivia was in. Instead of waiting for Natalia to reach her Olivia walked up and kissed her soundly on the lips and used her tongue to caress the inside of Natalia's mouth. The kiss would serve not only as an apology for the night's separation but also show that Olivia hadn't spent the night drinking away her sorrows. She'd gone over all the reports and proposals that Ava had not been able to deal with before the current crisis. After making love and showering Natalia cooked a huge breakfast to take over to the hospital.

It was seven am by the time they got off the elevator and made it to the room. Jeffery and Mel were already there while Remy and Christina were clearing away last night's mess. Ava was still laying down on the recliner as Diane sat beside and stroked her hair. Everyone was pleased and excited to see the bounty that Olivia carried in but their thanks were directed to Natalia. "Hey I could have been the one to cook all this you know" Olivia huffed as everyone nodded their heads skeptically as they filled their stomachs. While Natalia and Diane were making sure Ava ate Olivia bent down and looked at her grandbaby. They would be taking him to preop in half an hour but Olivia wasn't sure that she was ready to let him go. Everything about his life since before conception had been a struggle and Olivia was tired of him suffering. It wasn't fair and it didn't make any sense. She was supposed to be taking care of him and the rest of her loved ones but it always seemed as if she was destined to fail.

"Don't do this. He is going to be fine. The surgeon said so, Diane said so, and Max has never failed to come through yet so don't focus on what probably won't"

"Probably. Possibly but no 100% certain guarantees" Olivia sighed as she leaned her head back on Natalia's shoulder.

"He's a Spencer and that means that he doesn't give up. Don't forget that baby" Natalia responded as she kissed Olivia's brow.

The nurses came in later and took him to the pre-operation room. When they were allowed to visit with him two at a time she and Ava were the first to enter the room. Olivia had expected Ava to request Remy or Diane to accompany her and had to wipe away the burst of tears that came as Ava reached out a hand to her for comfort. He was still but his eyes were now opening every few minutes but when he saw the two of them he reached out his hands grabbing for them. This time the tears came too hard and she was too overcome to bother with wiping. His head was completely bald although the doctors said that the site was a tiny square at the back of his head. He had never had this little hair and it made him look much older than he was. Olivia hated it right off and was determined never to see this style on him again if she had anything to say about it. Ava tried her best to act as normally as possible but Olivia could see occasional tremors and by the time their two minute visit was over her entire body was shivering.

The doctor came out a final time to reassure them and to answer any lingering questions. It was normally a four hour procedure and he didn't see any reason to anticipate complications. As they walked to bright room with the conspicuously empty crib Olivia heard Jeffery again attempt to reason with Ava. "Honey he's going to be in there for at least four hours it's a perfect time for you to get out of here and relax for a while" but Ava had not even responded or bothered to look up at him.

"He's right Ava you've been here for three days and you need a break"

A short but emphatic "No" was the only response.

"Ava once he gets out of surgery its going to take a few days for him to recover enough to come home. You can't expect to be able to take care of him when you're completely worn out" Mel said as she took Ava's hands. "No one's asking you to neglect Max we just want you to take care of yourself as well" When Ava didn't immediately shrug off the hand or walk away everyone took a deep breath hoping someone had finally broken through to the hardheaded woman.

"We can go take a shower and get a short nap in a real bed" Diane said as she held Ava's stare. "If anything happens someone will call" Assurances that this was the case rang through the hallway but Ava still hadn't replied. "Ava I really think that this would be the best for both of you. He's going to need you at your best when he comes out of surgery" Typical of being a Spencer Ava hadn't meekly agreed but rolled and narrowed her eyes before saying "Fine" with a snarkesh attitude but no one was letting that be a concern. Ava was leaving without being tied up. She issued a few last minute instructions as Diane hustled her towards the elevator and did not stop ordering even as the doors closed.

They congratulated themselves on their major accomplishment when Remy and Christina decided to follow their advise to Ava and take a break from the hospital. Jeffery and Mel sat on one side of the room in a recliner while Olivia and Natalia sat on the other. The silence was uneasy and Olivia could feel the tension rolling off her lover's body. It wasn't a good situation for but having to anticipate a future filled with such tension was nerve wrecking. It just couldn't remain this way without it negatively affecting the two people that were going through all this trouble for. "You and Mel can go back to the office if you need to" Olivia said hoping the two lawyers would agree.

"I'm not leaving until Max is out but I'm sure you both have things to take care of at the Beacon considering Ava's going to be out for a while" Jeffery said calmly.

Before Olivia or Natalia could respond Mel spoke up and addressed the big pink elephant in the room. "Instead of trying to push each other away why don't we act like mature adults and figure this thing out once and for all."

"Mel" Jeffery tried to say before he was cut off. "No this has gone on long enough. Everyone here loves Max and Ava and they are the one's that are most affected by all this bad blood. If you think its going to magically disappear if you don't address it you're wrong. Max is going to get older and there are going to a lot of family occasions that bring all of us together. Its not fair to subject them to all this negativity"

"Thanks for the insight Mel but I really don't think you understand everything that's going on here" Natalia said in a calm tone that Olivia knew was just for show. She could easily tell that her girlfriend was more upset than ever.

"I think I know as much about this as you do" Mel challenged before sighing and starting again. "I know why you don't trust Jeffery and I know that you have good reason to want to protect Olivia and the rest of your family from him" Mel said looking Natalia straight in the eyes before she dropped her gaze to Jeffery and turning over to Olivia. With another heavy sigh Mel said the words that everyone in the room avoided like the plague. "I know how Ava was conceived. I know that Jeffery took advantage of Olivia when she was drunk"

"You make it seem like he got her to sign over her new bicycle. He raped her" Natalia spat "He raped her and then had a security guard to take her home with a few hundred dollars as if that would make everything okay. As if that's how a grown man should treat a sixteen year old girl"

"I know what I did was wrong. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her and to Ava but how the hell can any of us move past it if you keep throwing in my face"

"If you truly meant to make amends you wouldn't have walked into Ava's room drunk and barely coherent putting her son in danger. With that little display you threw what you did into Ava's and Olivia's face so don't you dare blame me for this" Natalia said as she rose up from the chair until Olivia's hand pulled her back down.

"He's sorry for"

"Yes I know he's sorry. He's always sorry but he doesn't have to clean up after the messes that he keeps making"

"I understand your anger Natalia but one day you're going to realize that the only ones that suffer from your bitterness are Max and Ava. One day they are going to feel like they have to chose between Jeffery and Olivia because of this and I don't believe that even you want to hurt them like that" Mel said as tears ran down her face and buried her face in Jeffery's shoulder.

"I need to speak to Natalia alone" Olivia said finally. Only after the two were gone did she fully turn towards her love. There wasn't anything that Olivia wouldn't do for Natalia and she hoped that the other woman truly understood that. "Baby" she said before Natalia pulled her hand away from Olivia's grasp and walked away.

"You want me to forgive him? I can't believe that you're taking his side in this" Natalia whispered.

She wanted to go over and wrap Natalia in her arms and kiss away her pain but Olivia knew that it wouldn't be welcome or productive. "I'm not taking his side I'm taking our side" and continued even when she heard the scoff. "I know what its like to be filled with rage all the time and always see people as the enemy"

"Not people Jeffery"

"Baby it doesn't do anything but make you bitter. All this anger isn't hurting him as much as its hurting you and if it hurts you then it hurts me and our family."

"You cannot ask me to just forget what he did to you and what he could have done to Max and Ava if he had hurt gotten Max away from me while he was drunk on his ass"

"I'm not asking you to"

"Do you know how many nights I had to hold you as you screamed out because of nightmares after he did that. Do you remember how distant you were from me afterwards?"

Walking up beside Natalia but standing just inches away from the inviting skin Olivia tried again. "I know what I was before I met you. I know how empty and alone I always felt even when I was spending time with my girls. As much as I loved them and as happy as they made me I could never get away from the weights tied to my chest. I don't want that for you. I don't want our family to lose you to all this anger"

Natalia bowed her head and softly repeated "Olivia"

It was only then that Olivia wrapped her arms around Natalia's waist and kissed the side of her neck. "You can't hold on to this and our family baby. Sooner or later its going to be too heavy and I'm not going to give you up for anything especially this"


	46. Chapter 46

The ride to the Beacon was silent and Ava stared out the window as Diane drove the SUV through the crowded city streets. The last thing she wanted to do was to leave her son alone in the hospital while he lay in between life and death again. As the elevator went down her stomach did a sick drop and last year's fears came back to assault her. The back of her neck and back broke out in sweat and she had to hold onto the rail for fear of passing out but to her credit Diane did nothing to interfere. If she had tried to console Ava then it would have ended very badly. She wasn't ready then to accept comfort and she walked into the hotel room still trying to suppress the pain and anger. The looks of concern that her girlfriend kept shooting her were doing nothing to soothe her frayed nerves. If anything it was making her more on edge. Pity was the one thing she had never accepted from anyone.

"Baby why don't you go and take a bath while I order something from room service" Diane said as she walked towards the bed and ran her fingers through Ava's short hair. Any other time those kind words would be a reminder of why she loved the psychiatrist. The older woman always put not only Ava's needs above her own but also Max's. Yet even as she tried to calm down Ava felt herself bristle at the gentle tones. Diane must have sensed something because instead of following through on the kiss she started Diane pulled back and tilted Ava's head up to inspect her eyes. It should make Ava feel loved and treasured to have such an attentive lover that picked up on her slightest cues. Instead she felt pissed and powerless and those were never good qualities in a Spencer woman. "Ava?"

"I don't need you to baby me. I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions. I've being doing that since the day after my mother's death."

"I never said that" Diane started before Ava stood up and cut her off. Pushing away the hands that tried to grasp her own Ava shook her head with mounting frustration. "I really don't appreciate you siding with everyone else against me. I thought that we were a team. I didn't know that was only when it suits you." Upon hearing the rude words Diane took a staggered step back and just blinked at her in shock. To see the evident pain on Diane's face almost made her stop. She could see tears welling up in the blue eyes but something inside hardened at the sight. Her son was on a cold surgery table and instead of being by his side like any decent mother Diane was trying to tempt her with a chicken cob salad. "Next time that you decide to hang me out to dry just warn me first."

What happened next wasn't at all what Ava expected. Instead of Diane immediately begging forgiveness or trying to tamper her anger the other woman took several steps back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. The professional mask fell down and over took the previously warm expression. This should have signaled Ava to take her own mental steps back. She should have reevaluated the conditions like any accomplished business woman but instead she pushed even further ahead. "This is exactly what I don't need another shrink. I have more people than I can name constantly watching me for signs that I've cracked. I don't need that from you too!"

"So what do you need from me Ava? What exactly am I in the relationship for? I can't comfort you. I can't try and take care of you"

Ava yelled with exasperation "You can start being on My Side!"

"I thought I Was!" Only after hearing the eternally unperturbed woman vent did Ava reconsider her arguments but it was too late. The damage was done and she could only watch in horror as her poison spread. "I must be a fool. I must be the most idiotic woman on the face of this earth"

"I didn't say that. Don't put words in my mouth" Ava said trying to backtrack

"You did everything but say it" Diane accused and continued over Ava's protests. "You say that I'm not on your side. Wow . Wow. I don't know what else I could do to prove that I'm on your side. I have put my life on hold. I have practically given up my practice, risked my medical license, lost my family, and I still haven't proven that I'm on your side. I love your fucking kid as if he were my own damn it but I still have to constantly prove myself to you. I still have to be the one takes all the bullshit"

"If you don't want to be here"

"If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be selling my fucking Practice. I'm leaving every thing I've ever had just because I thought you loved me as much as I loved you but obviously I was the fool. Obviously I'm"

They were on the edge of a cliff and Ava could see them inching closer to the edge but she tried her best to forestall the deadly plunge.

"I think we should just take break before we say something we both regret"

"But that's the problem isn't it. You get to say whatever you feel like and I'm just supposed to smile and take it. I'm supposed to just learn how to meekly accept you beating me over the head with baseball bat."

At this Ava's temper grew. "I do not"

"You do! Whenever something bad happens instead of coming to me and leaning on me for support you push me away. No you don't just push me away you fucking come at me with all you anger and hurt. You're supposed to be the person that builds me up but you instead you tear me down"

"That's not fair" Ava said now with her own tears.

"No its not fair. Its not fair at all" With this admission Diane turned around and hung her head in despair. "I'm supposed to be so smart. For all the degrees on my wall and all the school I've attended I'm a fucking joke." she laughed bitterly before being turned around by Ava. "I spent my entire life being bullied and controlled by my family but I won't have it from the woman that's supposed to love me above all else."

"That's not true. You are one of the smartest people I know and you know ho much I love you"

"Yeah so why I am rearranging my whole life to fit around a woman that still does not trust me? Why am I putting so much of myself out there for a woman that keeps slapping me down? Why does it feel like no matter what I do it is never going to be enough for you? Why is that Ava if I'm so smart? If I am so loved?" with that Diane snatched her hands away and walked to the door. As she stepped through she looked back to the devastated shadow on Ava's face.

"Baby please" Ava whispered but knew in her heart it was much too late. This was another love she'd thrown away with both hands.

"I have given you my entire life and all I needed was for you to love me the way that I loved you" It tore at her heart to hear Diane speak in the past tense. She could not let this happen. There had to be some way to make things right. When she tried to pull Diane back into the room it was the first time that the other woman ever pushed her away. Holding up her hands the psychiatrist laughed bitterly. "I even bought you a ring. I had it specially made months ago and was going to give it to you the night that we brought Max home. I wanted it to stand as a promise for the things to come for him and us. Tomorrow was supposed to be the happiest day of my life" with that announcement she walked out.

It would not be an understatement to say that Ava momentarily lost her mind. Hearing how disillusioned and broken that the normally buoyant woman was killed something inside of Ava. The tears flowed so heavily that Ava could barely make it to the edge of the bed without stumbling blindly. Her heart was more than broken it was shattered. There was no doubt that everything that Diane said had been dead on target. Ava had used her repeatedly as a battering ram against whatever problems arose. The good times between the pair were amazingly perfect. There was not another person that had ever loved her with as much passion and as selflessness as Diane had but instead of returning that gift Ava had been petty and childish. The bad times were few and they did not last long but whenever Ava felt the tiniest bit anxious the brunt was directed towards her love. She was no good. She was a waste and would never stop repeating past mistakes. Cooper and Remy were both good men who tried their best to withstand her self destruction but the cycle never ended. She couldn't escape the downward spiral and it had lost her the greatest love of her life.

She woke to a cool hand rubbing her face and pulled back in shock to see Diane standing in front of her. Bundled in Max's blanket on the floor Ava was hit by the worst headache in existence. "We need to get back to the hospital. Max is back in recovery and the doctor says he should wake up soon." This must be a dream Diane couldn't be back here talking to her about Max after everything they had said to each other. Pushing past the headache Ava looked towards the desk and saw that only two hours had passed. It seemed like an entire lifetime. "Why don't you go take a quick shower and we can pick up something on the way to the hospital to eat"

"But I thought"

"Ava Max is waiting for us. You need to get ready" Diane said finally before pulling back her hand and turning away. Max. Diane had shared that she loved Max as if the boy were her own. Of course that was why she was here. She wasn't the type to just abandon her responsibilities even if this was the last placed Diane wanted to be. Diane wasn't here for her and all the joy they had built was going to be swept away. Ava had not thought she could cry anymore but as soon as she turned on the hot spray the tears continued again. It was not fair to subject Diane to more drama if she was going to overlook Ava's inexcusable behavior. They might be over but she was not going to be the cause of more of Diane's pain.

Max woke up shortly after they got to the room and Ava could feel everyone's eyes drawn to her weary face. They assumed it was a reaction to the stress of the moment and Ava was happy to let them continue with that conclusion. Neither Olivia nor Jeffery would take the break up well and would jump to defend their daughter against the supposed wrong but Ava knew who the blame lay with. As horrible as it was to see her son so vulnerable and unnaturally still it was good to have something to concentrate on rather than her shattered spirit. It felt good to direct her energy on something other than her usual failure.

Eventually everyone left and Ava and Diane were alone in the quite room listening to Max's soft snores. He woke up a few times and had even smiled during a short visit with Emma but he was a long way from the active boy he used to be. The surgery was a success and the prognosis was fantastic but Ava could not help wondering if God could grant her one more impossible wish. It was no one's fault but her own and she should accept the end graciously since Diane had only acted with generosity throughout their time together but she was by nature a selfish women. She wanted them both. She wanted it all. But wanting was never equated getting she had learned. "You don't have to stay. I can call Remy or my parents to come back. Reva even said that she would sit with me if I wanted so you can go back to the hotel and rest if you want"

"I'm not going anywhere" Diane said coming close to touching her arm before Ava pulled sharply away.

"Thank you for being here with me and thank you for putting my son first but I cannot do this not with you here. Not now."

"Ava" Diane said again.

"I can't okay. I can't sit here knowing that I lost you. I can't act hold all this in and concentrate on my son. I know how much you gave up to have a relationship with me and I will do whatever you want to compensate you for that loss" she said slowly but sped up when she saw the Diane's face harden again. "I'm not trying to buy you off I just" Ava tried again before turning away. "I won't keep you from having a relationship with Max but I can't be around you right now especially knowing that you were going to ask me to marry you" The pain was too great and the loss too deal for her to pick up as if they were just old friends. That might take a while but she wasn't too sure that it would ever get easy. Yet she had to do it because Diane and Max shouldn't suffer just because Ava was incapable of having a lasting relationship.

"What makes you think I'm not still going to ask you?" At that Ava whipped her head around so fast she thought the pressure behind her eyes would make her eyes spill out. "We had a fight. We both said some rough things but that doesn't mean that I'm not still as committed as I ever was to this relationship"

"But I thought" Ava wondered aloud.

"I don't like the way you treat me when there is a crisis. Instead of expending energy pushing me away we should be leaning on each other. But even still that does not mean that I'm giving up on you or on us"

"How can you forgive me?" Ava cried softly.

"Because I love you. I will always love you. I just need you to trust in me the way that I trust in you" Diane said as she pulled the younger woman into her arms. "That is unless you've changed" but she didn't get a chance to finish the thought. Ava made it her mission to show Diane just how much she valued the second chance.


	47. Chapter 47

He was on the phone talking to Mel as he watched Remy standing in the living room painting the bare walls. While Remy was using the long handled roller Jeffery was working on the moldings and accents with a small hand held brush. They had been working for the past week a few hours each day and already had most of the home finished. By next Monday Ava and her family could start moving things into their new place and Jeffery was more than proud that he could be so personally involved. He had never been the type of guy that volunteered to help friends move. Manuel labor of any kind especially involving heavy lifting or the possibility of getting messy never appealed to him. The most he might have done was go in on the beers and pizza afterwards. Yet for his daughter it seemed he was able to greatly expand his horizons.

Looking over towards Remy again as he laughed with Mel Jeffery thanked God that his daughter had gotten at least one thing right during all the chaos of the past year and a half. If Bill had been Max's father Jeffery had no doubts that their next eighteen years would have been filled with court dates and expensive lawyer fees. Bill Lewis would not have been happy until he'd taken all his pain and anger out on Ava in the most public of forums. It wouldn't have mattered that Max would be a causality as well just as long as Ava paid. The fact that Ava and Remy could co-parent Max so well gave him hope that he and Reva could find a way to coexist after their son was born.

"I can't believe that they found this place. Christina and I have been looking for something like this for the past year and they lucked up on the first time the realtor took them out." Remy said as he wiped the sweat off his brow.

"I guess it does help to have Olivia as a mother." Jeffery laughed as he walked towards the back of the home in search of his daughter. Although as far as he could see everything was going perfectly for Ava but he could tell that something was off. Max was out of the hospital and getting stronger everyday. Diane was steadily transferring her life and career to Springfield and their relationship and commitment seemed to be growing more deeply. Yet something wasn't the same ever since Max came home. Ava seemed distant and he wasn't the only one to sense it. Mel and Remy had made a few passing comments but it wasn't until Reva pulled him aside and questioned him that he truly got worried. His ex-girlfriend and his daughter had never been extremely close but Reva was the most perceptive person he knew. It was like she had a sixth sense when it came to Ava but the real confirmation came when Olivia approached him.

"Has Ava told you what's going on between her and Diane?" Olivia asked one day as he was dropping Max off at the Beacon.

He hedged a bit. "Nothings going on except them working the move." Since the big reveal about the blackmail attempt Olivia's attitude had vastly improved. She was one of their biggest supporters especially after she learned that Diane had no interest in relocating her daughter and grandson to the Windy City but Jeffery was still a bit hesitant to open up too much to his ex-wife. As quickly and as deeply as she offered her friendship and affection he knew it could be just as swiftly snatched away if Olivia ever felt that Diane was negatively impacting her babies. The malleability of Olivia's feelings was only one of the reasons that he had little to offer to the conversation. The biggest factor was that for the first time since realizing Ava was his daughter he had no clue what was going on with her. Of the two of them Ava usually confided in him first especially if it did not involve a scheme. However for some reason he couldn't get his daughter to open up.

Walking into the master bedroom he watched Ava as she looked at some swatches of fabric and paint. Her face did not have the same glow that it held before Max had the surgery. Her eyes did not light up the same way when she spoke about her vision of the future. He was afraid that these signs marked a recurrence of her depression but Diane did not seem overly concerned. It could be that he was being overprotective or that Diane was too close to be objective but he worried about saying the wrong thing. He didn't want to cause problems especially since Ava had every reason to be somber. Her son had undergone a major operation. She was helping her girlfriend move from Chicago so that they could live together although they had only spent a half dozen long weekends and a few weeks together. Her work was hectic and stressful and knowing that the success of franchising rested on her shoulders was even more so considering the Beacon was her family's business. Any one of these things would have been hard to bare but Ava had to deal with them all along with trying to raise a toddler as a single mother.

"I have been instructed to inquire if you have any preference for the pizza."

"As long as it doesn't have pineapples or anchovies then I am good." Ava laughed as she continued to compare the samples. The smile was still her face but it had yet to reach her eyes. This wasn't his daughter. It wasn't the same young lady that he picked up from the hospital in Chicago and it was starting to really scare him. When she ran into his arms as he walked into the building even then he saw a sparkle that was slowly beginning to fade. He was not going to stand by and silently watch it die. Protecting her was what he owed to both Ava and Max. He owed it to his unborn son.

Closing the door behind him he sat on the empty desk facing Ava as he softly asked "What's going on sweetheart?" When she suddenly looked up he could see that she was about to give him the standard response of "nothing" but he could see the tears forming even before the words fell from her lips. Her face crumpled and she began to silently bawl with her hands covering her face. Leaning over he took her in his arms, rocked her softly, and kissed her head as she slowly drained the tears. "Whatever it is you know that you can come to me. I just want to see you happy Ava but it doesn't look like you are anymore." When her only response was to cry harder he started randomly asking questions hoping to direct her towards the trouble. "Is its work? Olivia? Is it Max?" but after each prompt she only shook her head in silence.

Ava started with "Its Diane. We aren't" but then she stopped and buried her head in his neck.

"Hey what's going on? She loves you. She wouldn't be moving here from Chicago if she didn't" he said and then a thought struck him. Ava was nothing if not complicated. What if now that she'd finally gotten the girl she didn't want her anymore. Good God he thought to himself. That would be a major bummer especially if said girl was going to be buying a home with you and your son. "Have your feelings for Diane changed Ava?" he asked as non-judgmentally as he could. He really liked Diane and he knew that Ava had not been in such a positive relationship before but he loved his daughter more and would support any decision Ava made.

"No I love her more than ever." Ava gasped. "That's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

"I know she loves me. She's proven it time and time again but I can't help but want" Ava said but drifted off.

"Want what? She's moving here to be with you and Max. She's starting a brand new life with you two."

"I know. I should be happy with that. Its more than I ever thought possible when we first started but"

"But what?"

"But I don't want to just live with her. I want her to be my wife"

She was so sincere that it almost broke his heart yet he couldn't help but force down a chuckle. Here he thought it was a real problem and she was just obsessing in the same way that Olivia did. "Just give it some time. Sooner than you know the two of you will be ready for that step it just takes some time."

At that Ava stood up and when he tried to grab her hand pushed him away. "She was at that point. She was going to ask me to marry her a month ago when Max came home from his surgery but I screwed everything up."

"How would you know that if she never asked you?"

"She told me after we had a huge fight."

Ava told him about the major blow up they had in the hotel room while they were waiting on Max to return to the recovery room. To say that he was shocked was an understatement. When they returned that day he could see how tired and weary they both looked but he assumed it was because they were unable to relax for worry about Max. He had no idea that Ava actually believed that their relationship was over. Diane had never appeared more supportive or loving as far as he was concerned.

Looking at things from Ava's prospective he could understand how hard the month could have been. She now knew she'd been literally hours from spending the rest of her life with Diane yet what could Ava now say. Diane had accused her of never being satisfied so how could Ava ask for more than living together when that's all that Diane seemed comfortable with now. She had the girl but she could have had so much more if she'd only opened up instead of pushed Diane away.

It was hours later when he saw a car pull up into the driveway. Remy and Ava were long gone. Remy had to start his paramedic shift and Ava was gone to pick up Max and feed him at the Beacon. It was still several weeks more until the house was ready to live in so they were still living in the suite. Diane was bring more of her things down this weekend but he was there tonight finishing up the trim. When the door opened he half expected it to be his girlfriend to drag him back to their apartment for the night. Looking down at his watch he could not believe that it was already past nine thirty. He was expecting a long day in court tomorrow and was glad to have finally finished with his part of the moving. Let's see Olivia and Natalia top that he thought as he turned around. "What the hell are you doing here?'

"Nice to see you too Jeffery. I hope that Ava's more excited by my early visit" Diane laughed as she went to hug him.

"No of course I'm excited we just didn't expect you until Friday or Saturday morning." He said as he helped her unpack her SUV.

Looking around she said "Wow its really coming along." and then added as she put her things away "Every time I come down it just looks better and better. It looks like professionals did it."

"That's good because the three of you will be moving in next month right?" He had to make an effort to keep his tone light. His daughter had confided in him and she would be devastated if he broke her confidence but it was hard not to say something when Diane seemed so out of touch with Ava's pain.

"I'm hoping that we can do it even sooner than that. That's what brings me here two days early"

"What's up?" and that's when she reached in her pocket and pulled out a small burgundy jewelry box. Looking at her with wide eye he opened it when she nodded her head towards him slightly. "Those are a lot of copayments" he laughed as he blinked at the large ruby surrounded by smaller diamonds in a platinum band. This definitely cost as much as a moderately expensive mid sized sedan. When he heard Diane laugh he reached over and took her in his arms in a strong hug. "Wow. Hell if she says no I have no problem saying yes." he joked.

"I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love them both."

"And they love you" he vowed just as sincerely.

With worry in her eyes she asked him "Do you think she will say yes?"

"I don't think you will have any problems"

"So you're giving me your blessing?"

"Is that what this is about?" he asked again surprised by how much he really did like this young lady.

"Yes. I want her to know that you support our decision."

"You have it."

"Do you think Olivia will be okay with this?" looking over at her he could tell that this was really what had the doctor worried. Olivia was playing nice now but that could all change if Olivia decided to be against their marriage.

"I think she's going to wonder what the hell took you so long." Jeffery laughed as he closed the box and handed it to Diane.

It was ten by the time he got home and Mel was already in the bed reading over some files. Standing in the doorway he looked at her as her glasses sat on the edge of her nose and she twirled a stand of hair on one finger. There was absolutely no reason for their relationship to work. He was about to have a baby with another woman and Mel had already gone through the same horrible situation with her ex-husband. It should not work but they loved and understood each other. She was everything he needed and everything he never believed he could have. "I love you"

"I love you too" she said with a smile as she looked up from her stack.


	48. Chapter 48

She was sitting in her office going over the franchising plans when a soft knock drew her attention towards the door. Instead of seeing Greg or Natalia there Olivia was greeted by a wan smile from her good friend Holly Reed. Just from the expression Olivia could tell that the visit was inspired by the town's mayor. The pair had been dating for the past four months and by most accounts the relationship was going very strong. Having the rare privilege of knowing the two very private women personally Olivia was very pleased that they had finally found happiness. Both women had endured more than enough heartache as far as she was concerned. Those high hopes did not stop her from realizing that it was going to be hard work. Holly was successful, independent and headstrong while Doris could be overwhelming, confrontational, and unrelenting. There was sure to be a lot of clashes between the two women who did not like taking a backseat to anyone. Of the two however Holly was the more level headed and Olivia was betting their continuance would rest heavily on her shoulders.

"What bring you by here?" Olivia started off trying to feel the other woman out.

"You know damn well who not what brings me here. Your best friend."

That was one of the things that had made Holly one of the few people and even fewer women that Olivia considered a friend. She was brutally honest and straightforward. "Why don't you tell me what Wolf's been up to now." As they sat on her sofa Holly vented about her growing frustration with the constant push and pull that marked her relationship with Doris. Almost 99.5 percent of the time things were wonderful. Doris was funny, supportive, sexy, and one of the most interesting people she had ever met. There wasn't anyone that kept Holy as intrigued as her girlfriend did. Never was there an awkward lull in the conversation or any tension filled pauses. She had interviewed thousands of people and not one of them made her as excited as just having a lunch date with Doris.

It was that .5 percent that had Holly about to tear out her hair. Whenever Doris got into a mood there was nothing that Holly could do to pull her out. During these times her personality did a complete 180 and the normally open and witty woman became close off and guarded. She could pull back so sharply that it seemed almost as if she viewed Holly as a complete stranger. In some ways Holly could understand the reticence. Doris was a politician and the mayor of the town and Holly was a well respected investigative reporter. She was not completely naïve to the possibility that others viewed their relationship as a mutual means to professional ends. The fact that Doris might have some anxiety about that situation was also expected. But what left Holly reeling was when Doris just abruptly pulled away without any explanation at all over something that had absolutely nothing to do with anything political. In the middle of dinner they could be laughing at a silly joke and out of nowhere silence would descend and the temperature would shift. Reasoning, understanding, not even begging could make Doris open up. She loved Doris. Loved her enough to consider her a part of her very small family but Holly needed to know that Doris was just as committed to their relationship as she was.

"You can't give up on her. I know that she can be the most infuriating person on the planet but Doris loves you."

"I know that she loves me. That's the only reason that I am suffering through all of her BS but I would like a little trust as well. I've dealt with someone who was suspicious of everything I did and Blake is the only good thing to have come out of that hellhole of a relationship."

Olivia assured Holly that she would talk to Doris and as she watched the reporter leaving Olivia could only shake her head in frustration. She was just going to have to bang some sense into her best friend's head. She was sitting at her desk with the cellphone to her ear when Natalia walked into the room looking absolutely luscious. A form fitting black pencil skirt that stopped just above her knees and a scooped green shirt that showed off enough cleavage to make the blackberry tumble from Olivia's hands. Natalia was just about to say something when Olivia pulled the Latina onto her lap and kissed her breathless. When she turned around to switch their positions and sweep her desk clear Natalia had a chance to pull back and attempt to say something. But Olivia wasn't in the mood for talking right now especially since she'd spent the night holding a feverish Emma instead of making love.

"Oliv" she heard Natalia gasp again when the door swung open. She didn't even turn her heard because if she saw the idiot who barged into her office without even having the decency to knock that person would find themselves out of a job very fast. "Get out Now!"

"Um I"

"Get the fuck out of my"

"Livia" Natalia said with shock before she pushed her love off of her and moved from the desk. "I came in here to tell you that Diane needed to speak to us." It took would her a few minutes before Olivia could turn around and face her daughter's lover without wanting to inflict bodily harm on the woman. The smirk on Natalia's face wasn't helping at all if anything it was putting her more on edge. "Could you get two lattes from the Beacon's coffees Diane?" Once the door closed the laughter that had been bubbling spilled forth for several moments until she caught sight of the growing frown on Olivia's face. "I was trying to tell you but you didn't give me a chance." Natalia laughed again.

"You should have tried harder." Olivia barked trying to put some heat into her voice but in the end she just stuck her tongue out like a little kid and sat behind her desk and looked over her work and tried to put on a stern expression. She wanted to regain as much dignity as possible.

"Two vanilla lattes as ordered."

Olivia opened "You wanted to talk to us about something?" as she began drinking her favorite non-alcoholic beverage.

"Yes" Diane said and then fell silent. Olivia could almost see the young lady's breathing accelerate. Sitting her own coffee down Diane looked down and wiped her face. Natalia stepped in and saved Olivia from starting a rant. Patience had never been Olivia's strong suit and it wasn't anything she was interested in working on if it didn't pertain to either her children or Natalia so right away Diane was gathering strikes even before the conversation began.

Natalia prompted "You said that it had something to do with Ava?"

That seemed to give Diane some much needed steam because after a few deep breaths she started began talking again. "I know how much the two of you love her and Max. I know how protective you are of both of them. I just want you to know how much they both mean to me. I can't see living my life without them now."

"I guess that's good since you're moving in with them." Olivia joked before being not so discretely smacked by Natalia.

"It shows every time you all are together how much you mean to each other but thank you for sharing that with us." Natalia finished.

"I"

"So how's the house coming along?" Olivia said trying to move the conversation along. The doctor wasn't proving to be as mentally focused Olivia once thought.

Diane went on speaking as if she never heard Olivia "I want you to know that I plan on spending the rest of my life taking care of them." At that announcement both Olivia and Natalia shared a covert glance before hearing the rest of what the psychiatrist had to say. "I'm here to ask for your blessing when I ask Ava to marry me."

That got Olivia's attention. "What?"

"Being just her girlfriend isn't enough anymore. I want the rest of the world to know just how much she means to me. I want you both to know how much they mean to me." When neither Olivia or Natalia had any response other than shocked expressions Diane unloaded her heart. "You don't know me very well and you have every right to be cautious about my involvement with Ava and Max but I plan on doing everything I can to set your minds at ease. I plan to spend the rest of my life showing you and everyone else just how honored I feel by her love and her trust."

"Wow" Natalia finally said and then looked at left to gauge Olivia's take on the events. Their relationship was leaps and bounds ahead of what it had been when Diane first started dating Ava but that didn't mean that the older woman was ready to welcome her into their family.

Olivia was the first to speak. "You have to excuse me but I have a few concerns about all of this."

"That's fine. I'm happy to do anything to make this work."

"What about your family? I know that you were upset about them digging into Ava's history but I also know that you were very tight knit before this. How are you going to feel in 5 or 10 years down the road knowing you could have been a part of their lives if you had just walked away." Olivia started.

"You're right I do miss my family. I miss them more than I can say." Then they watched Diane wipe away a few gathering tears. "I have done everything I could to reach out to them. I send emails and birthday cards. I used to call and send text messages before they had their numbers changed. I have not received one response from any member of my family. So yes I do miss them but I know in my heart that I have done everything I could to make this right."

Natalia followed up Olivia's question with one of her own. "Diane I know that being a doctor is very important to you but what if one of your former partners or even your parents just decide to make an anonymous complaint about your relationship with Ava. How are you going to feel if they take your license?"

At this Diane had to take a sip of coffee and then put her hands in her head before looking both women in the eyes. "I love being a doctor. I have put my entire heart and soul into being the best doctor I can be for my patients. So yes it would kill me to give up something that I have worked so hard and so long to achieve. In short it would devastate me." Taking another sip and a releasing a deep sigh Diane continued. "But the main reason that I love being a doctor is that I help people. I can do that without being an MD. I have a BA in biology and can go back to school to become a geneticist. I could become a college professor, or a researcher, or work as a hospital administrator. The point is that I could still help people. They might take away my license but I will always be a doctor even if I can't practice."

"I've lived in Chicago so I know just how much you are giving up by moving to a small town. Especially a small town where everyone has an opinions on the woman that you love. It can be hard to have your girlfriend's past thrown in your face over and over again." The pain that she heard in Natalia's words made Olivia pause and carefully reconsider how hard their relationship had been on the other woman. Natalia was the closest that the place would ever come to a saint and many people felt personally obliged to warn her off the eldest Spencer. Olivia knew that there was still some people that wished her ill but didn't realize how her past misbehavior still affected her love.

"I won't lie and say that its always easy to see Ava constantly around all her old loves. I see the way she and Remy interact and I can tell that there are still deep feelings between them that have nothing to do with Max. I have complete strangers coming up to me warning me about what a fool she made of Bill. So yeah I sometimes wish we could go back to live an anonymous life in Chicago but the being a part of your family makes it worth all the busy bodies."

Diane drained her cup and then stood up and turned her back on the other women so that she could speak everything that was in her heart. "You asked me about my family. You asked how I would feel about giving them up 10 years from now for Ava and Max. Well I already know because this isn't the first time my family's made me give up love."

Looking back towards the couple Diane began to pace before she continued her story. "When I was in college I fell in love with one of the construction men. He was a good man who treated me like I was the most precious thing in the world. He loved me more than I even knew possible but he wasn't rich. He wasn't educated and he wasn't from the right family. I thought that eventually they would understand. That sooner or later they would accept him because of how much we loved each other but they didn't. I was told to either end the relationship or leave the family." The tears that had previously welled in her eyes were now running down and staining her face. "I didn't even have the guts to tell him to his face. I just transferred the next semester to another school. After that I put everything I had into my education because that was the only thing left in my life that was truly my own. So no matter what my family decides I won't walk away from Ava or Max regardless of the consequences. I won't."

Neither Natalia nor Olivia needed to hear anything further to be assured that Diane was truly the woman that would love both Ava and Max for the rest of her life. The doctor left the office five minutes later after hugs and kisses were exchanged. Natalia was resting her head on Olivia's shoulder as they lay on the sofa when Olivia broke down crying. "What's wrong baby? What's wrong?" Natalia whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me?" At the other woman's blank stare Olivia continued. "Tell me that you were being constantly harassed about me. Why didn't you tell me how hard its been for you since we began our relationship?"

"Sweetie, I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter. I could care less what other people say about you Olivia. I know who you really are. They just think they do."

"But"

"There is no but. I just want to be sure that Diane is ready for small town life. What we share couldn't ever be hurt by their petty gossip. You were made to love me and I was made to love you. Nothing else matters besides that."


	49. Chapter 49

Sitting alone eating a slice of pie at Company she started to think about the last few weeks. By all right Ava should be ecstatic about how well put together her life was considering how fucked up it could have been. Last month her son was getting brain surgery and her girlfriend had walked out on her in the hotel room. But a little over thirty days later Max's doctors had nothing but good things to say about his progress although his recent discovery of running was causing all sorts of chaos. Diane was slowly moving her life from Chicago to Springfield and their relationship had never been stronger but Ava was still mourning what could have been.

Either Diane or Ava made sure to stay in the hospital at all times during Max's three day stay in recovery and there was always some concerned relative or friend in the room with them so they never got a chance to discuss their blow out. The night that they brought Max home Ava was so preoccupied with keeping him well that talking about anything was the last thing she wanted to do. Later that night after Diane convinced her that hovering over his crib all night was not in anyone's best interest they were too busy making love to talk. Things had been so perfect since that night that Ava didn't want to invite trouble by going back over their only real argument.

"The banana cream can't be that bad." she heard Doris say as the other woman slid into the opposite side of the booth. It had taken some time but eventually she and the mayor had slowly begun to renew their friendship. The fact that Doris was a frequent visitor to the Beacon and the farmhouse to see Ava's mother spurned the issue. But Holly's and Diane's maturity was really the impetuous that got the former loves talking. Both were completely irritated by their significant other's complete lack of jealousy. What they weren't hot enough to even rate a few catty responses? Ava and Doris shared a few drinks to commiserate how irritating implicit trust was. "What's got you so down?" Doris said ash she stuck her fork into the slice.

Shaking her Ava head didn't even consider telling the truth as she told a plausible but boldfaced lie. "I'm just tired from coordinating my move into the house, franchising the Beacon, and helping Diane all on top of taking care for Max. In short there's not enough of me to go around." Ava said forcing out a laugh.

With a frown Doris responded "Well at least one of us is getting her stuff together." Then she proceed to share with Ava how her relationship with Holly was disintegrating before her eyes. It was evident to Doris she had found the love of her life in Holly but how to share a life together was less than clear. When the journalist suggested that they move in together since they'd been seriously dating for a little over six months Doris hadn't exactly responded positively. To be honest she hadn't responded at all. Two days ago they had been in the middle of making dinner when Holly had jokingly commented that it would be cheaper for Doris to move in since she spent al her time there anyway. It had taken 15 minutes before Doris could think of an excuse to leave and it had been a full day since she'd talked to her girlfriend. There were several texts and emails exchanged but Doris had been doing her best to avoid a face to face conversation.

After listening to Doris reiterate all the reasons why someone as accomplished and attractive as Holly would eventually tire of her Ava began to feel more than a little responsible. Doris had never been the luckiest in love but Ava had not helped anything by ending thing just as Doris was expecting them to grow closer. Reaching over and taking Doris' hand Ava looked deep into the other woman's eyes as she spoke. "Doris you are one of the sexiest women I know. Do you think that just because you were my first girlfriend that I'd never been approached by another female before? You were only one that held my interest."

"Not the only one." Doris groused as she rolled her eyes.

With a soft slap on the shoulder Ava laughed and continued. "The point is that if I had not previously fallen in love with Diane I would have fallen hard for you. Holly wouldn't have ever had the chance to get near you" She couldn't believe it. Doris could be one of the most closed off hard asses Ava ever met but even after everything she'd put the older woman through Doris trusted her enough to be vulnerable. "Shit." Ava quietly whispered before she revealed the truth about her sad and forlorn expression. After apologizing for the previous lie Ava confided the build up towards the nonexistent marriage proposal.

"You have to tell her how you feel. I don't know Diane very well but she doesn't seem like the type to play games. It's obvious that something's been bothering you lately and when she finally moves in those feelings aren't just going to go away. She's going to be wondering what's wrong but if you keep"

"How can I tell her I want more after listening to her go over all the ways that I made her feel unworthy and not good enough. I can't. Especially not after everything I put her through." Ava whispered and wiped away an errant tear. "I just have to figure out a way to make this work."

"She's moving in with you and wants to be a second mom to your son. What's the worse that could happen if you tell her the truth?"

"Exactly. She's moving in with me and is a mom to Max. What if she wonders why I just can't be happy with the way things are now? No I won't risk pushing her away especially after everything."

"Ava I think" Doris tried again before looking up into sky blue eyes and a sparkling smile. "Speak of the devil." Doris said as she stood up and grabbed her check off the table.

Walking towards Ava and kissing her check with a "Hello sweetheart" Diane shook Doris' hand and added "You don't have to leave on my account."

"No I'm already late for a meeting but I will see you around the Beacon" she said to Ava before adding "and I will see you at the women's shelter board of directors' meeting Monday Diane." Doris said as she hugged both women goodbye.

As they walked towards the car Ava could only marvel at how messed up her head was. She was both overwhelmingly excited and crushingly disappointed at the same time about the same event and she couldn't completely share it with the other half of her heart. It was wonderful to finally be starting their life together but Ava could not help but hurt when she considered how much they could have had. Quietly watching the scenery as Diane drove Ava pulled out her phone to have Remy prepare Max for an early pick up. Just as she put the phone to her ear she felt Diane's hand on her shoulder.

"Do you mind if we pick Max up later? I wanted to check on something at the house first."

The absolute last place Ava wanted to go right now was their new place. To be confronted with the enormity of what she'd callously thrown away wasn't a good idea especially since Ava was barely holding it togther right now. "We were just there yesterday. Nothing's been done since then." But when she saw Diane's sad little pout Ava just dropped her phone back in her purse and smiled. As they walked into the door Ava immediately walked through the living room and went towards the stairs.

"Hey I wanted to show you something." Diane said with her hand out stretched towards her girlfriend.

Ava whined "Baby I've already seen everything and I don't feel like inhaling all the paint fumes." as she slowed her assent but did not completely stop.

"We'll be outside." but that did not tempt the brunet at all. It was beginning to warm up and the insects were starting to become more active. When Diane saw that Ava hadn't made any move towards her she turned fully towards Ava and added both hands and fingers into beaconing Ava from the stairs. It was only after she threw in another pout and a soft "please." That Ava finaly moved from the banester.

"So what is so important that I have to get biten by mosquitos." She was about to facetiously comment on the plush looking brown scraps that the realtor advertised as grass but the words died on her lips when she spotted a surprise scene. There was a white canopy surrounded by tiki torches and several individuals in formal wear waiting to serve them dinner at a small table. On the table were red and white roses and a string quartet was playing at the far end of the covering. The dazzaling hues of an approaching sunset made it perfection. She couldn't even speak as she turned around in Diane's arms.

"If I promised that I got the best citranila protection available do you think I could convience you to join me for dinner?" The tears that she'd managed to hold back while talking to Doris began free falling and there was no way that she could hold them back. Luckily for her Diane just assumed they were tears of happiness. Which they partially were. That she had ever gotten someone as wonderfully loving and as supportive as Diane was a miracle. Yet the romantic gesture only made Ava long even more to make their relationship permanent. She was able to control her emotions and enjoy the five star meal but when Diane stood up and asked for her hand to dance there was no stopping the pain. It took a moment but soon Diane realized that this wasn't the reaction she'd expected and asked the cooks and the musicans to leave. If anything this made Ava feel even more ungrateful. Diane had taken the time to set up such a thoughtful moment for them in addition to arranging a move and interviewing for positions and Ava didn't have the decency to even enjoy her efforts. Diane had moved to sit right beside Ava and was holding her in her arms waiting for her love to calm down. "Baby what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry" was all that Ava could manage to mumble as her face was buried in Diane's shoulder.

"Talk to me please"

She intended to only say that she was tired and overworked but her emotions were so at odds that everything spelt out between gasps for air. Ava just closed her eyes, buried her head in Diane's hair, and opened her heart. Her entire body was coiled tight with tension and she didn't expect it to ease anytime soon. She could only imagine how angry and hurt Diane would be once she heard everything that Ava had to say but Ava could not hold it back any longer. Hopefully Diane would find it in her heart to look past another one of Ava's selfish episodes. It seemed to Ava that it had taken forever to explain herself and as she talked she kept waiting for Diane to pull away in frustartion. The psychiatrist had been using one hand to stroke Ava's neck and back and had the other gently massaging Ava's knee. Ava kept bracing herself so that she wouldn't fall on her face when Diane bolted away but it never happened. After a few more minutes she looked up cautiously into Diane's eyes and softly asked "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah I did" Diane said as she leaned closer to Ava and softly kissed her lips. "Listen"

"No" Ava barked and pulled herself way. "I'm sorry. I am so in love with you and our new life. I have never been as happy or as fulfilled as I am right now. Please don't ever doubt that but I just want." Ava gasped and swallowed a sigh and tried again. "I want." but could not continue as the sorrow took over again.

"You want more?" Diane said as she went to stand beside Ava but held back from touching her. She didn't want to make her lover feel pressured.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry for wanting to spend the rest of your life with me? You're sorry for wanting me to help you raise your son? Why should you be sorry for that?"

"I'm sorry that I can never be satisfied with everything that you've given me." Ava said walking further away before Diane placed a hand on her shoulder to stop the younger woman. "I just don't want you to decide that its not worth dealing with all my drama."

"Hey can you look at me?"

Shrugging off Diane's hand Ava stated "I just want to forget all about how I ruined your surprise and embarrassed myself in front of a bunch of strangers. We still have to pick up Max."

Knowing from previous encounters that getting Ava to engage in conversation would not be easy Diane straightened her shoulders and began using a variation of her professional voice. "I'm sure Remy doesn't have a problem spending more time with his son but you and I are going to have a talk." When it seemed like Ava was going to ignore her and continue towards the house Diane felt her temper slipping. "Damn it Ava I listened to what you had to say so I don't think its too much to ask for the same consideration." As soon as Ava heard that last comment she felt like the biggest ass of all time. Could this day get any worse? Immediately turning around Ava pulled out one of the old patio chairs and sat down facing the other woman.

When she was sure that she had not only Ava's presence but also her attention Diane moved to kneel in front of Ava's chair. "Do you know how much it means to have you share your feelings with me? When we were at the hospital part of the reason that I fell in love with you was because of how open and expressive you were with me. I knew that I was one of the privileged few that would ever get to know the real you. But once we started dating you began to pull away and would only share so much with me. I understood of course because we have a different relationship but I couldn't help but miss it." Pulling Ava's hand into her she continued in a much softer voice. " You don't need to pretend that everything is always okay or feel like you have to edit yourself for me. I don't want for us to be together when things are going well and then for you to pull away when there is trouble. I want to hear all your hopes and your dreasm. As much as I want to know what makes you happy I also need to know when things aren't working well. I need to know that you are as much invested in our love as I am." Leaning up to kiss Ava's lips again Diane felt there were things that she too needed to reveal. "Baby I am so sorry that the dinner wasn't what you expected."

"It was exactly what I expected. It was one of the most romantic things that anyone has ever done for me." and then proceeded to talk over Diane's not so subtle disagreement. "It was. It was exactly what I pictured when I imagined" At that confession Ava again became silent until Diane's questioning gaze pushed her to continue. "It was exactly what I imagined when I dreamed of your proposal to me." When Diane tried to interrupt Ava pressed hard against the lump in her throat to continue. "Don't. I understand completely why you no longer feel that we are ready for marriage. After what I said to you I'm amazed that you want to continue with me at all. I am so grateful for what we have so please don't ever think that I feel neglected." Ava sobbed again as her vocal cords tightly restricted with her eyes closed.

When the weeping finally died down Diane pulled back and requested "Baby open your eyes" and had to resort to kissing Ava's eye lids before she got to see the beautiful mahogany orbs. "When you pictured my proposal did the ring look anything like this?" and pulled out a little velvet box from her pant's pocket.

"Oh my" Ava said in complete shock as she stared at the impressive rock. "Is that what I think it is?" she asked pointing towards the ring.

"If you think it's my way of begging you to spend the rest of your life with me then yes it is." She then slipped it on Ava's trembling finger. "Ava it feels as if my entire life has led up to this one moment. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I can't imagine spending another moment without knowing you will always be by my side." Diane kissed the finger and sincerely implored "Will you marry me?" Ava was too overwhelmed to speak and just nodded her head as she pulled Diane off of her knees into her lap. "So I'm going to take that as a yes" Diane laughed.

"A hell yes"

Eventually Ava allowed Diane off of her lap and allowed the woman to lead her up the stairs where she was again was the recipient to one of the most romantic scenes she'd ever witnessed. The room was filled with softly lit paper lanterns and in the middle of the bare room was an air mattress covered in rose petals. The master bedroom's wall were a study of the Diane's blue eyes at Ava's insistence. Ava said that she wanted to wake up each day surrounded by the emotions reflected in those eyes as they made love. A blush came to the fair woman's face each time she considered if her future in-laws knew what the colors represented. And each time Diane felt the blush she knew that Ava was going to tease her unmercifully. As payback Diane had resolved to find an O'Keef painting that most resembled her love's intimate anatomy and have it mounted on the living room wall for all their friends and family to see. Then she was going whisper the subtle correlation to Ava and watch the flush spread over Ava's cheeks.

Passionately kissing as she backed Diane towards the mattress Ava slowly undressed her lover as she lay panting in anticipation. When the psychiatrist reached for out to undress the younger woman Ava slapped her hands away and simply stated "No right now it's all about you."

Diane pulled Ava down into a lingering kiss and then confided "But I need to feel your skin on mine."

"And you will but after I show my future wife how much I love and adore her."

They didn't make it back to the Beacon until early the next morning. They spent most of the night making love and talking and laughing as they rested up for the next round. The sun was just starting to peak above the clouds when they fell into the bed after soaking in a scalding shower. As she climbed into Diane's waiting arms Ava could not help but look towards the empty crib. Christina had graciously agreed to watch the boy when his father had to report to work. Everything she'd ever dreamed about was coming true but she could not force away a low grade ache. If only her mother had lived to meet Max and Diane. Beams of brilliant light broke in between the curtains and when Ava rolled over to cuddle she found the sheets empty and cool. If she'd been more of a morning person Ava might have lifted up her head to search the suite but instead she promptly fell back asleep.

Later when the unmistakable scent of gourmet coffee confronted the stench of a dirty diaper Ava opened her eyes to Max's damp smiling face. He now had a mouth filled with teeth but to Ava it didn't seem as if they impeded the flow of saliva that constantly dribbled out of his mouth. Her nose and chin were being soaked from his kisses when the unpleasant aroma make her face scrunch in disgust. She made such an awful face that Max pulled back in surprise and almost tumbled off the bed before being saved by Diane. "Ohh boy you are a stinker" Diane laughed as she held him at arms length once she was sure his was safe. "We might need to call out the HAZMAT team to do a decon."

"Stop talking smack about my boy." Ava barked as she tickeled the soles of his feet.

"If you don't like it why don't you volunteer to pull diaper duty."

Grabbing a croissant and pouring a cup of coffee Ava demurred with "Nuh uh you two have some major bonding to do and what better way to start."

"Bonding as I wipe his" but then the adults shared a pointed look and smiled at the still swinging Max "butt?"

"Exactly. Motherhood isn't always glamorous " Ava shared as she kissed Max's nose "but it's the best job in the world." She watched from the table as she finished eating breakfast as Diane and Max played in the tub. When they relocated to the bedroom and Max was dressed and powdered Diane softly lobbed the boy into his mother's waiting arms. "Now he's smelling like the sweet baby boy I know and love." Although her decision to marry Diane would probably have the most longest lasting effect over Max than anyone else Ava did not worry about her son's reaction to Diane becoming more of a fixture in their lives. She knew that he loved Diane almost as much as she did and when he said his first intelligible word of "mama" as he reached back towards Diane she finally received confirmation of that.


	50. Chapter 50

Almost a year ago Jeffery was standing in the exact same spot also trying to prepare himself to comfort a different woman giving birth. Eleven months prior his daughter was minutes away from giving birth to Max and he was wondering how to ease her into a premature birth while the man she loved was missing in action. Today he was trying to figure out his place beside his ex-girlfriend as she gave birth to their son as her new love sat beside them. Although the three of them would be in the delivery room he knew it was a concession that neither Reva or Josh particularly wanted to make. It was his child but he felt as if he were an interruption to their lifelong love affair. Having Mel was the only thing that kept the situation bearable for Jeffery. Things were simple now but after today his life was going to get unbelievably complicated. Reva seemed to agree that he deserved equal access to the baby but how would that work in real life. Weekend visitations with a five day old infant did not seem like a feasible plan but how else was he going to make a lasting imprint on his son. Jeffery took a deep breath as he tried to push this thought to the back of his mind. Witnessing the birth of his second child was one thing that he needed to be in the moment for and all other worries would have to wait. As he pushed open the door he was again confronted with his apparent displacement in his new family.

Reva was lying in the bed with her eyes closed moaning as she gripped Josh's hand. The other man was wiping her brow with a wet cloth and whispering soft words into her ear. That should be his job. By right he should be the one to help her through this time Jeffery thought but then just as suddenly thought of Mel and was conflicted. Reva was the first woman that he ever had a mature relationship with and he could not help but feel disappointed how everything ended. She left him in the middle of the night for a long ago childhood sin without ever trying to accept that he'd changed. Yet he knew that regardless of the reasons what they shared would have never lasted. Reva loved Josh and they had been drawn together for as long as either could remember. Jeffery's love would not have changed that. But aside from the disappointment he felt no bitterness because of his new life with Mel. Mel, who accepted an impossible situation but who he would not have ever won had he not gone through the humbling loss.

"Could you please come in the damn door and stop looking at me like that!" Reva barked still without opening her eyes. Josh looked up in in relief and grinned.

"Its good that you're here. Reva's been looking forward to cursing you since the contractions started ten minutes ago." Jeffery spent the next two hours making snack runs for Josh and ice runs for Reva all the while wondering how he could convince not to come to the hospital first thing in the morning. They had been at the local movie theater catching the latest thriller when his cell phone went off. In quick succession both Reva's and Josh's numbers flashed across his Iphone. He didn't waste time returning the call once he got the text message of the dancing baby and went straight to the hospital.

He and Mel had gone out to celebrate getting their client's coerced confession tossed out of court. It had been weeks since they'd just had an evening to themselves to relax and enjoy each other. Work had been hectic as usual and then there was the stress of expecting the baby at any moment. As a result they had stayed as close as possible to work or home. But tonight an innocent man might be granted freedom and a dinner and a movie seemed the perfect way to acknowledge that.

A young couple was buying tickets as Mel and he tried to decide which movie to see when he was jabbed from behind. Turning around expecting to hear an excuse from a clumsy teenager Jeffery was surprised to be confronted by a mask of anger. "Found another woman to fall for your lies I see" Stephanie said with evident malice in her voice. Springfield was a very small town but Jeffery had somehow been able to avoid having any conversations with the courthouse clerk and his former date. The firm's paralegal did most of the filing and communications necessary to his cases. His busy schedule severely limited his interactions with the community so of course the moment he decided to get out he would run into her. "I guess somethings never change" she went on to say.

The eyes of the man Jeffery assumed was her date were stretched wide with shock. He was silent and kept swiveling his head between Stephanie and Jeffery trying to decide what the appropriate action would be. The line behind them and the people staying at the counters were engrossed in the unfolding drama. Mel was surprisingly sedate that is until the younger woman made the mistake of shoving Jeffery again calling him a "conniving son of a bitch." Then Mel pulled Jeffery behind her and put her hand on her hips and turned to the girl. Mel would never be considered physically intimidating but Jeffery had stood on the other side of the lawyer when she'd decided she'd had enough. He could tell that Stephanie was having a similar reaction to the sharpened stare.

"Listen to me carefully. I don't care what issues you had with my boyfriend but I suggest you get over them quickly."

"You don't" Stephanie said trying to regain her momentum.

"If you value your job at the courthouse I suggest that you grow up because if I hear of you harassing or putting your hands on him again I can promise that you won't have it another day." With that she again pulled Jeffery but this time it was towards the movie counter. Jeffrey could hardly believe that the other woman was going to let the scene end that easily but he refused to even look back until they were in their seats. The previews were showing by the time he was calm enough to reach over and take Mel's hand to thank her. He did not get the words out before she was kissing him and he forgot everything except the comfort and blessing of having the woman in his life.

It was not the first time that Mel had staunchly defended him when he did not think he deserved it. A few weeks ago on one of the few free days that they had together the couple was dropping Max off at Ava's office after a day at the park. If it were up to him he'd never walk into the Beacon again but Ava and Olivia had an important meeting, the nanny had an appointment, and Remy was at school taking a test. He was the next name on the babysitting list and if their schedule conflicts gave him a chance to spend a few hours with his grandson then it was a good day. Looking over his shoulder trying to keep an eye out for Natalia the three of them made it to Ava's office without incident until they walked through the opened door.

Max was sleeping in Jeffery's arms and Mel was walking beside them holding his diaper bag. The boy was relatively clean considering they'd spent an hour at the park and another at Company eating lunch. Buzz had insisted that the boy have a huge scoop of chocolate ice cream after he'd already eaten a few ketchup laden French fries. He'd had a change of clothes and a few wet wipes across his face but Jeffery could not help feeling a bit nervous when Ava walked forward to take her son away and he realized that Natalia was standing beside her.

"Did you tire him out so badly that he's going to be sleeping the rest of the day dad." Ava laughed quietly as she carefully took her son out of Jeffery's arms. Jeffery looked over to see Natalia pasting on an obviously fake smile but that was okay. Their relationship would never be what it had been but it had drastically improved since Max's surgery. The woman did not scowl at him as soon as he entered the room and did not ignore him if she was forced to stay. Natalia was making an attempt to be polite and even cordial to him. She did not seem morally affronted each time he was in her presence. It was evident to anyone that knew the woman even a day that there an unnatural coldness in her treatment of him but it was no longer hostile so Jeffery counted it as an improvement. Yet a flash of the lingering anger surfaced when Natalia went to kiss Max's face as she went to pass out of the office.

"What happened to his face?" Natalia all but growled out with her eyes flashing at him.

"What?" Both Mel and he said as Ava gasped and turned the boy around. Then they all saw the four or five fine scratches across his nose and another two marring his cheek. They were red and the skin was a bit puffy around them but it didn't appear that Max had been concerned about them because they'd never heard him cry out in pain.

"Were you even watching him?" Natalia accused before Mel interjected.

"First of all we were both watching him. He's an eleven month old little boy who gets into any and everything that's not nailed down. Of course he's going to get a few scratches so unless you are going to stick him in some kind of magic protection bubble when he's with you this won't be the last time you see him with scratches." There was barely any heat in his girlfriend's response but the three adults could tell that Mel was not going to back down from any confrontation today.

Since Mel learned of the bad blood between Jeffery and Natalia he had been had trying to get Mel to back down from her usual straightforward demeanor as far as Natalia was concerned. Not only did Jeffery still feel some guilt about his actions at San Cristobal all those years ago as well as his behavior at that suite a few months ago but he was worried that pushing Natalia away would backfire on him. He might have been the parent that Ava first bonded with but now she was fiercely loyal to Olivia and Olivia was bonded to Natalia. Not only did Natalia have her relationship with Olivia but Emma considered the woman as her second mother and Ava loved Emma more than imaginable. There was no way that Jeffery would ever win if he demanded that his daughter chose. Not that he wanted her to but the realities were harsh and he had to accept his place in Ava and Max's lives.

A month ago Natalia would have responded with abrupt hostility but now she blinked her eyes rapidly and adopted an abashed expression. "You're right. He's going to have accidents. I guess I'm just a bit overprotective" she said to Mel and then turned to Jeffery and apologized before taking Max out of Ava's hands to take him to the nanny upstairs. Everyone was pleasantly surprised and since that time he and Mel had been spending even more time with his daughter's and grandson's extended family. It still was not a warm or even friendly atmosphere but it was no longer intolerable for everyone.

He was thinking about how much Mel had given to their relationship when the message came through. It might be many hours before the baby arrived and there was no reason for Mel to wait around too so he dropped her home before he made his way to the hospital. They had been watching the monitor and Reva's expressions for several hours before Josh requested a soda and Reva wanted her zune from her car. The entire trip had lasted no more than twenty minutes but by the time he got back to the room everyone was gone and a nurse was rushing him towards the operating room.

Just before the sun broke the horizon Collin O'Neil was born. Reva and Josh were in the recovery room waiting to be taken back while Jeffery stood outside the hospital nursery watching the nurses care for his son. The conditions had been totally different from the other time he'd witnessed a birth but he was still struck with the same joy and wonder. It was as if his heart instantly enlarged just to accommodate this new life. "Dad!" he heard and saw Ava running up the hallway with flowers in her hands and balloons bouncing behind her. "Dad!"

The two of them stood hugging as they made faces at the newest member of their growing family. He was not looking forward to when they moved the baby back to Reva because then he'd be extraneous again. He was determined to enjoy this time with his two children. "Where is my other baby boy?" Jeffery asked his daughter.

"Oh my God do not ask. That boy is going to drive me crazy." Ava laughed as she rolled her eyes. "I had to practically wrestle him to the ground to get him to take his medicine. As soon as I put his breakfast in front of him he decided to throw it and his sippy cup as far as he could. Thankfully I hadn't put milk in his cereal yet. That was the best part of the morning."

"He's still not feeling well?" Jeffery asked concerned. It had been almost two weeks that the little boy had been feeling badly.

"Let's just say that he is finally growing into his Spencer attitude. After I cleaned up that mess he started screaming to the top of his lungs for his da-da, his gran-gran, his Tal-ya, his D-Ann. His anybody that wasn't me so I left him with Diane while I came to see my new baby brother. But I have to say that he has been getting better since we realized that he's had a bad ear infection." Eventually Collin was ready to be fed and he gave Ava the directions to Reva's room while he called Mel and assured her that she didn't need to come until at least a few more hours. It was awkward enough with him and Reva and Josh in the room another lover would not be the best answer right now.

Three days later Reva and Collin were at home and he was finally finishing up the baby's room. The two empty cribs looked weird along with all the toys and baby paraphernalia but he wanted his son and his grandson to feel at home when they came to visit him. He was figuring out how to work the diaper jinni when he heard the doorbell ring and a couple of minutes later his name was yelled from the living room. As he turned the corner he spotted Max stomping towards him and Ava and Diane standing at the door laughing with Mel as they watched the boy amble.

"What brings you guys by. Not that I mind at all." Jeffery laughed as he scooped up the grinning baby. The ear infection was over and his sunny disposition was again recognizable.

"Do we need a reason to come by dad?"

"No of course not. I just thought you guys would be busy getting ready for this guy's birthday party." He said as he kissed the three women in his life. "Did you need any help getting your backyard set up with everything?" Just as he finished the sentence he noticed the three women passed. "What?" he asked before a foul scent filled the room. "Gee Sus. What are you feeding this guy?"

Scrunching up her nose Diane pulled Max from Jeffery's hands and responded "I think that's my cue" and Mel took them both towards the back of the apartment. "So what's up?" Jeffery asked again now more than sure something was going on. His daughter was biting her bottom lip and had one of her most bashful smiles. This could only mean trouble. "Ava" he growled.

Ava responded with "Its not my fault." as a preface to her statement. Taking a deep breath she just spit it out. "The party has been moved to the farmhouse."

"What?" Jeffery said with some asperity. "What? Why?"

"Well"

"Let me guess your attention hog of a mother could not stand the fact that Max's first birthday was going to be anywhere except her on turf and pitched a fit until you gave up all your plans to appease her." He huffed getting more annoyed by the minute. His life was complicated without a doubt. He had complications on his complications. Was it too much to ask for him to spend his grandson's birthday at a neutral location where his ex-wife's girlfriend did not an unfair advantage? If it were up to him it would have been at a park or at Remy's but he could deal with his daughter's home. Now he was going to be spending several hours in the home of a woman that still might shank him if given a chance. True his relationship with Natalia had reached a détente but sitting on her sofa eating birthday cake was a bit of a stretch.

"Dad calm down. Diane bought an antique book that had silverfish in it. We have to get the house fumigated and the farmhouse is the only place big enough." Fuck a duck.


	51. Chapter 51

Looking around the room Olivia could see her youngest daughter's head underneath a blanket as she stretched out on the sofa. There were empty boxes and shreds of tattered wrapping paper loaded in the corner right next to the front door. A few bits of packaging were still scattered on the floor. Remy and Jeffery had taken most of the trash out after the birthday cake was cut. Ava and Diane another load when the party had finally ended but Max had apparently stuffed the furniture with debris and hidden some bits in between the books and DVDs. They would be finding his stash for the next few weeks Olivia thought to herself with a sigh as she walked towards the sofa and gently shook Emma's shoulder. "Bean time to get to bed sweetie. Bean" she tried again before her girlfriend walked down the stairs and sat beside them. The nine year old had not bothered to respond other than to pull the blanket tighter against her body.

"Emma its time to get up" Natalia said and then moved into the dinning room. What dream is she living in Olivia wondered. There was no way that Emma was going to wake up when Olivia hadn't been able to rouse her. But as always as soon as Natalia spoke Emma pulled the cover down and when Natalia stuck her head back into the room and warned "now Em" Olivia's little girl bundled up her things kissed her both of her mothers good night and got into her bed.

"How in the hell" Olivia said in awe as she watched Natalia pushing the final chairs back under the dining room table. There was still a banner that needed taking down and some party hats strewn around but for the most part the couple was getting the house cleaned. Ava and Diane were in the kitchen washing dishes and putting away the food. Olivia just hoped that they hadn't packed away all the potato salad and the deviled eggs because all this work was making her crave a snack. She waited until Natalia was turned away before she wrapped her arms around the younger woman's waist and whispered "Okay you have to tell me how you did that" as Natalia leaned against her.

"What? Get a sleepy Spencer to do what I say?" Natalia grinned as she turned around with both of her hands still holding the chair.

"How about you leave that for tomorrow and get this Spencer to do what you say." Olivia responded and slowly kissed her lover until an abrupt throat clearing caught their attention. "You're still here?" Olivia said trying her best to push down the blush she felt crawling up her face. Natalia buried her head into Olivia's shoulder in embarrassment and left her to explain their make out session to her daughter and future in law. Looking over she saw that Diane was just as flustered and was discretely looking towards the floor. This was the second time that the psychiatrist had caught them this month in a compromising position and it was beginning to seem like a habit.

The younger couple was off to spend the weekend moving the last of Diane's things from Chicago when Diane walked into the farmhouse's unlocked front door. The sun shot off a few rays as it lingered near the horizon and some of the migrating geese were readying for their upcoming flight. Although Diane would have loved to share more of her hometown with the little boy and his mother this trip was going to be taken up with filling boxes and cleaning up accumulated dust. It had taken a bit of cajoling and flat out bribery to stop Ava from hiring a cleaning crew so Diane didn't want Max around to distract the younger woman from the task. Not that the doctor was above using her money to make life easier but she was a bit uneasy with strangers packing away her shot glass collection. It was nothing expensive or even artistic. They were simple and nondescript container she pocketed during a two month vacation after graduating from college. She could not tell which one was from France or Ireland or even Czech but each represented the 60 days of reprieve from the rigors of academia and her parents increasing expectations. The crew would probably not think twice about the dusty cups or just view them as indicators of immaturity but to Diane each marked the healing of her broken heart.

The previous day Natalia had told Ava that the door would be unlocked and for them to drop Max in his crib on their way out of town. Ava was reclined in the front seat asleep and still dressed in her pajamas. Max was only wearing socks and a pull up beneath the blanket wrapped around him. Diane already knew that she would be getting a call later today from Olivia pissed off about his lack of clothing but at this point she was just happy that he was wearing a new diaper. They were an hour behind schedule because Ava refused to wake up even though the alarm and the television were blaring. Eventually she had to carry both mother and son down stairs to the car and buckle them in. Diane only hoped that the boy would not inherit the Spencer morning disposition. It was not looking good though. She knew from Emma sleeping over and early breakfasts at the farm that Ava's flat out refusal to become coherent before 9 am was not isolated or aberrant.

The room was dark and as she turned to close the door behind her she heard the tell tale sounds of an impending orgasm. It did not sound distant like it was coming from upstairs. She heard a keening cry of "Livia" and wondered which would be worst interrupting or waiting until it was over? The decision was made for her when Max started to sing his morning song. Loudly. She heard "What the fu" and then felt a thunk vibrate on the wooden floors.

Not daring to turn around she heard Natalia gasp out "Diane?" before Olivia growled a repeat of her earlier statement. Her future in law did again did not get to finish the swear when she heard walking around and what she assumed was pulling on clothes. "You can turn around now."

"No I'm fine here. You said that I could drop Max off before we left town." Diane said as she felt Max squirming in her arms trying to get close to her two grandmothers.

"I don't know maybe next time you should call or ring the door bell before barging into someone's home at the butt-ass crack of dawn." Olivia said as she pulled Max from her arms and then Diane heard a soft slap followed by a loud complaint of pain.

"Stop cursing in front of the baby." Natalia warned "I told her to bring him over without calling. I came down here to unlock the door but someone distracted me from going back to bed."

She heard Max gurgling happily and Olivia didn't seem as if she was going to start on another rant so Diane thought it best to head out. "We should be back by Sunday afternoon but if something comes up Jeffery and Mel said that they would help out with Max."

"I think I can be trusted to care for my own grandson for three days without." Olivia started before being muted by Natalia a third time. "Why don't you head up and put Max to bed. Once he sees Emma he's not going to want to go back to sleep." Diane could tell that Olivia sensed she was being managed from the huffing but the creaks on the stairs were a testament to how well the couple worked. If she and Ava were as good all her prayers would be answered. When she did finally turn around and saw the remainders pink in Natalia's skin from both embarrassment and arousal Diane could easily see why Olivia was so upset with the interruption. Natalia was gorgeous and was sex personified when she mumbled a soft "Sorry." Diane could barely breath much less respond when she felt something above her head. Olivia was standing by the rail holding Max and was throwing her a heated stare. Picking up the possessiveness easily Diane waved good bye and left to start the long drive.

"Yeah we're still here. Still have to get my son and squeeze him in between all his birthday stash." Ava laughed.

Diane said "I'm glad that Remy took some with him before he left or we would have had to make another trip" still refusing to look the older women in the eye.

"I've told you that you can leave some of it here with us." Natalia said again but this time with more exasperation.

"And I've told you that Max has enough stuff over here. His room is stuffed as it is. He has crap strewn across four different houses. He's not having another birthday party until he's ready for school" Ava said with a shake of her head.

Ever the smart ass Olivia retorted with "Tough for you. You should have bought a bigger house then" before poking out her lower lip. "Why don't you let Max stay here? He's already asleep."

"Mom" Ava warned.

"Olivia's right he's already taken a bath and we would love to have him again."

"It would give us a chance to put up all his toys without him getting in the way." Diane offered.

"Fine but don't ever complain about never having a free weekend." The last of the trash was collected and Max was given his good night kisses before the SUV drove away into the night.

"I thought they would never leave."

"And everyone thinks that I'm the horn dog of the relationship" Olivia whispered as she kissed Natalia's shoulder.

"Well that's because I still have a reputation to uphold."

"I have a reputation too. Its just an extremely bad one." Olivia reasoned as she leered while her girlfriend undressed. Those were the last intelligible words spoken for several hours. She fell asleep with Natalia's naked body wrapped around her own but woke up again she missed the weight of the younger woman. The other side of the bed was cool but the lights were off under the bathroom door. Emma's blanket was on top of her instead of on the floor so Olivia knew that the Latina had been there recently. The lights and television were still off downstairs. Her second hand heart began to thump harder when Olivia imagined Natalia running away from their home in the middle of the night before she remembered that Max was sleeping down the hall. When she saw Natalia holding a bottle of milk up as Max lay in her arms while his tiny hand caressed her face Olivia felt ashamed of her earlier doubt. Natalia would never leave their family. Even if the unthinkable happened and her romantic relationship with Natalia ended the other woman would forever be a part of Emma's and Max's lives. Natalia would not disappear and detach like all the other lovers had.

"I woke up and you weren't there."

"I'm sorry but I thought I heard Max crying."

"Baby if Max is hungry I don't think you would have been the only one to hear it."

"Maybe not but I would be the only one to get up."

"Hey that's not fair." Olivia puffed. "I got up when"

Natalia chuckled softly "I'm just kidding baby" as she put the growing boy back into his crib. He was growing so fast that soon he would need a bed instead of the crib Olivia thought with sadness. It was all going by too fast. She had missed so much time with him during his hospitalization. She had missed so much time period. Emma was gone for several months during Philip's kidnapping and Ava came to her as an adult and now even Max was hurtling towards adulthood. It just wasn't fair. For once she wanted to be there at the beginning and never have the worry of missed time.

"I know that we never discussed it and you probably don't even want to deal with it but I was wondering if"

Snapping her eyes towards her love Olivia asked "What is it baby? You know you can tell me anything"

"If you don't want to I will understand and I'm not even talking about doing it immediately. I know that there are a lot of things to consider but."

Taking Natalia's hand in her own Olivia sat down in the vacated rocking chair and pulled the other woman on top of her. "Just tell me what you need and I promise that I will do anything to give it to you."

"Its not just about me though. You have to be happy too."

"I'll be happy if you are."

"I don't need anything but you to be happy Olivia."

She knew that Natalia was telling the truth but right now the statement was nothing but a smoke screen "Please tell me"

With a bowed head and tears falling down Natalia whispered "I want a baby. Our baby"

"You want us to have a baby?"

"I know that its probably not the right time but"

Pulling up her girlfriend's head without warning Natalia was shocked to see the radiant smile that graced Olivia's face. "I will spend the rest of my life taking care of you and our children. I would be so blessed and so honored if you allowed me to be the mother of your child."

"Olivia you are already the mother of my children. I couldn't love Ava, Emma, or Max more if I gave birth to them myself. I know that you love Rafe just as much even if he does not make it easy. I just hoped that we could share the experience together. I have always wanted to have another child but this time I wanted it to be in a home filled with love and support."

"Yes. Lets have a baby"


	52. Chapter 52

Ava was rounding the corner of the clinic to surprise Diane and hopefully steal her away for a quick lunch. Although the psychiatrist had been officially all moved in for the past month and had been staying in their new home for two it seemed as if they were seeing even less of each other since their once a week visits. Ava was working diligently on the Beacon's expansion out of the Midwest into the East Coast. First Olivia gave her the task of crunching the numbers to see if the franchise was even feasible. It had taken her many long hours bent over her tablet and countless more submitting a budget that her mother would actually take seriously. The Beacon was more than just another version of a hotel chain to the eldest Spencer. It was the only project that she'd nurtured from its infancy. No one could say that she stole, conned, or married for her position. Yet even that did not tell the true story of the company's meaning. It was true that Natalia deserved credit for encouraging to make peace with herself and her life but the Latina would never been given a chance if Olivia had not already been headed towards that path. After the birth of her youngest child Olivia started to consider where her life was leading. She wasn't a saint and did not even aspire to be the ideal citizen but Olivia did want Emma to be proud of her mother for more than an knack for finding sources of alimony. Ava had never heard her mother say those exact words but both women knew it to be true. So Ava was focused and career oriented almost to the point of obsession and had micromanaged every second of her day for three months that did not include or pertain to Max.

She would have felt like the worst fiancée ever except Diane was just as dedicated to her own career. Not only was Diane rebuilding a highly distinguished practice in Springfield but she was also determined to make it as socially conscious as Diane had only dreamed possible. She was on the chair of the local women's and children's shelter and was treating patients once a week at a drug halfway house. After she finished her residency in one of Chicago's many inner city charity hospitals Diane had intended and even been offered a position but her previous boyfriend and family found the very idea both embarrassing and contemptible. They often hinted that if Diane could not be a real doctor she should at least have a thriving practice. Stephen and his family wanted her to dispense medication to country club housewives in between their society events. It had taken Diane a few years to get them to grudgingly accept her decision to work at the Bassett Hospital. The patients there were was only upper middle class. She would never get rich there, never mind her family had been wealthy for hundreds of years, but they could now speak of her to their friends without imploring abject sympathy. Now each day Diane came home from work she was exhausted but never weary. Diane was making a difference and now she had a family that fully supported her calling to heal.

A relationship with two such personalities driven by such passions was bound to be tumultuous but both Ava and Diane were determined to make it work. Today was the start of a long weekend and Ava wanted to make sure that Diane was clearing her schedule. She called ahead to a close Italian restaurant and was bringing Diane's favorites up. The pasta, chicken, and slices of Italian pound cake were in a wooden basket along with a bottle of sparkling red grape juice. Merlot was their beverage of choice but it would be another four hours before either could get home to enjoy its soothing effects. As Ava walked out of the elevator she spotted a very tall and beautiful woman in a white lab coat standing in front of her lover's office door. The woman stood at least two inches taller than Diane and had dark brooding features. At first glance Ava could honestly describe the woman as strikingly beautiful and took a moment to admire when heart slammed shut. The woman, maybe thirty-five but no more than forty, was leaning against Diane's door playing with a stethoscope around her neck. Her head was thrown back and Ava could see just a hint of cleavage even from a few feet away. That the woman was flirting with her fiancée was bad but the fact that Diane was standing a few inches from her laughing right back just was unbearable. Ava's first thoughts were to stalk straight over there and slap the conniving bitch silly but she held back, turned away and forced herself to take a few deep breathes. Ava had promised and she would die before she hurt Diane like that again.

"Diane?" Ava asked as she tried to keep the sun from shinning into her eyes. The bedroom was empty and only her clothes were still on the living room floor. Looking around Ava noted that all of the floors were swept and mopped clean and the condo was ready for its new tenant. The pair had done nothing except clean, laugh, and make for three days before returning back to their shared Springfield home. It was a weekend of celebration. The end of Diane residing two hours away and the official beginning of their life together. All the barriers and restraints were gone and Ava couldn't be more anxious and excited. Now Ava would never again fall asleep or go to bed alone. "Diane?" she called out again as she walked and heard her voice bouncing around the empty rooms and off of the bare walls. As Ava pulled on her jeans and undershirt she heard what sounded like Diane speaking in the hallway. When she looked through the peephole and saw a college aged redhead smiling and Ava was only mildly curious. But when she saw Diane touch the side of the girl's face Ava's vision was swallowed in red. There was no way that they had made their relationship last over hundreds of miles apart and hundreds of adversities just to let some barely legal tramp wreck them. If there had been a gun within reach there would not have been any discussion. "Diane. I've been looking all over for you." Ava said as she yanked open the door, stepped beside her fiancée, and fixed the younger woman with a thinly disguised scowl. "Where have you been sweetheart?"

Diane immediately moved to take Ava in her arms and squeezed her love tight. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you. I just wanted to drop off some of the recycling and get us something for breakfast." As she moved away she brought a bakery bag into view and laughed. "Teresa here was getting on me again for my addiction to carbs."

"Teresa?" Ava asked pretending to ponder who the intruder but was already remembering that this was one of the neighbors that Diane had previously told her about. Diane mentioned the girl because she said one of the things she would miss was a dietitican available for house calls. Diane put absolute faith in the student's ability because she had witnessed the amazing transformation from a obese teenager to a lithe young woman over the years through diet and exercise. According to Diane the weight had stayed off for well over five years but Ava knew once a fat chick always a fat chick and was determined put the crushing youngster in her place fast. After absently nodding at their ramblings Ava said as conversationally as possible "You know I would never have guessed that you used to be overweight." Immediately the girl's face fell and she stepped back in shock. Ava didn't look back but could feel the tension in her lover's body although the arm draped across her waist never dropped. After that Teresa surprisingly had very little to say and excused herself to a door down the hall. Diane tried her best to pretend that the statement had never been spoke but Ava could tell that the psychiatrist was well and truly pissed but that was okay because she would learn that Ava was too.

Diane walked a few feet inside turned around and dropped the bag at her feet without looking down. Her arms were crossed at the shoulders and all traces of their earlier joyfulness were gone when she plainly asked "What was that?"

"That was me putting that bitch in her place." Ava responded in a huff.

"What are you talking about?"

Ava noticed that Diane was using that psych tone that she hated so much but at that time there were much more important things to tackel. "I'm talking about that bitch laughing and smiling in your face when she knows that you're engaged."

"No that's not what I'm talking about. What gives you the right to use something I told you in confidence just to" Diane calmly stated before Ava cut her off.

"If you think that I'm just going to stand by and let that tramp just."

"She's not a tramp and she's not a bitch and you will not call her either of those things again."

"I'll call that whore anything I want!" Ava said in perfect opposition to Diane's previous softly spoken words and was prepared to say a whole lot more before Diane shook her head and started to walk away. "No. No way. You do not walk away from me when we're having a discussion."

"We are not having a discussion. I was trying to talk and you were making loud crass comments but I refuse to get into this now if this is how you're going to behave."

"You were flirting with her. You were touching her fucking face" Ava screamed.

Diane again started to walk away before Ava yanked her wrist and pushed her onto the wall. "Stop" she said and tried to push off but Ava's weight was pressed against her chest and her arms were tucked between her back and the wall. "I said stop it."

But by that time Ava was beyond reason. "You love me. You belong with me and I won't ever let you go." If Diane did not want to talk fine but Ava was not letting her walk away.

"Ava!" Diane tried to say until Ava pulled down her face and pushed her mouth hard against Diane's.

As the kiss intensified Diane felt Ava yank at her buttoned up cargo shorts. She tried to squirm away and was eventually able to break the kiss but Ava just started concentrating on getting Diane as naked as possible. Her pants were pushed down just a bit past her waist and one of Ava's hand was cupping her building mositure while the other roughly kneeded her ass. "She won't get to touch you like this and she won't get to see you break apart when I make you cum." Ava moaned in her ear. The younger woman's chest was angled so that her upper body was so pressed against Diane that the other woman's breathing was almost uncomfortable while Ava's hands were free to plunder at will. "You love what I do to you."

"Please stop" Diane repeated but this time in a winded whisper. After hearing the words the mouth that knawed on her shoulder stilled and the thigh that was pressed against Diane's increasing moisture stopped grinding. Diane looked down its to Ava's tearfilled eyes and felt the woman push away to run into the bedroom.

It was midday before Diane heard Ava's foot steps on the bare wooden floors. The bagels and locks had been retrieved from the floor and were refrigerating in the kitchen. Her head hurt and her neck was stiff but Diane knew that something like this could not stay silent between them. She walked back into the bedroom to finally shower and change clothes and felt less tense when she spotted a plate of bacon, eggs, and toasted bagles on plate beside a bottle of orange juice. Ava was standing against a counter on the other side of the room with her head bowed and her hands shook.

"Thank's this looks really good." Diane said softly. She had to force the words past her closing throat but knew that it had to be done.

"I'm sorry"

"Why did you do it?"

"I" Ava repeated several times before stopping and wiping her eyes.

"How could you actually believe that I would get up from the bed that we spent all weekend making love in and making plans about our life and family only to try and seduce a twenty year old girl?"

"I saw you."

"So she has a crush on me"

"I don't care about her I saw You. You were smiling at her and stroking her fucking face!"

"I was looking at her earrings! Earrings that look exactly like a pair I bought as I was picking up those extra boxes yesterday. If you don't believe me you can look in the box in my purse and compare them for yourself."

"I" Ava repeated again.

"How could you think that I would throw away everything we have for anyone or anything?" Pulling the woman into her arms Diane promised "I would die for you don't you know that by now?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just" Ava said as tears spilt down her face and onto Diane's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter just know that I would never hurt you like that." Diane said and then vowed "Never" before pushing Ava down on the island as she undressed them both.

So when Ava saw the woman openly flirting with her fiancee she went against her first instincts of causing an embarrassing and humiliating scene a few feet away from the patient waiting room. The possibility of ruining her lover's career would have not even entered the old Ava's mind as she put that bitch in her place. It still wasn't that huge of a concern but Ava could not bare the thought of seeing the light in Diane eyes'

broken and pained again because of her. The image of Diane wondering aloud why the people that should have loved and protected always failed her with tears streaming down her face still haunted Ava. She had taken sacred vows that Diane would never wonder that about her again. Instead of saying something sarcastic and cutting when Diane introduced them Ava tried her best to keep the anger from bleeding through her smile or voice. She even agreed to a night of drinks at a local lounge without gagging from disgust. There was no way in hell that Ava was going to let that tramp anywhere near Diane outside of work if she had anything to say about it.

She tried to put the doubtful voices at bay throughout the lunch and assured Diane that everything was okay. At home during dinner Ava was a bit slow and out of tune with the conversation. Diane kept trying to get her to open up but was scared of enlisting her professional skills for fear of Ava unleashing the unspoken tension her way. When Ava asked her three times what movie they were watching as they sat on the sofa playing with Max Diane decided that regardless of the reaction she needed to know what was bothering her love. Last night she'd bathed Max so tonight it was Ava's turn but Diane thought the upcoming conversation required special handling. Before she took the laughing boy up the stairs Diane turned off the DVD of The Fighter and put on a Josh Grobin CD. When Diane warmed up Max's last bottle she also a glass of Ava's favorite wine and cut up some fruit and spooned out some yogurt and placed it before her housemate on the living room table before starting her parenting tasks. Max was asleep and Ava looked as if she was less on edge when Diane sat beside her and softly asked "What's going on?" She didn't want to come on strong and pressure but Ava needed to know that she was determined to figure this puzzle out.

"Nothing" Ava immediately responded before she poured Diane's wine and held out a fresh strawberry.

"I'm not going to force you to talk but baby we both know that that's not true." Diane said as she leaned over to kiss Ava's head and repositioned them until she was holding Ava's head below her shoulder blade and Ava's limbs wrapped around her form. They lay in silence for several moments with both moving to feed or provide wine to the other. "I just want you to know that I love you and that could never change." She felt Ava's body tense for a second before Diane kissed her forehead and ran her fingers through the short brown tresses and the stiffness eases away. At first Diane was sure it wouldn't work and that Ava would fall asleep before opening up then she heard the soft strains of the beloved voice.

"I just wonder sometimes what you see in me"

"What do you mean?" Diane asked as she pulled away in genuine shock. Ava was many things but insecure wasn't one of them. "Why wouldn't anyone want you?"

"I'm not talking about anyone I'm talking about you."

"Um maybe because you're smart, funny, warm, caring, independent an awesome lover" Diane laughed. "Need I go on?" and felt Ava sharply pull away.

Ava spat out "I'm serious."

Diane pulled her back down in instinctual response and said "So am I." and rolled so that she was now on top and held Ava's head in her hands. "I have never met anyone that shared so much of themselves and their life with me as you do. You've allowed me to become a parent to your only son. You are always challenging me to be a better person. You welcomed me into her family when my own kicked me out. What's not to love Ava?"

Ava tried to avert her head but when that did not work she lowered her eyes and let out a weak sigh. "I just wonder if someone else might be a better match for you. I have so much baggage and"

"So you have a complicated past. Who doesn't?"

"You could have someone that your family respects. Someone that can relate to your work. Someone that you didn't treat at a psychiatric clinic."

"Tell me the truth. What's going on? Why are these thing bothering you now all of a sudden? Did I do something wrong?"

"No. No I just love you too much to" Ava said before Diane sat up and started pacing up and down the room.

"To what? To marry me? To live with me?" Diane hissed as she walked and then turned to kneel in front of her. "I want to know what the hell is going on and I want to know right now. I love you and I know you love me so if you think I'm going to let you destroy the best thing that has ever happened to either of us you are sadly mistaken." But what could Ava tell the psychiatrist. That as she spied on her lover in the hall of the clinic she could easily picture the two doctors in love. While they ate the lunch Ava could plainly see all that the things that the psychologist could offer to her fiancée. If the two were dating Diane would have never lost her family. She would never have to deal with Ava and Remy being forever tied to each other because of Max. Diane had turned down at least ten jobs that Ava knew about because she didn't want to uproot the younger woman from Springfield. Other than their love how had Ava positively influenced Diane's life? "Please just trust me Ava. Please"

"Today when I watched you and Cara I just saw how much simpler your life could be together. "

"Nothing could be simpler than doing exactly what my parents wanted how they wanted but that didn't make me happy. You do. Max does. I don't care about simple. I care about spending the rest of my life with with the two of you."

As she heard the soulful words Ava's silent tears began to constrict and burn her throat and she pulled Diane down to hide her face in the other woman's shoulder. "I just felt so stupid and ugly compaired to her. When I saw her laughing with you and leaning towards you I just wanted to slap and and push her far away. But then I wondered if you liked it. If you want someone that understood your jokes and wouldn't embarrass you at hospital functions."

"You are the vice president of operations at a multimillion dollar hotel"

"my mom's"

"Stop interrupting me." Diane warned. "You are the reason that the Beacon's expansion is going so well but even if that weren't true and you were head frie cook at McDonald's I would love you just as much. You own my heart and there isn't another person in the world that can take your place. Please don't doubt that." It took an hour both women were finished sheding tears and after a beat of calm Diane inquired what brought out Ava's insecurities.

"I don't know why but I always feel like your family and friends feel like you started slumming when you started dating me."

"If they actually loved me they would be happy because I'm happy but it doesn't matter what anyone thinks but us."


	53. Chapter 53

Waking up Diane turned over and immediately reached for Ava but remembered the other woman was gone. She tried to rise to consciousness without opening her eyes. Looking towards the empty pillows and sheets wouldn't improve her already strained mood. Neither the alarm nor Max's voice were filling the room so she hoped the silence would soothe as she mentally organized her day.

Drop Max off at the sitter's.

Stop by the lawyer's and sign the rest of the paperwork.

Pick up the dry cleaning .

Remember to confirm the delivery dates for the furniture.

Pray that today was slow because she had to get Max by 5.

Although Diane tried to take deep breaths and relax in the shower her mind was racing at all the things that could go wrong in the next 72 hours. Her relationship was solid and they undoubtedly loved each other but any major hiccups could be disastrous. This was the first time that she was Max's sole caretaker. The Beacon was wooing a potential investor so Ava and Olivia were working in San Diego. Natalia was running the hotel and getting Emma over strep throat. Remy and Christina were still recovering from Clayton's birth a week ago. If she allowed Max to get sick or worse not only was her relationship in jeopardy but perhaps her life.

"But I can't at least not right now. I'm sorry Mom I know how much the Beacon needs this but I can't just leave right now." Diane heard Ava say as she walked out of her office towards the lobby. They were supposed to be meet for lunch at Company but after 15 minutes and still no response Diane thought it best to see for herself what was keeping her fiancée. "I can't ask Liz to take him for 3 days and Remy has enough taking care of Christina and the baby. I've got to go. I've already missed two call from Diane. I'll call as soon as I get back."

"Hey sweetie" Diane said as she kissed Ava's cheek.

"Oh my God are you trying to kill me and collect on the insurance already?" Ava laughed as she clutched her chest. "I'm so sorry that I'm late." She said after a kiss. "It has been a mad house. Do you mind if we eat here instead of going out?"

"As long as I'm with you I'm happy." Diane said with a smirk before bringing two takeout trays into view.

"Have I told you today how perfect you are?"

"Nope not today but you can make it up to me tonight." It was another hour before she asked Ava about the phone call. "I overheard some of your conversation in the hall. What's going on with your mom?"

The smile that had been gracing Ava's face since their meeting was promptly replaced by a frown and a deep sigh. "Don't remind me. You know mom is in Oregon talking with some investors and she wants me to meet her in California for a presentation."

"I thought Natalia going was the reason Emma was going to stay with us for the week"

Picking up the empty containers Ava blew out a deep breath. "That was the plan until someone was sent home from school with strep. Now"

"Natalia can't go so your mom wants you?" Diane said finishing the sentence.

"Yes. This couldn't all be happening at a worse time. We have been working on this for months and everything is finally falling into place but."

"But what? You know as much about the deal as anyone why can't you fill in for Natalia?"

At that Ava turned around with exasperation. "I would love to but who is going to take care of Max? I can't leave him at the farm and now that Clayton's been born"

"I think that you're forgetting someone." Diane said with hands on her hips getting exasperated herself.

"Dad is good for a few hours or a day at most but three? I don't think Reva is up for taking care of another baby. Liz has her own"

"Well what about me?"

"You?" Ava said with actual shock and surprise.

"Yes me." She had been mildly perturbed but now Diane was almost offended. "I mean I am a doctor. If anyone can keep him safe I surely can."

"Its not that. I know that you would take excellent care of him" Ava said with enough feeling that Diane's bruised ego was comforted. "You would be perfect but you're always so busy with your patients and"

"And I'm practically his stepmother. I should be the first person that you ask if Remy isn't available."

"I" Ava said a couple of times as she blinked her eyes. "I didn't want to assume or impose on you." She said with a whisper. "I guess I didn't want to scare you off."

Taking Ava in her arms Diane kissed her softly before responding. "Baby were are creating a family now. I want to be the one who takes care of both of you. No matter what needs to be adjusted or postponed I will to be there for Max." That was yesterday. Now as Diane drove and listened to Max's gurgling she hoped that she hadn't spoken too soon.

Diane couldn't have planned a more perfect day if she had tried. Her first appointment canceled and she was able to finish all her notes before the next one appeared. There wasn't one walk in and no frantic calls in the middle of sessions. The last person was having a good week and really only needed a bit of positive reinforcement. But most importantly Liz had dropped Max off on her way to another appointment and there was only 15 more minutes left in the day. If this was what being a parent was like then Diane was definitely ready. "You don't have to stay Ronny. I only have to do a couple of refills and order dinner. You can put him in the pen and head home." Diane called out from behind her desk to her secretary. .

"I don't mind. I don't get to play with babies anymore."

"Well if you really don't mind?" Diane hedged. She needed to consult one of the other doctors while they both were free. It took her less than ten minutes and she expected to see Max bouncing on Ronny's knee when she returned but the desk was empty. "Ronny?" she called out and then saw the pair standing in the waiting room talking to someone at the door. Please don't let this be someone having suicidal thoughts. I just want to take a shower and relax before I call Ava tonight. "Is everything alright?"

"I told the her that the clinic was closing but she insists on seeing you tonight." Ronny said in a low tone with the door still firmly keeping the stranger outside the building. "She isn't a patient. She said that she is a doctor."

Crap, so much for a short day Diane thought and moved to face the woman. "I'm sorry the clinic is closed but if." she said before she fell silent and gaped in shock.

"Is everything okay Dr Martin? Do you need me to call someone?" Ronny asked as she moved to put Max down. She had worked in behavioral health long enough to know that something wasn't right. She reached out to slam the door shut before Diane shook her head and smiled.

"Its fine Ronny. You can leave I'll handle this from here."

"But doctor?" Ronny whispered pulling the younger woman towards her as the other woman walked inside. "Why don't I go get Mr White while you talk." Mr White was the security officer and from the electricity in the air Ronny just wanted to keep it calm as possible.

"Its fine. I'm fine." Diane said again but added a smile and the color had even returned to her face but Ronny was not taking any chances. She really liked Dr Martin and didn't want her hurt especially with her stepson in the building. "Ronny I'd like you to meet my sister Dr Sarah Martin."

"Oh your sister. I'm sorry. I thought that it was some. I mean I just."

"Its okay" Sarah laughed. "I don't think that you were the only one surprised. I haven't seen my big sister in while but you look really good Dee."

"Oh well Dr Martin if you don't mind then I guess I could leave."

"Of course. Thank you for staying and taking care of Max for me. I'll see you tomorrow." Diane could tell from the way that Ronny held her gaze as she gathered the boy her coworker was still uncomfortable with leaving her alone. The psychiatrist could only imagine what her expression had been when she saw her sister's face. It had been almost a year since they'd had any contact and even longer than that since they'd seen each other face to face. Her family had made it perfectly clear what she was sacrificing if the relationship with Ava continued. She'd sent cards, emails, gifts but they were all rebuffed and spurned with complete silence and cold indifference. Now after she'd left Chicago and everything behind her sister was standing at her office door? "Please come in I just have to get Max situated." Diane said as she walked back towards her desk. Her mind was racing a million miles a minute. What could Sarah want? She had already signed the papers forwarded by her parents lawyers. Surely they couldn't want anything else from her. They had already striped her of everything that mattered. But then her heart started to beat double time. What if they were sick? What if.

"Not what I expected when I imagined your new office."

"The cliental isn't as affluent as those from my old practice. I just need somewhere quiet to sit and listen."

"I guess so."

Diane took her time getting Max's bottle and his toys together. Turned away and focusing on him she could try and organize her thoughts. Whatever brought Sarah by it wasn't an emergency. The snide little put down had signaled that. Whatever it was Diane would control her emotions and listen quietly and then return back to her regular life. She wasn't going to let them hurt her anymore. It took her another two minutes to change his damp diaper. It could have waited until afterwards but she wasn't going to deny her obligations to him just to make her sister feel more comfortable. They had both made choices and now they had to stick to them.

"How old is he?"

"Thirteen months." Diane said as she turned around. "What brings you to Springfield Sarah?"

"What's keeping you in Springfield? Jesus this place is an absolute dump. I'm surprised I haven't read about you getting raped and murdered while your walking to your car."

"The clinic has very good security and I can actually make a difference here."

"You can't be seriously considering doing this? You graduated from John Hopkins. You are one of the most reputed psychiatrist in the country. You can do so much better than this even if you insist on staying in Springfield of all places."

It took everything Diane had not to throw the coffee cup she was holding down to the floor in anger. How dare her sister comment on her perfessional choices when Sarah couldn't have been bothered to return one phone call after months of begging to voicemail. "Was there something you wanted? I can't believe that you would drive all the way here just to critique my career path."

"Why do you think I'm here?" Sarah said with heated emotion. "I've missed you." She ran her fingers through her shortened blond hair and looked towards the ceiling. "I have been planning for my wedding since I was five years old and in all that time I always pictured my sister standing by my side. I have family and I have friends but its not the same. I want my big sister with me."

Of all the things that Sarah could have said this was not even close to what Diane imagined. When Sarah walked out of her condo all those months ago her little sister had not once given any indication that she wished a return to their close relationship. "What do you want me to say to that?"

"I want you to say that you miss me too. That you miss our family. Do you even care?"

"I've cared for a year. I sent cards, I called, I went by but I was always refused. You had your assistant throw me out of your office" Diane said with a starined voice. The fear of frightening Max was the only thing that was holding her together. "You threatened me with a restraining order."

"I was mad okay"

"Mad? Mad that I was finally happy? Mad that I was finally with someone who loved me as much as I loved them and actually treated me with respect and compassion?"

"Mad that you were doing it again. You were runing everything even before it started."

"Excuse me?" It was official her sister had lost touch with reality. "I ruined everything? How the hell can you even come here and say that to me with a straight face."

"You knew exactly what our parents were going to say and if you didn't you damn well should have. You never think do you. You just do what you want and leave everyone else to pick up the pieces."

"Your right I didn't think my parents and my sister were racist. I assumed they were above caring about something as petty as skin color."

At that Sarah's face flushed and she pointed her finger towards Diane's chest and growled "I am not racist. I never said one derogatory thing about him or his mother."

"What the hell do you call what you did."

"I told you the truth. I told you that mom and dad wouldn't accept it and they didn't. I don't care that his was black I was upset that you were screwing my life up again." Diane was so beside herself that she couldn't respond. She had always known that her baby sister was a bit selfish but how she could make Diane's dismissal from the family about her was amazing. "I was just about to tell mom and dad about Michael but as soon as I heard what you were planning I knew that once again it would be about you."

"Sarah?" Diane whispered slowly.

"You always have their attention. You never have to prove yourself to them. Do you know how hard it is to never measure up to my perfect sister? To always have to beg for the approval you get automatically?"

"You have us confused. I'm the one that became a shrink instead of real doctor, a cardiologist. I'm the one that never picked the right man. I'm the one that was told never to come back" Diane said pushing further into Sarah's personal space. There was no way in hell that she was going to make this about Diane being the favorite. There were so many times that she had to cry herself to sleep just thinking about how stupid and childish her parents made her feel compared to her sister.

"You're the one that never had to work her ass off just to get that little bit of praise. Before that they you were the one that could do no wrong"

It was then that Diane actually saw that Sarah meant every word. She really did believe that Diane was the favorite and that her older sister purposely created havoc just to steal attention from her. "It doesn't matter now. If you weren't the favorite then you are now so what more do you want?"

"I want my sister. I know I acted horribly but I was so upset at you for again messing everything up. I guess I was even looking forward to having them to myself for once but it was still about you. Every conversation we had was still about you and they could care less that I was finally happy and in love." Sarah sat down in the chair and put her hands to her head. "That made me even more upset and I took it out on you like a spoiled brat." When she finally looked up Diane could see tears in her sister's eyes. "But I miss you. I miss laughing about our crazy patients. I miss spending lazy afternoons shopping, eating, and watching movies all day. I miss you holding my hand when everything is going to hell. Please please forgive me."

Diane was sitting in the darkened room watching the rise and fall of Max's tiny chest. He wasn't sick and he hadn't been fussy so there was no good reason for him to be sleeping with her but Diane didn't want to face the empty bed alone. There were so many things buzzing inside of her head that she could only make sense by emptying her mind. Sarah wanted to renew their relationship and would leave her alone to think until she returned to Chicago Friday. If she watched Max she didn't have to think about any of the things her sister said. Even on the phone and tired from work Ava could easily tell that she was bothered by something but what to say? Did she want to risk losing Ava just to try again with her sister? And how much of a relationship could they really have if their parents still refused to see her? Sarah was the popular one. Sarah got good grades without even trying. Sarah always made effortless everything that Diane worked so hard for. Now how should she feel if Sarah claimed that all her perceptions were lies.

"What's wrong?" Ava asked in her second call of the night.

"Baby you should be sleeping. You have those presentations tomorrow."

"I want to know whats bothering you." Diane had tried to redirect her and deny her pain but Ava wasn't going to be dissuaded. "I may not be a psychiatrist but I have been told I am a good listener. Sweetie if something is bothering you I might not be able to help but I can be there for you." After another rebuff Ava patience grew thin. "You want me to confide in you but you refuse to do the same for me. Fine. I'll be here if you have anything to say otherwise I'll see you Thursday" and with that she hung up.

Diane barely got through the next two days without breaking down. It was so difficult to pay attention to her patients without becoming lost in her own concerns. Her coworkers often asked her lack of focus but then laughed it off to missing her fiancee. Sarah had kept her word and not contacted her again. She could simply pretend that the conversation never took place. Sarah would fly home Friday and if Diane didn't respond they would go back to a mutual estrangement. But was that what she really wanted? Phone calls with Ava were the worst. Diane felt horrible for doing exactly what she'd blamed Ava of but what was the alternative? Wouldn't Ava hate her for even considering contacting people that thought her son was beneath them simply because of his skin? Wouldn't Ava wonder if Diane was a women she even wanted to know much less marry?

"Hey I came to see my buggerboo" Remy said as he stood on the front step.

"Hey. I didn't expect to see you anytime soon. How are the baby and Christina?" Diane said as she hugged Remy and watched Max tug on his father's jeans.

"They are doing great. Just running me ragged." Remy laughed as he lifted Max and kissed his cheeks. He didn't look worn out. He looked as if he was the happiest person on earth Diane thought. That's exactly how I want to look when Ava and I have another little one. I can't let Sarah ruin this for me. Not now. "He's missed you."

"I miss him too. I came over so that Clayton could spend some time with his big brother. They haven't really met since the hospital."

"Are you sure you want two babies in the house." Diane said with shock. "What is Christina going to say?"

"She's the one that sent me over here. We miss him. Besides we have to get used to having them both sooner or later but don't worry I'm only keeping him for a few hours. I have to go to work tonight."

"Do you mind if we talk before you leave?" She asked as he gathered Max's things. Remy was an excellent father and a wonderful man and she loved watching him interact with his children. He could have made her relationship with his son tense and stressful but his only concern was whether she loved Max or not. But right now watching the two play peekaboo was not foremost on her mind. After some hesitation Diane finally confided exactly why her family was never around. She did not know what reaction to expect but this was definitely not it. For him to be angry and demand that she never take Max anywhere near her sister would be normal but Remy just nodded slowly as he listened and then shrugged his shoulders.

"Seems like she really wants to make things right with you."

"But about what she said? What she said about my parents reaction to Max? How can I forgive that?"

"But she didn't say it right? She just told you how they would respond."

"Am I supposed to just forget about everything? Even if she didn't say it she didn't speak out against it. She didn't stand by me when I needed her."

"But she's trying to now right? She wants you and Ava to come to the wedding."

"I'm not going to let them anywhere near Ava after everything they said."

"How is she supposed to make it up to you if you don't give her a chance?" Remy asked looking across the sofa towards her. "Asking you to stand up next to her at the wedding seems like she's making a huge statement to your parents."

And it would. It was more than Diane ever expected but what would Ava say. "What will Ava say? She's so protective of Max so what will she think of me reconnecting with Sarah?"

"I think Ava is more understanding than you think." Remy said as he and Max waved from the car.

Olivia and Ava were supposed to be going straight to Beacon after getting off the plane but Diane was hoping that Olivia would be missing Natalia as much as she missed Ava and take pity on the couple. Standing in the concourse holding Max Diane tried to calm down as her skin crawled with anticipation. Ava had simply avoided the subject since their confrontation and as much as Diane wanted to confide she wanted to reassure herself that the relationship could withstand this strain. They talked for hours each night but the sore point between them went unmentioned. Tonight I'll tell her everything she said once again to herself but all thoughts evaporated as Max began to jump in her arms and squeel.

They were both striking in their power suits and no nonsense attitudes but the cold veneer cracked a bit when Olivia and Ava spotted their family waiting for them. As soon as Olivia was within reasonable distance Max threw himself into her arms. Luckily there was nothing wrong with her reflexs or there would have been a trip to the ER. "There is my baby boy. There is momma's little man." Olivia said in between kisses as Diane hugged Ava close. "Where are Natalia and Em?"

"Um I sort of begged to come because I was hoping maybe if you weren't too busy at work then maybe you might let" Diane said before trailling off. She was a grown woman. She was a doctor for heaven's sake she could ask her future mother in law to spend time with Ava.

"You were hoping what?" Olivia asked with her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed.

"Don't pay any attention to her she wasn't planning on going to the Beacon anyway. She's just pissed that she has to wait ten more minutes to see Natalia." Ava laughed as she plucked her son from Olivia's arms and handed Diane her brief case. It took almost ten minutes before Natalia let them leave the farmhouse. Diane knew that all she wanted to do was make love to her wife but manners and Max prevented her from throwing them out. Emma was finally well enough to return to school but Max greatly missed the Latina. Max was the only reason that Olivia even let them get out of the car in the first place. Tomorrow she would be demanding to make up for time lost with the little boy but right now she wanted loving especially if Emma was going to be gone until the afternoon. God must have been smiling down on them because Max fell asleep in the car and didn't wake up as soon as they put him in the crib as he usually did. Clothes were torn off as soon as they shut their bedroom door and they only stopped making love twice in three hours when Max cried out in his sleep.

"You better be careful I'm going to expect that every time I come home from a business trip."

"You can get that every time you walk into the door if you want." Diane said as she kissed Ava's shoulder. They held each other in silence for a few moments before she felt Ava's breathing even out. Ava loved her. Ava respected her and Ava deserved her honesty. "Baby?"

"Um?" Ava said as she tried to hold back a yawn. "Are you ready to talk to me now?" She could have asked how Ava knew but she'd long realized that Ava was more in tune with her than ever before. There were so many time that she expected Ava to react and treat her as the boyfriends before but Ava always exceeded her expectations. In time she fell silent and waited in the darkness for Ava's reaction. Everything could end right here Diane thought with increasing anxiety. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want me to do? This just isn't about me. It concerns you and Max as well."

"If you have a chance to rebuild your relationship with your sister I think you should."

"But what about you and Max? I mean how are you going to feel when I'm talking to her after everything she did?" Turning them over Diane moved to lay on top and kissed Ava softly. "I don't want to do anything that would hurt our relationship."

"You won't. I'm not going to say that she's my favorite person in the world but family is never easy. I mean look at me and my mom. I get complicated relationships."

"Are you sure? You won't resent me later or question my feelings about Max?"

"Baby I would never resent you. I know how you feel about Max. You love him as if he were your own child. But I see how much you are hurting from being away from your parents. If you can reconnect with your sister why wouldn't I support it? I won't tolerate her being disrespectful of Max but if she can put her feelings aside to reach out to you then I think you should meet her halfway."


	54. Chapter 54

Olivia had five proposals on her desk and immediate action emails in her box. The week was definitely starting off slower than she'd like Olivia thought. A few of the investor meeting had been rescheduled and vacation travel had peaked which was resulting in her leaving the office at five each evening. Spending time with the family was always good but the lull was increasing her irritability and anxiety. Every year was the same but still Olivia couldn't help worrying about the normal ebb and flow. The Beacon was more than just a business venture. It was her baby. Before she would have worked off the excess energy not directed into her business into sex or other base indulgences. Before Natalia she wouldn't have thought twice about sinking into the nearest bottle, man, or expensive trinket. Natalia embodied everything she'd looked down on and been determined to avoid since she left San Cristobal over twenty years ago. Yet after meeting the Latina not only was she washing dishes and folding laundry she was even driving something as plebian as a Nissan.

Stranger still she was actually content. For all intents and purposes she was happily married without even a stray thought of extramarital activities. She had not scared or freaked out any of her children but the biggest surprise and show of maturity was her civil relationships with their various fathers. Phillip was still alive and without any death threats or menace from her. Jeffery was still not allowed near the farmhouse but retained access to the Beacon. Remy hadn't been subjected to blackmail or illegal surveillance to strip him of joint custody of Max. Olivia was convinced that something bad was waiting just around the corner. It wouldn't do to be too complacent she thought glumly. But just as swiftly as the mood settled it dissipated when Natalia walked into the door smiling.

It wasn't her girlfriend's usual smile and instantly heat flooded her belly. As soon as the other woman was in arms distance Olivia pulled her down into her lap and kissed until they were both breathless. "I should come in here more often with sperm bank searches if this is the reaction I get" Natalia said with a small giggle.

"Sperm banks?" Olivia asked blearily. Not at all what she had in mind.

"Yeah. I looked up some candidates and thought we could go over them since it's not that busy." Natalia said as her smile wilted. "You haven't changed your mind have you?"

"No of course not. I just didn't realize you wanted to start so soon."

"I thought you'd given me the greenlight the other night." Natalia said as she went to move away from Olivia. "It's not that soon. We still have to find a donor, go to the doctor, and chart my cycle. I guess I hoped to start as soon as possible because we don't know how long it will take for me to get pregnant. But if you need more time then we can take as long as you need."

Olivia watched the subtle change as Natalia tried to hide her disappointment. The radiant spark in her eyes muted and dulled and the difference struck Olivia like a closed fist. It surprised her again the lengths she would go to keep Natalia glowing. Holding the other woman still Olivia leaned over and whispered in Natalia's ear "I can't wait to have a baby with you."

"I don't want you to do it because you want to please me Olivia." Guess Natalia wasn't the only one that was easy to read. "If you aren't ready then we aren't ready. I don't need anything but you and our family."

"No I want this. I want us to have a baby." And she honestly did. For most of Olivia's life there had never been enough: money, time, freedom, or enjoyment. She was a gaping hole that could never be filled and people and objects were just pulled in to hide the emptiness temporarily. Now she finally knew peace. Natalia's love and support made Olivia enough. The night in the nursery Olivia agreed to the other woman's need but it wasn't until this moment that Olivia felt the need herself. "I want to build a life with you and our children. There isn't anything I want more than to create a life with you."

With a smile breaking though Natalia asked cautiously "Really?"

"Yes really" They spent over an hour navigating the world of sperm donation. They could narrow down the search by blood type, college degree, or even religious persuasion but Natalia was adamant that the source be green eyed and blond haired. "The tuba is not an instrument that I would prefer." Olivia finally said after looking at the page for several minutes.

"I don't think that I've ever heard a bad thing about a tuba. Clarinets, now that's a different animal altogether." Ava laughed as she walked inside the office interrupting the pair yet again today.

"I have a door for a reason."

"I knocked and I even texted but these faxes are marked urgent."

"They are all marked urgent" Olivia growled as she tried her best to keep Natalia on her lap. "You don't have to leave."

"Yes I do you have work. We'll talk about this at home" Natalia promised as she kissed Olivia's head.

With a smirk Ava waited until Natalia walk past before she said "Is that what the kids are calling it now?"

"Only the cool one's" Natalia responded as turned around with her hands on her hips. "Don't forget to drop off Max's antibiotics before you and Diane leave tomorrow" she continued as she walked out the door.

Naturally Olivia's eyes took in the swaying hips but had to bite back a laugh as Ava's eyes were following as well. "Do I need to tell Diane about that" she asked with a straight face as she arched her eye brow.

"Don't even joke about that." Last weekend Ava and Diane had joined Olivia, Natalia, Doris and Holly at Ladies Night. Most of the evening the three couples spent laughing and talking much too loud but after they had a few rounds the party was moved to the dance floor. Partners were switched and drinks continued to flow and by the early morning Doris and Ava had spent well over five songs in each other's arms. Natalia and Olivia tried their best to distract Holly and Diane as they took sidelong glances at the dancing pair. Natalia's feet were aching in her stilettos and Olivia would much rather exchange kisses with her lover than dance. Holly and Diane tried their best to keep up but neither were a match to Ava's and Doris' nightlife stamina. Yet when the Pussycat Doll's 'Don't Cha' came on and Ava's hand wandered a little low Diane pulled Ava off the floor and into the restroom. Five minutes later when they emerged blurry eyed and tasseled with Ava clutching her shirt a little too closely with one hand and another hiding a growing hickey on her neck. Diane had an arm possessively wrapped around her girlfriend's waist. Both Natalia and Olivia had subtly tried to drop hints that Ava and Doris had a bad habit of being a bit too handsy and talked a little too intimately but Diane had made sure the message was firmly received. "She's still giving Doris the stink eye when she doesn't think anyone else notices. Anyway don't try and distract me. What's going on with you and Natalia and don't tell me it's nothing."

They weren't telling anyone including Ava or Rafe. It was one of the few things they had established in their short conversation but Ava wouldn't be put off easily. "We're just worried about how long it's taking to find investors. Three months ago we were considering contractors but now we almost don't have the capital to finish the renovations." It was the truth. Every moment that went by without new investments Olivia was getting more worried that her vision of a Beacon in each Midwest state was slipping away.

"Mom don't worry it might take a while but Spencers don't give up."

Olivia heard her daughter say with a bright smile but Natalia wasn't the only woman whose eyes she could read. "What's wrong" she asked as she walked to shut the office door and heard her future daughter in-law's name. "She's not still jealous of Doris flirting with you?"

"She was never jealous. It was more about respect." Ava shared as she rubbed her temple distractedly. "Diane's sister Sarah called me again begging me to convince Diane to come to her wedding but Diane refuses to even reconsider."

"She has a lot of nerve contacting you after everything she did." Olivia said still bearing a grudge from the Martin family's attempted blackmail. "Why the hell would she think that any of you want anything to do with her or their racist parents."

Ava could practically see the steam coming out of her mother's ears. Disloyalty would never be considered one of Olivia's character flaws and she detested the failing in anyone especially those who hurt her children. "Mom don't okay." Ava tried again to reason although the two had discussed this issue endlessly she felt. "Diane loves her sister and wants to be a part of her life. Missing this wedding is tearing her apart."

"Just because she's blood doesn't mean that she's family. I learned that lesson with my mother. Diane is learning that and you will have to as well. Besides I don't want anyone like that around Max and you shouldn't either"

"Sarah never said anything racist but this isn't about me or Max. Sarah was the only one Diane could only count on each other while their parents spent weeks flying from one business meeting to the next. The Martins' tried their best to pit them against each other but Diane and Sarah only got closer. Diane can't just their relationship go especially if she's only doing it out of loyalty to me."

Moving closer to Ava's chair Olivia shared "How do you see this working out? Do you see her and her new husband coming down to have family barbeques and picnics? How are you ever going to trust her around Max? What about when Remy comes to pick him up? Maybe she didn't say anything herself but she didn't have a problem listening to it. I won't have my grandson around that woman's ignorance." Ava was Max's mother and Olivia rightfully pulled back once Ava returned from her treatment a year ago but Olivia refused to allow anyone to hurt their little boy.

"Sarah was the only one who stood up for Diane when Diane called off her engagement. He was from a wealthy and heavily connected old society family and her parents were afraid of losing their standing. " Ava confided as she looked towards her mother with growing fury. "Her parents insisted she marry him although he was emotionally abusive and controlling. They didn't even bat an eye when Diane called them crying that she found him in bed with her two best friends. Saving face and wasted deposit money were more important to them than supporting or comforting her. Hell her father still plays golf with the bastard." Ava seethed.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me"

"I wish I were. Her parents did so much to destroy her confidence and her sister was the only one that was always in her corner. I don't want her to lose that mom." After Ava left Olivia couldn't even imagine having a father who chose anyone who not only cheated but openly humiliated his child. She'd always wondered why Diane seemed so taken with Olivia's interactions with Emma and Ava. There were decades separating the girls but it must have been sobering to see a parent who didn't need to validate one by tearing down the other. Doris walked into her office while she was considering this with her head held down. "Most people usually knock at a closed door."

"I'm not most people. Are we going to lunch or what?"

Looking at her best friend Olivia lied "We can go now but Ava and Diane are going to meet us there" and watched the older woman's face blanch. "What" she asked causally.

"Nothing" Doris side scratching her neck with obvious discomfort until she noticed Olivia trying to hold back her laughs. "You're not funny. Not at all."

"I thought it was very funny. That might teach you to grind on my daughter in front of your girlfriend and her fiancée. Not to mention her mother you horndog."

"I was not grinding on her." Doris huffed and tried in vain to explain again. It had not worked the first hundred times on Olivia or Natalia and Holly barely acknowledged her for several days. Still she valiantly persisted. She and Ava were more both embarrassed by the faux pas than Holly or Diane were mad. Both exhausted themselves apologizing not only to their mates but their friend's partner. "I stumbled. I drank too much and I stumbled. Besides I learned my lesson after sleeping on the sofa for two days." Holly was even keeled and was mostly over the incident by the next day but kept Doris in the doghouse more to make the lesson stick than from anger. Diane shot her some heated glares for a few days but now seemed to put it behind them but she wasn't eager to share another meal especially with her best friend teasing. "Bitch."


	55. Chapter 55

Ava could feel her lover waking behind her. It wasn't often that she was the first one up. Max was finally giving into his genetic disposition and no longer waking up at the crack of dawn. Now not only was he clinging to sleep he was also literally fighting for it. He'd take a few swipes at anyone unlucky enough to gather him out of the crib. After Ava got a scratch down the length of her nose they established the rule of gently shaking him awake and cutting his nails each week. He was only a year old but Ava was still stunned by how much he'd grown. When came back from Chicago he was four months old and now he was almost sixteen. He bore no trace to the sickly premature newborn that she left without a second glace backwards. When she held him Ava could almost imagine what it would have been like if she'd stayed and nurtured him as a mother ought. Ava could almost picture all the magical moments that she callously walked away from. The fact that he spent most of that time isolated in the hospital did nothing to ease her guilty conscience.

Before she sank deeper into that heavy emotion she felt Diane's hand move from her hip upward and cup her breast. The hand held her and then stilled and Ava held her breath and waited several moments before relaxing. When she felt lips begin to move along her neck and the fingers on her breast swirl around her nipple Ava had to force the tension from her limbs. Usually just the presence of Diane's body against hers was enough to make the familiar hunger return but now Ava contemplated pretending to be asleep rather than reject her lover directly. "We all morning before we fly back home so why don't we make use of it" Diane purred as she pushed Ava flat onto the mattress and moved on top of her. "I love the way your body reacts to mine." Eventually Diane's touch would arouse her if she could just slow her mind down enough to enjoy it but as always Ava's lover was completely in tune with her. When Ava failed to respond after several seconds of stroking Diane lifted her head to softly ask "What's wrong love?"

"I'm sorry I just have a lot on my mind I guess."

"We are officially on vacation you're not allowed to have anything on your mind except having fun with me." Diane laughed before she moved to give the other woman more space. "Did you have fun this weekend?"

"Of course I did I loved meeting your friends. I'm glad to know that everyone in your past wasn't a complete asshole. I could tell they were very happy for us and are going to make our reception party a real blast."

Leaning over to kiss Ava's head Diane said "I'm glad because they absolutely loved you especially Mark and John. I noticed that they couldn't keep their eyes off of you but I warned them that I still remember enough from medical school to make them very uncomfortable for a very long time." Then she waited until Ava felt comfortable enough to share her real concerns. "I'm here if you want to talk or if you just want to be held"

"Everything is just catching up with me I think. This is the first time in a long while that I've just been able to sit back and think without worrying about juggling work and taking care of Max." Looking over towards Diane she bit her lip and said "Decompressing I suppose."

"If you need more help with Max you shouldn't worry about telling me. I love that little boy and I want to be as big a part of his life as I can."

Thinking of her son brought the first genuine smile to Ava's face that morning. "No it's not him. He might drive me a little crazy when he hides my shoes in the morning but I love taking care of him."

"Then what's wrong?"

How much do I really want to say Ava thought to herself as she watched Diane studying her face. Since their engagement when Ava unleashed her frustration over their relationship the couple made a point of being completely honest about their feelings. Yet she wasn't sure if Diane was ready to delve into her own painful past. Diane was the most open and honest person she knew. The woman had never tried to manipulate or control her and shared her heart and her thoughts as easily as she shared her time and her money but Ava could sense there was hidden layer to the psychiatrist's pain. "Nothing's wrong but I just hope you can truly understand how much I love you and I hope you trust me to never hurt you." Diane's eyes opened wide at this declaration before she moved to sit upright on the headboard. "I want you to know that you're safe with me."

There were several emotions that passed over Diane's face before she slowly spoke. "What did my friends tell you?"

This weekend was the first time that Ava was meeting Diane's closet friend. She had exchanged greetings with the five doctors on facebook and had skyped with them during one couple's anniversary party but those did nothing to lessen the pressure. It was so important that Ava make a good impression because of all the friends that Diane made as a child these five people were the only ones that stuck by her after her failed engagement. Diane had only made cursory remarks about that period of her life and after Sarah's plea for help Ava had learned a bit more. But last night Lane and Mary, Diane's best friends, boldly questioned Ava's intentions to their friend and Ava was given the distinct impression that the situation was much worse than the sisters had implied. Lane warned Ava that she wouldn't stand for Diane being hurt that egregiously again and Mary suggested she mercifully end the relationship if there were any doubts. Diane was not by any means a passive or weak person so if her best friends feel the need to protect her this heatedly then there was a reason and Ava needed to find out. "They just told me how much they loved you and made sure I knew they would protect you."

"Damn it. I told them to back off. I'm sorry that they did that. They had no right. I'm going right over there to…"Diane yelled moving to climb out of the bed.

"You will do no such thing. I'm not upset that they are protective of you. I have no intention of hurting you or letting this slip away. They just wanted to make sure that we all understood each other. I like that." At Diane's still forming frown Ava added "Need I remind you of Olivia Spencer? I know what overprotective is. I'm good. I promise" as she kissed Diane's pouting lips.

"Then why are you upset?"

"I'm not upset I just…" no lies. It was what she'd promised herself and God. If he ever blessed her with another love she would never lie or manipulate as she had in the past. "I'm not upset I was just worried about you."

"Me?" Diane barked with a laugh. "Why would you be worried about me? I am head over heels in love with the most wonderful woman in the world and we are about to start a whole new life. I enjoy my new job and just became the college's psychology advisor. I'm better than ever." Diane said with a huge smile.

"I know that you're good now but there's still a lot going on with your…" Ava started before Diane cut her off.

"I don't want to talk about my sister and her wedding. It will happen whether I'm there or not. She thinks that she wants me there but I don't want her day to be ruined because of my fight with our parents. You were right I do want a relationship with her. I miss her more than I ever thought possible but I'm not going to use her wedding to prove a point. I've already talked to her about it. They are going to visit us before they go on their honeymoon."

"Really?" Ava asked with surprise. The last she'd heard Diane was still unsure about them communicating.

"Yes. Thanks to you." Leaning forward Diane kissed Ava tenderly for a few moments before continuing. "I would have never reached out to her again for fear of pushing you away. Thank you for knowing what I need even when I don't."

"That's my job to take care of you." Ava said and the couple sat in silence wrapped around each other until she decided to bring up her real concern. "Your friends said that something big happened after you and Mark broke up but they wouldn't tell me what. They said that I needed to know so that you would never be hurt like that again. Please if you don't want to tell me I won't bring it up again but you should know that I'm always here for you." It took everything she had not to hold Diane close as she pulled away and sat faced towards the wall on the edge of the bed. "Don't be mad at them. I could tell something was bothering them so I followed them when Mary went to talk to Lane in the restroom. They told me it was your story to tell but if I didn't truly love you to walk away. I love you more than anything. You have to know that."

Diane's back was still turned but Ava could tell from the shaking of her back that her fiancée was barely holding it together. She wanted nothing more than to take Diane in her arms and promise to make everything better but Ava would not crowd the other woman if she needed space. However when it seemed as if Diane would never respond Ava moved to hold her when Diane's roughed voice halted her efforts. "I was going to tell you eventually. I just didn't know how. I didn't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything love. Nothing you say would ever change my feelings for you. I know everything that's important about you."

Again the silence lingered and Diane moved further away and moved to sit in a chair facing the bed but held her head down with her eyes averted. Everything inside her was screaming that this was wrong and urged her to pull Diane close but Ava had to trust that Diane knew she was loved. "I told you that we broke up because he cheated but I didn't tell you everything."

"You don't have to tell me anything sweetie." Even in the muted light Ava could see the tears. "I'm sorry I said anything. I didn't mean to ruin our weekend." Ava begged moving towards the chair.

"No you have a right to know especially after how we met." Ava was going to ask about this last statement when Diane continued her story. "Sarah told me that she shared how I found out. That I caught them the three of them at his house the day of the rehearsal dinner." Diane said with a very low and haunted voice.

"Yeah she told me baby. I am so sorry that they hurt you like that. The three people that you had the most trust in betrayed you so completely."

"She didn't tell you everything." Diane surmised and took a deep breath and wiped away her tears before she sat up in the chair and faced her with blank eyes. "When I caught them Kelsey and Paula scrambled to put on their clothes and apologize but Mark was only pissed that I stopped them before he came. He said that I had been denying him a threesome for too long and he just wanted what every man wanted. They were just giving him an early wedding present." Ava could not stop the gasp of disgust that came from her throat but Diane continued without even noticing. "I ran from the house in tears and I called my parents completely overwhelmed and alone but they just told me they would talk to him after the meal. They said that I would get past it. They wanted me to eat dinner with the three of them like nothing ever happened. They were mad at me for refusing."

Ava couldn't even imagine how people could be that cold to their own daughter. Ava knew that Diane's parents were image conscious she could never have imagined to this extent. "You don't ever have to see them again baby. You have me and our family. You don't even have to hear their voice if you don't want to."

"My sister told them to shut the hell up and left to pick me up. She was the only one who said that I deserved better and she threatened to burn down his house before I told her he wasn't worth her medical license."

"Your sister sounds like someone I could get along with." Ava tried to joke around the emotions clogging her throat.

"Yeah" Diane agreed with a slight smile. "I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I barely functioning at work. Everyone except my sister acted like I blew up over him getting a lap dance from a stripper. I was the one that was overreacting and was wrecking a perfect relationship. It was too much."

The emptiness in Diane's voice and eyes were starting to really scare Ava. She didn't want to know if it meant taking Diane back to that horrible time. "We don't have to talk about this. I don't care baby. The only thing I care about is you."

"I" Diane started before getting up again and walking to stand in front of the closed curtains. "I wrote a note and decided finish off a bottle of water and a bottle of flexeril. My sister stopped by my house for some reason. Just wanted to check on me." Ava felt her heart drop. Diane could have died. She would have died if Sarah hadn't come when she did. Everything she and Diane experienced in their nine months together could have easily been washed away by the Martins' carelessness and neglect. She had never hated them even after learning of their racism towards her perfect child but Ava hated them in that moment for pushing their daughter to such despair. "I was inpatient at a clinic in San Francisco for over a month. My parents visited a few times but they were mostly just embarrassed by my behavior. Again." At that Ava did take the doctor in her arms and held her tight. "I wanted to tell you. You have a right to know especially since I saw you at your worst but I didn't want you to be angry or disappointed in me."

"Why would I be angry with you? I'm livid with your parents for being such selfish bastards and I'm incensed with that son of a bitch that calls himself a man." Ava seethed as she kissed Diane's lips and cheeks "but sweetie I am not angry at you. I am not disappointed in you. I love you more than life and I am so blessed and so grateful to your sister that I cannot even think of the words to express my emotion. I love you. I love you so much baby." At last Ava could look in Diane's eyes and see that she once again believed it.


	56. Chapter 56

Today was a good day because Diane was flying home after almost a week in Chicago. There were still a few cases she needed to follow up and some documents that needed signing. It all could all be accomplished in a couple of hours but Ava insisted that she extend her visit. The city not only offered better shopping and cuisine than Springfield but it had the added bonus of Diane reconnecting with her sister Sarah. Since the heart surgeon's impromptu visit to the small town the two talked frequently over the phone and tried to skype at least once a week. A year ago it would have been inconceivable for Diane to imagine the two doctors laughing over the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory but here they were. For thirty five years Sarah had been her dearest confidant and to have her back meant the world yet there was a hesitance that had not faded.

Being accepted and loved by Ava's family came to mean more than Diane had ever expected but they could never replace the family she lost. Birthdays, holidays, the simple luxury of casual phone conversations were all off limits the moment her parents realized Max's heritage. She didn't know how lonely life could be until the day her mother hung up the phone after warning her never to call again. So the possibility of having a sister again was amazing but still she held back. Weighing the pros and cons the Martins' decided that tolerating Sarah's relationship with Diane was better than foregoing all possibilities of grandchildren by giving her an ultimatum. It hurt that she was again her parent's second choice but she was glad not to be the cause of another estrangement.

But as wonderful as it was to be reunited Diane could not help holding back even when Ava encouraged her to move past the old pain. How could she introduce her new family to Sarah when there was even the slightest possibility that it could still go wrong? Never had Diane imagined that her own family was such unashamed racists so it was even more important that she be sure. Both Ava and Sarah were eager to meet the other but Diane wanted to move carefully. They talked while Diane was at work or she was at home alone. Sarah briefly met Max at her office but that was the last she saw the boy. Diane wanted to do everything possible to protect her family and herself but once again Ava's love and compassion amazed her.

"Go, take the week." Ava said as they walked out of the Beacon towards their car.

"But I don't need a week I can go and come back the same day" Diane started before Ava shook her head and interrupted. "Remy and Christina are taking the boys to New Orleans for a week. I'll be in Portland for at least five days so there is no reason for you to rush back." Leaning over to unlock the door Ava added "One thing you'll learn fast as a new mom is to take your breaks when you can. There's no telling when you'll get this chance again." It took Ava almost twenty four hours before Diane consented. She felt guilty until she was sitting in Costa's eating grape leaves laughing until her stomach hurt before Diane completely understood. Love wasn't supposed to be conditional. So Diane spent time with her sister, and met her future brother-in-law, and anticipated flying home to her future bride and conveying her gratitude.

The psychiatrist was in luck and her business was completed a day earlier than expected and Diane was looking forward to surprising her fiancée. Standing by the carousal Diane pictured the look on Ava's face when she walked through the door unexpected. She should take a cab and wait for Ava to return home but Diane couldn't wait that long. She wanted to speak to the other woman now. "Well, well. You finally get around to returning my call. It only took three hours." Ava grumbled as soon as she picked up.

"What can I say I got caught up in living the single life."

"You'd be in big trouble if I really believed that." The cockiness in the younger woman's voice was unmistakable because it was no secret that the doctor was completely gone for her. "Let me guess you're calling because you decided to take a few more days."

"You're absolutely and completely wrong. I'm actually standing in Springfield airport waiting on my luggage."

"Well that sucks." Ava said before Diane heard her expel a disgusted sigh.

"Excuse me? Could you repeat that? I don't think I heard you correctly."

"Baby I would be ecstatic you're home early except I'm still stuck in Portland. In fact my mother just bellowed that I might be here for another week." 'Fuck' was the first word that came to Diane's mind as she sat on the bench trying to mentally prepare to wait another seven days. Ava was on break and the couple talked through Diane's cab ride home. Last night when she imagined walking through their front door it wasn't to an empty house with Max still on vacation and Ava at work.

Several hours later after a hot shower and cold cereal Diane walked downstairs to the sight of Doris standing in front of Ava's desk talking on the phone. "You can stop harassing me because I just took time out of my busy day to pick up that folder from your house. You owe me. I think a detailed explanation of why black panties were crammed in your chair might be a good start. And I do mean detailed. So call me back when you get this."

In that instant Diane saw red. She wasn't by nature a jealous or possessive woman. Her previous failed engagement could have changed that but eventually she realized that nothing she could do would keep a cheater from cheating. For three years Mark made her second guess and doubt everything about herself until the day she woke up in the hospital recovering from a failed overdose. If her partner truly loved her fidelity would never be an issue but this little display was putting her in touch with a wealth of ugly emotions Diane promised to vowed to never entertain. "What are you doing here Doris?" She almost felt bad causing the lawyer to jump almost an inch off the floor.

"Oh my God" Doris said with her hand covering her chest. "It's a good thing you're a doctor because you almost gave me a heart attack." Taking another deep breath she tried again after catching her breath. "Ava said this file was life or death but you weren't supposed to be home and Olivia and Natalia were busy so Madam Mayor to the rescue." Doris grinned completely unaware how close she was to being punched.

"I just got back. I guess Ava didn't have a chance to warn you."

"Would have been nice because I think my heart just aged twenty years."

"I'm sure Ava's grateful so please don't take this the wrong way but what exactly were suggesting to Ava in that phone message?" By the white pallor that overtook Doris' face Diane could tell that the previously racing heart had just stopped. "I don't know but it sounded like you were asking for phone sex."

"I" Doris mumbled before starting again. "I would never."

"Actually I think you kinda did." The older woman's eyes were stretched to proportions Diane had never seen and now her mouth was gaped wide open. "You know I have tried to understand and respect your friendship with Ava but every time I force myself not to react to some other stunt you've pulled you have to outdo yourself."

"I can explain."

"No don't explain. Right now you get to listen closely because I will not be saying this again." With that she walked fully into the office and stood right in front of Springfield's mayor. She could see Doris visibly tense as if expecting some physical confrontation but Diane just leaned forward and stood with her arms folded across her chest. "I get that you and Ava shared something special and you might still see me as the woman who stole her away…"

"No Diane I…"

"No" Diane asked with one hand held high to forestall the interruption. "Please let me finish. You were Ava's first lesbian relationship and if not for her hospitalization it's very likely that she would be a living her life with you instead of me. I accept that you might not have much respect for our relationship since I you feel that I disrespected yours."

"I am completely in love with Holly. I admit that I was devastated when Ava initially left me for you but if you think that I'm secretly pinning away or concocting schemes to win her back…"

"No I don't think you are. I can clearly see how much you and Holly love each other which is what makes me even more upset that you don't even realize what you're doing is wrong. You don't even see how out of line and hurtful you've been not only to me but also to the woman you love."

For the first time the fighting spirit that Doris was known for made became present "Listen here"

"No you listen. I get flirting. I get being close and remaining friends but you both overstep that line repeatedly. I'm not blaming this completely on you. I know my girl and I'm sure she gives just as good as you can give and I intend to put her on notice as well but it stops now. There aren't going to be anymore lingering touches or heated looks. The thinly veiled innuendos or private little jokes between the two of you are ending. When my future wife is having a meal with you you're going to remember that she isn't yours. If you can't do that then I'm going to demand that you to stay the hell away."

"I don't know where the fuck any of this is coming from. All I know is Ava asked me to do her a favor and you come down here jetlagged and pissed off seeing me in your house. There were only two things in that rant you got right: I am completely committed to Holly and I am Ava's friend. If you suddenly have a problem with that then it's your problem. Yes I was beyond pissed when she ended things but we are both over it. If you're having issues then grow up because I refuse to lose my friend because of your petty insecurity."

"What about losing the woman that you keep saying that you love so much because I can tell you that it gets old real quick? Take a hard look at yourself and tell me that you wouldn't be livid if you heard Holly say exactly what you said to someone else. Tell me that you wouldn't feel disrespected if you had to set and watch her fawn over someone like you and Ava do with each other." Diane could tell that Doris was really considering her words when she shook her head and held it in her hands for several seconds. "I get that neither you or Ava are used to having healthy relationships with ex's and I respect that you two are still attracted to each other but if you can't deal with it maturely then you aren't going to be near her. I trust Ava with my life but I will not turn a blind eye ever again."

Hours later Diane lay on her bed waiting for the phone call from a possibly confused but most definitely upset Ava. The other woman was not in the habit of being told what to do by anyone especially a lover yet for Diane this was nonnegotiable. "Hey" she said sometime after nine answering Ava's soft hello. "I guess you've probably spoken to Doris?"

"Yeah I have." There was a weighted silence that Diane didn't break. She was pretty upfront with Doris and the psychiatrist had no doubt that the lawyer was very skilled in summarizing heated conversations. "Why didn't you ever talk to me about this?"

"I didn't know that you were in the habit of phone sexing your ex. If I had I assure you we would have."

"She was just joking. I would never discuss our sex life with her or anyone else."

"I'm sure she was but she says things like that to you all the time. How would you feel if I left a message like that for Mark?"

"It would kill me" Ava whispered before falling silent. "It didn't mean anything. She would never cheat on Holly and I would die before I cheated on you."

"Again think about all the time's I've walked up on you wrapped around each other having lunch at Company or all the times you've run your fingers through her hair or touch her face at dinner then you tell me that I'm overreacting." Although they were thousands of miles away from each other Diane could clearly pinpoint the moment Ava broke down to silently cry. "I'm not saying you can't be friends. I would never ask that of you but I refuse to put myself through that humiliation again."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me" Ava forced out between her rapidly falling tears.

"I will never leave you baby but I will not accept anything but your entire mind, body, and soul. That's what you promised me when you took my ring."


	57. Chapter 57

As she stood in the middle of the bathroom looking at her girlfriend's back in the darkened bedroom Olivia tried to lift the impending sense of hopelessness that seemed to be settling over her. Emma was snuggled in her own bed completely unaware of the tension that was growing exponentially at the farmhouse. For the last three months her mothers had been quietly and slowly falling apart. The donor was selected and the ovulation cycle had been charted so of course getting pregnant should soon follow but that was not the case. The first two months of negative results were bearable but latest home pregnancy test's blue plus sign was affirmation of their every hope and dream. The doctor's agreement was validation of the family that they were building regardless of some Springfield residents opinions. So when Natalia ran upstairs spotting and in a panic a few moments after Olivia gathered all of the fabric samples and crib designs on the kitchen table it felt as if everything the couple believed in had died. They were both in the room when Dr. Stephens' broke the horrible news.

Five days ago they lost the baby and six days ago was the last time that Natalia had spoken without prompting from Emma. Olivia would like to think that she could be a source of comfort for her lover but the truth was that Natalia barely acknowledged the older woman's presence. She ate, cooked, cleaned, and helped Emma with homework but beyond that Natalia was emotionally absent. Nothing Olivia did seemed to make any impression and watching the shallow rise and fall of Natalia's chest was as close as Olivia was allowed to get. A few inches separated the couple but ten miles would have felt the same.

"Mommy is mama alright?" Emma asked from the backseat as Olivia neared the school. "She looks sad." Glancing towards her daughter from the rearview mirror Olivia wondered how much to share with the child. Of course she should have known that Emma would pick up on the tension even as her moms' kept trying to deny the obvious. Olivia silently held her daughter's stare for a few seconds before the girl's head dipped and she voiced her greatest fear. "Is Mama mad at you?" The nine year old had a lifetime of practice deciphering the subtle and unspoken shifts in mood between lovers. How many times was Emma held hostage as Olivia's relationships slowly disintegrated?

Fighting to keep her voice even Olivia turned around and held Emma's outstretched hand and promised "Baby Mama is a little sad but we are going to help her through it. You and me right? Cause that's what family's do." The smile did not leave her face until Emma gave a final wave and ran into the building. Olivia allowed neither her tone nor her expression to reflect the anguish Emma voiced for them both until the door closed behind the girl. The fears and insecurity that she'd been pushing down for the past week bubbled up and threatened to overwhelm her. It was all that she could do not to lean over and throw up from the anxiety and fear. In her head she knew that Natalia was only reacting to a horrible disappointment but it didn't stop her heart from hurting.

It was in this conflicted state that Ava found mother as she walked into Olivia's office holding Max. Usually the little boy's watery smile could jolly her out of any bad mood but today just the sight of him hurt. "How does an entire night babysitting your favorite grandchild sound?" Ava asked as she held the squirming boy out towards her mother. At Olivia's continued silence both Max and Ava cocked their heads in confusion. "Mom?" There was no way that Olivia could bring Max home when Natalia was barely holding it together for Emma. Broadcasting Natalia's emotional detachment was the last thing Olivia could risk at least until she figured out how to fix it. "Olivia?" Ava repeated as she sat Max on the floor.

Olivia shook her head as if to clear it as she slowly spoke. "How many times do I have to tell you that I close my door for a reason?"

"I don't know maybe once more?" Ava laughed without giving her mother's mercurial mood further consideration. "But seriously can you take little man with you when you leave? Diane is taking me to that new restaurant on first" and proceeded to drop off a large bag holding all of his gear as she walked back towards the door "Oh don't forget no mor even for sleep."

"No"

"Then you're going to be the one paying for his braces."

"No I can't keep him."

"Oh for God's sake Olivia" Ava sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Fine I'm sorry for not knocking. So are we good now?"

"Ava I'm serious I can't keep him tonight."

"Why the hell not? You haven't kept him in forever. It's not like I ask every freaking weekend. I don't see why you can't keep for one lousy day."

"Because I said no and if I'm not mistaken he has a father, grandfather, and what the hell ever Reva is so go ask one of them." Olivia growled although she wanted nothing more than spending time with her baby.

"Am I actually hearing you suggest I ask someone else to watch Max when normally you're pissed if I…"

"I'm sorry Ava that I have a life outside of you and your son." The shocked expression on her daughter's face was nothing compared to the shock that Olivia felt. Her children were her world and the fact that Olivia could even utter something like that was truly indicative of how stressed the situation with Natalia was making her.

Without another word Ava picked up her son and snatched his bag from Olivia's desk. It was only after she was standing in the hallway looking back at her mother did she even respond with "I hope you enjoy your life so much that you choke on it!"

"Fuck"

Diane was the last person she expected to be on the other side of her door as it slowly opened a few minutes later. "Listen I said that I can't watch Max and I meant it!"

"Ohh kay" the blonde said as she stood in the doorway. "So I'm guessing you don't know where they are? I was supposed to pick them up but no one knows where they went."

Rolling her eyes and smirking Olivia snarked "Yeah you caught me. I'm hiding them under my desk. Olly Olly Ox and Free." She expected one of two things to happen. Diane would respond in kind with sarcasm since the younger woman was becoming more comfortable with her future in laws. Or the woman would first consider the good impression she made on her potential family. This would cause the psychiatrist would backtrack and apologize profusely. However Olivia was definitely not prepared for Diane to walk into her office with her arms folded across her chest looking expectantly at her.

"Something you care to talk about?"

"I'm sorry do I look I'm interviewing for a shrink?"

"No you didn't but if you need someone to listen while you vent or work through something I can do that."

"Busy running a hotel here so if you could…"

"I know that you didn't raise Ava but you would be surprised at how similar you both are when you're trying to convince me that you don't need help. I'm not saying that I can do anything but maybe by listening I can point out some things you hadn't thought of yet."

"Are you even listening to me? Leave. Now" Is what Olivia said until Diane nodded and leaned forward peering into her eyes with undisguised compassion. Whether it was stress, anxiety, or fear, it all came spilling out as Olivia covered her face with her hands and pushed away from the desk. "I don't know what to do I feel like I'm losing her and I don't know how to stop it."

"I can promise you that whatever fight you had with Ava will never change how much she loves you."

"Not her" Olivia choked out as tears slid down her face. She tried to push the word Natalia past her lips but her tightening throat refused.

"Natalia loves you so much. I could tell that the first time I ever met her. I was scared as hell of making a horrible impression on you the first time Ava took me to the farmhouse but even then I could see the love plainly on her face whenever she was near you."

"It's not that. I know she loves me." Olivia admitted as she wiped her face of tears.

"Then what? "

"We were trying…yah know…"Olivia said vaguely without looking up "…but she can't." In her head Olivia was reliving the moment that the Dr. Stevens broke the news of unforeseen heavy scaring from endometriosis. "She was for a week but then she started spotting. Since then she's been quiet."

"I'm so sorry. Ava never said anything about…"

At that Olivia sharply raised her head pointed towards the other woman. "No. We weren't going to tell anyone until we were sure and I sure as hell don't want her knowing now. Natalia doesn't need every one looking at her pity. She's a very private person."

"Of course whatever the two of you need" Diane said. Several moments passed before she broke the heavy silence again. "So Natalia is working through her grief privately but how are you doing?" At that Olivia looked at the woman as if she started to speak a foreign language. "This is a terrible loss for both of you. I know that you want to be there for Natalia but you can't forget your own disappointments. You have to take care of yourself so that you can be there for her."

"I just want to take away the pain but she refuses to even talk to me. She just pulls away and pretends that everything fine when even Emma can tell it's not."

"It's a huge blow to realize that she might not ever have children again. It takes some time to adjust to the fact that the body you always depended upon is weak and vulnerable."

"I know that. How the hell did you think I felt when I realized that how upset I was when I was told my heart was failing?"

"Then try to think of that when it feels like she's rejecting you. She's not. She's just adjusting."

"I want to be there for her. I want her to adjust with me. I wanted the baby as much as she did but if it's a choice between her or a child then I'd pick her every time."

"Trust that she knows that but it might be very helpful if you went counseling."

"I don't need someone going through the traumatics of my potty training."

At that Diane barked out a laugh before she could drop her professional mask in place. "I'm sure you don't but it wouldn't hurt to get some more support. Just for a little while." And before the other woman could suggest it Diane warned her of the idea floating. "Ordinarily I would love to help but I can't do this."

"But you already know us"

"That's exactly why I can't do it. You know that."

"She's not going to open up to anyone else. I…"Olivia said until the door knocking distracted her and she yelled "What?"

"I'm sorry to bug you but they told me that Diane was in here."

"They were right" Diane laughed as she jumped up to distract her fiancé from seeing Olivia's tears. "and I'm here to steal you and a certain little boy away."

"So can I leave now mom or is there something else you have for me?" It was obvious that Ava was still more than a bit irritated by her mother but the intensity had dulled considerably.

"No you're good" Olivia said willing her voice to remain unbroken. "Have a good night."

"We will" Ava promised as she reached to grab Diane's hands. She was stopped short when Diane pulled away to reach into her purse and turned toward Olivia. "here"

"I don't need…"

"Take it and tell me how the massage is when you get back."

"No way is a Swedish bombshell getting cozy with you."

"I'm your Nordic bombshell."

"And I intend on keeping it that way." Ava laughed as Diane and Olivia exchanged glances.


	58. Chapter 58

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to wake up. And it hurt to lie down for sleep. In each state her mind was vulnerable and a bit too slow in forcing down thoughts. Thoughts about what the baby would have felt like growing inside her or how her body would have changed to accommodate that growth. But that was never going to happen. The finality of that fact hurt but it shouldn't be this disabling Natalia reasoned again while shielding her eyes against the moon's glare. She couldn't have another child but was that reason enough to feel as if her heart was slowly strangling with each contraction? At sixteen she'd had a devastatingly lonely pregnancy that resulted in a beautiful baby boy. There was a sensitive and bright young girl sleeping but two rooms down the hall who thought of her as a second mother. Twenty six year old Ava was past the need of a third mother but it did not stop Natalia from feeling just that. If Rafe, Emma, and Ava were not enough she had Max almost every day. She was party to all the joys of young motherhood with very little of the strain. Natalia knew she was more blessed than most but that knowledge did not ease the pain. Natalia wanted that baby. She wanted Olivia's baby and the fact that she was currently sharing three of Olivia's children made little impression on the ache.

Yes the miscarriage hurt but it was the loneliness that truly frightened her. She hadn't expected to ever feel that again since joining her life to Spencer clan but that's exactly how she felt. This loss took her back to being the scared and shunned girl who had no idea how to make it better because the parents she'd always relied threw her away. Olivia never left and she could feel her girlfriend's arms wrapped tightly around her even in sleep but somehow it wasn't enough. In her head Natalia knew she was being unfair and selfish. She knew the pain she caused Olivia with each touch and question that was pushed away but how can someone share a pain so elemental. The burning ache seemed buried in Natalia's DNA so how could she half that or explain it even to the love of her life?

At a quarter to six Natalia finally allowed herself to leave the bed. Dreams and memories chased her from sleep shortly after four but she'd forced her body to lie still because of Olivia. Just prior to their first time making love Olivia offered an apology for the coming night. She could tell that Natalia was the type to snuggle tight but Olivia always woke stubbornly holding fast to her side of the mattress. Even Alan had commented on her immediate distaste of tangled limbs once the sex was over. Olivia didn't want to hurt Natalia's feelings with her subconscious personal boundaries but it was a wasted conversation. Olivia not only snuggled but she practically melded with the younger woman and reached out whenever Natalia moved more than a few millimeters away. Once she'd decided to leave the bed a subtle battle ensued with Natalia slowly moving and Olivia sleepily checking and negating.

The conversations at breakfast had been a dialog on continuous loop for the past two weeks with minimal variation. Olivia and Emma sometimes exchanged lines or confused their parts but Natalia's was static. It didn't take long to recite her lines and she never got tripped by her costars. "No, nothing was wrong." And "Yes, I'm sure." If she said it enough maybe it would be true. It wasn't the easiest persona to assume especially when the other two kept circling her defenses and looking for any opening to break her concentration but keeping her eyes down and using words sparingly helped.

This morning the cast was near revolt. Emma delayed until she missed the bus, Olivia came close to owing the swear jar her largest contribution at a single setting, and Natalia sat mute looking out the window. As soon as Emma shut the car door shut Olivia turned silently beseeching Natalia to open up. "Talia we can't go on like this please talk to me." Natalia knew she'd see tears if she turned towards that voice but it just took too much energy to put in that effort anyway she could hear them. "Baby?"

"I'm fine. I don't know what else you want me to say or how many times I have to say the same thing things before you believe it." However her voice was conveying anything but fine. The tone was brittle and the pitch kept rising. "What do you expecting me to say Olivia? What?!" She yelled refusing to move until the car into the Beacon's parking garage. She was out the car with a shot as soon it decelerated to a safe speed and shut her office door determined to spend at least those few hours without constant questioning. She got her wish until a few minutes before noon when Ava's head slipped into the room after a soft knock. "Usually people wait until they hear 'come in' before they open a door."

"I know, right? But where's the adventure in that? So are you ready?" Ava smiled without the slightest acknowledgement of Natalia's poor mood.

"Ready for…" Fuck Natalia thought to herself as she remembered the marketing proposal they'd put off until today. "Ava I'm just not…" she tried as Ava closed the door with folders and posters under her arm and that irritating, just recently mind you, smile.

"Yeah I know you and mom are having a tiff but she's not going to remember that once you two make up later today but she will remember that I still haven't finished this damn thing. I'm the one that she's going to be screaming at not you so…"

"Now is not a good time maybe…"

"What she forgot to buy the milk or did she steal all the covers? Or did she" Ava started between laughs until she was silenced with Natalia's hard words.

"She was unlucky enough to try to get pregnant with me if you must know." For the next few seconds neither of them knew what to say but both shared the same look of absolute shock.

"I didn't know that you were trying." Weighing each word slowly Ava tried her voice again.

"No one did." Again silence blanketed the room for a few seconds. "I'm sorry for saying it like that I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

"No, no you have nothing to be sorry for." Ava said as she stood with her hands full not knowing whether to sit down or walk quietly away. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What am I supposed to do now Ava?" Natalia said for the first time looking Ava in the eyes but not really listening to her stepdaughter's words. "How am I supposed to just put that dream away? We were going to have a baby, our baby, and now we're not." Looking at her feet Ava tried to push away the memories of when she felt much the same as the woman standing in front of her. "I can't have our baby." She'd had her baby and Ava eventually learned to love Max but the fact that Bill wasn't the father almost destroyed her. "It hurts and I don't know how to make it stop."

Ava remembered all the sickening sympathy and the impotent platitudes as she slowly spilled the papers and reached to pull Natalia near and whispered "I know and I'm so sorry" as she held the other woman close. They stayed like that for several long beats until Ava could no longer feel shudders run through Natalia's body. "I just wanted it so much that I thought I had to get it. There was no way that God would take this from me but I guess the jokes on me right. I thought I knew so much about faith but…" Natalia stopped abruptly shaking her head at the irony.

"Don't do that Natalia. Don't."

"Don't do what?" The Latina asked pulling away. "Don't question a God that you don't even believe in?" For the first time there was heat in the level gaze.

"You're right I don't but you do."

"And you and your mother think I'm a fool for it. I guess I was. I thought I knew so much and I didn't know a damn thing."

"Stop that"

"Stop what? Weren't you the one who said it was silly to devote so much time to a God who never gave a thought to me?"

"I was joking you know that."

"Well you sounded pretty serious about it especially when I tried to talk you into having Max Christened." Natalia barked as she yanked a hand from Ava and walked towards a window.

"You're right I don't believe." Ava conceded as she followed. "But you do Natalia. Your faith is such a big part of who you are. If you're trying to throw that away you will be left with a hole that will never be filled."

Ava had seen Natalia mad and she'd even seen her furious but it was the first time those emotions were directed at her and she could see why Jeffery had been so skittish. "Thank you for the pep talk. Now if you'll excuse me." In her mind Ava and the subject were effectively dismissed.

"Nat"

"What the hell can you really say to me Ava? How are you going to help me? You have no idea what I'm going through. You have Max although the honest truth is that you never even wanted him."

All the time that Natalia was spending with her mother was showing even Olivia's words couldn't have cut any deeper. Taking a moment Ava forced herself to concentrate on relaxing the tight band snapped across her chest instead of the hateful words. "You're right I do have him. I would be the first person to admit that I don't deserve him or his love." Nodding to she said a bit more firmly "but I have them and you have us" as she spoke to Natalia's turned back.

"I'm going to tell you something I have never told a soul not even to Diane when she was my therapist. " Ava hoped that Natalia was listening because she didn't think she'd ever be able to say these words again. "When I left for Chicago you're right I couldn't care less if Max lived or died. He had already destroyed my world so what did it matter."

To say the next few lines Ava had to wipe her eyes and sit down. It was going to take a lot of strength to go back to that dark place even for a few moments. "Way down deep I think I knew it would be so much easier if he did die. He was so sick and everyone was so hurt so if he did die then maybe everyone could just move on. I wouldn't have to worry about looking into anyone's eyes and seeing the pain my lies put there."

"I accepted it. Every time I spoke to Jeffery or Olivia I just accepted that the next words would be he was dead." Her throat was hurting from the effort to continue through so much pain. "One day I realized my pain wasn't going to disappear whether he lived or died. I had to do that." Looking closely at Natalia Ava prayed her next words would hit the mark. "I had to decide who I was going to be regardless of what happened with him or Bill or Remy. Did I want to be a person that wallowed in my pain and pushed others away or did I want to reclaim the love that was waiting for me? That's what made me better. That's what made me finally want to be the mother that Max deserved even if I didn't deserve him." Ava could see Natalia's slight shoulders start to shake and moved again to hold her. "Don't use your pain to push us away. Please we love you. We will always love you."


End file.
